Back to just being friends?

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    Jan 09, 2013 1:16 AM GMT
    So long story short, was really good friends with a guy------> then became friends with benefits -------->got complicated ------> ended because we both liked each other, but for him, he can't deal with the "effects" coming out would have on his work (law enforcement), family, friends, etc. So seeing that it was not going to go anywhere i wanted, I ended it and said i needed some space.

    That was back in the beginning of September and today was the first time I have hung out with him since then. Awkward at first, but soon were talking like nothing happened. But the sexual tension was there and later when he was texting me he tried to make a joke about it. Which ended with him trying to flirt with me. I steered the conversation every time he did this and eventually asked him to stop. So i guess my question is, has anyone ever gone from liking a guy, FWB or whatever, to back to just being friends?

    This guy helped me out alot, always there to talk, get advice, hell there's stuff he knows about me that know one else does and if it wasn't for him i would more then likely still be in the closet. Sexual stuff aside, we were really close, so cutting things off with him I dont really see as an option. Am i just going to have to talk to him again and be perfectly blunt? Didn't seem to work the first time so I'm not sure what to do next.
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    Jan 09, 2013 2:38 AM GMT
    Northish99 said

    my question is, has anyone ever gone from liking a guy, FWB or whatever, to back to just being friends?

    Am i just going to have to talk to him again and be perfectly blunt? Didn't seem to work the first time so I'm not sure what to do next.


    I have, a couple of times, when one of us found a bf.

    If you truly don't want to be sexual with him, just let him know politely (again) when he flirts with you that it isn't going anywhere. You don't have to be blunt or crude. He will eventually get the message, if you are consistent, and don't encourage him by flirting back.

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    Jan 09, 2013 2:54 AM GMT
    Male bonding is male bonding. If sex was ever introduced to the bonding and is now gone, let it be gone. There will be other guys for sex. The bond shouldn't go away too.
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    Jan 09, 2013 2:58 AM GMT
    Me and an ex are excellent friends today. Give it time. Great advice above.
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    Jan 09, 2013 3:15 AM GMT
    Northish99 saidSo long story short, was really good friends with a guy------> then became friends with benefits -------->got complicated ------> ended because we both liked each other, but for him, he can't deal with the "effects" coming out would have on his work (law enforcement), family, friends, etc. So seeing that it was not going to go anywhere i wanted, I ended it and said i needed some space.

    This guy helped me out alot, always there to talk, get advice, hell there's stuff he knows about me that know one else does and if it wasn't for him i would more then likely still be in the closet. Sexual stuff aside, we were really close, so cutting things off with him I dont really see as an option. Am i just going to have to talk to him again and be perfectly blunt? Didn't seem to work the first time so I'm not sure what to do next.


    Let me understand this correctly. He helped you come out of the closet but he's still IN the closet? Sounds hypocritical!

    What was his reaction when you told him to stop flirting with you? If he has any respect for your demands and indeed stops flirting, then you two should be able to put your pasts aside and focus on the present...as friends. As long as you two can get into an agreement where the "complicated" part (as you described in your original post) is avoidable, then you two should not have any problems being friends.
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    Jan 09, 2013 6:25 AM GMT
    I think it's possible. However, as the friendship continues to evolve and should he decide to "come out," you may not be able to jump back into the sexual relationship. You or he might be in a different place a la 500 Days of Summer, if that reference makes sense.
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    Jan 09, 2013 7:19 AM GMT
    Friends who know you are worth keeping.

    Just keep resisting the flirts (don't reciprocate) and let things take their natural course. He'll get the message eventually.

    What happens if he fully comes out and wants to be your BF? Is that something you'd consider? You're venturing into friendly-ex territory without having been BFs...
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    Jan 09, 2013 7:48 AM GMT
    It's possible, but its also obvious from your description that you both have feelings for each other.


    Him not being able to act on them because life would get hard for him... is not enough to make them go away.

    It sounds like you know if you get involved with him you will end up wanting more. So either save yourself the pain and stay away from him.....or try to make it work in the way you really want it to.
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    Jan 09, 2013 3:26 PM GMT
    Follow your instincts.
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    Jan 09, 2013 3:33 PM GMT
    I agree with most. If you value the emotional ties more than the sexual stuff, it is possible to stay friends without it being awkward. Just remember to tell yourself you only want a friend in him... And be sure he knows too.

    Good Luck!
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    Jan 31, 2013 5:44 PM GMT
    Took the advise and talked to him again a few weeks back. It worked and have hung out with him without any issues. Thanks guys.