Can Gays Be Friends : If they are both single

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 05, 2013 10:02 PM GMT
    I am having an overthinking day where I wonder about alot and this is some food for though.

    They say men and women cannot be friends because there is often an attraction there.And that if those two people arent getting their physical and emotional needs from another person than most likely feelings will develop between the two.

    Now I want to post this question. Think of all the gay friends you have, have you ever had one that you werent attracted to.

    And if you were attracted to them but they are not to you, either because they have someone, or just dont see you that way, then can you even say you are really there friend?

    Picking friends comes from some sort of attraction, maybe not sexual but some sort of attraction, is it possible that it could become more.

    Could this be one of the many reasons gay men and straight women tend to have the best friendships?

    Thoughts?
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    Jan 05, 2013 10:32 PM GMT
    Can Gays Be Friends : If they are both single

    Of course they can. I had many gay friends when I was single, and have many gay friends now that I am partnered.

    A gay friend is a friend. I don't feel compelled to rip his clothes off, just because he's gay.

    He's my FRIEND. He may or may not interest me sexually. And likewise him for me.

    Yah know, life is very simple, if only you know how to let it be. I like to keep things simple.

    If I like a guy, I let him know it. He may be a friend or not, it really doesn't matter. I like him.

    And if he likes me I hope he'll tell me. A simple formula that's worked for me. Anything more is just confusing the issue.
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Jan 05, 2013 10:34 PM GMT
    Yes, as long as you don't feed them after midnight, or let them get wet.
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    Jan 05, 2013 10:35 PM GMT
    The first gay person I ever met and became friends with I had absolutely no attraction for, yet we got along really well and had a lot in common.

    I've never actually had any gay friends I've been attracted to. My issues are always with Gay/Straight friendships. For whatever reason, my straight friends have always been more attractive to me than my gay friends.

    On that note, my current 2 best friendships are with a straight guy and a straight girl. And I've had a massive crush on my straight guy friend for years. He knows it, has been very understanding/supportive, and our friendship is even stronger now. He even gets jealous of my other straight friends, and says, "Hey, I'm your true crush, you know it!"

    I wish all straight guys were so understanding.
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    Jan 05, 2013 10:47 PM GMT
    I know lot of straight guys who view friendships with girls like a game.

    Some guys view friendships like just another level, strangers -> acquaintance -> friends -> laid. I'm not kidding you, some guys use the word friendzone to describe the situation when a girl only wants be friends and the guy is bound to that "zone."

    I imagine that if people like this exist in the straight world, people like this in the gay world exist also.

    The blog I linked to is a bit blah, but, it shows how many assholes are out there.

    http://niceguysofokc.tumblr.com/
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    Jan 05, 2013 11:04 PM GMT
    HottJoe saidYes, as long as you don't feed them after midnight, or let them get wet.


    Oh hott joe what am I going to do with you...

    I mean after all the dirty perverted stuff...icon_twisted.gif
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    Jan 05, 2013 11:15 PM GMT
    JamieJfromtheA said
    HottJoe saidYes, as long as you don't feed them after midnight, or let them get wet.


    Oh hott joe what am I going to do with you...

    I mean after all the dirty perverted stuff...icon_twisted.gif


    HottJoe made a reference to the movie Gremlins (or so I think that's what he's talking about). icon_smile.gif

    One of my gay best friends and I were in the position you mentioned in your original post where he was attracted to me but I wasn't to him. We talked about it and we decided to become best friends. Can we find a relationship deeper than our friendship, absolutely but we have gotten to know each other so well that we're practically brothers so it would be taboo for us to get into a relationship. Now, he's in a relationship with another guy and I couldn't be more happy for him. We're glad to be each other's support system!
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    Jan 05, 2013 11:16 PM GMT
    HottJoe saidYes, as long as you don't feed them after midnight, or let them get wet.
    That just made me wet.
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    Jan 05, 2013 11:22 PM GMT
    Erik101 said
    JamieJfromtheA said
    HottJoe saidYes, as long as you don't feed them after midnight, or let them get wet.


    Oh hott joe what am I going to do with you...

    I mean after all the dirty perverted stuff...icon_twisted.gif


    HottJoe made a reference to the movie Gremlins (or so I think that's what he's talking about). icon_smile.gif

    One of my gay best friends and I were in the position you mentioned in your original post where he was attracted to me but I wasn't to him. We talked about it and we decided to become best friends. Can we find a relationship deeper than our friendship, absolutely but we have gotten to know each other so well that we're practically brothers so it would be taboo for us to get into a relationship. Now, he's in a relationship with another guy and I couldn't be more happy for him. We're glad to be each other's support system!


    but heres the thing, you ever thought that maybe his feelings for you didnt go away, but since you werent interested that he decided he rather have you in his life than not at all so he just dealt with it.

    That happens too...I wonder what would happen if you told him you liked him now. He may just drop the guy hes with for you.

    Not saying this is the case, I dont know your friend, he could be over it, but I think once you care about someone and you get even closer the feelings would always be there...

    but I also believe after a while of knowing something is useless and unattainable you just let it go.

    so hmm...
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    Jan 05, 2013 11:23 PM GMT



  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 05, 2013 11:30 PM GMT
    Fiyero27 said "Hey, I'm your true crush, you know it!"


    Lovely!

    I have some straight friends too.
    I enjoy dancing with them in bars.
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    Jan 05, 2013 11:30 PM GMT
    JamieJfromtheA said
    Erik101 said
    JamieJfromtheA said
    HottJoe saidYes, as long as you don't feed them after midnight, or let them get wet.


    Oh hott joe what am I going to do with you...

    I mean after all the dirty perverted stuff...icon_twisted.gif


    HottJoe made a reference to the movie Gremlins (or so I think that's what he's talking about). icon_smile.gif

    One of my gay best friends and I were in the position you mentioned in your original post where he was attracted to me but I wasn't to him. We talked about it and we decided to become best friends. Can we find a relationship deeper than our friendship, absolutely but we have gotten to know each other so well that we're practically brothers so it would be taboo for us to get into a relationship. Now, he's in a relationship with another guy and I couldn't be more happy for him. We're glad to be each other's support system!


    but heres the thing, you ever thought that maybe his feelings for you didnt go away, but since you werent interested that he decided he rather have you in his life than not at all so he just dealt with it.

    That happens too...I wonder what would happen if you told him you liked him now. He may just drop the guy hes with for you.

    Not saying this is the case, I dont know your friend, he could be over it, but I think once you care about someone and you get even closer the feelings would always be there...

    but I also believe after a while of knowing something is useless and unattainable you just let it go.

    so hmm...


    Yes, there is a distinct possibility that he may still like me but our friendship has become so strong that he's not the type of guy who will put that in jeopardy. I think deep down in our minds, if we started a relationship, it would change our friendship. I sincerely think he doesn't believe a relationship is useless and unattainable because our friendship compensates for them.
  • MikeW

    Posts: 6061

    Jan 05, 2013 11:37 PM GMT
    Yes.

    I have quite a few single gay friends. I mean, like friends for over a quarter century.

    Some of them have, at times, been FWB but that was long ago. I've been celibate for over a decade.
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    Jan 05, 2013 11:44 PM GMT
    GregJorn saidI know lot of straight guys who view friendships with girls like a game.

    Some guys view friendships like just another level, strangers -> acquaintance -> friends -> laid. I'm not kidding you, some guys use the word friendzone to describe the situation when a girl only wants be friends and the guy is bound to that "zone."

    I imagine that if people like this exist in the straight world, people like this in the gay world exist also.

    The blog I linked to is a bit blah, but, it shows how many assholes are out there.

    http://niceguysofokc.tumblr.com/


    That nice guys of ok cupid is funny, the way they think they are entitled to a hot girl because they are "nice".

    But, they should have an equivalent for women, like "entitled princesses of okc" or something
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Jan 06, 2013 12:04 AM GMT
    JamieJfromtheA saidI am having an overthinking day where I wonder about alot and this is some food for though.

    They say men and women cannot be friends because there is often an attraction there.And that if those two people arent getting their physical and emotional needs from another person than most likely feelings will develop between the two.

    Now I want to post this question. Think of all the gay friends you have, have you ever had one that you werent attracted to.

    And if you were attracted to them but they are not to you, either because they have someone, or just dont see you that way, then can you even say you are really there friend?

    Picking friends comes from some sort of attraction, maybe not sexual but some sort of attraction, is it possible that it could become more.

    Could this be one of the many reasons gay men and straight women tend to have the best friendships?

    Thoughts?
    yes they can.
  • Kel_

    Posts: 1360

    Jan 06, 2013 12:15 AM GMT
    They can't, just like a normal matter and anti-matter will cease to exist if they ever get in contact with one another.
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    Jan 06, 2013 12:18 AM GMT
    GregJorn saidSome guys view friendships like just another level, strangers -> acquaintance -> friends -> laid. I'm not kidding you, some guys use the word friendzone to describe the situation when a girl only wants be friends and the guy is bound to that "zone."


    Here in Brazil we have a name for a similar situation: "cuzinho doce" (sweet asshole) which sounds very much like "cozinho doce" (sweet recipe). It means the person didn't like you (often physically) and is too afraid to reject you, so he or she leaves you in a state of perpetual courtship or friendship, never fully accepting or denying your advances.
  • Montague

    Posts: 5205

    Jan 06, 2013 12:23 AM GMT


    Unless your online screen name is "Trollileo," because then everyone will want to sleep with you!
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    Jan 06, 2013 12:27 AM GMT
    bus9ja2d said
    That nice guys of ok cupid is funny, the way they think they are entitled to a hot girl because they are "nice".

    But, they should have an equivalent for women, like "entitled princesses of okc" or something

    A site named like that could have guys too >_>
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 06, 2013 12:30 AM GMT
    I have literally one close gay friend. We are both single. He's not my type, I'm not his type. I love him like I love my straight friends.
  • westdave

    Posts: 212

    Jan 06, 2013 12:32 AM GMT
    JamieJfromtheA saidI am having an overthinking day where I wonder about alot and this is some food for though.

    They say men and women cannot be friends because there is often an attraction there.And that if those two people arent getting their physical and emotional needs from another person than most likely feelings will develop between the two.

    Now I want to post this question. Think of all the gay friends you have, have you ever had one that you werent attracted to.

    And if you were attracted to them but they are not to you, either because they have someone, or just dont see you that way, then can you even say you are really there friend?

    Picking friends comes from some sort of attraction, maybe not sexual but some sort of attraction, is it possible that it could become more.

    Could this be one of the many reasons gay men and straight women tend to have the best friendships?

    Thoughts?


    Yes....single gay men can be friends. I have a number of gay single friends...it's just a different approach.
  • Montague

    Posts: 5205

    Jan 06, 2013 1:09 AM GMT
    Trollileo said
    Montague saidUnless your online screen name is "Trollileo," because then everyone will want to sleep with you!
    This is not true. I can think of at least six people who don't want this.


    The fools!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 06, 2013 1:16 AM GMT
    YES they can.

    Some of the deepest most fulfilling friendships EVER.
  • TheBizMan

    Posts: 4091

    Jan 06, 2013 1:20 AM GMT
    Recruiting all gay frandzicon_exclaim.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 06, 2013 1:22 AM GMT
    Don't be offended, but what an odd question.

    My reply is yes; with or without benefits.