desperate enough to consider ex

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 06, 2013 2:03 AM GMT
    I broke up with an incredibly hot guy six months ago because I couldn't accept his values and didn't think a long term relationship could happen as a result (we were together for 8 months). We're still close friends, and from our interactions I know he'd take me back if I let him, except that I'm not interested.

    Except I have needs, uh sexually lol, and they haven't been met in those 6 months, since I never found another guy as hot who is interested... so much so that now I'm actually thinking of getting back with him...

    Anyone with advice/comments/experiences with downgrades from BF to FWBs?
  • whytehot

    Posts: 1167

    Jan 06, 2013 2:13 AM GMT
    hold out for better. What if the right guy comes along, and you're too distracted having love-less sex with an "incredibly hot ex"...
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    Jan 06, 2013 2:18 AM GMT
    whytehot saidhold out for better. What if the right guy comes along, and you're too distracted having love-less sex with an "incredibly hot ex"...

    Stop that true love bs

    Get back together with the Ex and keep looking. Once you find someone better, you can drop your ex. icon_twisted.gif
  • whytehot

    Posts: 1167

    Jan 06, 2013 2:29 AM GMT
    That's why everyone thinks gays are all promiscuous whores.
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    Jan 06, 2013 2:31 AM GMT
    whytehot saidThat's why everyone thinks gays are all promiscuous whores.


    Some people just can't take a compliment
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    Jan 06, 2013 2:44 AM GMT
    whytehot saidhold out for better. What if the right guy comes along, and you're too distracted having love-less sex with an "incredibly hot ex"...


    I'm also getting a bit jaded, because for a long time I thought my ex was the "right guy". It could happen with the next guy and the one after that... maybe I should just settle for hotness lol...
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    Jan 09, 2013 1:07 PM GMT
    settling for hotness...is still settling. you obviously want more.
  • Laurence

    Posts: 942

    Jan 09, 2013 1:25 PM GMT
    I agree with bhp.

    Get back with him for the sex.

    If you're upfront and say you're still not 100% sure, then you've forwarned him that you might move on eventually.

    Quick question - what were his values you couldn't accept?

    Loz
  • Road89

    Posts: 104

    Jan 09, 2013 1:25 PM GMT
    I have done this and it doesn't work - it just makes the relationship worse. You think you can do it, and it's easy to just go back but, you broke up for a reason. If you do get back together and nither of you have changed enough to try again, then you are going to it that same plateau and you are going to be in a crappy spot. This coming from someone that can go years without a bf (just because I am not in a situation for guys that are going to play games). I am not you, and my opinion should hold no power over your choice - BUT - as a word of experience and hopefully something that can help, just wait for better, because it will come. Some great fantastic guy will show up out of the blue just when you think you can wait no more. Just don't get caught up in the idea of having a bf. find a hobby, a healthy, positive hobby like...painting or drawing, or music. Guitar isn't hard to learn and you can get a cheap one for 70$. Just suggestion from one brother to another =D Be well!
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    Jan 09, 2013 1:27 PM GMT
    Have you been actively going out/meeting guys or have you been sitting in a corner hoping someone would hit on you?
  • Road89

    Posts: 104

    Jan 09, 2013 1:32 PM GMT
    Sex is over rated btw. I'm sooooooooo sick of gays being seen as promiscuous animals. Yes we are guys and most guys have a strong sex drive, libido but, must we give into it so much??? You tell him to go back for the sex, what kind of message does that send out? What are you turning the younger generation into? You want breeders to accept us as equals to them and dating for sex is what you encourage??? Dude, what ever you do, don't go back for the sex - I will say that for sure. Just take to heart what everyone is telling you, make your own choice, but don't go back for just the sex. Be one of the few that take being different (gay) seriously. Some of us are tired of being typecasted because of the foolish choice that are made by the general population of our demographic.
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Jan 09, 2013 1:37 PM GMT
    all sorts of red flags up in here for the both of you...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 09, 2013 1:41 PM GMT
    When youre in need, your hand, lubricant and porn is your best buddies and never let you down ;)
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Jan 09, 2013 1:41 PM GMT
    Just wait until you're a little older. You get to the point where you're so desperate he doesn't even have to be an ex--a current bf will do.icon_eek.gificon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 09, 2013 2:15 PM GMT
    You clearly want to have sex with him, so what's stopping you? That's the REAL question you should be asking in this thread - is my reason for not doing it good enough/sane enough/rational enough to deny myself what I really want.

    icon_neutral.gif
  • Delivis

    Posts: 2332

    Jan 09, 2013 2:29 PM GMT
    Google masturbation
  • stratavos

    Posts: 1831

    Jan 09, 2013 2:39 PM GMT
    you know you could try being an adult about it and ask him about a friends with benefits or fuck buddies kind of arrangement...just saying ;)
  • Medjai

    Posts: 2671

    Jan 09, 2013 3:09 PM GMT
    stratavos saidyou know you could try being an adult about it and ask him about a friends with benefits or fuck buddies kind of arrangement...just saying ;)


    Did you read his post? That's exactly what he's asking about...
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    Jan 09, 2013 3:12 PM GMT
    This will not end well.
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    Jan 09, 2013 3:14 PM GMT
    calibro saidall sorts of red flags up in here for the both of you...

    This, this and more of this.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 09, 2013 6:00 PM GMT
    My ex and I decided that we were not compatible romantically but we do use each other for sex occassionally. The last time he came over after a night of boozing w/ his friends at 3 something in the morning.... Nothing happenendicon_eek.gif and that was the good sex. Lol
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    Jan 09, 2013 6:16 PM GMT
    I would say establish some boundaries about the qualities in your relationship, and have a clear understanding of what is expected from each of you. If it's out in the open and agreed upon, go for it.

    For me, a relationship is emotional as well as sexual. This presumes he might not get attached again. People aren't emotional yo-yos.

    Seeing a guy say he wants to get back with his ex, who he doesn't respect, just for the sex...he's a person, not just a hole for your self gratification.

    Maybe establish a sexual relationship with your hand. It doesn't have thoughts or feelings to hurt. I'd say F-buddy with your ex.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 09, 2013 6:23 PM GMT
    HottJoe saidJust wait until you're a little older. You get to the point where you're so desperate he doesn't even have to be an ex--a current bf will do.icon_eek.gificon_lol.gif


    Lol.
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    Jan 09, 2013 6:30 PM GMT
    yourname2000 saidDon't do it.

    He'll be willing (you broke up with him), the sex will be amazing (because you both know each other's bodies), so afterwards you'll be second guessing why you ever broke up with him in the first place, you'll get back together, then the same old problems will come up again, it will be a mess, you'll break up and be right back where you started.
    .

    This ^^

    You broke up with him. You get back at first physically and then you decide that you will get into a relationship again because you cant find anyone else. But, as pointed out, neither of you have changed. So ask yourself if you are willing to go ahead for more of the same that caused you to break up with him in the first place.

    As hard as it might seem, don't look at other guys and compare them to what you saw in you ex in terms of hotness. Else you will have a hard time with another guy. Having trouble letting go of him? put some distance between you and him.

    "If the past comes knocking, don't open the door. It very likely has nothing new to offer"
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    Jan 12, 2013 6:31 PM GMT
    Road89 saidSex is over rated btw. I'm sooooooooo sick of gays being seen as promiscuous animals. Yes we are guys and most guys have a strong sex drive, libido but, must we give into it so much??? You tell him to go back for the sex, what kind of message does that send out? What are you turning the younger generation into? You want breeders to accept us as equals to them and dating for sex is what you encourage??? Dude, what ever you do, don't go back for the sex - I will say that for sure. Just take to heart what everyone is telling you, make your own choice, but don't go back for just the sex. Be one of the few that take being different (gay) seriously. Some of us are tired of being typecasted because of the foolish choice that are made by the general population of our demographic.

    I hear ya, but I'm too weak to be one of "the few"!

    Laurence saidQuick question - what were his values you couldn't accept?

    Too many white lies =(
    It's always a slippery slope

    Baalsabo saidHave you been actively going out/meeting guys or have you been sitting in a corner hoping someone would hit on you?

    Been sorta trying, but I'm not optimistic about meeting better personalities online, and my friend circle doesn't have the hottest guys haha. I really picky, I know lol.


    Also some of the posts mentioning "arrangements" and "boundaries" are actually turning me off this idea lol..