How soon do you get over a break-up?

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  Jan 05, 2013 2:59 PM GMT

  My 3 year relationship ended over 6months ago and its being so hard to let go and move on, i dont even enjoy casual hook ups and one night stands anymore....im no longer in love but i dont know whats wrong, is this normal or is there a break up formula.
  How soon did you get over your ex?

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  Jan 05, 2013 5:34 PM GMT

  It's hard man, especially if you were a really good match. You become part of of each other and realize how much better you were with a partner in crime than without. I think its even harder if you remain friends with them because you teeter ever so close to being back together or completely damaging each other.
  
  It's really important to build friendships with other people and invest in your current friendships when you're in a relationship so that you have a balanced "ecosystem" - as they now call it. If you're there for other people, they will often be there for you when you need them during those tough times like a break up.

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• TheAlchemixt
  
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  Jan 05, 2013 6:03 PM GMT

  It's normal just give it some more time, 3 years is a long time to have been seeing someone. Do activities to occupy your mind in the meantime.

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  Jan 05, 2013 6:10 PM GMT

  I'm sorry man, but sometimes the best way t get over ur previous relationship is getting into another one?.... or at least start dating again. . .
  
  Wish there was something I could say that would make it better.

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  Jan 05, 2013 6:10 PM GMT

  Several months

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  Jan 05, 2013 6:13 PM GMT

  I met up with a guy a few nights ago who had broken up with his bf less than a week prior. He was very cute and we were making out in my bed. Then when the pants came off I noticed he was distracted and then said that it was too soon, kinda flipped out, then left. I felt really bad for him, but I'm also relieved that I wasn't the reason!
  Apparently gay men just can't sex off past relationships.

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  Jan 05, 2013 6:19 PM GMT

  Everyone recovers from a breakup at different paces, there is no point beating yourself up because you are not sticking to a schedule.
  So as long as you are moving forward you're fine.

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  Jan 05, 2013 6:27 PM GMT

  I feel for you Amarula, sometimes they can take alot longer to get over than you would like but thats just because you have a heart My advice would be spend time with friends and have fun doing things you like to do. Take your time and in a bit you will be back to your good old self libido and all. My last breakup (3.5 years together) stuck with me for a year before I got over it but trust me you will find another guy.

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  Jan 05, 2013 6:28 PM GMT

  You can only know when you are over it, no one can tell you your time frame of recovery.

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  Jan 05, 2013 6:30 PM GMT

  It can be hard!
  
  My first ex was a brilliant and sensitive person, helped me accept myself and come out. My second ex was an absolute angel, always there for me, including when my mother passed away early in our relationship.
  
  I'd be lying if I said there isn't a part of my heart devoted to each of them.
  But you hurt yourself even more by not accepting reality and moving forward with your life.
  
  Keep walking, smiling, being the best version of you that you can be. And someday, the right person will come into (or re-enter!) your life.
  
  Hugs to the OP
  

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  Jan 05, 2013 7:02 PM GMT

  When you LOVE someone, you never get over them. Ever. But you move on eventually.

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  Jan 05, 2013 7:47 PM GMT

  Different for anyone! Me took a year each in my monogamous ones

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  Jan 05, 2013 7:50 PM GMT

  Different for anyone! Me took a year each in my monogamous ones

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• wild_sky360
  
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  Jan 05, 2013 8:19 PM GMT

  I still have strong loving feelings for the men, but not necessarily the relationships from decades ago.
  
  Though it may be both of your honest intentions, rare is the relationship that stands the test of time...til death do us part. Accept that fact and you free yourself to simply enjoy the mutual love with a man who, like yourself, is less than perfect.
  
  Acknowledge that love, regardless of how things ended, and you can keep it forever and still move on.
  
  

  Import saidI'm sorry man, but sometimes the best way t get over ur previous relationship is getting into another one?.... or at least start dating again. . .
  

  
  
  I agree here. Go on some dates as a pure exercise. Even casting the flakes aside, be warned that more than a few of the contenders are going to make you long for what you're missing. But don't get stuck there. A few of the others are going to excite and inspire you. Those may not go beyond first dates but they're at least going to turn the page for you. You'll see possibilities for the next chapter to be as good, or even better than the last.
  
  I'm sorry you're hurting right now.
  peace
  
  

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  Jan 05, 2013 8:22 PM GMT

  Amarula saidMy 3 year relationship ended over 6months ago and its being so hard to let go and move on, i dont even enjoy casual hook ups and one night stands anymore....im no longer in love but i dont know whats wrong, is this normal or is there a break up formula.
  How soon did you get over your ex?

  
  
  there is no specific time that someone gets over a relationship....some people go years longing for what they had, some move on after weeks to a month. It depends on how you live your life. My mom said that distractions in life usually helps you to move on. If you live your life without distractions then you will forever be reminded of the ex...

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• wellwell
  
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  Jan 05, 2013 8:26 PM GMT

  I don't fall out of Love; so really, never.

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  Jan 06, 2013 4:22 AM GMT

  Subjective since it depends on the guy. I'll give you some examples of the guys I've been with:
  
  1. The Disney Cast Member - first relationship. It took me a year to get over him and today, we are still good friends.
  2. The Wall Street Banker - I connected with him the most. Took 3 years and to this day, I still think about him.
  3. The Ginger - I didn't connect with him. Took me an entire weekend to get over him.
  4. The Medical Doctor - Took me a year but would have taken longer. I finally realized how needy he was and I wasn't having it!
  
  You will get over your ex but there's no set timeframe! Hang in there and stay strong!

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  Jan 06, 2013 4:29 AM GMT

  if i break it off. . . a few weeks before it happened.
  
  if i dont break it off. . . much longer haha

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• AMoonHawk
  
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  Jan 06, 2013 4:34 AM GMT

  well before I broke up .... that's what the break up happened

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  Jan 06, 2013 4:36 AM GMT

  Amarula saidHow soon did you get over your ex?

  As long as it took to get my stuff moved out.

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  Jan 06, 2013 4:37 AM GMT

  Everyone is different. Some people can get over bad breakups within days or months. You'll just have to find something that you enjoy and just do it. There has to be something that makes you smile.

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  Jan 06, 2013 4:52 AM GMT

  TheGuyNextDoor saidThey say, normally it takes as long as you were in a relationship to actually get over it and move on emotionally.
  I found that to be correct when I was 22. Curious if it would be the same equation at my age now.
  1 yr. and it was tough as fuck. That said.. when I moved on.. it was a beautiful thing.
  I'll always carry a slightly lit torch in my heart for my first real love.
  I have found a much deeper love in my current man. He's truly the "Love of my Life"!
  Till death do us part on this one.
  OP.. you'll find that too one day. Just remember.. your previous man was not the right one.
  A little advice to the OP.. never marry a man for his money or his looks. Always for his heart. It's what last longest and is the most important!

  
  
  +1
  
  I said goodbye to a 15 year old relationship,.. It was by far the most difficult thing I had to do. When you realize that you can't deal with the lies and deceit,
  You have to decide what's right for you. I'll always have a spot in my heart for him but its been 6 months and I still find it tough,.. I still think about him every day but the important thing is that I'm moving forward.
  I hope you find peace OP and realize that he just wasn't the one.
  

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  Jan 06, 2013 5:46 AM GMT

  The acceptable mourning period is one month per year of togetherness not to exceed one year, so if you were a couple for five years, for example, you're allowed five months to [sulk, moan, bitch, groan, whine, sob, obsess, etc.], if you made it 10 years, take 10 months; 12 or more years, you get one solid year of misery and then you're cut off. If you must exceed these time frames then you need to keep it to yourself because your friends won't want to hear about it any longer.

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• TroyAthlete
  
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  Jan 06, 2013 5:49 AM GMT

  huhwhat saidWhen you LOVE someone, you never get over them. Ever. But you move on eventually.

  
  
  This.

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  Jan 06, 2013 6:21 AM GMT

  I think the formula is 1 - 3 days for each month you were together. So if you're together a month, get over him in 1 - 3 days. If you were with him a year, get over him in 12 - 36 days. If you were with him 15 years, that's 6 months to a year and a half.
  

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