Is it normal to cheat on your spouse after 30+ years of marriage?

  • TheBizMan

    Posts: 4091

    Jan 03, 2013 11:58 PM GMT
    Because I think(pretty sure) my dad uses craigslist and other websites for sex. He makes up random excuses to go out at night, i.e "Oh I'm just gonna go look around Trader Joes"... oookayy.. who does that at 9pm at night? I've actually overheard him whispering on the phone for a happy ending. THAT almost made me gag.

    I've never been one to delve into my parents relationship issues as I don't think it is my place to be involved. Then I started to wonder if maybe they have some sort of agreement. My mom often stays at "work" far later than necessary and she just recently started to go out with her friends on random days, something she has never done. So maybe they are both involved and are okay with it.

    I'd only be mad if one them was hurt by the other's actions. If they both are okay with that lifestyle then it's fine by me. However, do you think this happens often in long lasting relationships?
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Jan 04, 2013 12:02 AM GMT
    Happens all the time. It's very hush hush, though... I'm pretty sure my parents are swingers... But I'll probably never know, nor do I need to know. It's TMI.
  • TheBizMan

    Posts: 4091

    Jan 04, 2013 12:05 AM GMT
    It's hard to imagine being with someone for that long and truly remaining faithful.
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    Jan 04, 2013 12:06 AM GMT
    I have. Story to tll you when I'm not on mybipad bizzy bear
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    Jan 04, 2013 12:14 AM GMT
    DEKIRUMAN saidI have. Story to tll you when I'm not on mybipad bizzy bear


    AND not drunk?icon_lol.gif
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    Jan 04, 2013 12:22 AM GMT
    After 30 years.. that's not long at all..well in my book. But who knows..he might have a fantasy football league that he participates in...and if you overheard him on the tele..well..no explanations there..But i am sure you might can snoop. Ask your dad if he still loves your mom, Ask him if everything is ok...it never hurts to just have a casual conversation. That's why hes your dad, as its not suppose to be awkward if you do ask him and just have a man talk.
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    Jan 04, 2013 12:30 AM GMT
    TheBizMan saidIt's hard to imagine being with someone for that long and truly remaining faithful.


    It is? icon_wink.gif
  • TheBizMan

    Posts: 4091

    Jan 04, 2013 1:23 AM GMT
    tereseus1 saidAfter 30 years.. that's not long at all..well in my book. But who knows..he might have a fantasy football league that he participates in...and if you overheard him on the tele..well..no explanations there..But i am sure you might can snoop. Ask your dad if he still loves your mom, Ask him if everything is ok...it never hurts to just have a casual conversation. That's why hes your dad, as its not suppose to be awkward if you do ask him and just have a man talk.


    Father son talks... yeah those don't happen with me and my dad. We are not an in each other's business type of family.
  • TheBizMan

    Posts: 4091

    Jan 04, 2013 1:24 AM GMT
    yourname2000 saidEww.....imagining TheBizMan hooking up with a "hot daddy" on Craigslist....only to find out....

    30422302.jpg

    Stop just.. stop icon_cry.gif
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    Jan 04, 2013 1:24 AM GMT
    Your a grown man and you have the right to ask.

    I don't see how wondering will do any good, if it were me, Id just go up to him and ask "what the fudge dude" well.. not like that but I would be very respectful about it and put emphasis on the fact that I wont judge.

    I would feel weird not knowing, I mean there your parents. You gotta know what's up.
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    Jan 04, 2013 1:34 AM GMT
    TheBizMan saidIs it normal to cheat on your spouse after 30+ years of marriage?
    No, it usually happens much sooner than that.
  • monet

    Posts: 1093

    Jan 04, 2013 3:31 AM GMT
    What makes you think that it is any of your business? Stay out of other people's relationships and that includes your parents.
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    Jan 04, 2013 5:21 AM GMT
    Midlife crisis. Guy needs to feel young and virile because he knows he's losing it and hasn't accepted he's aging.
  • MidwesternKid

    Posts: 1167

    Jan 04, 2013 5:25 AM GMT
    Relationships are all different. If you can make it work, then it works.
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    Jan 04, 2013 5:32 AM GMT
    Honestly, it's your mom's business and your dad's business. As much as you'd appreciate them leaving their noses out of your shit, do likewise for them.
  • TheBizMan

    Posts: 4091

    Jan 04, 2013 5:38 AM GMT
    monet saidWhat makes you think that it is any of your business? Stay out of other people's relationships and that includes your parents.

    Quite the dickish response I'd say. If you read, CAREFULLY ( I have faith that you are able to accomplish such a simple task), then you'd have read this:

    "I've never been one to delve into my parents relationship issues as I don't think it is my place to be involved"

    As a matter of fact, I have NEVER been involved in my parents business, opting to sit idly by and keep my thoughts to myself.

    And, Mr. Dickhead, the point of my post was to ask if this is a normal occurance in relationships of such length. Never ONCE did I say I'd involve myself... Jesus

    icon_neutral.gificon_neutral.gificon_neutral.gif
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    Jan 04, 2013 5:40 AM GMT
    TheBizMan said
    monet saidWhat makes you think that it is any of your business? Stay out of other people's relationships and that includes your parents.

    Quite the dickish response I'd say. If you read, CAREFULLY ( I have faith that you are able to accomplish such a simple task), then you'd have read this:

    "I've never been one to delve into my parents relationship issues as I don't think it is my place to be involved"

    As a matter of fact, I have NEVER been involved in my parents business, opting to sit idly by and keep my thoughts to myself.

    And, Mr. Dickhead, the point of my post was to ask if this is a normal occurance in relationships of such length... Jesus

    icon_neutral.gificon_neutral.gificon_neutral.gif

    Agreed. You never asked what you should do - merely if it was normal. We're having a discussion which his parents are not in.

    In my opinion. Pretty normal unfortunately. And your mom seems to know whats going on so it must be a mutually understood thing. icon_neutral.gif
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    Jan 04, 2013 6:23 AM GMT
    yourname2000 saidEww.....imagining TheBizMan hooking up with a "hot daddy" on Craigslist....only to find out....

    30422302.jpg


    This is why I am happy (looking in retrospect) to find my dad's lesbian porn.
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    Jan 04, 2013 6:42 AM GMT
    Well, the question is, do you *really* know what kind of relationship your parents have?

    But it varies. Some people are very content in a long-lasting relationship. Statistically, it's a minority, as far as I know; others stray occasionally, or have things more wide-open.


    But as Dave said, watch out for them ads with no pics, young man! icon_twisted.gif
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    Jan 04, 2013 6:51 AM GMT
    I think it's understandable. Obviously it seems weird from any child's perspective, but if you think about it from their perspective, it would be called an open relationship right?

    I mean many gay guys don't see a problem in starting an open relationship after being monogamous for a long time. Who knows, maybe your parents were thinking something similar on the lines of "Well our kids are all grown up, and I kind of want to try spicing up my life." "Yeah hun, I agree. let's just keep this a secret from the kids okay? They'll freak."
  • Tread

    Posts: 39

    Jan 04, 2013 6:55 AM GMT
    I know my dad started cheating on my mom, after 35 years of them being together.. he did whole internet and phone sex chatting to begin with.. then moved on to the real deal and started channeling money away from home, to all of his new girlsfriends.

    And my parents were hard core mormons at that time. So I think it's pretty normal.
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    Jan 04, 2013 9:52 PM GMT
    TheBizMan saidBecause I think(pretty sure) my dad uses craigslist and other websites for sex. He makes up random excuses to go out at night, i.e "Oh I'm just gonna go look around Trader Joes"... oookayy.. who does that at 9pm at night? I've actually overheard him whispering on the phone for a happy ending. THAT almost made me gag.

    I've never been one to delve into my parents relationship issues as I don't think it is my place to be involved. Then I started to wonder if maybe they have some sort of agreement. My mom often stays at "work" far later than necessary and she just recently started to go out with her friends on random days, something she has never done. So maybe they are both involved and are okay with it.

    I'd only be mad if one them was hurt by the other's actions. If they both are okay with that lifestyle then it's fine by me. However, do you think this happens often in long lasting relationships?


    is cheating ever normal?
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    Jan 04, 2013 10:08 PM GMT
    Common, yes. Normal, you be the judge. At least your dad is only going for hookups. In order to live with himself and his pristine self-image, mine had to convince himself that an affair was "love." He left my mom and proceeded to basically ruin his life.
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    Jan 04, 2013 10:17 PM GMT
    TheBizMan saidBecause I think(pretty sure) my dad uses craigslist and other websites for sex. He makes up random excuses to go out at night,
    ....
    . My mom often stays at "work" far later than necessary and she just recently started to go out with her friends on random days, something she has never done. So maybe they are both involved and are okay with it.
    ...

    Is this your roundabout way of asking opinions about a (possible) open-relationship? Ya, know theres puh-lenty of opnionz on dat here! icon_biggrin.gif

    But seriously, it sounds like they both have come to an understanding and may have decided to do their own thing each on their own. Time to start planning to get yer own place and out of their hair and live yer own life ;)
  • ASHDOD

    Posts: 1057

    Jan 04, 2013 10:21 PM GMT
    I just think you shouldent be thinking about it, they are adults .

    my parents are married 52 years and they are still in love,i am sure they never cheated on each other, the sad thing is that i had such a wonderfull example of a long and loving relationship but i couldent find one of my owm. icon_confused.gif