Mixed signals or WTF is going on?

  • naughtyboy55

    Posts: 20

    Jan 06, 2013 10:08 PM GMT
    This seems to be a topic that all of us encounter at least once in our lives. I've got the 'hugest crush on my friend....he is the perfect guy and the only one i have ever come accross that has made me feel this way. I could easily spend the rest of my life with him....everything about him is so attractive, his looks, his personality, his smile, his tenderness, his values and his attitude, even when he is angry he is sexy, the smell of his sweat is even sweet to me! we have been friends for quite some time, doing alot of things together, ...there is even gossip that we are so obviously into eachother that we must be having something on the side. (nothing happening!)
    thing is, he is married, and i'm not sure if he is bi-sexual or not. he has given me so many subtle hints and suggestions and has a very 'gay' way about him. if i didn't know him, i'd swear he was gay or bi-sexual or else my 'gaydar' is malfunctioning....i think he is afraid of my reaction if he comes on to me directly and afraid of being 'outted'. I'm afraid if i come on to him too strongly, he may get offended (he is really straight) and i'll loose the friendship we have. I;m prepared to be his 'side dish' if he wants and he can have the best of both worlds! But then again, i'd rather be friends than not have him in my life at all!
    am i setting myself up for disaster and should i let this one go?
    i need advice? icon_confused.gif
  • Markoni

    Posts: 17

    Jan 06, 2013 10:40 PM GMT
    You're (very) attracted to him.

    Consequently, is it possible that what you think are subtle hints may just be misinterpretations of your mind wearing rose-colored glasses?

    At least that's what I keep trying to tell myself each time that happens... ;-)

    I don't think it would be healthy (in the long run) to be the "side dish".

    I'd let him go if it's not feasible to get him completely. I know that's sad but why spend so much time on this guy now while someone else as least as fabulous as him might be out there and a lot quicker and less complicated to get.

    Yeah, I know, there exists no such other person. ;-)
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    Jan 06, 2013 11:30 PM GMT
    He is married and your friend. If you come on to him you will likely lose the friendship. You should work on building relationships with other guys so that whether or not this guy comes out is less important to you (he probably won't if he got married).
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 07, 2013 12:44 AM GMT
    TAKE THE BITCH AWAY!!!icon_evil.gif




    im just playing.,..icon_lol.gif

    As rupaul says all the time DONT FUCK IT! Find someone else. #sorryboutit


  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 07, 2013 1:31 AM GMT
    UGH - HE'S MARRIED! MAAAARRRIIEEEEDDDD!!!!!!!!
  • great_scott

    Posts: 519

    Jan 07, 2013 1:52 AM GMT
    If you come on to him and he's totally straight, that might not end so well. If you come on to him and he accepts, his values probably aren't as attractive as you thought.

  • TheAlchemixt

    Posts: 2294

    Jan 07, 2013 2:47 AM GMT
    Yeah man he IS MARRIED!
  • chi_rock

    Posts: 207

    Jan 07, 2013 3:02 AM GMT
    bus9ja2d saidHe is married and your friend. If you come on to him you will likely lose the friendship. You should work on building relationships with other guys so that whether or not this guy comes out is less important to you (he probably won't if he got married).


    +1 Keep your friendship alive, but move on emotionally.
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    Jan 07, 2013 3:11 AM GMT
    tumblr_m3llgodMM51rotqd7o1_500.gif
  • naughtyboy55

    Posts: 20

    Jan 08, 2013 8:07 PM GMT
    Hey Guys!!!
    Thanks tonns for the advice!!!
    Yeah, I realise that it's a 'no win' situation for me!
    I don't want to break-up his family!
    I don't want to be a side dish!!
    I am not a 'Homewrecker'!!!....
    Its not my style!
    Perhaps that's why I feel so bad when i 'wished' for him to come on to me.
    Perhaps that's why I feel so bad and confused when he didn't come on to me..
    So what do i take away with me from this experience?........
    That there are guys as wonderful and attractive as he is.....attractive even to the point where even their 'sweat' smells sweet to me.........and maybe that is the lesson that life is showing me....that there is the "perfect guy" out there that will "make my head spin' and 'knock me off my feet, just with a breif stare'....and my friend is just NOT quite that guy!!!so hear's to friends and friendship!!!!!!!

    For now, I think i'll just hang on to the pieces of my heart and keep them safe till they become one whole again!!!!

    didn't realise its so tough finding the guy that you just 'click' with!

    LOL!...do you think a brief love affair in Greece will be a good idea?..Like Shirley Valentine!....LOL!!!
    icon_lol.gif

  • naughtyboy55

    Posts: 20

    Jan 08, 2013 8:11 PM GMT

    "...1 Keep your friendship alive, but move on emotionally."
    WISE WORDS INDEED!
    icon_idea.gif
  • naughtyboy55

    Posts: 20

    Jan 08, 2013 8:24 PM GMT

    "I'd let him go if it's not feasible to get him completely. I know that's sad but why spend so much time on this guy now while someone else as least as fabulous as him might be out there and a lot quicker and less complicated to get."

    ....makes me see things much mire clearer! icon_razz.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 09, 2013 12:09 AM GMT
    Sleep with him. If he is gay you are not a home wrecker, his wife is dumb for living with a gay man and not having a clue. You should not suffer because of her stupidity.

    If however he is straight, and you lose the friendship, you will at least move on and will not be lusting after a straight man no long. Gay men running after straight men is extremely moronic in my opinion.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 09, 2013 12:12 AM GMT
    naughtyboy55 saidThis seems to be a topic that all of us encounter at least once in our lives. I've got the 'hugest crush on my friend....he is the perfect guy and the only one i have ever come accross that has made me feel this way. I could easily spend the rest of my life with him....everything about him is so attractive, his looks, his personality, his smile, his tenderness, his values and his attitude, even when he is angry he is sexy, the smell of his sweat is even sweet to me! we have been friends for quite some time, doing alot of things together, ...there is even gossip that we are so obviously into eachother that we must be having something on the side. (nothing happening!)
    thing is, he is married, and i'm not sure if he is bi-sexual or not. he has given me so many subtle hints and suggestions and has a very 'gay' way about him. if i didn't know him, i'd swear he was gay or bi-sexual or else my 'gaydar' is malfunctioning....i think he is afraid of my reaction if he comes on to me directly and afraid of being 'outted'. I'm afraid if i come on to him too strongly, he may get offended (he is really straight) and i'll loose the friendship we have. I;m prepared to be his 'side dish' if he wants and he can have the best of both worlds! But then again, i'd rather be friends than not have him in my life at all!
    am i setting myself up for disaster and should i let this one go?
    i need advice? icon_confused.gif


    Misery invites misery. No matter what his position, if he's married, or even it he's not married and says he's straight, you need to show some class and respect both the marriage, and his wishes / deception.

    FIND SOMEONE ELSE.
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    Jan 09, 2013 12:14 AM GMT
    Gross.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 09, 2013 12:35 AM GMT
    smartmoney saidGross.


    This.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 09, 2013 12:43 AM GMT
    I kind of know what you mean man. I have a straight friend that I am completely in love with. Throws me, what I think are hints, all the time. He insists he is straight, and I believe him. But what's with the flirting all the time, and holding me down and tickling me etc. He knows how I feel about him, and I'm lucky that he didn't 1: kick me out (we are roomates) 2: get pissed and never talk to me again.

    Ok, now that I've read that lil paragraph, I'm not sure it makes sense haha. I guess what I'm trying to say is move on man. There's nothing there for you but failure and heartache. There's plenty of guys that are attainable, also gay, out there. Don't waste your time or energy in something you can't have. Especially when they don't and never will feel the same way about you. Plus, he's married, that right there should tell you to stay away!!
  • DinoBarbarino

    Posts: 4

    Jan 09, 2013 10:27 AM GMT
    First up, this chap is married. Pushing and pursuing a relationship with him would open up a whole new can of worms. I wouldn't do it.

    You seem to really like this guy, but are you looking at him objectively? is he really as 'dreamy' as you make him out to be? Often when we're in 'love' with someone, our ability to objectively assess someone, goes out the door.

    He's saying that he's 'straight' ... so even if he is inherently gay and has feelings for you, he is no where near accepting his homosexual attractions - he's deeply closeted. This brings up a whole new set of barriers in a healthy gay relationship (in my experiences and opinion) ... and lets not forget the main issues: HE'S MARRIED to someone else, I wouldn't mess with that.
    You could sleep with him - but, that would absolutely mess him up, mess his marriage up and have adverse affects on your friendship with him.

    Bottom line: You admire this guy. If you can stay friends with him whilst being able to handle your feelings for him, stay friends.
    If he chooses to come out and acknowledge his feelings for you in his own time, fair enough.
    If you can't handle your feelings for him, I'd say distance yourself a bit and chase other guys.

    Just my opinion icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 09, 2013 11:01 AM GMT
    He's married yet you would jump him if he gave you an opening (so to speak)- personally I would re-evaluate your values and emotional objectives. If he was married to a gay man would you still be so keen to fuck him? Be a mate to him, not a mind fuck.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 09, 2013 11:11 AM GMT
    naughtyboy55 saidThis seems to be a topic that all of us encounter at least once in our lives. I've got the 'hugest crush on my friend....he is the perfect guy and the only one i have ever come accross that has made me feel this way. I could easily spend the rest of my life with him....everything about him is so attractive, his looks, his personality, his smile, his tenderness, his values and his attitude, even when he is angry he is sexy, the smell of his sweat is even sweet to me! we have been friends for quite some time, doing alot of things together, ...there is even gossip that we are so obviously into eachother that we must be having something on the side. (nothing happening!)
    thing is, he is married, and i'm not sure if he is bi-sexual or not. he has given me so many subtle hints and suggestions and has a very 'gay' way about him. if i didn't know him, i'd swear he was gay or bi-sexual or else my 'gaydar' is malfunctioning....i think he is afraid of my reaction if he comes on to me directly and afraid of being 'outted'. I'm afraid if i come on to him too strongly, he may get offended (he is really straight) and i'll loose the friendship we have. I;m prepared to be his 'side dish' if he wants and he can have the best of both worlds! But then again, i'd rather be friends than not have him in my life at all!
    am i setting myself up for disaster and should i let this one go?
    i need advice? icon_confused.gif


    You make too many assumptions. Your passion is clouding your ability to see the forest for the trees.

    You can:
    1) Make a pass at him and learn just how quickly a friendship can fall apart
    2) Learn to differentiate between fantasy and reality