I just came out! Thought I'd start with my mom!

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 07, 2013 8:21 PM GMT
    A little background on me. I go to school and work part time so I'm living at home right now trying to finish up my degree.

    We were having lunch today just me + mom and I got around to telling her that I've been meaning to tell her something. I told her she's not going to be seeing me with any more girls. So she asked if I got someone pregnant or if I was getting married without telling her. I told her no, it's because i'm into guys instead.

    Immediately she started freaking out and crying and shaking saying no I couldn't be like that. That I didn't seem gay and she didn't see this coming. She said she was really shocked and she was asking me if I was sure. I told her I was. That I've always kind of known I was a bit different than the other kids.

    Then she got mad and said why didn't I tell her that sooner. I told her because I was trying to figure it out myself and finally came to a point in my life where I accepted myself and was happy with myself. I told her I was trying to work up the courage to tell her these last couple weeks. And I thought the start of a new year would be a good time to say it.

    Then she got around to telling me that there's a lot of sick freaks out there waiting to prey on young guys and take advantage of them . And that she doesn't want to see me hurt. Or worse hated on for being gay.

    She brought up family and friends and I told her I don't want to tell any of them yet. That I just wanted to tell her because she's my mom, the closest person to me in my life and I loved her. She said she wouldn't tell anyone until I was ready to and she loves me for who I am and she's proud of me.

    But that she always wanted grand kids and it's going to take her a while to fully come to terms with it. She said saying my only child is gay is hard for her to say to herself. I told her it's hard for me.

    And I guess everything is okay for now. So overall it was positive. Didn't get kicked out or anything. Even though I think I might have freaked her out a bit lol.

    -this is all coming from a guy who doesn't like to say the words "i'm gay" out loud
    so if I can do it all you guys can
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    Jan 07, 2013 8:46 PM GMT
    Good deal, man!
    I'm glad mama generally accepted it. Please remember, as her only son....u have to understand where she's coming from as well. Eventually, she'll come around completely... but not too shabby man. Congrats
  • Kriss

    Posts: 690

    Jan 07, 2013 8:59 PM GMT
    congrats!
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    Jan 07, 2013 9:05 PM GMT
    Congrats and thanks for sharing that with us!!
  • TheAlchemixt

    Posts: 2294

    Jan 07, 2013 11:22 PM GMT
    Aww congratulations!
  • hanzo83

    Posts: 457

    Jan 07, 2013 11:23 PM GMT
    Good for you. It sounds like that went rather smoothly.
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    Jan 07, 2013 11:25 PM GMT
    Congrats!!! It does feel like someone takes 10000 tons off your shoulders, right?

    Great way to start the year!
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    Jan 07, 2013 11:25 PM GMT
    It is hard for your only child to come out as gay.Sounds like overall things went well.If not you have your RJ buds to complain to.lol icon_smile.gif Ryan and Ruben
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    Jan 07, 2013 11:36 PM GMT
    Aww. Good for you. Although with as many gays and lesbians who have biological kids these days, I'm surprised parents still have the whole "oh but I wanted grand babies" reaction.
  • dtx1

    Posts: 155

    Jan 07, 2013 11:50 PM GMT
    Congratulations, man. Thanks for sharing. This made my day. I was outed to my mom by an emotionally troubled relative, so it's always nice to hear when someone gets to do it when he's ready, on his own terms.

    Similarly, my mom was disappointed about the no grand kids thing. However, several years after being outed to her, I got to deliver some much happier news ...that I was adopting a baby. She was pleasantly surprised to learn that she was going to be grandmother after all. I'm not suggesting that you become a parent just to please your mom, but you might remind her that becoming a grandma isn't out of the question just because you're gay.
  • SwimBIkeRun94...

    Posts: 480

    Jan 08, 2013 2:31 AM GMT
    Congrats.

    It sounds like you prepared yourself and were able to focus on answering her critical questions. The answers you provided were legitimate and heartfelt, and while it may not seem immediately obvious, your genuineness was picked up by your Mom.

    Initially there are going to be some feelings of shock, but this is just the beginning for you and your Mom.

    Gay sons are the best, even if we don't necessarily want to poke a vagina to procreate. As others have mentioned, being gay doesn't mean you cannot be a parent; of course, don't let Mom influence that decision.

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    Jan 08, 2013 3:16 AM GMT
    A_X91 saidCongrats!!! It does feel like someone takes 10000 tons off your shoulders, right?

    Great way to start the year!


    To be honest I wouldn't really say that. Things are kind of uncomfortably awkward and uneasy at home right now. But I guess in time it should get back to normal right?
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    Jan 08, 2013 3:21 AM GMT
    midwesternman said
    A_X91 saidCongrats!!! It does feel like someone takes 10000 tons off your shoulders, right?

    Great way to start the year!


    To be honest I wouldn't really say that. Things are kind of uncomfortably awkward and uneasy at home right now. But I guess in time it should get back to normal right?


    Mama bear loves you. How could she not? Look at that adorable face....

    so cute,
  • coolarmydude

    Posts: 9190

    Jan 08, 2013 3:25 AM GMT
    Concerning having kids, remind her that you can still have biological children, just not in the traditional sense, or that you can adopt. Tell her to not give up on that idea, but only if and when you see that in your future. Otherwise, don't build up her hopes on something that you don't see yourself doing.
  • ParkerDLamb

    Posts: 129

    Jan 08, 2013 3:36 AM GMT
    I'm so happy for you!
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    Jan 08, 2013 3:38 AM GMT
    Congrats of getting over this hurdle. I liked your responses to your mom's comments. You handled it well! I'm betting she'll come around fully - and you'll show her that you're the same great son she raised. Just keep showing her your integrity and all the other aspects of what makes you YOU.
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    Jan 08, 2013 4:02 AM GMT
    coolarmydude saidConcerning having kids, remind her that you can still have biological children, just not in the traditional sense, or that you can adopt. Tell her to not give up on that idea, but only if and when you see that in your future. Otherwise, don't build up her hopes on something that you don't see yourself doing.


    Yeah I told her that. I told her i'm still a man and a functioning human being. That it is possible I could have kids. Just not with a wife.
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    Jan 08, 2013 4:03 AM GMT
    Congrats. You deserve to be happy. Just be who you are.
  • Machina

    Posts: 419

    Jan 08, 2013 4:23 AM GMT
    Congratulations dude! It is one of the hardest things to build up to, but you feel so much better when it is over with, especially if it went well.

    She will come around eventually, just give her time and room to accept it fully.
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    Jan 08, 2013 4:26 AM GMT
    Congrats on that big step. Speaking from my own experience my mom wasn't fully accepting of it right away either, but within a few months she came around. A year later she was talking to me about how i would set up my future wedding icon_smile.gif Once she has sometime to fully process it (giving her some reading material could help) you'll see even bigger change and support.
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    Jan 08, 2013 4:36 AM GMT
    i dont think that you did a good job at all , and she feels bad now. Its your decision and its just my opinion that was not good at all...
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    Jan 08, 2013 4:39 AM GMT
    Congratulations! It will only get better from here on 'out'.
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    Jan 08, 2013 4:40 AM GMT
    barbieee saidi dont think that you did a good job at all , and she feels bad now. Its your decision and its just my opinion that was not good at all...


    I'm sorry? Would you like to come out to my mom for me instead. Or how about you tell me the proper way to do it.
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    Jan 08, 2013 4:54 AM GMT
    midwesternman said
    barbieee saidi dont think that you did a good job at all , and she feels bad now. Its your decision and its just my opinion that was not good at all...


    I'm sorry? Would you like to come out to my mom for me instead. Or how about you tell me the proper way to do it.


    Ignore the negativity Mike. Your approach was pretty thoughtful. You did what you had to and like I said, i'm always a text or w.e away and my opinion counts more than the hater icon_biggrin.gif
  • FL180

    Posts: 75

    Jan 08, 2013 5:41 AM GMT
    Congrats man!

    It's a big step and takes courage! Hope you eventually get closer to your mother as a result.

    That was the case for me and is extremely fulfilling.