Rock and a hard place

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 06, 2013 1:47 AM GMT
    So there is this guy that I have been friends with for a couple months now, and we have gotten fairly close,( by that I mean he knows more about me than pretty much anyone else). I have really grown to like him, he makes me laugh and smile like nobody else, and is pretty much everything I am looking for in a guy. Anyway, the problem is I don't know if he feels the same. I feel like he drops hints to me all the time, and talks to me as tho he does. I don't know if he is just playing with me, or actually likes me. I don't want to ruin the friendship by asking him, so I guess I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place.
  • MidwesternKid

    Posts: 1167

    Jan 06, 2013 1:56 AM GMT
    Ask him. Be up front about what you want to know. Only way to find out. Communication is healthy and is much better than playing a guessing game.
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    Jan 06, 2013 1:57 AM GMT
    You'll never know until you ask. Just be prepared to remain friends if the feelings aren't mutual.
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    Jan 06, 2013 1:58 AM GMT
    CuriousOne saidYou'll never know until you ask. Just be prepared to remain friends if the feelings aren't mutual.


    This
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 06, 2013 2:02 AM GMT
    Life's what you make out of it. So if you like him just ask him out formally on a date.
    It's better to know up front everything, than guessing.

    Keep%20Calm%20And%20Grow%20A%20Pair_medi
  • TheAlchemixt

    Posts: 2294

    Jan 06, 2013 2:04 AM GMT
    MidwesternKid saidAsk him. Be up front about what you want to know. Only way to find out. Communication is healthy and is much better than playing a guessing game.


    +1 This is good advice.
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    Jan 06, 2013 2:04 AM GMT
    Awww, what a very sweet problem to have. Young Love!!
  • mybud

    Posts: 11837

    Jan 06, 2013 3:01 AM GMT
    Your relationship is at a stand still...ASK...If he wants to remain friends nothing is lost...He freaks and doesn't talk to ya again...He wasn't as good as a friend as you thought...Growth a pair....Follow through.
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    Jan 06, 2013 3:36 AM GMT
    Last time I was between a rock and a hard place, I stepped over both.
  • TroyAthlete

    Posts: 4269

    Jan 06, 2013 3:47 AM GMT
    If you have to ask, the answer is no.
  • TroyAthlete

    Posts: 4269

    Jan 06, 2013 3:48 AM GMT
    If you're asking other people instead of him, the answer is "he's not that into you."
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    Jan 06, 2013 3:49 AM GMT
    TroyAthlete saidIf you have to ask, the answer is no.
    Why?
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    Jan 06, 2013 3:57 AM GMT
    I went through something very similar my freshman year of college. Don't act our of fear - you may miss out on something really special by trying to protect your friendship.

    Don't be this guy:

    a-hard-place.gif

    Now go get'em!
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    Jan 06, 2013 3:58 AM GMT
    I was in the exact same situation not to long ago. The guy I liked (actually still like) was perfect--everything I wanted. I agonized over it for sooooo long. Trying to read into what he said and did or didn't do, thinking about it every night before I went to sleep...

    Finally I told him how I felt. Said "______, I have had a huge crush on you since I met you and it's only grown since then."

    Here's the actual journal entry I wrote after talking to him.

    I sent a message to ______ tonight so that I would at least know where he stood on this whole thing. He is not gay and apparently I'm the second gay guy to hit on him in a week. I am way more sad than I anticipated. I really want a relationship with a guy like him. Smart, funny, tall, handsome, sharp, fit, all kinds of good stuff. I was actually thinking about how we would make it work with him being in Portland for so long. I was looking forward to it. God damn it. I don't want to do anything now but I can't start being lazy or unmotivated right now. Where am I going to find another guy that is like the guy I thought ______ was?
    Tomorrow I am going to be quiet for sure. Not by choice so much but because right now I can't really think of much worth saying. What a bummer.


    Telling him could suck a lot, no doubt there. Are you more worried about the potential negative then you are motivated by the potential positives? Are you "running away" from how it could hurt? Or running towards the greatness at the finish line?

    -Joey
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    Jan 06, 2013 4:01 AM GMT
    flyer2016 saidSo there is this guy that I have been friends with for a couple months now, and we have gotten fairly close,( by that I mean he knows more about me than pretty much anyone else). I have really grown to like him, he makes me laugh and smile like nobody else, and is pretty much everything I am looking for in a guy. Anyway, the problem is I don't know if he feels the same. I feel like he drops hints to me all the time, and talks to me as tho he does. I don't know if he is just playing with me, or actually likes me. I don't want to ruin the friendship by asking him, so I guess I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place.

    You don't say if he's gay. Straight men can be very close to each other, without any sexual interest. I saw it all the time in the Army. Buddy relationships can be very intimate, without any kind of sexual overtones, which is normal among men.

    Is he gay, and does he know that you are gay? If he's not gay then I wouldn't broach the subject, and possibly ruin a good relationship. Friends can be good guys together, without being good gays together.
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    Jan 06, 2013 4:04 AM GMT
    If you're worried about ruining a friendship because you're being open and honest, then being friends with him was never meant to be. A true friend will stick by your side regardless of the outcome of your relationship.
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    Jan 06, 2013 4:29 AM GMT
    Having a best friend, one who knows you and cares about you and isn't your lover, is a fantastic thing.

    Do you want him to be your lover or are you asking because you think it makes sense since he knows you so well?

    If you want to take things further, then ask him where he stands. If he really does know you the way you say, he'll understand the question and answer honestly.

    Be prepared for some awkwardness if he's not into you that way BUT you're head-over-heals for him because that will make him uncomfortable.

    Trust him to be the friend he's been all along. Hope for the best. Be ready to maintain the status quo.

    You're honestly in a win-win situation. Either you get a great friend, or a lover who knows you.

    Do let us know how it turns out.
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    Jan 06, 2013 4:32 AM GMT
    First off, this is not about "growing a pair". If you guys are friends there is probably a lot more at stake than just asking a random guy on a date. Some people are weird once they know you like them while others feel pressured or feel like the relationship turned heavy.

    Ask him what types of guys he's into and if he is interested in anyone right now and see how that conversation goes. If it feels right, just ask if he thinks that you two would ever date now or in the future. Don't put all your eggs in his basket in the meantime. Go out on a date and let him know about it and see how he reacts and tell him about the date afterwards. That's what friends do. If he gets weird about it you can joke around and ask if he's getting jealous. Have fun with it and keep it light. Even if he digs you a little, a dramatic confession of your love for him might be more than he can handle.
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    Jan 06, 2013 5:38 AM GMT
    Myol saidFirst off, this is not about "growing a pair". If you guys are friends there is probably a lot more at stake than just asking a random guy on a date. Some people are weird once they know you like them while others feel pressured or feel like the relationship turned heavy.

    Ask him what types of guys he's into and if he is interested in anyone right now and see how that conversation goes. If it feels right, just ask if he thinks that you two would ever date now or in the future. Don't put all your eggs in his basket in the meantime. Go out on a date and let him know about it and see how he reacts and tell him about the date afterwards. That's what friends do. If he gets weird about it you can joke around and ask if he's getting jealous. Have fun with it and keep it light. Even if he digs you a little, a dramatic confession of your love for him might be more than he can handle.


    EXACTLY.
  • jake2016

    Posts: 7

    Jan 09, 2013 9:52 PM GMT
    This sounds all to familiar, very familiar. Keep in mind you could risk a great friendship by saying something to him. I would say just keep hanging out and talking to him and see where things go. If he really wants something to happen, he will I'd think get tired of waiting and make a move. If something is meant to happen it will. It might be hard, but have patients. Good things happen to those to wait. Some of the strongest relationships have taken months. Hang in there!! I hope he does come to his senses and makes the first move. Good luck!