I have feelings for my hook-up buddy... Help Anyone?

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    Jan 05, 2013 6:02 AM GMT
    I am new to this site, so I'm not sure if this is the exact place to post this but anyways...icon_redface.gif

    I have a hook-up buddy who I never would have thought I would fall for but I was wrong! I don't want to just hook up with him, I want something more. He always wants me to spend the night to cuddle and "keep him warm"... he's very aloof about what he wants. So I decided to tell him how I feel.

    Before I was going to text him to meet up and tell him how I feel, the unexpected happened. My friend called me and told me that he seen him on grindr and he was talking to him and trying to get him to hook up. He told my friend he has a few **** buddies that he trusts (obviously he didn't know that my friend is my friend). So I was shocked, because he never told me he sleeps with other people.

    After that I was furious and knew it wasn't going to work. Then he texted me later to make plans for "fun". So then I straight up told him I am not a booty call in which he replied "I know your not". Then I told him that he makes me feel like I am and that I can't just sleep with him anymore because I have feelings for him. His reply?
    "Aww you like me? I'm a jerk though. I like u too though, you are a very cool guy". So i got confused and told him that it's obvious he just wants a **** buddy and not a LTR.

    NOW, this is the part where things start to get confusing. After he told me he was a Jerk, he goes on to say that I hurt his feelings and that he wouldnt have texted me if he didnt like me. He said it takes time for him to trust people to go to that level. He tells me that he didn't know I was into having a relationship and that he is open to one but that they can't just happen overnight. I told him he is right but if he did like me then he would atleast go on a date with me. Then he asked why I thought he wasnt into a relationship and then I told him about my friend and how he talked to him. Then he said oh okay he will leave me alone. I replied to that "Im not asking you to leave me alone. You have my number, if you truly like me you will agree to go on a date with me. That's all I got to say".

    So that's the last thing that happened. He didn't reply to that last message. I am SO CONFUSED because I don't know if he is trying to trick me so he can keep sleeping with me or if he really does kind of feel something for me but he just wants to keep seeing me a little longer before he figures out his feelings exactly. I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO. Here are the options im looking at:

    A. Man up, talk to him again and continue to do the FWB, and see if anything could happen
    B. Just never talk to him again unless he texts me to go on a date or if he just texts me in general

    I don;t know which to do. However, if I do A then I would be worried my feelings will grow more and our thing wouldn't go further than just hookups... I wish I can just do the NSA without getting feelings for someone, it is really annoying. If there is an option other than A and B that anyone thinks I should do, please help! icon_redface.gificon_exclaim.gificon_question.gificon_cry.gif
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    Jan 05, 2013 6:05 AM GMT
    oh o, your in trouble icon_neutral.gif
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    Jan 05, 2013 6:07 AM GMT
    scruffLA saidoh o, your in trouble icon_neutral.gif



    His name isnt Matty is it icon_lol.gif
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    Jan 05, 2013 6:08 AM GMT
    what do you mean I am in trouble? lmao, and no it's not, why? icon_question.gif
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    Jan 05, 2013 6:18 AM GMT
    blankpage saidwhat do you mean I am in trouble? lmao, and no it's not, why? icon_question.gif



    i had this happen to me once when i first moved to LA, you look a bit young, but when "feelings" start developing, somebodys going to get hurt unless its mutual.

    i picked B for your options, i wrote him an email about my feelings for him esp when it happens fast, he was UPSET to say the least, he couldnt understand why this benefical plutonic hook ups didnt make me happy, and after a few dates and sessions, i wanted more. Lesson learned, if your the one with feelings for the other and its not mutal, your gonna get hurt. What did he call it, oh yeah, "codependent", icon_lol.gif which im far from, if anything, im the opposite, very independant, We never spoke again after that.
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    Jan 05, 2013 6:30 AM GMT
    scruffLA said
    blankpage saidwhat do you mean I am in trouble? lmao, and no it's not, why? icon_question.gif



    i had this happen to me once when i first moved to LA, you look a bit young, but when "feelings" start developing, somebodys going to get hurt unless its mutual.

    i picked B for your options, i wrote him an email about my feelings for him esp when it happens fast, he was UPSET to say the least, he couldnt understand why this benefical plutonic hook ups didnt make me happy, and after a few dates and sessions, i wanted more. Lesson learned, if your the one with feelings for the other and its not mutal, your gonna get hurt. What did he call it, oh yeah, "codependent", icon_lol.gif which im far from, if anything, im the opposite, very independant, We never spoke again after that.



    did i say flamming queen upset icon_lol.gif proceed with caution on your decision
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    Jan 05, 2013 6:59 AM GMT
    Sorry for the problem you are in dude icon_sad.gif

    I would go on the "date" of his. If he apparently has all those fuck buddies, he would in no way invest time and money onto you if he can easily get sex from someone else.

    Think of it this way, if all he wanted was sex, he can call up any of the dudes he is in contact with. But if he's willing to go on a date with you, invest extra time and money with you, it means you are special to him somehow, that you are above his other tricks. It means that he feels some emotion for you.

    Keep in mind that this "emotion" may never become more than just sex. Don't demand a relationship with him, and if you do, make sure you discuss the terms (open relationship, partner play, etc.) as it seems he loves the sex. You might disappoint yourself if you demand fidelity from him. Some men will always have fidelity issues.
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    Jan 05, 2013 7:05 AM GMT
    Well he hasn't asked me out on a date. He says that he "likes me" and that it takes time for him to open up, get in a relationship, etc. so I told him if you really do like me then you would ask me out on a date. Idk, like I said he is hard to understand.
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    Jan 05, 2013 4:35 PM GMT
    Where to add my two cents first....

    Your post began by calling him your hookup buddy which means there at some point was an understanding correct?

    Somewhere along the way between swapping spit, the wet spot on the bed and the door hitting someone in the ass on the way out, you changed speed and forgot to mention it to the hookup buddy, until a friend tries to move in on your peice of ass (another issue)

    What makes a lot of guys assholes about sex is they can separate sex and feelings... You can not.

    A hookup buddy is a bootycall...really it is. Fwb is a lil more.

    He told u who he was... Believe him.
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    Jan 05, 2013 6:01 PM GMT
    Hillie saidWhere to add my two cents first....

    Your post began by calling him your hookup buddy which means there at some point was an understanding correct?

    Somewhere along the way between swapping spit, the wet spot on the bed and the door hitting someone in the ass on the way out, you changed speed and forgot to mention it to the hookup buddy, until a friend tries to move in on your peice of ass (another issue)

    What makes a lot of guys assholes about sex is they can separate sex and feelings... You can not.

    A hookup buddy is a bootycall...really it is. Fwb is a lil more.

    He told u who he was... Believe him.


    There really was never a convo or verbal contract that said we were strictly booty calls or hook-up buddies, I just kind of assumed it by the series of events that were happening. And my friend did not try to move in on him lmao, he was testing him by doing me a favor! And yea I guess he did call himself a jerk :/ But idk i would have never thought he would say that about himself... idk if he was being sarcastic though because of his follow up texts to that