Explain to me what bars, clubs, and bathhouses are like.

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    Jan 05, 2013 5:24 AM GMT
    I'm only 20 so I can't really enter any of these. I don't think I'd ever really visit a club or bathhouse, but maybe a bar one day. However, after watching some gay themed movies I couldn't help but wonder what a real bar, club, or bathhouse is really like! (Weekend and Bear City if anyone is wondering)

    Bars: Are they usually just casual for the most part? I suppose it varies but what's your personal experience? I think it would be awesome to go, meet new friends, and just socialize, but part of me is afraid that it's nothing like that.
    Bonus question: Are there bars specifically catered towards bear-ish guys? If so I'm going immediately. icon_razz.gif

    Clubs: I picture a lot of dancing, sweating, and being uncomfortable. Honestly don't know if I could set foot in one.

    Bathhouses: Are these anything recreational or is it just mostly sex and STD's? Actually, you know what - I can't get naked in public anyway so it doesn't even matter. Don't want to poke someone's eye when I drop my towel HAHA! icon_lol.gif

    I'd like to hear your stories if you have them... and at least have a general idea of what they're like. Thanks!
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    Jan 05, 2013 5:29 AM GMT
    you are too cute right now!!!

    Yes, bars are mostly casual. They are just a nice chill laid back place to hang out with, sometimes they can get too crowded and load. And yes there are certain bars that cater to certain types of people. Look them up on the internet. Certain bars also have theme nights as well..

    Clubs- Pretty much what you said. I hate them...just too much dancing (I hate crowds) and fighting for drinks. And long lines in the bathroom where people are usually doing drugs (at least in my experience)

    Bathhouse- Never went to one and don't ever plan on it
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Jan 05, 2013 5:31 AM GMT
    The best bars have dance floors and bathhouses in them.
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    Jan 05, 2013 5:34 AM GMT
    RadRTT saidyou are too cute right now!!!

    Yes, bars are mostly casual. They are just a nice chill laid back place to hang out with, sometimes they can get too crowded and load. And yes there are certain bars that cater to certain types of people. Look them up on the internet. Certain bars also have theme nights as well..

    Clubs- Pretty much what you said. I hate them...just too much dancing (I hate crowds) and fighting for drinks. And long lines in the bathroom where people are usually doing drugs (at least in my experience)

    Bathhouse- Never went to one and don't ever plan on it


    Haha thanks, Rad! So awesome to hear that bars are casual. I'm extremely nervous about going to one, mostly because I still look 15, but on the other hand it'd be awesome to meet new people and I'm always down for socializing!

    We're alike on clubs for sure. Hate huge crowds of people. I just can't enjoy concerts because of that!

    HottJoe saidThe best bars have dance floors and bathhouses in them.


    Must be a huge bar...
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    Jan 05, 2013 5:37 AM GMT
    Bars are a great place to meet people. I dont usually cruise for people. I have made some awesome friends at bars...and I love to people watch. My favorite bar where I live has a outside area and a fire pit..So I just grab a beer and make talk around the fire pit...its awesome
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    Jan 05, 2013 5:40 AM GMT
    They have 18+ clubs and 18+ nights at regular clubs.
    And you only need to be 18 to get into the baths.
    Sometimes there are 18-25 only nights.

    Think of it as a field trip.

    Of course there are many different scenes for all three. So you will have to go to lots of them.
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    Jan 05, 2013 5:48 AM GMT
    Bars are very chilled out. People usually socialize with their own friends, who see another mutual friend with their crowd of friends and its just a really good time. Drinks are usually overpriced, but I would recommend casually drinking to enjoy yourself a bit more. Also, some bars have contests hosted by drag queens on certain nights. They're not bad, and I find I laugh more at them than with them but whatevz. Also, the crowd is much more mature at bars than at clubs and also way hotter. By mature I don't just mean bears, I mean good looking, mature guys. But lots of bears are these who usually hang with other bears, lmfao.

    Gay clubs are just a fucking mess and I regret it every time I go yet I will still probably go again. Music is always way too loud I find which makes it impossible to have a conversation while dancing without screaming at the top of yo damn lungs. Some guys get aggressive on the floor and one time some bitch grabbed my crotch on Halloween after I repeatedly made gestures to tell him I was NOT interested. I told him not to touch me and his sorry ass walked away in shame. Also, gay clubs usually have skinny twinks who take their shirts off and dance like sluts to Kylie remixes. Not my scene at all. I love me some Kylie but gurl, you look like a nasty, sweaty mess.

    I've always wanted to hit up a bathhouse out of curiosity but I am such a prude I probably never will. Because if some overweight troll tries to touch me I will lose my shit and I also hate the promiscuity of being at a bathhouse trolling for sex. Kinda enforces the stigma the gay community has. However, one day my curiosity will take over and I'll go with a friend, haha. By the way, ALWAYS go with a friend or a few friends to bars, clubs or bathhouses. Never go alone.

    I am the same age as you and this is what I have experienced (legal age is 19 in Canada). I am probably not even qualified to give my opinion on this as I haven't been that many times to give a true evaluation. But this is what I've experienced so far! Let us know how your experiences go when you decide to hit up the scene!
  • SomeSiciliano...

    Posts: 543

    Jan 05, 2013 3:59 PM GMT

    Bars: agree with all of the above. Meet people, socialize....mostly on a superficial level but it is what it is.

    Club: agree with above. I think its fun with a group of friends like 1-2 times a year..but thats it. Most 'gay' clubs here are essentially straight on weekends, so allot of the hot guys are with the chicky-chick twerking to a 25 minute trans-Sibering uber-thunderpuss remix of a Justin Bieber song.

    Baths: Hot in theory...gross in practice. Even if you dont 'do' anything you are still walking around in other peoples bodily fluids. Plus you will see things that can never be unseen.
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    Jan 05, 2013 4:04 PM GMT
    The line between bars and clubs is shades of gray. One bar might bring a DJ and play dance music later at night then a club might have a lounge floor where guys just go to drink and listen to piano song.

    Bath houses are great if you want NSA sex with no filter on the type of guy you get with.
  • ESL_Asian

    Posts: 176

    Jan 05, 2013 4:07 PM GMT
    One more question.
    Is beer the only drink of bar?
    I know it is a foolish question but I never go into the bar and don't drink beericon_redface.gif
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    Jan 05, 2013 4:12 PM GMT
    Bars - they're pretty chilled, low key and sociable, music is present, low enough some conversation can occur, sometimes a dance floor depending on the place.

    Great for just a social outing.

    There are Bars where Bears hang out - a lot of the bear community are just fat men with body hair and use the bear image as their ticket to acceptance there - if thats your thing you'll be in hog heaven.

    Clubs - usually full of people, sweaty and loud, music thumps and drinks cost the average monthly mortgage payment by the end of the night.

    Good fun - but you get tired of them pretty quick

    Bath houses - each is different, most have a hot tub / steam / dry sauna.

    You wear a towel most of the time, except when in the hot tub or showering.

    Men of all ages, colours and shapes will be present - being polite will help you get by - say no thanks before someone gets too close and you'll be fine.

    Usually a bath-house will have a cruising area, sometimes a maze, often areas where there are porn movies.

    You can wear flip-flops and avoid walking barefoot if you desire to - I dont think I've ever stepped on something I felt I needed to wash my foot to clean off.

    Being a young, attractive man, you will get a lot of attention - I would recommend you going with a friend the first time if you decide to go.
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    Jan 05, 2013 4:13 PM GMT
    ESL_Asian saidOne more question.
    Is beer the only drink of bar?
    I know it is a foolish question but I never go into the bar and don't drink beericon_redface.gif


    No, non-alcoholic drinks are available most places, along with spirits (vodka, whiskey, bourbon).
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Jan 05, 2013 4:16 PM GMT
    Dan_XI also hate the promiscuity of being at a bathhouse trolling for sex. Kinda enforces the stigma the gay community has. However, one day my curiosity will take over and I'll go with a friend, haha. By the way, ALWAYS go with a friend or a few friends to bars, clubs or bathhouses. Never go alone. 


    Haha, I'd troll a bathhouse with you anytime.icon_twisted.gif
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    Jan 05, 2013 4:20 PM GMT
    All of those places are for ppl to meet ppl, Like minded or indifferent... I've been to all and can say i've enjoyed and yawned the same.
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    Jan 05, 2013 4:21 PM GMT
    dan_x said

    I've always wanted to hit up a bathhouse out of curiosity but I am such a prude I probably never will. Because if some overweight troll tries to touch me I will lose my shit and I also hate the promiscuity of being at a bathhouse trolling for sex. Kinda enforces the stigma the gay community has. However, one day my curiosity will take over and I'll go with a friend, haha. By the way, ALWAYS go with a friend or a few friends to bars, clubs or bathhouses. Never go alone.


    Most people outside of the gay community have no idea about bath-houses, the stigma of promiscuity is probably deserved to a degree, having said that, the Straight community needs a stigma of promiscuity in their size too.

    If some overweight troll tries to touch you, politely say - "no thank you" or "please dont" and move its hand away. No need to lose your shit - remember - they're just as scared of you as you are of them.

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    Jan 05, 2013 4:23 PM GMT
    Bars: Most bars have a kind of theme to them. You'll find what I like to call "S&M bars" (Stand & Model) this is where everyone will be standing there trying to look the prettiest. When someone else walks in they will look them up and down and gauge how hot or ugly they think they are comparably to others. Pretentious as shit. Then there are also other bars where the majority of the people there are either Twink/bearish/leather/country/maybe a mix but same rules apply. If you arent into one of those things you probably wont have that much fun. You'll have to experience a bar before you can really decide if its a place you want to frequent.

    Clubs: Usually have a DJ spinning TOP FUCKING 40 remixes (not my thing). Most of the time people dont get on the dance floor til after they have had a few drinks.

    Bathhouses: NSA sex with a WIDE variety of people. I know TV makes it look like hot dudes go there all the time but that is a whole bunch of bullshit. Also location plays a huge part in who the participants are when it comes to bathhouses.

    All of these places you can socialize to some extent. Clubs might be a little more difficult with the thumpa thumpa going on. Bath houses, the main conversations would be what you're into.

    Make sure and take your I.D. I mean not everyone gets carded for condoms like you do icon_biggrin.gif
  • hawkeye7

    Posts: 565

    Jan 05, 2013 4:29 PM GMT
    those places are all what you make of them and what you take form them and learn form them.
    don't pass judgment because each is a major part of our history.....good and bad If it was not for the continental baths we would not have Bette Midler.
    Sadly, bathhouses also contributed to the early spread of AIDS.
    The Stonewall bar was where the modern gay right movement began and in the eighties the networking that evolved into a movement to fight AIDS began in Clubs and Bars. They have evolved over time like any other part of our life.
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    Jan 05, 2013 4:34 PM GMT
    Sticky.
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    Jan 05, 2013 4:35 PM GMT
    Bars are fun, but I usually go with friends and it's just an opportunity to drink, catch up, be social, and meet other friends.

    Clubs are for dancing. If you love to dance, it's going to be a lot of fun. You're much more likely to meet totally new people at a Club, b/c dancing unites everyone.

    No idea about a bath house, but I have a gay friend who went to a lot, and it sounds like a lot of random sex.
  • docbailey2005

    Posts: 362

    Jan 05, 2013 5:08 PM GMT
    Me personally i like bathhouses because they're straight and too the point. No lying, no games, and no selling yourself. If you vibe with a guy then you play with him. If trolls are present just like in a bar you'd tell them too get lost. While i agree bathhouses feed into negative stereotypes about gay men they're still necessary. So many men like i've read some of these post act like bathhouses are beneath them. Going to a bar and having a one night stand is no different. Just because you go to a bathhouse doesn't mean you have to sleep with everyone present. Some of the best and hottest bathhouses are found in Latin American and European countries. Go ahead and experience one if you don't like it don't go back. Gay bars are a dime a dozen and basically the same no matter the theme. Not too mention there are gay bars in every city that has a dark room where random sex is taking place.
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    Jan 05, 2013 5:11 PM GMT
    JumpMan_Josh saidI'm only 20 so I can't really enter any of these. I don't think I'd ever really visit a club or bathhouse, but maybe a bar one day.

    Bathhouses: Are these anything recreational or is it just mostly sex and STD's? Actually, you know what - I can't get naked in public anyway so it doesn't even matter. Don't want to poke someone's eye when I drop my towel HAHA! icon_lol.gif


    SC69 generally had it right.

    There is incredible variety in the baths. (I haven't been for many years, so some of this is based on memory). Probably the nicest ones are still ln europe (where they can be very fancy - they even have websites), and probably also Australia, per SC69. As a rule, there are various areas - steamroom/sauna/hottub/TV room - even some workout facilities. Most sex goes on in private rooms or steam rooms. Many have very dark areas (almost without light), where the anonymous groping goes on that DanX is afraid of encountering - not much different from the backrooms of bars (mostly in europe) - but you don't have to go into these areas. For the most part, a lot of cruising goes on before guys pair off.

    or is it just mostly sex and STD's? No more STDs than any other place one has sex, and probably less, since there are condoms everywhere, and frequent showering - you can take a guy into the shower before going to a room.

    ATC84 - sex with no filter on the type of guy you get with - That would happen only if that's what you want, like ATC84 does.


    Hotness - depends on the place. Some places used to (may still do?) discriminate on who got let in - if the guy at the door didn't think you were hot enough, he didn't let you in.

    Cleanliness - they are generally super clean - Can wear sandals etc, if concerned about dirty carpets.

    If traveling, a place to relax, sauna, hot tub, read the paper in a towel, in a gay environment surrounded by other men in towels - not too much total nudity in "public" areas of baths in the US.

    DaxX: "Never go alone." - from a guy who has never been. Ridiculous. It can be nice to go with a friend, so that you have someone to talk to built in, when you are not occupied, but you are not going to be raped, abducted or killed if you go by yourself, as most patrons do.

    hawkeye7: " If it was not for the Continental baths we would not have Bette Midler." Barry Manilow started there as well (not that I am a fan of his, but millions are).

    Meeting guys - Most guys are not there to get to know anyone - it's possible even to have fantasy sex without a word being spoken (and thus not destroy the fantasy when someone opens their mouth - to talk) and not such a bad idea if you speak different languages - but OTOH, I know of several gay couples who have been partners for many years that first met at the baths.

  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jan 05, 2013 5:56 PM GMT
    I would agree with some of your thoughts about bars and clubs... they can be fun, but are noisy.. especially clubs. Bars can be quiet holes in the wall, both have positives and negatives. I don't drink much and so when I go, it's mostly for a social thing.

    I view bathhouses differently, but I may be the same as you...as far as perception. Never have been in one.. and really have no real reason to be curious.
  • TheAlchemixt

    Posts: 2294

    Jan 05, 2013 6:00 PM GMT
    Whichever one you go to make sure you take a bath afterwards from all the seediness from which you will have seen.
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    Jan 05, 2013 6:25 PM GMT
    Puppenjunge saidYada yada


    Tough talk from a guy with no photos, unverified, and by your own admission stuck in your ways.

    I'll give the West Coast and Europe the benefit of the doubt but my experience here on the East Coast has been these establishments are mostly frequented by an older out of shape crowd.
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    Jan 05, 2013 6:31 PM GMT
    Bath houses sound gross,never been!!!

    I'd stick with the other two options,just watch your drink and be careful and safe and make good choices!