Being attracted to someone... look at them individually? Or do you have a type?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 21, 2008 8:05 AM GMT
    Ask yourself... do YOU have a "TYPE"?

    I honestly don't understand some gay guys who restrict themselves to any category. I see a lot of people here are very picky about body type... I know plenty of others are picky about race, or height, or whatever.

    For me I just always judge people on an individual basis. I absolutely don't have a type. I look at the overall package... and consider every factors. Either the total package "works" or it doesn't. Sometimes the overall package works REALLY well.

    As a result, I've dated: white (including one red head), black, latino, east asian, indian, rich, poor, smart, stupid, short, tall, american, brazilian, chinese, indian, mexican citizen (and the associated vocal accents), hearing, deaf, christian, hindu, atheist, buddhist, young, old, muscular, thin, stocky, average...

    Seriously. And it's not like I'm not picky, either. I am extremely selective of who I find hot. Most of the time someone tells me they think some guy is hot, I look at them and think "yuck... that guy is so bland and average... absolutely nothing compelling or attractive about him at all !!" (and then I usually say it).

    So I am picky... and yet I have managed to cut across almost all categories.

    Anyone else? Or is it just me with this way of looking at guys?

    I guess maybe I have a type... my type is "good"... that's about as precise as I can define it, anyway. icon_eek.gif
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    Sep 21, 2008 10:05 AM GMT
    I have meet guys with long legs, but the whole package was not for me. To want to date him.

    Yet there are types I would not date, just not wired to do so. I would never date a tall women. Don't care how long her legs are.

    Yes I've had sex with short guys. But having sex with about 4 to 5 maybe 6 thousand guys. They where not all of the same type. This is how I know what One likes.icon_biggrin.gif

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    Sep 21, 2008 10:06 AM GMT
    SamerPhxAZ saidWhat if I look like your sister. You still find me very attractive?


    Oh if I had a sister that looked like you. I may well of growen to be a pure str8. icon_wink.gif
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    Sep 21, 2008 10:20 AM GMT
    I don't limit myself to types... but the guys I find attractive generally share enough similarities to group them into 'types'.
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    Sep 21, 2008 10:47 AM GMT
    Hmmm... stereotyping can be difficult though as sometimes it's a point of view. Me personally, well I like someone who can challenge me mentally.

    At the same time they have to have a personality that says let's go out for a drink or a dance.

    I know there are types I'm not interested in and I guess that leaves the rest being the types that I am interested in. Maybe your the multi-cultural type?

    There's a song from the musical Avenue Q, Everyone's a little bit Racist. I think it can actually sum up this topic for you ;)

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    Sep 21, 2008 11:40 AM GMT
    sydney_cider saidHmmm... stereotyping can be difficult though as sometimes it's a point of view. Me personally, well I like someone who can challenge me mentally.

    At the same time they have to have a personality that says let's go out for a drink or a dance.

    I know there are types I'm not interested in and I guess that leaves the rest being the types that I am interested in. Maybe your the multi-cultural type?

    There's a song from the musical Avenue Q, Everyone's a little bit Racist. I think it can actually sum up this topic for you ;)



    Intriguing. Now not being into white guys, or not being into a black fella sexually. Dose this make you a racist?

    I don't think so. But to exclude them from everything, even friendship, hmmm, maybe so.

    I've pounded the difference between racism, and racial pride. Is there really much difference?
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    Sep 21, 2008 11:47 AM GMT
    Pattison saidBut having sex with about 4 to 5 maybe 6 thousand guys. They where not all of the same type.


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    Sep 21, 2008 11:52 AM GMT
    blahblah2 said
    Pattison saidBut having sex with about 4 to 5 maybe 6 thousand guys. They where not all of the same type.


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    It was a joyous experiment. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Sep 21, 2008 12:05 PM GMT
    There are so many aspects to the term 'types' that the question itself, can be broad or narrow. The fact that any of the members of this site are here indicates a certain preference. The interesting thing is that most individuals are not fully aware of the 'type' that they're attracted to. There are frequently attracting attributes that are more obvious to the close friends of an individual than to the individual alone. These are often not necessarily 'positive' or 'virtuous' attributes. Because everyone often thinks that their own taste is 'exceptional' and there for the men that they are attracted to are exceptional as well.
    Those attracting attributes can be attributed to early development, acculturation, or even a significant event in his history.
    For myself, I've been pretty good about paying attention to the advice of friends, for they see the mistakes that I often miss or patterns that I repeat.

    The second point that I should make is that attributes can be divided into three categories. First, the 'must haves' or required attributes. These are often unsaid and also based on actual choices, rather than preferences. By this I mean that, for me, the person must be literally a man. There is no bisexual aspect to it. These attributes are 'deal breaker' attributes without exception.
    Opposite of these are the, irrelevant attributes which have no bearing on the attractiveness of the individual in question. In my own case, an example would be race. This has no bearing on attraction for me. There are other aspects and these would vary as well from individual to individual.
    The last, and by far the largest groups of attributes would be the 'negotiable' attributes. These are often erroneously assigned to one of the first two categories. Any exception at all puts them in this broad mid-range. While there can be 'deal breaker' attributes among them, they can sometimes, even if in rare cases, be countered by another attribute. An example would be: "I'm not at all attracted to someone who even occasionally dresses in drag. However, if the guy was sufficiently 'hot' by my own yardstick of masculinity when not in drag, then I might be swayed." This kind of exception to the rule is usually not thought of as an exception until the point when it happens in reality and not just a theoretical situation.

    So basically, yes. Everyone has 'types.' Just because someone thinks that they are beyond such primal or rudimentary decision making, doesn't exempt them from this aspect.

    What I have found interesting is when friends describe the type they are attracted to, they often fail to see the disconnect between the type and the actual attributes of the person they typically aim for in a relationship.
    I know that if someone asked me to describe, physically, a perfect man in my view, he'd probably look like a guy that was a Colt, Falcon or Titan Men model. The reality is that few of my relationships have been with guys who looked like that. While those with the physical attributes of a man like that are hot, it isn't the total picture and that there are other aspects of the man (personality, social skills, humor, knowledge and experience, etc) that can counterbalance those physical 'requirements'.
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    Sep 21, 2008 12:26 PM GMT
    Individual. icon_exclaim.gif
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Sep 21, 2008 2:13 PM GMT
    I don't have a "type"
    but I am drawn to more of the WASPY kinda guys
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    Sep 21, 2008 2:32 PM GMT
    Pattison said
    Yes I've had sex with short guys. But having sex with about 4 to 5 maybe 6 thousand guys. They where not all of the same type. This is how I know what One likes.icon_biggrin.gif




    I CALL BULLSHIT!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 21, 2008 3:47 PM GMT
    I like every flavor of men

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    Sep 21, 2008 3:48 PM GMT
    BGCat57 says it all. That was exactly what I was thinking. icon_smile.gif I would only add that our preferences change as we change. Our experiences affect how we see others and what we find attractive.

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    Sep 21, 2008 5:42 PM GMT
    What I’d like to know is why people narrow their possibilities down to a type. True, neo-Nazis are not my type nor are manipulative catty queens but does that mean I have a type? I have types I am not attracted to but that is usually for a very logical reason. With really young guys for example, I feel too paternalistic to feel sexual. I remember having sex with a hunky Latin guy more than 20 years my junior. I felt a greater urge to be his mentor than to have sex with him.

    When most people describe their type they are talking about the guy they would choose to act in their favorite porno flick. With porno I prefer mostly white, Latin and black Caribbean guys and I like seeing big uncut ones. Yet I have had sex with guys who I would consider my ideal porno star and found it hard to keep it up because the chemistry just wasn’t there. I have also had great sex with guys who would never make the cut.

    Great sex not only comes down to the personality of your partner but also the environment. If you’re standing naked behind a waterfall with no one else around, you could wait for George Clooney look alike to arrive but if a reasonably attractive and willing guy arrives you may find yourself being a little less picky. In contrast, if you’ve spent the evening drinking in a smoky crowded bar that blares that horrible electronic music you may find yourself asking the drunk George Clooney look alike if you could have a rain check or just send him away.

    I meet all kinds of guys kayaking: young and old, red necks and yuppies, from mega-hunks to the very homely. I warm up to the guys who like to paddle with me and it doesn’t matter what they look like. Like sex, in sports men feed off of each other’s testosterone. You push yourself a little harder when you see other guys going for it. But unlike sex, you’re not judging them by how they look but how they play. Yet both in sex, and sports, you’ll have a lot more fun with a homely guy who encourages you than a good-looking cocky guy who puts you down. Unfortunately with sports I meet only straight guys who eventually want to talk to me about the other sex.

    I met one sweet countryman when I was starting out. He remembered me and always said hello with a smile. He is fairly average looking and I would have considered him too chubby had we met in a sex club. But since this was paddling I wasn’t judging him by his physique. The fact that he was paddling and not sitting on a couch made his extra pounds less of an issue. He always paddles with the same guy and I began to think they might be a couple. Well I just found out he’s married with a three year old. He has also lost 20 pounds since he started paddling. As an intellectual exercise I asked myself what if he had been gay and sexually interested in me? I could imagine skinny-dipping with a guy like him under one of the many waterfalls in the mountains near here. If he popped a boner I’d be more inclined to think, wow sex would be great right now, than to be saying he needs to lose another 20 pounds to be my type.

    My point is that when I meet guys in a non-sexual context I realize how broad my type can be. It basically comes down to a question of mutual chemistry and not much more. There are guys that I find too homely for me to feel any sexual attraction no matter how much I like them but when I have a strong chemistry with a guy the more superficial criteria become less important.

    Most gay encounters occur under sexual circumstances. Even the gym can feel like a sex club. Being a good boy who never pops a boner in public does not keep you from judging a guy at the gym on purely physical criteria. In these contexts, it is hard not to focus on fulfilling our sexual fantasies even if we are telling ourselves we’re looking for true love. I’m fully aware of the fact that I’m narrowing my choices under these circumstances but I find so many other guys are in denial when asked the same question.

    I think most guys use the word type as an excuse to eliminate guys. You could be finding yourself meeting your next true love but if you find out he has a small dick than you say he’s not your type. Unfortunately most of the means gay men use to meet each other only encourages them to focus on the superficial qualities of their potential partner.
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    Sep 21, 2008 5:57 PM GMT
    I did a little bit of both when I was still dating (partnered now). I generally used a few certain types to eliminate some from consideration, but kept my options open for all the rest.

    I won't mention which types were on my "don't date" list because I don't want to insult anyone here. And also because my choices were purely my personal preferences, that shouldn't be taken as a general verdict on guys of certain types. Furthermore I'm only considering dating material here, since I have almost no restrictions on who I'll seek as a friend.

    My "don't date" list was actually rather brief, why I didn't work from the opposite direction with a "will date" list. Many different shapes, sizes, ages, colors, incomes and appearances were fine by me, if I was fine by them.
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    Sep 21, 2008 7:21 PM GMT
    I definitely have a 'type' that I'm generally attracted to. But overall, I'm more interested in them individually, than if they fit a list of criteria.

    I've dated, or at least been interested in, several people who were nowhere near my 'type' before, and it's worked out fine. (not perfect, obviously.. since I'm single. HAHA)

    Point being.. I would never limit myself.
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    Sep 21, 2008 7:57 PM GMT
    Pattison said
    sydney_cider saidHmmm... stereotyping can be difficult though as sometimes it's a point of view. Me personally, well I like someone who can challenge me mentally.

    At the same time they have to have a personality that says let's go out for a drink or a dance.

    I know there are types I'm not interested in and I guess that leaves the rest being the types that I am interested in. Maybe your the multi-cultural type?

    There's a song from the musical Avenue Q, Everyone's a little bit Racist. I think it can actually sum up this topic for you ;)



    Intriguing. Now not being into white guys, or not being into a black fella sexually. Dose this make you a racist?

    I don't think so. But to exclude them from everything, even friendship, hmmm, maybe so.

    I've pounded the difference between racism, and racial pride. Is there really much difference?


    I guess stereotyping and racism, and I'm not trying to make this sound offensive at all, are very similar I guess one has a bit more emotion to it than the other.

    You class people, you decide which class you like, you decide which class you don't like. Check out the song, you might find it quite interesting.

  • kjm1990

    Posts: 209

    Sep 21, 2008 8:10 PM GMT
    um i like muscle lol if a guy has nice arms im in love lol having said that theres a guy that goes to tafe with me id have him his got nice taste in cars cute has a bit of a baby face an he is a nurce lol thats so hot right now

    norm if there a nice guy i take to em looks dont matter but they have 2 have some thing about em
  • bigtallguy

    Posts: 243

    Sep 21, 2008 8:29 PM GMT
    Let's just say I like my men like I like my coffee.


    Colombian and fairly traded.
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    Sep 21, 2008 8:53 PM GMT
    commodoreboi saidum i like muscle lol if a guy has nice arms im in love lol having said that theres a guy that goes to tafe with me id have him his got nice taste in cars cute has a bit of a baby face an he is a nurce lol thats so hot right now

    norm if there a nice guy i take to em looks dont matter but they have 2 have some thing about em


    LOL as a nurse. I don't see what is hot about it. Yet it is the most respected profession at the moment. The people we have too deal with, and touch, and see. The places we have to go and touch too; Oooooo. icon_biggrin.gif

    Yet I also have the ability to see the ability in a person with a disability.
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    Sep 21, 2008 8:56 PM GMT
    I used to think I didn't really have a type. Then I saw this:

    ricky-martin-bearded-india.jpg

    Add a few pounds, some tattoos, and a bit of facial hair, and any man looks hot. Even Ricky Martin, lol.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 21, 2008 9:30 PM GMT
    I look at the individual. I don't seek out a certain "type."
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    Sep 21, 2008 9:50 PM GMT
    SamerPhxAZ said
    Pattison said
    SamerPhxAZ saidWhat if I look like your sister. You still find me very attractive?


    Oh if I had a sister that looked like you. I may well of growen to be a pure str8. icon_wink.gif


    LOL If I look like your friend's ugly grandpa... You still find me very attractive?


    Hey.... if I looked like a small rock... with some dirt on it... would you still find me very attractive? icon_redface.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 21, 2008 9:56 PM GMT
    Type:

    Sober
    Intellectual
    Inquisitive
    Sober
    Intrepid
    Sober

    Too refined?

    I thought so until recently icon_biggrin.gif