Was I being an unreasonable dick with no tact?

  • IAmTheOneWhoK...

    Posts: 154

    Jan 06, 2013 4:51 AM GMT
    It was a Thursday. So I had plans to meet up with a guy on a Saturday. Let's call him Brad Pitt to get a visualization. I tried to set something up for that Thursday night, but Brad Pitt said he'd be too tired after work cause he gets off around 7 or 8, which was fine. However, someone I'd already known, let's say, Zac Efron, had said he could go out with me on Thursday night if I'm free. Since Brad Pitt said no to that night, I agreed to go out with Zac Efron.

    So Brad Pitt texts Thursday afternoon as I'm getting ready to take a nap after work so I can be fresh for my date later.
    BradP: What are you doing?
    Tactless: Getting ready to take a nap
    BradP: Why would you take a nap it's 4:00
    Tactless: So I can be awake later...
    BradP:Why would you need to be awake later?
    Tactles: I'm going out with someone
    BradP: Oh. Have fun

    I know that could be misconstrued as me dicking him around and trying to make him jealous or something, but that's not true. I just didn't feel comfortable lying to Brad Pitt since he seemed intent on knowing what I was doing that night.

    Then Brad Pitt calls me an hour later, calling me a dick and saying that it's really rude of me to rub that in his face and to go out with someone when I have plans to meet him on Saturday. I tell that we're not exclusive, I literally haven't even met him yet, and asked if he'd prefer that I lied, and Brad Pitt said no, so like, what the hell does he want from me!? He then put his cousin on the phone, which I thought was really weird and inappropriate and bitchy that he needs her to fight his battles for him, and she told me that it was really rude too.

    Long story short, Saturday date didn't happen, but I slept with Zac Efron, and I do not regret it. So anyway, I'm curious as to if I was in the wrong or when and where I fucked up this situation. Bear in mind, Brad Pitt told me that he didn't want me to lie...

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 06, 2013 5:05 AM GMT
    http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/discretion

    dis·cre·tion
    noun dis-ˈkre-shən


    Definition of DISCRETION

    1

    : the quality of having or showing discernment or good judgment : the quality of being discreet : circumspection; especially: cautious reserve in speech

    2

    : ability to make responsible decisions

    3

    a: individual choice or judgment

    b: power of free decision or latitude of choice within certain legal bounds

    4

    : the result of separating or distinguishing

    Examples of DISCRETION

    Each artist in the gallery has discretion over the price that will be charged for his or her work.

    The coach used his own discretion to let the injured quarterback play.

    He always uses care and discretion when dealing with others.

    She handled the awkward situation with great discretion.
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    Jan 06, 2013 5:09 AM GMT
    Brad was a jerk. At the same time, if you're not in a court under oath, next time when asked why you're napping, say you had a hard day, or didn't get a good night's sleep.

    Guys don't like being told you're also seeing someone else, even if you're meeting for the first time. They prefer to think they're working with a clean slate, with no competition.
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    Jan 06, 2013 5:52 AM GMT
    He put his cousin on the phone? How old is he? 12?

    Gimme a break. He's being a drama queen...
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    Jan 06, 2013 6:11 AM GMT
    Based on your original post (very well written by the way), it doesn't appear that you did anything wrong. The biggest clues are:

    1. He said he was too tired to go out. So nothing was scheduled.
    2. He got his cousin to defend for him. This tells me that there's too much drama there and you don't need that.
    3. You told him you and he are not exclusive but he didn't seem to hear that part.

    So good for you that you didn't fuck up a situation and that you ended up fucking Zac Efron instead. icon_smile.gif
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    Jan 06, 2013 6:18 AM GMT
    personally, i would have sugar coated it and said i was going out with a friend LOL... I still would have fucked Zac, then I might have got to fuck Brad also... Win, win.. icon_smile.gif
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    Jan 06, 2013 7:06 AM GMT
    Thank god you didn't have to spend money and time with BP TO DISCOVER THAT HE WAS A DRAMA QUEEN WITH ISSUES.... You got ZE...so WIN...WIN!icon_cool.gif
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    Jan 06, 2013 7:11 AM GMT
    Perhaps a white lie would have been the way to go. In his mind he probably thought that it was only AFTER his date on Saturday that you would start being honest him, not before.

    Whats done is done though so take this as another learning curve in dating other men.

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    Jan 06, 2013 7:18 AM GMT
    jmusmc85 saidHe put his cousin on the phone? How old is he? 12?
    Gimme a break. He's being a drama queen...


    Ah yeah I have to agree.
    Okay so maybe you could have said that you were tired instead of saying you were going on a date.
    Plus "someone" could be anyone, you could've just meant you're hanging out with friends.
    Personally I don't really see anything wrong considering you haven't even met the guy yet and dating to me is defined as getting to know another person, well at least the first few anyway.

    I mean I understand there are some people who like to date one person at a time, which is fine. Since it was rescheduled and you've never met him before I think he overreacted in this situation.

    The fact that he got his cousin on the phone is definitely immature so it's good you didn't waste your time afterall.
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    Jan 06, 2013 7:21 AM GMT
    If you have to ask, the answer is yes.


    IAmTheOneWhoKnocks saidIt was a Thursday. So I had plans to meet up with a guy on a Saturday. Let's call him Brad Pitt to get a visualization. I tried to set something up for that Thursday night, but Brad Pitt said he'd be too tired after work cause he gets off around 7 or 8, which was fine. However, someone I'd already known, let's say, Zac Efron, had said he could go out with me on Thursday night if I'm free. Since Brad Pitt said no to that night, I agreed to go out with Zac Efron.

    So Brad Pitt texts Thursday afternoon as I'm getting ready to take a nap after work so I can be fresh for my date later.
    BradP: What are you doing?
    Tactless: Getting ready to take a nap
    BradP: Why would you take a nap it's 4:00
    Tactless: So I can be awake later...
    BradP:Why would you need to be awake later?
    Tactles: I'm going out with someone
    BradP: Oh. Have fun

    I know that could be misconstrued as me dicking him around and trying to make him jealous or something, but that's not true. I just didn't feel comfortable lying to Brad Pitt since he seemed intent on knowing what I was doing that night.

    Then Brad Pitt calls me an hour later, calling me a dick and saying that it's really rude of me to rub that in his face and to go out with someone when I have plans to meet him on Saturday. I tell that we're not exclusive, I literally haven't even met him yet, and asked if he'd prefer that I lied, and Brad Pitt said no, so like, what the hell does he want from me!? He then put his cousin on the phone, which I thought was really weird and inappropriate and bitchy that he needs her to fight his battles for him, and she told me that it was really rude too.

    Long story short, Saturday date didn't happen, but I slept with Zac Efron, and I do not regret it. So anyway, I'm curious as to if I was in the wrong or when and where I fucked up this situation. Bear in mind, Brad Pitt told me that he didn't want me to lie...

    QUOTE AUTHOR GOES HEREQUOTE GOES HERE
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    Jan 06, 2013 7:23 AM GMT
    Honestly...I'll tell you the truth and not candy coat it as most have.


    You're being a desperate self absorbed cunt with no self esteem.
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    Jan 06, 2013 7:25 AM GMT
    pat on the back...pat on the back

    You're better than that and the second part was serious.
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    Jan 06, 2013 8:37 AM GMT
    Brad is a drama queen,

    and u a cunt for rubbing it in his face, if u planning on meeting someone for the first time, dont tell him u going out with someone else, next time said something like you going out with some firends.
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    Jan 06, 2013 8:49 AM GMT
    Yes, you were a dick, but sounds to me like you dodged a bullet.
  • RollDontWalk

    Posts: 187

    Jan 06, 2013 9:20 AM GMT
    Yeah. You were a dick to tell him that before a first date. If someone did that to me I'd probably blow the date off/tell him to go fuck himself.
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    Jan 06, 2013 9:32 AM GMT
    You both are making unnecessary drama, whether it's intended or not, so you would be perfect together! Or maybe a trainwreck...probably the latter. I can see it now, you could be the insensitive one, and he could be the one who overreacts to everything you do! Sounds like an extraordinarily conventional (and almost straight) relationship.

    I mean, really, how did you think he would feel if you said that?
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    Jan 06, 2013 9:40 AM GMT
    The only issue I can see is telling him you were going out with someone else. You should have just tactfully said "Going out later". Think you dodged a drama queen though.
  • Diceroll

    Posts: 224

    Jan 06, 2013 9:47 AM GMT
    I was in a similar situation once before and like you I told the truth. In hindsight I should've said I I was meeting a friend to save any akwardness. I don't think you were being a dick though.

    For Brad to put his cousin on the phone - that's just sad.
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    Jan 06, 2013 9:59 AM GMT
    You definitely weren't bein' a dick. Everyone's guilty of being over dramatic about things like Brad is. Sounds like Brad's pretty into you if he's gettin' this jealous.
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    Jan 06, 2013 2:22 PM GMT
    So let me get this straight, he declines going out with you because he's "tired" from work, yet has enough energy to check up on you to see if you're doing anything. When you tell him you are doing something later with someone, he gets pissed and tells you that you're being a dick throwing a date in his face then puts his female cousin on the phone.

    Hmm..

    You picked a winner with this guy. Not only does this post, if it is in face what happened, shows that he's a little possessive, but he's also a potential stalker and has serious trust issues. If you're not exclusive then why does it matter if you're going out with someone else? And the cousin part was just immature...really dude?? I mean REALLY???
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    Jan 06, 2013 2:23 PM GMT
    Bustamante saidThe only issue I can see is telling him you were going out with someone else. You should have just tactfully said "Going out later". Think you dodged a drama queen though.


    The only reason I disagree with this is because he probably would've kept asking questions and eventually got the info out of him anyway or would've suspected the lies/evasive answers.
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    Jan 06, 2013 2:26 PM GMT
    I think you did the right thing by NOT lying. It helped Brad Pitt make a decision. He's just the type of guy that likes to date one at a time, and he's looking for someone similar. You two were just not meant to be.

    When I start dating someone and they mention dating others at the same time, even though we're not exclusive, I don't say anything. I just don't schedule a 2nd date. And he definitely isn't getting laid with me. Just personal preference on how certain people date.
  • thatirishbast...

    Posts: 3523

    Jan 06, 2013 2:29 PM GMT
    I'd say you both dodged a bullet there.

    Disaster was bound to happen sooner or later. Best to get it over sooner.

    Curiously though, if he was Brad Pitt and fallback was Zac Efron, who were you?
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    Jan 06, 2013 2:30 PM GMT
    He asked, you answered. You handled it appropriately. You learned all you need to know about him by how he responded.
  • Trauts

    Posts: 1012

    Jan 06, 2013 2:37 PM GMT
    Whut??? You did not do anything wrong at all. Texts can sometimes be misleading and I get how he would think you're rubbing in his face. But since you already clarified it with him I don't see how you're being a dick. And really? He got his cousin to speak with you? It just shows where his level of maturity is at.