Did I mess up?

  • dahanizzle

    Posts: 15

    Jan 04, 2013 2:55 AM GMT
    Hi Everyone! I'm new to this site and this story is kind of long so sorry about that - but it'd be great if you could give some advice!

    So I went on a date last night! He messaged me last weekend and we've been texting back and forth a little bit and during all that texting we made plans to meet for dinner.

    The day before the date, I just wrote a simple "hope you're having a great new years day!" and that's it since I know I do text a lot and don't want to come across as desperate and needy.

    Day of date, I sent a text asking if we're still on for tonight. He then asked what time, I asked if 6:30 was still ok with him. Then he asked what I wanted to do. I replied with, "I thought we were having dinner.."

    That was just really weird - he seemed to have absolutely no memory of time and place of the date.. yes we agreed on Sunday but I really don't think one 100% forgets all the details. That's just me though.

    So he didn't reply for a while and normally I would send another text asking if we're still on and try to make it happen but this time I just wrote to forget about it. I didn't want to bother with this and get hurt.. again.

    About 2 hours later, he replied back saying sorry he was teaching a class and he'd still like to grab dinner or at least coffee and talk. I replied with something along the lines of "alright, I guess after I finish work. Let's meet at 6:30 as originally planned"

    We had a nice dinner, no awkward lulls in conversation, went well! We hugged goodbye and right before he left I asked when he's free to meet again. After going through the next few days' plans, he was booked with teaching classes (he's a spin instructor) and other plans. So he said he would just text me. Once he got home, he texted me saying he had a good time, i replied the same and said let's do something again soon.

    So obviously I've shown my interest in him and he knows that. I was going to give him a call today instead of texting but decided not to since I've done all, I think, I should do and the ball is in his court now. Because if he was truly interested in seeing me again, he would contact me in the next few days, right?

    I know I probably made some mistakes and whatnot but what's done is done..

    thanks guys!


  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 04, 2013 2:56 AM GMT
    dahanizzle saidDid I mess up?
    Yes. you have no shirtless or nude pics.
  • dahanizzle

    Posts: 15

    Jan 04, 2013 3:01 AM GMT
    HAHA! My bad icon_razz.gif
  • weneedlovetoo

    Posts: 92

    Jan 04, 2013 3:03 AM GMT
    I"m sure if he likes you he will make it happens. But in the meantime don't get your hope up. If he doesn't text you, then he's prolly not that into you.
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    Jan 04, 2013 3:05 AM GMT
    You didn't mess up....yet.

    Leave the ball in his court - he knows its there. Don't do anything. No text, no call. Just wait/move on. Buuut...just to make sure that he doesn't get discouraged, if you met online, do not go back to the site especially if he can see if your online.
  • dahanizzle

    Posts: 15

    Jan 04, 2013 3:07 AM GMT
    Yeah, figured that was the best thing to do..

    Hopefully something will happen soon haha. though if I get nothing after a week, which seems like more than enough time, then it's clear.. icon_sad.gif
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    Jan 04, 2013 3:10 AM GMT
    dahanizzle saidYeah, figured that was the best thing to do..

    Hopefully something will happen soon haha. though if I get nothing after a week, which seems like more than enough time, then it's clear.. icon_sad.gif

    It sucks. I know. I haven't had a relationship that wasn't ever once in the same boat your in now and they all ended the same way - not with a bang but a gust of wind. icon_sad.gif

  • dahanizzle

    Posts: 15

    Jan 04, 2013 3:13 AM GMT
    sigh, oh well. Onto the next one I suppose!..
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    Jan 04, 2013 3:23 AM GMT
    dahanizzle saidsigh, oh well. Onto the next one I suppose!..


    This.
  • weneedlovetoo

    Posts: 92

    Jan 04, 2013 3:25 AM GMT
    yeah, I wish i found this site earlier. I definitely messed up my potential relationship with a great guy. I text too much and i can get too obsessive lmao and so i scared him away....
  • Kel_

    Posts: 1360

    Jan 04, 2013 3:28 AM GMT
    Updates?

    In my opinion, try to put yourself in his shoe. You mentioned he teaches right? Well, that could be time-consuming. And it was just a first date. He's probably busy with life right now.
    If I were you, don't put your hopes up and try to distract yourself with a hobby or something that would keep you away from texting/calling him.
    And if he's interested, then he'll make an effort.

    Good luck!
  • weneedlovetoo

    Posts: 92

    Jan 04, 2013 3:29 AM GMT
    Kel_ saidUpdates?

    In my opinion, try to put yourself in his shoe. You mentioned he teaches right? Well, that could be time-consuming. And it was just a first date. He's probably busy with life right now.
    If I were you, don't put your hopes up and try to distract yourself with a hobby or something that would keep you away from texting/calling him.
    And if he's interested, then he'll make an effort.

    Good luck!


    +1
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    Jan 04, 2013 3:48 AM GMT
    One of my best friends was supposed to go on a date with a guy, but at the last minute, the other dude cancelled b/c he was "too drunk." Normally, this would have deterred my friend, but the other guy later rescheduled, and now they're a very happy couple! I think guys don't really respect the value of the other guy until the physical meeting happens. Now they are super romantic and that guy would never cancel last minute.
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    Jan 04, 2013 3:54 AM GMT
    I don't think you made any mistakes; don't be so hard on yourself! You're showing him you're interested now it's up to him to reciprocate that interest.
  • dahanizzle

    Posts: 15

    Jan 04, 2013 4:13 AM GMT
    haha ok, thanks guys. there's hope after all!

    Is it bad that I still would've liked a simple "hi" text from him? Not a text to plan something, just a simple hey, how are you?
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    Jan 04, 2013 4:15 AM GMT
    dahanizzle saidhaha ok, thanks guys. there's hope after all!

    Is it bad that I still would've liked a simple "hi" text from him? Not a text to plan something, just a simple hey, how are you?

    Perfectly reasonable but consider the fact:

    How often do you get those from your friends? You don't. Take it easy. You don't have to be in constant contact. Keep it fresh and new for a next meeting. Something to talk about.
  • dahanizzle

    Posts: 15

    Jan 04, 2013 4:20 AM GMT
    IceBuckets said
    dahanizzle saidhaha ok, thanks guys. there's hope after all!

    Is it bad that I still would've liked a simple "hi" text from him? Not a text to plan something, just a simple hey, how are you?

    Perfectly reasonable but consider the fact:

    How often do you get those from your friends? You don't. Take it easy. You don't have to be in constant contact. Keep it fresh and new for a next meeting. Something to talk about.


    Huh. Never thought about it that way. You're good. haha, thanks again
  • weneedlovetoo

    Posts: 92

    Jan 04, 2013 4:20 AM GMT
    i have to agree, i talked with this guy so much, like 6-7 hours each day on skype and when we finally meet, i have nothing to say. Also, don't text him you will come off as needy and desperate ( I think)
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    Jan 04, 2013 4:24 AM GMT
    dahanizzle said
    IceBuckets said
    dahanizzle saidhaha ok, thanks guys. there's hope after all!

    Is it bad that I still would've liked a simple "hi" text from him? Not a text to plan something, just a simple hey, how are you?

    Perfectly reasonable but consider the fact:

    How often do you get those from your friends? You don't. Take it easy. You don't have to be in constant contact. Keep it fresh and new for a next meeting. Something to talk about.


    Huh. Never thought about it that way. You're good. haha, thanks again

    Just remind me of that next time a guy stops talking to me. icon_wink.gif

    I just wish someone had told me this BEFORE I messed up by calling him...
  • dahanizzle

    Posts: 15

    Jan 04, 2013 4:26 AM GMT
    IceBuckets said
    dahanizzle said
    IceBuckets said
    dahanizzle saidhaha ok, thanks guys. there's hope after all!

    Is it bad that I still would've liked a simple "hi" text from him? Not a text to plan something, just a simple hey, how are you?

    Perfectly reasonable but consider the fact:

    How often do you get those from your friends? You don't. Take it easy. You don't have to be in constant contact. Keep it fresh and new for a next meeting. Something to talk about.


    Huh. Never thought about it that way. You're good. haha, thanks again

    Just remind me of that next time a guy stops talking to me. icon_wink.gif

    I just wish someone had told me this BEFORE I messed up by calling him...


    Hehe, I will be sure to remind you icon_razz.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 04, 2013 4:32 AM GMT
    I don't think you messed up, and I don't think it's bad to ask him a couple days later if he's still interested in another date. If you get no response, then you know he's not really interested.
    Just don't ask him every day, because that's annoying/needy.
  • dahanizzle

    Posts: 15

    Jan 04, 2013 6:24 AM GMT
    I think at this point I'm overthinking but after we had dinner, I asked if he wanted to grab some coffee or tea and he politely refused saying he wanted to go home because he was tired from teaching his classes. I thought that was totally understandable at the time but is that just a clear sign he wasn't in it to begin with? haha

    or should I just shut up now..
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 04, 2013 6:43 AM GMT
    There a better invention, that came along 150 years ago: It's called the telephone. Learn how to use it, and work on your communications skills.

    Pickup up the phone, ask him if he wants to go out again, and be done with it. He will say yes, no, or maybe. Period. It's just that very simple.

    This shit is NOT complicated.

    Learn some communications skills.
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    Jan 04, 2013 12:39 PM GMT
    chuckystud saidThere a better invention, that came along 150 years ago: It's called the telephone. Learn how to use it, and work on your communications skills.

    Pickup up the phone, ask him if he wants to go out again, and be done with it. He will say yes, no, or maybe. Period. It's just that very simple.

    This shit is NOT complicated.

    Learn some communications skills.


    My my, if only it were so simple.
    That is something I prefer myself however in today's society there's lots of social rules one must follow in the dating world.
    Reading between the lines, which is code for putting a spin on something to make it mean what you want rather than what it actually meant in the first place, is one of those rules.

    There's the "don't text or call too soon" to avoid the perception of being desperate.
    When you do end up texting there are strict rules on the content of text as well. Don't show too much emotion on a text, again to avoid looking desperate or clingy, but with just the right amount of detail to keep them thinking about you. HOWEVER, it's best not to expect a call or text back so that you also don't build your hopes up too.
    This is when the "replying only at least after a couple of days" step comes into place so that you keep the mystery and again avoid coming across desperate and clingy.

    Who would have thought that texting was such a tricky craft on it's own, and that's just texting.
    Calling and actually speaking verbally over the phone is a whole 'nother ball game with it's own set of rules.

    This information was provided by #sarcasm #jokesoutofhalftruths
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 04, 2013 1:16 PM GMT
    You did not. Just move on