At what point in dating does a relationship become monogamous ?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 03, 2013 9:04 AM GMT
    Hi guys

    If you're seeing someone for just over a month, and you know both of you are on scruff and grinder and stuff too, what is the protocol? I've been seeing someone but while we are still getting to know each other it's not exclusive yet so I assume seeing other people isn't a biggie yet. I think it's getting to a point where I will close everything else down but want to know when you guys think it's appropriate to discuss etc.
  • Angelix90

    Posts: 267

    Jan 03, 2013 9:54 AM GMT
    When I find a guy who is interesting on the first date, I would go out with him again for another few rounds to see how it goes. During the whole process of dating, if I really like him, I would try not to serial date different people at the same time because it ruins the dating experience as you will tend to compare and contrast between 2 people and it's unfair to the guys you are currently dating. Of course, I won't blame him for seeing other people if we are still dating.

    Next, it all boils down to communication whether we see it fit to be a couple. From my experience, if I feel our relationship is heading somewhere, I will ask whether or not we are exclusive and continue from there.

    You don't have a specific time limit for it. It might take as short as weeks or a few months down the line.
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    Jan 03, 2013 10:31 AM GMT
    That's extremely helpful . Thank you. It's all about communicating .
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4433

    Jan 03, 2013 6:08 PM GMT
    ....about the time you start thinking in terms of pet names and you really aren't interested in anyone else. If your new boyfriend feels the same way, he'll stop seeing others, too. That's when you become a couple. When you're both being monogamous, it's easy to ask "Are we now monogamous?" If your new guy isn't really sure he's ready for that, you'd better decide whether he ever will be and decide whether he really feels about you like you feel about him. Fair enough to ask but sometimes you get surprised and you need to discuss. I know of couples that never did go monogamous but they do love and stick to their partner and the relationship works. Making a relationship work requires compromise but then this may be one of the non-negotiables for you. Or maybe your new guy just hasn't gotten there yet. Doesn't mean he won't. But I do think at least in the early days, he should prefer to be with you over someone else.
  • Vaughn

    Posts: 1880

    Jan 03, 2013 6:15 PM GMT
    When you've both agreed it has. My ex and I outlined the rules of the relationship early on. Once you've both agreed to be in a relationship don't be afraid to get on the same page.
  • great_scott

    Posts: 519

    Jan 03, 2013 6:27 PM GMT
    You have to have the "...soooo what are we doing?" conversation. Only way you can know for sure. Wouldn't assume anything when it comes to something serious.

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    Jan 03, 2013 6:29 PM GMT
    After THE talk.
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    Jan 03, 2013 6:30 PM GMT
    great_scott saidYou have to have the "...soooo what are we doing?" conversation. Only way you can know for sure. Wouldn't assume anything when it comes to something serious.



    This. When you have "the talk."
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Jan 03, 2013 7:32 PM GMT
    when you stop having sex with any guy from rj who asks for it nicely
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    Jan 03, 2013 7:34 PM GMT
    calibro saidwhen you stop having sex with any guy from rj who asks for it nicely

    I guess until they stop asking nicely?
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    Jan 03, 2013 7:39 PM GMT
    When you do his laundry and shave his balls
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 03, 2013 7:40 PM GMT
    Just before I wake up.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 03, 2013 7:41 PM GMT
    Trollileo said
    Roguewave saidand shave his balls
    This is a thing?


    For me. yeah. I dont do it for any dude
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    Jan 03, 2013 7:42 PM GMT
    Vaughn saidWhen you've both agreed it has. My ex and I outlined the rules of the relationship early on. Once you've both agreed to be in a relationship don't be afraid to get on the same page.


    Yes, this.
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    Jan 03, 2013 8:02 PM GMT
    meninlove said
    Vaughn saidWhen you've both agreed it has. My ex and I outlined the rules of the relationship early on. Once you've both agreed to be in a relationship don't be afraid to get on the same page.


    Yes, this.


    And after knowing that you both want to be monogamous in the first place.
    Don't assume that; talk about it.
  • Suetonius

    Posts: 1842

    Jan 03, 2013 8:32 PM GMT
    The tile of your post is different than what you were asking within it -
    The R becomes monogamous when both parties want it to be so. Maybe it never does.

    You didn't say, but does the other guy want to have an exclusive relationship (with anyone - not just you)? Normally people find this out about each other very early on in dating - like what are your goals in life - do you see yourself as having kids - you're supporting your ex-wife and visit your four children every other weekend - you're hoping to move to Italy in two years?

    But falling into a relationship is not like playing a board game - there are no rules. When do you have "the talk" as someone put it? Probably when you are both aware that you like each other a real lot, and are spending a lot of time together. When you are aware of not wanting to spend time with other men. A little romance/love goes a long way in determining a time to talk.
  • Felony84

    Posts: 40

    Jan 03, 2013 8:42 PM GMT
    When I'm enjoying who I am dating, I'm not looking around to date other people and nor am I on grindr, scruff or whatever app is out there. I'm happy with what I have and not interested in anything else. If you have both seen each other more than five times this past month, then obviously you're both interested in one another. The question is interested in what? Is it a romantic connection, platonic or moving towards just a friendship and hanging out sort of thing?

    This is a little tricky, because you have seen him on grindr and the only way you could have is if you were on there too. If you have the talk this soon in, then he may feel you're trying to rush things, when you're really just uncomfortable that he's hanging on those apps. It is unfortunate that a talk like this has to happen at all. You'd think someone would have enough common sense to know what is or isn't appropriate. Not that this guy is dating or meeting anyone on grindr. He could simply be chatting, but you only do that if you're bored. If that's what he does when he's bored then he's not a very productive person. You will have to bring it up sooner or later, but I'd first figure out what his interest in you are (i.e. friendship/romance etc.)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 03, 2013 8:54 PM GMT
    I wonder about the same thing.

    Right now, I'm being asked to go with this person to see hang out with his friends. Dunno if he's being just nice, or whatever the hell it is...?
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    Jan 03, 2013 9:36 PM GMT
    makavelli said

    Right now, I'm being asked to go with this person to see hang out with his friends.

    Let's hope they are not all in the mafia
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 03, 2013 9:55 PM GMT
    When you two have the *Talk and agreed to just sleep only with each other, no other guys allowed.
  • Beeftastic

    Posts: 1747

    Jan 03, 2013 10:29 PM GMT
    Don't rush into that though if you both aren't 100% sure. Monogamy too early ends up being too much pressure for a lot of guys.
  • WrestlerBoy

    Posts: 1903

    Jan 05, 2013 2:35 AM GMT
    There's a landmark study carried out by UC San Diego around 1984.....among some 150 gay couples: After one year, 100% of them were "monogamous"....after 5 years, 40%....after ten years...0%. (This did NOT mean that BOTH parties to the relationship KNEW the other was "not monogamous").

    Get used to the facts.



  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 05, 2013 3:13 AM GMT
    WrestlerBoy saidThere's a landmark study carried out by UC San Diego around 1984.....among some 150 gay couples: After one year, 100% of them were "monogamous"....after 5 years, 40%....after ten years...0%. (This did NOT mean that BOTH parties to the relationship KNEW the other was "not monogamous").

    Get used to the facts.





    Link? Doubt that's representative.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 05, 2013 3:43 AM GMT
    WrestlerBoy saidThere's a landmark study carried out by UC San Diego around 1984.....Get used to the facts.

    Yeah, but have you seen the men in San Diego?
    Exactly! Who could resist for ten years?!?
  • WrestlerBoy

    Posts: 1903

    Jan 05, 2013 3:56 PM GMT
    LOL, finally, HUMOR!