Weird experience with gay guys online recently...

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 31, 2012 3:01 PM GMT
    I've noticed that when I email a guy a normal email asking about their profile or something about their city, I get a very low response rate. Oftentimes these guys are not really my "type" attraction wise but there's no harm in talking with someone you're not attracted to right? I mean all my buddies are straight and we found each other without being attracted to each other.

    So, I started emailing guys and letting them know in the first lines that we weren't each other's type but I had a question for them. The response rate has been like 80% with many of these guys actually asking why I wasn't interested in them? And I've had about 5 of these guys ask me out on a date even though I was up front about not being physically into them. One of these guys isn't even in my city? These are gay guys, not bi guys.

    What's happening here?

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    Dec 31, 2012 3:17 PM GMT
    Maybe they like a challenge? "Types" are only mandatory until the right one comes along, anyway.

    If I were one of the dating-challenged guys on here and someone I consider a catch contacts me out of the blue, I'd try to see where this is going.
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    Dec 31, 2012 3:37 PM GMT
    Very low percentage of response! I believe somebody out of there is not in good manners..... Writing back an 'hi thanks' does not cost anything!
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    Dec 31, 2012 3:47 PM GMT
    People (immature people) want what they can't have. The more you pull away, the more they will chase you and vice versa. This is ingrained in us over thousands of years to protect the species. If your mate is escaping, you can't mate and thus procreate. Gay men are no different. Of course with intelligent, emotionally healthy men, this automatic thought response has been challenged and discarded (for the most part). Hopefully.

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    Dec 31, 2012 4:16 PM GMT
    That seems rather strange! Makes me wonder if these guys who are asking you out are expecting a long distance/online relationship without understanding that knowing someone online is VERY different from meeting him in person.
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    Dec 31, 2012 4:24 PM GMT
    uhhh we just want to be wanted? My best guess
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 31, 2012 4:24 PM GMT
    Good for you. I always feel creepy whenever I email someone I haven't talked to. But I love when it happens to me. No one ever asks me out though!
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    Dec 31, 2012 4:32 PM GMT
    I reply to "functional" e-mails: those containing some real content, a comment, a question, something of that sort. I ignore simple hits.

    And believe it or not I get them fairly often on RJ, despite my advanced age. That alone makes me suspicious. And more so when they come from 3rd-World countries, from guys who just joined RJ today. I assume they're attempting to scam me, and ignore.

    I even got one this week from a woman in the UK, who says she likes my posts, sent to my private e-mail. That set off all kinds of alarm bells. A woman on RJ, a site for gay men, sending me a romantic message in an online e-card? Is she nuts? icon_eek.gif
  • Import

    Posts: 7190

    Dec 31, 2012 4:58 PM GMT
    Online....when one receives a message from someone (especially a gay social website) one almost always assumes "he must be interested" in me....


    why should they have to answer ur random question, anyway? Maybe, they couldn't be bothered....or you bored them with ur question.
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Dec 31, 2012 5:07 PM GMT
    Scruffypup saidPeople (immature people) want what they can't have. The more you pull away, the more they will chase you and vice versa. This is ingrained in us over thousands of years to protect the species. If your mate is escaping, you can't mate and thus procreate. Gay men are no different. Of course with intelligent, emotionally healthy men, this automatic thought response has been challenged and discarded (for the most part). Hopefully.



    First, you reject me. Then, you call me immature for not giving up on my OBSESSION with you?!?!

    Oh, happy dagger!

    icon_cry.gificon_cry.gificon_cry.gificon_cry.gificon_cry.gificon_cry.gificon_cry.gificon_cry.gificon_cry.gificon_cry.gif

    icon_evil.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 31, 2012 5:42 PM GMT
    "Maybe they like a challenge"

    "People (immature people) want what they can't have. The more you pull away, the more they will chase you and vice versa"


    I think you pretty have it figured out here ^^^^

    "That alone makes me suspicious. And more so when they come from 3rd-World countries, from guys who just joined RJ today. I assume they're attempting to scam me, and ignore. "

    Even at my advanced age, I get these all time and 90% from 3rd world countries.

    Bob, I bet if we compared, it would be the same email. And yes, I also think it's a prelude to a scam.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 31, 2012 5:46 PM GMT
    Import saidOnline....when one receives a message from someone ([url]especially a gay social website) one almost always assumes "he must be interested" in me....[/url]



    It's just about like trying to chat with someone in a gay gym. I'll take my straight gym where I think we only have four or five homos. Makes for a much much friendlier place.
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    Dec 31, 2012 5:59 PM GMT
    Myol saidI've noticed that when I email a guy a normal email asking about their profile or something about their city, I get a very low response rate. Oftentimes these guys are not really my "type" attraction wise but there's no harm in talking with someone you're not attracted to right? I mean all my buddies are straight and we found each other without being attracted to each other.

    So, I started emailing guys and letting them know in the first lines that we weren't each other's type but I had a question for them. The response rate has been like 80% with many of these guys actually asking why I wasn't interested in them? And I've had about 5 of these guys ask me out on a date even though I was up front about not being physically into them. One of these guys isn't even in my city? These are gay guys, not bi guys.

    What's happening here?



    oh whatever, I'm sure they all want to get on you icon_cool.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 31, 2012 6:26 PM GMT
    I chat with almost anyone who bothers to message me unless I am not in mood because one thing I am sure about is geographically this site isn't the appropriate place for me to do any date/sex/bf hunting.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 31, 2012 6:29 PM GMT
    Reversed psychology icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 31, 2012 6:46 PM GMT
    Scruffypup saidPeople (immature people) want what they can't have. The more you pull away, the more they will chase you and vice versa. This is ingrained in us over thousands of years to protect the species. If your mate is escaping, you can't mate and thus procreate. Gay men are no different. Of course with intelligent, emotionally healthy men, this automatic thought response has been challenged and discarded (for the most part). Hopefully.



    Everyone wants to be desired and for a guy randomly reaching out to you and then stating up front his lack of interest, its intriguing enough for the receiver to explore the sender's reasoning behind a lack of attraction.
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Dec 31, 2012 6:55 PM GMT
    Myol said ...So, I started emailing guys and letting them know in the first lines that we weren't each other's type ... The response rate has been like 80% ... What's happening here?


    For some, you just became safe to communicate with. Some men don't want to feel like they are being hit on and want to make friends first and then see where those friendships lead or see if those friendships lead to other friendship.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 31, 2012 7:13 PM GMT
    ^This. I would do a lot more "friends" stuff with (some) guys if it was understood up front that in no way are they even remotely interested in getting inside my pants.


    Of course, other guys, I would simply meet without pants, just to speed things up, in case they were interested...
  • MikeW

    Posts: 6061

    Dec 31, 2012 7:19 PM GMT
    80% -- 8 out of 10 -- seems like a fairly high response rate to me. So 2 guys out of 10 didn't write back? No shocker there.

    As for the type of responses... Again not a big surprise that many of the guys wanted to know why you weren't in to them, given this is a gay social network site. It's a moot point with straight friends.

    I do understand the problem, though. You're just wanting information or maybe to make a friend but with no sexual interest or connotation. I think that is more difficult between gay guys. Imagine straight men wanting to be friends with women (for example). Its not that it can't happen but you can see right off it can get complicated. It gets even more complicated if one or the other or both are in relationships.

    Between gay men it can be confusing in a similar (but different) way. What if they're not your type but you are theirs (even if not stated explicitly in their profile)? "Types," for me, for example, are very flexible. Yeah, I'm attracted to certain "types" of bodies more so than others but there are always exceptions. A lot of it has to do with 'chemistry' or 'personality'... not just how someone looks.

    Kind of an opposite POV, I'm very reluctant to contact anyone on this site -- sometimes even reluctant to look at a profile -- because I don't want guys to think I'm an old perv. Maybe I shouldn't care but I do.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 31, 2012 7:22 PM GMT
    What he said.
    Plus, I always respond to all email, every single one of them, even if someone is just telling me how hot I am, or how sexy I am, or just thanking me for being super smart, or whatever. I always email back and tell them to never email me again. Each and every time.
    Then I write something pithy like, Happy New Year and all is forgiven.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 31, 2012 9:13 PM GMT
    Myol saidI've noticed that when I email a guy a normal email asking about their profile or something about their city, I get a very low response rate. Oftentimes these guys are not really my "type" attraction wise but there's no harm in talking with someone you're not attracted to right? I mean all my buddies are straight and we found each other without being attracted to each other.

    So, I started emailing guys and letting them know in the first lines that we weren't each other's type but I had a question for them. The response rate has been like 80% with many of these guys actually asking why I wasn't interested in them? And I've had about 5 of these guys ask me out on a date even though I was up front about not being physically into them. One of these guys isn't even in my city? These are gay guys, not bi guys.

    What's happening here?



    I find this quite difficult to believe. Do you just say, "We are not each other's type, but I was wondering if...."

    Hmmmmm I wonder if I would answer...

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    Dec 31, 2012 9:17 PM GMT
    ART_DECO said
    I even got one this week from a woman in the UK, who says she likes my posts, sent to my private e-mail. That set off all kinds of alarm bells. A woman on RJ, a site for gay men, sending me a romantic message in an online e-card? Is she nuts? icon_eek.gif


    tumblr_m3cf5exUG21rrh7emo1_1280.jpg
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 31, 2012 9:25 PM GMT
    DontQuoteMe said
    ART_DECO said
    I even got one this week from a woman in the UK, who says she likes my posts, sent to my private e-mail. That set off all kinds of alarm bells. A woman on RJ, a site for gay men, sending me a romantic message in an online e-card? Is she nuts? icon_eek.gif


    tumblr_m3cf5exUG21rrh7emo1_1280.jpg

    Most amusing - not. You're becoming a 1-trick pony, my dear, and I don't even think you have a yard big enough for one, unlike Violet. icon_razz.gif
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    Jan 01, 2013 1:55 AM GMT
    MICHAEL_AMIR saidAs a rule, I usually only respond to people who actually look good. Otherwise...

    tumblr_lqyqoyjv9P1qc42hdo1_500.gif





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    That's a joke, right?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 01, 2013 2:03 AM GMT
    Maybe you shouldnt preface it that you're not interested and start the conversation like you would any other...