Love at First Sight

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    Aug 27, 2007 4:32 AM GMT
    First sight is a bit misleading as we are all wowed by strangers now and then. I'm not so much talking about seeing some hot guy and wanting him beyond reason. But there's something to this idea of first meeting someone and feeling deeply soul-drawn that really intrigues me.

    I dated this guy off and on for 8 years, my longest relationship. In some ways really fucked up. But we meet as a joke our mutual friends constructed. It was a situation in college where I had to room with someone, the decision in this circumstance was made by fellow students on the same floor who had seniority. They thought it would be funny to put me with this guy, B. It wasn't cause I was gay, but because they thought we couldn't be more different and it would be funny to put these two guys who would instantly hate each other in the same small room.

    We found out about this later, but they were watching down the hall as I moved into the room with my bags. I walked in, B was already there. They weren't sure if there would be fireworks or what, but they expected me or him to walk out soon. We didn't come out till late that night.

    We were exactly opposite in many superficial ways. And I was the kind of person he normally would not have given the time of day too. But it literally was love at first sight and this immediate palpable connection. The other guys were stunned not only cause we connected but because they didn't know B was gay.

    Since then, I have had a few experiences where I was instantly drawn to someone. And it was intense, more than physical. But I have begun to see a pattern emerge.

    First of all the attraction says more about me than the person I am drawn to. Of course every person has something worth believing in. But what I choose to hook onto many times is somewhat hidden, I or the circumstance brought out this glimmer. So basically I am making them into something or projecting onto them. In a way I'm seeing them clearly, like no one else does, in another way I am seeing what I want to see or choose to see.

    Second, none of these attractions worked out the way I wanted. As I got to know a few of the examples I'm thinking of, I realized that a relationship simply wouldn't work for many reasons. The thing at first whatever was not enough.

    So I believe in a connection at first sight, something more than magical but actually a spiritual and soulful draw. But it's all still blurry to me.

    I wonder if anyone else has thought or experiences on this.
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    Aug 27, 2007 12:34 PM GMT
    Well instant love at first sight is always purely sexual. I dont really think its healthy. I do realize though it does exist and have had it once or twice. I still prefer friendship then relationship. Seems to be the best type of relationship, its the most fullfilling and I grow to love the person deeper.
  • zakariahzol

    Posts: 2241

    Aug 27, 2007 12:57 PM GMT
    Lust at First Sight is more like it. I dont believe anyone can really fall in love at first sight. The first time we meet is usually the physical attraction that catch the eyes. Love need time, to know each other and to get past the pyhsical attraction.

    I have meet so many gorgeous guys but latter find them not that attractive after going to bed with them. Unfortunately we dont live in an old 1940's black and white movie or some cheap romantic novel. Probably back in Victorian times , when life is less conflicated, innocent , value and virture is upmost important its possible.
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    Aug 27, 2007 1:06 PM GMT
    I found out that love at first sight can be very tricky...so I would say : "Beware !". You have to be careful with love at first sight.
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    Aug 27, 2007 1:24 PM GMT

    Most times it is lust at first sight; been there, done that, wrote the book.

    Didn't really believe in LAFS; then I walked into a pub on the Isle of Lewis in Scotland.

    We have been together for 4+ years; married for 2+.

    He wasn't my 'type'; he wasn't where or when I was even looking. He wasn't supposed to be there - he was just home on leave and driving a delivery truck to help out his uncle (the deliveries never got made until late that night).

    The bar was crowded, I backed into him by accident, turned around and our eyes met for way too long... He made me extremely nervous, and totally comfortable; we really could not stop looking at each other and we ended up talking for hours. My three friends who were there said it was basically totally embarrassing for them to even be around us.

    Don't ask me what really happened, because I still don't really know or remember; even though I only had one single pint of beer.

    Rob
  • zakariahzol

    Posts: 2241

    Aug 27, 2007 1:38 PM GMT
    IT Jock,

    Wow, do tell us what happen!. Seems like a remarkable and romantic love story . Now probably I do believe in love at first sight. How I wish this kinda stuff happen to me. Most of the time I am busy checking how muscular, how his ass look like, how big that buldge its. Probably now I should concentrate on the eyes .
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    Aug 27, 2007 1:56 PM GMT

    It's a beautiful feeling, sometimes I just get the eyes of a stranger and then for a moment is like if there were just the two of us, sometimes is lust, sometimes is genuine interest, but is always the same, my best friends started that way and so my two ex-partners, even when the relationship is over we seem to keep that connection, even know when they are going to call.
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    Aug 27, 2007 5:36 PM GMT
    MadApollo,

    I totally get what you're saying regarding that hidden something you get a glimmer of and hook onto.

    Looking back, what is that hidden something that attracts you? And is it the same or similar something between the different guys with whom you've experienced this feeling?

    Physical attraction is pretty common, but sometimes, it's the energy they give off, it's the way they look at you, it's a deeper attraction that is more than just physical.

    I have a friend who has the most intense energy. Granted, he is handsome but it's more his energy that attracts people. He can be walking down the street and both men and women (maybe even anilmals) do a double take or even stare when he walks by.

    My partner and I fell in love at first sight. We are complete opposites and when we met, we both weren't looking for anyone. It just happened.
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    Aug 28, 2007 1:26 AM GMT
    Jorel, good question. What attracted me at first meeting with the guy I mentioned in my story, B, was something that you might call energy.

    He has the body of a Greek god, but what struck me was how different he was. The way he moved was graceful, but like an animal.

    When he spoke he said only what needed to be said and went straight to the point without guile. The few times he tried to lie it was laughable. He was like the character of Billy Budd from Herman Melville's short story.

    What really drew me to him was that he was an adventurer extraordinare. He had driven on his motorcycle cross country, sleeping in fields along the way to get to school.

    His beauty got my attention but the way he moved through life captured me. I remember wanting him and wanting to be him, he was a great inspiration to be around. I always got a little dizzy around him. I guess this sort of gives in the process I went through in being drawn to him, it happened so fast.

    Other than that, guys I am drawn to seem to of course catch my eye for some physical reason, but then it is something about them that makes them unique that has to draw me in. For instance, they have to be passionate about something, see the world differently, and definitely an unassuming grace and humility gets me every time. That melts me.
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    Aug 28, 2007 1:43 AM GMT


    MA -

    Have you ever read Nietzsche? Specifically about der Sonnenkinder?

    One explanation.

    People of such 'Energy' have been recognised for centuries, and well documented.

    We have all met them.

    Rob
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    Aug 28, 2007 2:16 AM GMT
    Confirmation bias.

    When you're attracted to someone at first, and then it ends up they are boring or assholes, you write it off and forget about it.

    When you're attracted to someone at first, and you end up clicking, you imagine, "Wow!!!! I must have detected some kind of Energy!!!111"
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    Aug 28, 2007 3:17 AM GMT
    A wise friend once told me if you don't instantly click with someone it won't last.

    When I think about it all the friends I had that I have instantly bonded with I still have.

    All the ones i had to work to impress we have all parted ways.

    I think there is some truth to it but I wouldn't call it love at first sight. Esspecially in this day in age. I see alot of men that are good, but not good for me.

    So fellow friends, take note if you instantly click with someone hold tight that might be the one.
  • liftordie

    Posts: 823

    Aug 28, 2007 4:04 AM GMT
    i don't believe in love at first sight. lust at first sight...DEFINITELY!! heat is never to be discounted but it is not love. you cannot say you love someone until you have laughed with them, cried with them, held them while they are sick. only then cn the LOVE part really exist.
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    Aug 28, 2007 4:22 AM GMT
    That's a tall order for what love is liftordie.
    Yes, sometimes you just connect with someone right away, and there is something about them that appeals to you even though you don't know them -- you know though they are someone you WANT to know. Probably not love in a sense, but not lust either; definately a shared connection about life that should be pursued.

    There are also people that I have laughed and cried with, and we have supported eachother -- often in only brief times and short periods of knowing the person. At the time I would have done anything for them, but after going our separate ways I haven't really thought of them.
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    Aug 28, 2007 4:34 AM GMT
    werick said: "...Yes, sometimes you just connect with someone right away, and there is something about them that appeals to you even though you don't know them -- you know though they are someone you WANT to know...."

    That's exactly it. I have many people in my life for which I have lusted. I have many people in my life for which I have felt some affection, and desire for friendship.

    But there are only a very, very few for which (in terms of gay relationships) that the combinaiton of intellectual, psychological and physical attraction was so strong, that there was a quick connection, and sense of intimacy.

    Without exception, these have become my most intimate relationships with men.
  • bigguysf

    Posts: 329

    Aug 28, 2007 5:00 AM GMT
    Yeah, it might just be lust at first sight. But hopefully we all aren't so jaded on here that there isn't the slightest bit of an idealistic hope that maybe someone might meet in this way, and be totally happy.
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    Sep 11, 2007 9:26 PM GMT
    There definitely is lust at first sight, and what most people think of and what happens when you project what you want onto a hot stranger is that. But after that initial sighting as it grows into something more sometimes..

    The thing is I don’t think that love makes us blind (okay, maybe myopic). But I really believe that it allows us to see. We need love to have faith. And having faith in someone allows them to open up to us, we have the opportunity in moments to see them as best as human eyes can see the god within.

    With love I have faith, and with that faith I can see the person in front of me with less judgmentalism, more grace, fewer filters of fear, and a eye for hope, not in the future but now.

    Okay this is all sounding a little contrived. I just want to say that I believe that love is blind in some ways and a visionary seeing not the future but the now that is hidden, somehow the real one, in other ways. Love at first sight sometimes, muddled with projection, has this glimpse.
  • jrs1

    Posts: 4388

    Apr 06, 2010 5:38 AM GMT
    I've experienced it ... and it's amazing when other factors and mutual values come into play as well.