Trapped in my closet...

  • kewlkat

    Posts: 10

    Sep 22, 2008 8:16 PM GMT
    Maybe you guys can give me some insight...

    Im in my mid-twenties, successful ivy grad, model, southern. The guy in question is the same. This is about a long weekend we spent together, and Im trying to figure out what the hell is going on as I have no experience dating guys, just a few hookups.

    So this guy visits my town and gets in touch with me through friends and wants to hang out. Only met him once before so no real expectations, friendship or otherwise. Im going to keep this short, but basically we spent the whole weekend together, day and night. He kept bringing up gay or bi stuff, anecdotes, etc, and I could tell he wanted to see where I stood so I told him Im curious a little myself. He didnt offer anything.

    He calls his gay friend who asks us to go to a gay bar. Im not entirely comfortable but I go anyway. He says "we gotta act like we're together, we can make out if we need to." Im like I dont think its that serious dude.
    We end up at my place to sleep and he says "dont try to touch my balls" as were walking in, in all seriousness. Im like "If I wanted to I would have and you can sleep on the couch if youre scared" We go inside and he strips. I offer him a pair of shorts which he declines, then my roommate comes out from banging some chick and offers him pillows and blankets for the couch. He takes them, but then follows me to my room anyway. We talked til 5am and connected through stories and experiences and outlook on life. Next day, repeat the same. Tells me he is kinda bi at the end of the night and Im like I know bro. I take him to the airport and it was awkward. I was pretty sad he was leaving and I think the feeling was mutual. We just talked in the straightest way possible about when we will see each other again. We keep in touch through text or email a few times a week.

    This is the problem. I think the signs are there and I want to basically "touch his balls" at ths point. I feel trapped because Im not ready to come out and if I dont play the cards close to my chest, then a lot of the friends we share in common could become privy to that info. My gut feeling is that he is more experienced than I am bc I didnt pick up on these signs til I dropped him off. I'm going to visit him on his turf next week, and need some advice on how to feel out this situation. What's the right move to make? Or a good one? Or does it even matter?

    Trapped.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 22, 2008 8:21 PM GMT
    Seriously, does he have to put his dick in your mouth before you catch on?

    I mean come on.... Damn, short of wearing a sign around his neck, is there really a question here? Just say, before he can mention anything -
    "oh by the way, this weekend, your balls are mine!" icon_eek.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 22, 2008 8:32 PM GMT
    Yep, I agree with the big chested man above me, he's got the hots for you good and proper. He wants to stick his thing up your jacksy
    !
  • kewlkat

    Posts: 10

    Sep 22, 2008 11:41 PM GMT
    Good call. I just have to sack up and grab 'em. Just wanted to make sure I wasn't delusional.
  • swimbikerun

    Posts: 2835

    Sep 22, 2008 11:46 PM GMT
    Audaces fortuna iuvat .
    Fortune favors the bold.
  • ASH557

    Posts: 112

    Sep 22, 2008 11:49 PM GMT
    Touch the balls.

    x
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 22, 2008 11:49 PM GMT
    tempora mutantur nos et mutamur in illis.

    Times change and we change with them ;-)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 22, 2008 11:55 PM GMT
    kewlkat wrote
    He calls his gay friend who asks us to go to a gay bar. Im not entirely comfortable but I go anyway. He says "we gotta act like we're together, we can make out if we need to."


    I've got to admit, this kills me. Was there a sign on the door that said:

    IN CASE OF EMERGENCY, SNOG icon_exclaim.gif

    icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 23, 2008 12:01 AM GMT
    He was basically telling you to make the first move and he wanted to make sure you were interested. Do your mutual friends know he is gay/bi? If they do than why are you scared? They dont care that he is gay/bi why would they care about you? There still friends with him. Talk to him about it. Let him know what worries you.
  • Koaa2

    Posts: 1556

    Sep 23, 2008 12:10 AM GMT
    I see your from LA. I would run to the nearest gay/lesbian center and try to get into a group there, that helps people work on issues revolving around coming to terms with their sexuality and coming out.

    Were to many games going on, in that scenario, to try and figure it out. Would work on myself a bit, before going any further with it, might even help the outcome if you figure out what your all about quickly. Good luck.
  • MarvelClimber

    Posts: 511

    Sep 23, 2008 12:10 AM GMT
    I understand where you're coming from. For those of us that were not out early on it's hard to recognize signs that another guy is into you. It's even harder to initiate a move. He's already made the first move when he come out to you. Next time you see him, it's on you. Tell him where you are in the out process; tell him your concerns about the mutual friends. Before you give into lust make sure you're comfortable that this guy will respect your privacy. Just cut through the bullshit.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 23, 2008 12:12 AM GMT
    Were you naked in your bed with him, too? I gotta tell ya, if I spent most of the night awake in bed with a naked guy and did nothing but talk, by morning I'd have the bluest balls, hardest cock and most crossed eyes you ever saw. How DID you keep your hands off each other??? WOW!!!

    But, if you want to remain closeted where you live, I see your problem, cause this is prolly not the guy to trust, at least not yet. A closeted friend of mine tried dating a guy who was also closeted, thinking the other guy had a vested interest in keeping their little secret quiet.

    Turned out this guy was not dealing with his gay orientation very well, and ended up confessing his "sin" to his entire church congregation, naming my friend as his gay seducer! So much for secrets.

    I've had my own unpleasant encounters with closeted guys, and guys in denial. And I much prefer gays who are totally aware of who they are, comfortable with it, and who have no guilt or regrets to complicate my own life with.

    They don't have to be marching down Main Street in the Pride Parade, but I do want them to be at ease with themselves and with our shared orientation. Riding the roller coaster of their gay learning curve, and maybe going off the tracks with them, is not my idea of a fun time.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 23, 2008 12:24 AM GMT
    he likes u. he was prob was scared too but he was dropping the hints cuz he was being the pussy and wanted u to act on it. next time yall are togetehr go for it. if it fails, well at least u tryed, but i think he likes u. good luck.
  • MuslDrew

    Posts: 463

    Sep 23, 2008 12:37 AM GMT
    He's into you. I'm sure I could not have controlled myself.
    Life is better out of the closet. Go enjoy youself
  • kewlkat

    Posts: 10

    Sep 23, 2008 3:00 AM GMT
    Thanks guys! It scares the hell out of me that I like this guy so much. Either way, I'm psyched to see what happens. I think he is a good guy and at about the same spot as I am in this whole confusing process. To respond to some of the posts: No one knows he is bi and the whole hit on me then say dont touch my balls theme was confusing as all hell. I feel so much better now though, and next weekend, Im going for the balls icon_lol.gif. I'll let you guys know what happens.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 23, 2008 3:16 AM GMT
    dude..before you go down there....how about a nice kiss with your clothes on to break the ice.
  • JayneCobb

    Posts: 709

    Sep 23, 2008 5:20 AM GMT
    I have to agree with Alpha, maybe you guys should sit down and talk about shit before heading straight for the balls...
  • kewlkat

    Posts: 10

    Sep 23, 2008 8:38 PM GMT
    Well yeh, I'll def kiss him first Alpha, but I don't think a pow wow will work in this situation. At least not at first. I don't want him to think I'm dragging him out of the closet. Maybe after we hook up we can talk about it. That way neither of us can withdraw because it takes two to hook up. If I sit him down before anything goes down, I smell disaster and awkwardness for the rest of the weekend. I may be wrong though, what do you guys think?
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Sep 23, 2008 8:42 PM GMT
    See? This is why being closeted causes such problems
    While I feel for your problem this is just a snapshot in a closeted man's life

    If you went for this guy ... and he rebuffed you
    You're right, you would be afraid he'd go to your friends
    All the more reasons for you to be true to yourself and say who you are

    Is this the way you want to meet all your encounters with fear and trepidation?
    I don't want to lecture you but think about your future ... and about how you want to live it
  • swimbikerun

    Posts: 2835

    Sep 23, 2008 9:16 PM GMT
    Just be aware many guys are more comfortable having sex rather than kissing.
    As odd as it may seem, some of these types really have a hard time being affectionate in public with something as small as caressing even in anonymous megalopolis like Los Angeles.
    Let him know you like him, just take it slow and respect his boundaries.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 23, 2008 9:51 PM GMT
    What a mess! I simply cannot understand why anyone would choose to live in the closet and have to deal with situations like this!

    While "coming-out" is not easy, living with the truth is eventually much easier than constantly having to play games and lie about who you are.

    For instance, in this same situation, I'd probably say "hey... do you wanna fuck?"

    Simple.
  • auryn

    Posts: 2061

    Sep 23, 2008 10:07 PM GMT
    kewlkat said. We just talked in the straightest way possible about when we will see each other again.


    Would that be with lots of chest pounds and grunts, intermixed with calling things gay?

    If you go for the ball sack, for godsake, make sure he's washed them. Nothing like going down on someone that smells like old goat or wet dog.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 23, 2008 10:12 PM GMT
    sapor meus salsus testis
    Taste my salty balls.

    Coming out is a process, not something that happens all at once. Just because you bang the bajesus out of this guy doesn't mean you have to send your great aunt Sally a letter letting you know you like the cock. So, shack up with him, enjoy it, and see where your feelings (about yourself) go.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 23, 2008 10:13 PM GMT
    just go for it, you guys don't have to fuck, just let him know you are interested; worst case scenario you are out of the closet... OH NO! FREEDOM!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 23, 2008 10:21 PM GMT
    If you stay in the closet too long, you'll be moth eaten.