My mama's response

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 07, 2013 11:11 AM GMT
    I apologize, but this is another coming out thread icon_neutral.gif.

    /Rant on.

    Following up from my thread: http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/2738355/

    I just came out to my mom, a conservative mother who raised three wonderful children. I respect and care about her. When I told her, she's in massive denial (but she's not yelling at least). I had my sister to be there for me just in case.

    She keep insisting that I will change my ways and that I am wrong; she feels that she doesn't want to be part of my life, which really hurts.

    I told her that 19 years for me was enough time to think about and confirm my sexuality. Bible quotes was thrown around and she firmly believed that I should really think about what I'm doing.

    In the end, I finally came out to my mom (and my lil bro who accepts me very much). I thought I was able to take her comments. Now I'm a wreak and feel that I've disappointed her. I know it will take her a long time to come around, and I hope that she does. But I still cannot get over feeling really sad and regretting what I just did. I just hope it was for the better.

    /rantoff
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    Jan 07, 2013 11:26 AM GMT
    OmegaOneBible quotes was thrown around and she firmly believed that I should really think about what I'm doing.


    Does she know what she's doing to you though? You can only give her time, maybe as long as 19 years as it was for you?

    At least you have your siblings and you're more honest with your mother.
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    Jan 07, 2013 2:00 PM GMT
    Her response could be the initial jolt from the anouncement. Give her time and see if she comes around. If other family members are accepting of you, hopefully she will be too, in time.

    Never apologize for a legit coming out thread -- it is a time in a LGBTQ person's life that can be very difficult, and support and encouragement are always needed.
  • TheBizMan

    Posts: 4091

    Jan 07, 2013 2:46 PM GMT
    Don't be sad for her, be happy for yourself. You've made the right decision and there is nothing to regret.
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    Posts: 7190

    Jan 07, 2013 3:44 PM GMT
    Yeah dude, your mama will come around. It's just a shock at first. Give it some time. Dont feel like u disappointed her. You did nothing wrong..... if anything blame her....and tell her that her parenting style made u gay..... JK dont do that, but just give it some time.

    She's big mama, so she'll always love you regardless.
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    Jan 07, 2013 3:54 PM GMT
    Shell come around to it ... she just needs time to processes everything. I come from an immigrated Italian family and it was a shock for them...they had the same reaction... now we all sit at the table with my future husband and laugh about how they didn't know and how it was obvious lloll just give it time xoxoxo .
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    Jan 07, 2013 4:01 PM GMT
    the same problem bothered me these days, i wish i could be myself but at the same time i also hope my parents would be happy for having a child like me.

    I just guess your mom was raised in a rather conservative area, so it would be hard for her to accept a not so "TRADITIONAL" family value. don't be sad, really hope you can feel better.

    at least, you are so brave to say it out, but i guess i would never do that to my parents who even didn't believe such a thing exist(it's true )

    i've got your back, good luck!
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    Jan 07, 2013 4:19 PM GMT
    Sorry for your mom's reaction but know that you have disappointed nobody. We don't owe the world an explanation for our humanity. The world owes us for denying it.
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    Jan 07, 2013 4:20 PM GMT
    theantijock saidSorry for your mom's reaction but know that you have disappointed nobody. We don't owe the world an explanation for our humanity. The world owes us for denying it.

    Another gem, QFT*
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    Jan 07, 2013 4:23 PM GMT
    _menz0 said
    theantijock saidSorry for your mom's reaction but know that you have disappointed nobody. We don't owe the world an explanation for our humanity. The world owes us for denying it.

    Another gem, QFT*


    You're too sweet. I can't believe one of these young guys hasn't locked you into their heart yet. Their loss.
  • KZNindian

    Posts: 46

    Jan 07, 2013 6:39 PM GMT
    Hey guy congrats, coming out is a huge decision. Give your mum some time , she will come around. All the best on your new journey.
  • lvzhi

    Posts: 122

    Jan 07, 2013 7:06 PM GMT
    I come from a remote village where people are very conservative. I can't imagine coming out to my parents directly like "hey, mom and dad, I am gay. I like boys." They might get a heart attack. I chose to come out to them"gradually".
  • Machina

    Posts: 419

    Jan 07, 2013 7:21 PM GMT
    My Mom was very understanding when I told her initially; it was my Dad that had major issues.

    They both ended up wanting to send me to a mormon version of one of those ex-gay conversion ministries, called "Evergreen". I told them that I would attend if they would go to PFLAG and other support group meetings. The matter was quickly dropped...

    It has been a few years, but my parents and I are fine for the most part. They can still be uncomfortable with the subject at times, but hey they let me bring my last bf to dinner and family activities; a huge step for them! icon_smile.gif
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    Jan 07, 2013 7:24 PM GMT
    Thank you very much everyone for your words of encouragement and support. I did feel a bit better now knowing that I told my mom that she's always welcome in my life whenever she decides to come around and accept me. It does hurt just a bit when her initial reaction is to shut me out from hers. But life is life and I've got to live mine; at least everything is out in the open and I don't hide things anymore. Cheers y'all

  • mascmuscle35

    Posts: 79

    Jan 07, 2013 7:33 PM GMT
    I love this video clip -- It really demonstrates the ignorance with using the Bible to defend their points of view.



    I hope it helps.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eD52OlkKfNs
  • EricLA

    Posts: 3461

    Jan 07, 2013 7:44 PM GMT
    First of all, congrats. Coming out to parents can be nerve wracking. It was good to have your sister there.

    Your mother may or may not come around in her way of thinking. If she likes to read, and you think she may be open to it, have her read "The Good Book" by Peter J. Gomes.

    You can always tell her that Christ never uttered one word about homosexuality.

    And if she quotes Leviticus, there are plenty of posts online that show how absurd it is to select "Thou shalt not lie with man as with woman." Given all the other abominations in Leviticus, some of which are silly in today's world, selectively enforcing this passage is simple bias.

    But, as I always say, your mother's reaction today may not be her permanent reaction. You took 19 years to come to terms and come out. She may need a bit of time now to come to terms with the information herself.

    It's always good to remind her you haven't changed in any other way.
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    Jan 07, 2013 7:46 PM GMT
    Beings that everyone wants to sugarcoat it i'll tell you the truth of what can happen. I hate to break it to you but not everyone comes around ever! Some won't ever come around. But if your mother doesn't come around doesn't mean you've done anything wrong & it certainly doesn't mean you should stop living your life cause of it. My parents haven't come around & I told them when I was 13 i'm now 27. I've even lost Friends & even some Best Friends over the matter. But they honestly showed me they weren't true friends if they let that trivial matter come between us.
    I think right now you need to plan in case she really doesn't want to be a part of your life. What will you do then? I mean obviously you have your siblings on your side. Remember family is just a term loosely used in every society. A true family are people you have come to recognize as Family. For some people there true family encompasses Best Friends, Siblings, Relatives, a Parent, Friends all who have stood by them through it all. And haven't been phased by there coming out.
    Some people just haven't realized that in todays age it's now okay to be gay. And that it isn't an abombination like it use to be, nor is it taboo. Ya some places haven't kept up with the rest of the world but in time they will. Everything changes in time. As i've learned in the 27 years i've been around. And lived in numerous places, countries.
    The last thing i'm gonna say is that there comes a time when you realize that just some people aren't worth fighting for to have in your life if their believes don't coincide with yours.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4433

    Jan 07, 2013 8:12 PM GMT
    Sounds like you've got your act together. Don't worry about it. I do understand that Asian family members can have an uphill battle against culture and if you throw in right-wing Christianity, they (not you) have a double hurdle to overcome. My partner's family took the news of us surprisingly well. He really thought that his dad might never speak to him again. But the decision to tell your mom was the right one. If you hadn't, you would have effectively been freezing her out of your life. So give her time and just keep loving her. She may or may not come around but at least you can keep the loving tie intact. Good luck.