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Maybe you guys can give me some insight...

Im in my mid-twenties, successful ivy grad, model, southern. The guy in question is the same. This is about a long weekend we spent together, and Im trying to figure out what the hell is going on as I have no experience dating guys, just a few hookups.

So this guy visits my town and gets in touch with me through friends and wants to hang out. Only met him once before so no real expectations, friendship or otherwise. Im going to keep this short, but basically we spent the whole weekend together, day and night. He kept bringing up gay or bi stuff, anecdotes, etc, and I could tell he wanted to see where I stood so I told him Im curious a little myself. He didnt offer anything.

He calls his gay friend who asks us to go to a gay bar. Im not entirely comfortable but I go anyway. He says "we gotta act like we're together, we can make out if we need to." Im like I dont think its that serious dude.
We end up at my place to sleep and he says "dont try to touch my balls" as were walking in, in all seriousness. Im like "If I wanted to I would have and you can sleep on the couch if youre scared" We go inside and he strips. I offer him a pair of shorts which he declines, then my roommate comes out from banging some chick and offers him pillows and blankets for the couch. He takes them, but then follows me to my room anyway. We talked til 5am and connected through stories and experiences and outlook on life. Next day, repeat the same. Tells me he is kinda bi at the end of the night and Im like I know bro. I take him to the airport and it was awkward. I was pretty sad he was leaving and I think the feeling was mutual. We just talked in the straightest way possible about when we will see each other again. We keep in touch through text or email a few times a week.

This is the problem. I think the signs are there and I want to basically "touch his balls" at ths point. I feel trapped because Im not ready to come out and if I dont play the cards close to my chest, then a lot of the friends we share in common could become privy to that info. My gut feeling is that he is more experienced than I am bc I didnt pick up on these signs til I dropped him off. I'm going to visit him on his turf next week, and need some advice on how to feel out this situation. What's the right move to make? Or a good one? Or does it even matter?

Trapped.

Seriously, does he have to put his dick in your mouth before you catch on?

I mean come on.... Damn, short of wearing a sign around his neck, is there really a question here? Just say, before he can mention anything -
"oh by the way, this weekend, your balls are mine!"

Yep, I agree with the big chested man above me, he's got the hots for you good and proper. He wants to stick his thing up your jacksy
!

Good call. I just have to sack up and grab 'em. Just wanted to make sure I wasn't delusional.

Audaces fortuna iuvat .
Fortune favors the bold.

Touch the balls.

x

tempora mutantur nos et mutamur in illis.

Times change and we change with them ;-)

kewlkat wrote
He calls his gay friend who asks us to go to a gay bar. Im not entirely comfortable but I go anyway. He says "we gotta act like we're together, we can make out if we need to."

I've got to admit, this kills me. Was there a sign on the door that said:

IN CASE OF EMERGENCY, SNOG

He was basically telling you to make the first move and he wanted to make sure you were interested. Do your mutual friends know he is gay/bi? If they do than why are you scared? They dont care that he is gay/bi why would they care about you? There still friends with him. Talk to him about it. Let him know what worries you.

I see your from LA. I would run to the nearest gay/lesbian center and try to get into a group there, that helps people work on issues revolving around coming to terms with their sexuality and coming out.

Were to many games going on, in that scenario, to try and figure it out. Would work on myself a bit, before going any further with it, might even help the outcome if you figure out what your all about quickly. Good luck.

I understand where you're coming from. For those of us that were not out early on it's hard to recognize signs that another guy is into you. It's even harder to initiate a move. He's already made the first move when he come out to you. Next time you see him, it's on you. Tell him where you are in the out process; tell him your concerns about the mutual friends. Before you give into lust make sure you're comfortable that this guy will respect your privacy. Just cut through the bullshit.

he likes u. he was prob was scared too but he was dropping the hints cuz he was being the pussy and wanted u to act on it. next time yall are togetehr go for it. if it fails, well at least u tryed, but i think he likes u. good luck.

He's into you. I'm sure I could not have controlled myself.
Life is better out of the closet. Go enjoy youself

Thanks guys! It scares the hell out of me that I like this guy so much. Either way, I'm psyched to see what happens. I think he is a good guy and at about the same spot as I am in this whole confusing process. To respond to some of the posts: No one knows he is bi and the whole hit on me then say dont touch my balls theme was confusing as all hell. I feel so much better now though, and next weekend, Im going for the balls . I'll let you guys know what happens.

dude..before you go down there....how about a nice kiss with your clothes on to break the ice.

I have to agree with Alpha, maybe you guys should sit down and talk about shit before heading straight for the balls...

Well yeh, I'll def kiss him first Alpha, but I don't think a pow wow will work in this situation. At least not at first. I don't want him to think I'm dragging him out of the closet. Maybe after we hook up we can talk about it. That way neither of us can withdraw because it takes two to hook up. If I sit him down before anything goes down, I smell disaster and awkwardness for the rest of the weekend. I may be wrong though, what do you guys think?

See? This is why being closeted causes such problems
While I feel for your problem this is just a snapshot in a closeted man's life

If you went for this guy ... and he rebuffed you
You're right, you would be afraid he'd go to your friends
All the more reasons for you to be true to yourself and say who you are

Is this the way you want to meet all your encounters with fear and trepidation?
I don't want to lecture you but think about your future ... and about how you want to live it

Just be aware many guys are more comfortable having sex rather than kissing.
As odd as it may seem, some of these types really have a hard time being affectionate in public with something as small as caressing even in anonymous megalopolis like Los Angeles.
Let him know you like him, just take it slow and respect his boundaries.

What a mess! I simply cannot understand why anyone would choose to live in the closet and have to deal with situations like this!

While "coming-out" is not easy, living with the truth is eventually much easier than constantly having to play games and lie about who you are.

For instance, in this same situation, I'd probably say "hey... do you wanna fuck?"

Simple.

kewlkat said. We just talked in the straightest way possible about when we will see each other again.

Would that be with lots of chest pounds and grunts, intermixed with calling things gay?

If you go for the ball sack, for godsake, make sure he's washed them. Nothing like going down on someone that smells like old goat or wet dog.

sapor meus salsus testis
Taste my salty balls.

Coming out is a process, not something that happens all at once. Just because you bang the bajesus out of this guy doesn't mean you have to send your great aunt Sally a letter letting you know you like the cock. So, shack up with him, enjoy it, and see where your feelings (about yourself) go.

just go for it, you guys don't have to fuck, just let him know you are interested; worst case scenario you are out of the closet... OH NO! FREEDOM!

If you stay in the closet too long, you'll be moth eaten.

BigSETXjock saidWhat a mess! I simply cannot understand why anyone would choose to live in the closet and have to deal with situations like this!

While "coming-out" is not easy, living with the truth is eventually much easier than constantly having to play games and lie about who you are.

For instance, in this same situation, I'd probably say "hey... do you wanna fuck?"

Simple.

Jeez dude, that's a little harsh. At 38 I don't think you're coming from the same place as the poster who is only 25.
Give the kid a break, he and his buddy are exploring.

BodyWork4 saidSeriously, does he have to put his dick in your mouth before you catch on?

I mean come on.... Damn, short of wearing a sign around his neck, is there really a question here? Just say, before he can mention anything -
"oh by the way, this weekend, your balls are mine!"

This cracked me up.

Definitely see where it takes you, but don't get too wrapped up in possibly finding a relationship. Coming out is a tough process, and being thrown into it like that could be a bit volatile.

Exploring is the right term. Im not looking for a relationship with him, but if I was gonna have one with a guy, it would be a guy like him. Im comfortable talking to him and I think its mutual. Im probably overthinking this. Im sure I'll just know if its the right time or not when I get down there. It was the right time when he was in LA, and I think another right time will come up. Coming out is not on the table, at least not right now. Im too confused to put myself in a box so quickly.

Tell him "It's only gay if your balls touch"

I went through this shit with some of the jocks in college. No one said "don't touch my balls" or tell me they were bi but they did seem to push the bonding thing to the edge. I'm so glad I don't have to deal with that anymore.

You could do one of two things.

1. You grab his dick and say as promised I'm not touching your balls.
2. You say okay I won't but you can play with mine anytime.

i think you THINK you like each other because you havent done anything yet and you want to fuck somebody before your head (either of them) explodes. i think you should be prepared to have a one-time thing with this guy, maybe fuck buddies at the most. the fact is that the two of you arent on any dating scene with guys yet, so you dont know what else is out there. dont expect this to happen and the two of you never part. maybe you know that already, and i see you wrote you dont think it's going to be a relationship, but make sure you know that in your heart and not just in your head. you could get your feelings hurt.
now go have a good time. and be sure to come back here to post the video!

kewlkat saidMaybe you guys can give me some insight...

Im in my mid-twenties, successful ivy grad, model, southern. The guy in question is the same. This is about a long weekend we spent together, and Im trying to figure out what the hell is going on as I have no experience dating guys, just a few hookups.

So this guy visits my town and gets in touch with me through friends and wants to hang out. Only met him once before so no real expectations, friendship or otherwise. Im going to keep this short, but basically we spent the whole weekend together, day and night. He kept bringing up gay or bi stuff, anecdotes, etc, and I could tell he wanted to see where I stood so I told him Im curious a little myself. He didnt offer anything.

He calls his gay friend who asks us to go to a gay bar. Im not entirely comfortable but I go anyway. He says "we gotta act like we're together, we can make out if we need to." Im like I dont think its that serious dude.
We end up at my place to sleep and he says "dont try to touch my balls" as were walking in, in all seriousness. Im like "If I wanted to I would have and you can sleep on the couch if youre scared" We go inside and he strips. I offer him a pair of shorts which he declines, then my roommate comes out from banging some chick and offers him pillows and blankets for the couch. He takes them, but then follows me to my room anyway. We talked til 5am and connected through stories and experiences and outlook on life. Next day, repeat the same. Tells me he is kinda bi at the end of the night and Im like I know bro. I take him to the airport and it was awkward. I was pretty sad he was leaving and I think the feeling was mutual. We just talked in the straightest way possible about when we will see each other again. We keep in touch through text or email a few times a week.

This is the problem. I think the signs are there and I want to basically "touch his balls" at ths point. I feel trapped because Im not ready to come out and if I dont play the cards close to my chest, then a lot of the friends we share in common could become privy to that info. My gut feeling is that he is more experienced than I am bc I didnt pick up on these signs til I dropped him off. I'm going to visit him on his turf next week, and need some advice on how to feel out this situation. What's the right move to make? Or a good one? Or does it even matter?

Trapped.

First off I am not out either and totally agree with the other posters who said that coming out is a personal process, and no one can force you to if you don't want to.

I've only come out to one person, but it did the trick of banishing that fear of coming out for me. I am now pretty determined to come out fully and that fear of being rejected by family and friends and whatnot has gone almost entirely.

That said, you missed one very crucial opening. When he said he was bi, the right reply is:

"I think I am too"

NOT "I know".

But it's very very good to know because his confession is basically his way of saying 'I am attracted to you.' So at least you got that one down. But yeah... the tricky part is to get both of you to admit it! LOL

I say this:

TAKE THE RISK.

Tell him you're gay (or bi if you're still uncomfortable at coming out fully at this moment) and that you are attracted to him. I'd suggest doing it subtly, like 'You know... you're very attractive' or something like that. Suggestive but not crude/scary.

It's you choice of course. Are you willing to risk it for this guy? What's the worst that could happen? Can your coming out affect any part of your life seriously (not counting the minor inconvenience of your more narrow-minded 'friends' not liking you anymore, because that consequence is usually for the better. Leaves you with truer friends). Weigh everything, but in the end, the only real way is to risk it.

Good luck!

TigerTim saidtempora mutantur nos et mutamur in illis.

Times change and we change with them ;-)

tempura okonomiyake yakitori wasabe sashimi tonkatsu gyoza sukiyaki udon

'I am hungry'

maybe he had really sore balls and by saying "don't touch my balls," he was really saying 'do anything you want to me but please just don't touch my balls."

you all could be over analyzing this a bit -- Just saying its a possibility

Sedative said

TigerTim saidtempora mutantur nos et mutamur in illis.

Times change and we change with them ;-)

tempura okonomiyake yakitori wasabe sashimi tonkatsu gyoza sukiyaki udon

'I am hungry'

YUM!!!

Sedative said

TigerTim saidtempora mutantur nos et mutamur in illis.

Times change and we change with them ;-)

tempura okonomiyake yakitori wasabe sashimi tonkatsu gyoza sukiyaki udon

'I am hungry'

Oh look! A thread on hunger!
http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/292457/

So I talked to him about next week. Apparently, there is another guy from his HS coming as well (it's my bud's bday weekend). At first, I was like crap, but now I realize its an opp. My goal is to get in that bed at the end of the night. If his friend comes the day before me and is already on the couch, then that makes my life a lot easier and not as obvious to his roommates. I'll be sure to get the roommates to drunk to remember anyway. As far as his bday gift, I'm thinking of taking him skydiving or to an NFL game. Which do you guys think is better?

kewlkat saidSo I talked to him about next week. Apparently, there is another guy from his HS coming as well (it's my bud's bday weekend). At first, I was like crap, but now I realize its an opp. My goal is to get in that bed at the end of the night. If his friend comes the day before me and is already on the couch, then that makes my life a lot easier and not as obvious to his roommates. I'll be sure to get the roommates to drunk to remember anyway. As far as his bday gift, I'm thinking of taking him skydiving or to an NFL game. Which do you guys think is better?

Dude if you can get him to go skydiving, do it! It's a little expensive but it'll be an experience you guys will always remember.

sky diving is pretty bad ass......although, it rly depends on who's playing too....yea...sky diving, definitley

I didn't read all the post carefully, s tell me if I am repeating an already posted idea. Are you out to your mutual friends? If not, from the sound of your friends were trying to help you out of the closet, by bring a hot, bold guy out to meet you.

Hm. Never thought of it that way. Actually, my friend is his first cousin so maybe she knew we would hit it off. Interesting... Im gonna ask her opinion on his bday gift to see how she reacts....

SO the weekend went great. His house was full of friends all weekend, but we still managed to do more than our share of flirting to the dismay of the ladies present. Lots and hugs and embraces. It was hard to do much else but I think we know where each other stand now. He was much more free in LA than down south like I expected. People were really conservative and he has to live there so I understood. One incident wasinteresting though. I was lying on my back on his bed listening to music and he comes in and straddles me and I grab him hoping he stays and he just rolls over to his side and lies next to me for a min until someone comes and interrupts us. Trust me, this house was full of people. He wants it though, and next time he'll get it. The goodbye was tough for both of us and he carried my bag which was really nice (but I mean Im 6'1'' 180 I can carry my own bag), and after he left he sent me a text within literally 2minutes about how the goodbyes always seemed rushed and how he was really happy I came and had a really good time. We talk every single day...Just counting the days. Thanks for all the help.

Dude, get OVER yourself and just go with what you're feeling! You don't have to stand up and shout out that you're "out", just do what you FEEL is right/good for you.

TigerTim saidtempora mutantur nos et mutamur in illis.

Times change and we change with them ;-)

sic transit gloria mundi

Monday, Gloria became ill on the subway.

jprichva said

TigerTim saidtempora mutantur nos et mutamur in illis.

Times change and we change with them ;-)

sic transit gloria mundi

Monday, Gloria became ill on the subway.

WIN!

ROFLMAO!

kewlkat saidSO the weekend went great. His house was full of friends all weekend, but we still managed to do more than our share of flirting to the dismay of the ladies present. Lots and hugs and embraces. It was hard to do much else but I think we know where each other stand now. He was much more free in LA than down south like I expected. People were really conservative and he has to live there so I understood. One incident wasinteresting though. I was lying on my back on his bed listening to music and he comes in and straddles me and I grab him hoping he stays and he just rolls over to his side and lies next to me for a min until someone comes and interrupts us. Trust me, this house was full of people. He wants it though, and next time he'll get it. The goodbye was tough for both of us and he carried my bag which was really nice (but I mean Im 6'1'' 180 I can carry my own bag), and after he left he sent me a text within literally 2minutes about how the goodbyes always seemed rushed and how he was really happy I came and had a really good time. We talk every single day...Just counting the days. Thanks for all the help.

AW...."DO IT!" lol very romantic story.. keep us updated.

OMG, this is so Brokeback Mountain, but with a much happier ending I'm sure of it! ;-)

Yeah! When's next time?

Slow starts rock. You seem to be enjoying the ride, wherever it goes.