Boyfriend lied about deleting Growlr account...

  • WApilot

    Posts: 191

    Jan 09, 2013 7:48 PM GMT
    Okay, so I've been in this relationship for six months now and it has been the best ever. We met off the Bear hook/up app Growlr and have been together ever since. My boyfriend and I couldn't be anymore perfect together. He treats me with respect and dignity and I do the same towards him, we've even talked about the future together on many instances and I trust that my boyfriend has the best of intentions and wouldn't do anything intentionally to hurt me... with that being said, here's the story and why I'm posting this.

    So, about 2 months into our relationship, I decided to delete the app off of my phone because I'm in a monogamous relationship (we both agreed to the relationship) and I don't feel comfortable being on an app in which I received messages from guys repeatedly wanting to hookup even after I told them I was partnered with someone. So I told my BF that I was deleting it and he told me the same. So anyways, I uninstalled it (Growlr) from my phone then... I can't figure out how to delete the profile but I deleted the app off of my phone. So anyways, a few days ago, I realized I still had x-rated pics of myself on my profile. Now even though I deleted the app off of my phone, the profile still exist but it's not active. So I reinstalled it on my phone, with the intentions of deleting the pics and then uninstalling it once again.

    Once I did what I came on their to do, I got curious and figured I'd just check out the "close by" tab just to see who was near me and I saw my BF profile. But, he said he deleted it, several months prior. But his profile was updated with new pictures (one of which I took of him with his dog), in his 'about me' tab, he mentions he's only on to chat, nothing more. But his relationship status still says 'single' even after six months of being together.

    I trust my BF that he wouldn't cheat on me and so forth but is it unreasonable that I feel a little angry and hurt by this revelation? My BF has never given me an indication that he has cheated, wants to cheat, breakup or any other sign that he's not as committed to this relationship as I am.


    side note- when he told me he deleted the app, he did however say that after he deleted it, he still received messages, to which I thought was a weird thing because, if you delete the app, you shouldn't STILL receive messages??? Also, let's call a spade a spade, Grindr and all it's counterparts are hookup apps, not social media chat apps... if you wanna chat, go on twitter or facebook or friendster... I plan on talking to him about it, without accusing him of anything, but, just to talk about why he has the app and how it makes me feel that he lied about deleting the app when he didn't.
  • cookingitswee...

    Posts: 445

    Jan 09, 2013 7:53 PM GMT
    You decided to redownload an acount to delete pics and decided to see who's around. Don't bullshit a bullshitter, you can;t take the moral ground on this one.

    Talk to him honestly, unlike you've just been with us.
  • WApilot

    Posts: 191

    Jan 09, 2013 7:54 PM GMT
    I admit, curiosity got the better of me and I looked. I'm not holding myself to any higher standard of anything. But, I did reinstall the app with the intentions to delete x-rated pics of myself that I didn't want out there for others to see.

    Also, I said I was gonna talk to him anyways next time I'm with him, which probably will be today. This whole thing happened two days ago. I'm just getting the opinions of others. I already know what I'm gonna do and say.
  • PR_GMR

    Posts: 3831

    Jan 09, 2013 7:55 PM GMT
    This ain't gonna end well.
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    Jan 09, 2013 8:00 PM GMT
    PR_GMR saidThis ain't gonna end well.

    This. Probably best to end it without a lot of drama.
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    Jan 09, 2013 9:28 PM GMT
    WApilot said
    Also, I said I was gonna talk to him anyways next time I'm with him, which probably will be today. This whole thing happened two days ago. I'm just getting the opinions of others. I already know what I'm gonna do and say.

    My late partner was extremely jealous, as he told me himself. Soon after we began living together he asked me to delete all the gay porn I had on my computer, and also drop any gay porn sites. I could keep other gay social sites, which mainly consisted of AOL gay chat rooms at that time, which he was on, too.

    I explained it was just eye candy, but he felt it was competition for him, like I didn't think his own body was good enough for me. Well, on balance I decided his naked body in bed next to me every night was worth more than all the digital nudity I could ever download. The real was way better than the virtual, so I did the delete.

    You can criticize him for being insecure (he needn't have been with me), and criticize me for caving to him. But as I said, a bod in bed is worth more to me than a bod in bytes. icon_wink.gif

    You guys may need to talk this out, to see where your priorities are. And whether eye-candy is OK, or not OK, and whether chatting with guys on hook-ups sites is also OK.

    I know some LTR couples who surf those sites regularly, and actually do hook-up outside their relationship. The question is, what will work for YOU guys? This thread suggests you are more the monogamous type (as I am). But what is he? Will that work out if he's a player? These are the things you must learn, and decide their impact on your future together. I wish you the best.
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Jan 09, 2013 9:28 PM GMT
    If this is an issue at six months, it probably will be an issue in six years. You just have to base your decision on whether you want to try to work together and build a relationship, anyway. Or you need to end it.
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    Jan 09, 2013 9:59 PM GMT
    datscarf saidgrowlr?
    + what the others said.


    An app to meet bears...

    That's probably why most of those dudes be fake ass hell because they already be with someone and be trolling the apps on the side. Can't rely too much on that bullshit.

    If you're in a relationship and they have single, they are not only lying to you and him but to everyone else. And that's not right. I'm not concerned as to whether this guy is or will cheat...I'm more concerned that he's putting himself on the market when he's unavailable.
  • thegaymessiah

    Posts: 214

    Jan 09, 2013 10:32 PM GMT
    You just have to be honest.

    Honesty is what breeds intimacy. (well it also breeds hatred as it's really rude to go up to somebody and say 'you are fat' even if they are but anyway)

    Monogamy is not natural. It might be morally superior, but that's debateable. You proved this yourself by going on the site in the first place.

    People care about each other but we also want to live nomadic lifestyles where we go place to place exploring our own desiries. This is because there is raw intense animalistic energy for a lot of people when they get fucked in a hotel room by a new person for a first time. Even though it might hurt somebody's feelings or be morally wrong- it's a rush.

    The real moral thing to do is just be honest about it, without hurting those that are close to us. I have a boyfriend too, I have a few boyfriends who I feel very very deeply and emotionally close to. I would never want to break their hearts, but I also know a broken heart is a natural state of being. But like Demi Lovato says I don't wanna break their hearts, I want to give their heart a break.

    I couldn't do that by being sneaky and pretending that I don't want to have hot intense sex with a lot of other people. Why do that? I couldn't keep up the charade for very long. I'd rather say "I really care about you here and I don't want to risk stds for both of us but the truth is I want to have a little fun with this person even if it's just jacking off with him."

    So you are respecting how they feel but at the same time being assertive about your own rights. This is causing a lot of drama because you're both doing things behind the other back and lying to protect feelings but ironically that's just going to cause MORE hurt feelings later down the road.

    If you can seriously be monogamous and not go back to gay hook-up sites then you have to keep your word and actually do it and not pussy out when the temptation arises. If you really wanna do it go for it but honestly I can't resist my manhunt fix. Or meeting guys on skype and playing around with them. I just like doing it and it's not going to win me any humanitarian awards but sex is okay even if it's just blowing off some steam.

  • WApilot

    Posts: 191

    Jan 09, 2013 11:14 PM GMT
    I know some LTR couples who surf those sites regularly, and actually do hook-up outside their relationship. The question is, what will work for YOU guys? This thread suggests you are more the monogamous type (as I am). But what is he? Will that work out if he's a player? These are the things you must learn, and decide their impact on your future together. I wish you the best. [/quote]

    I am the monogamous type, as is he, we've talked about it before and we've occasionally in the past have reinforced to each other that we've been with nobody else and do not want to be with anyone else besides each other.
    We have a pretty good relationship with great communication. I would say this is our first hickup. It's not THAT big of a deal but it's enough of a deal for myself to want to mention it and post a blog post about iticon_confused.gif
  • WApilot

    Posts: 191

    Jan 09, 2013 11:25 PM GMT
    thegaymessiah said

    Monogamy is not natural. It might be morally superior, but that's debateable. You proved this yourself by going on the site in the first place.



    What are you talking about? I went on the site to delete old pictures that I don't want there. But I no longer access the app cause I'm with someone and the guys that i've chatted with don't seem to respect the boundaries when I would say that I'm with someone... I'd still receive messages from them wanting me to cheat on my BF. We both met off of the app, without the intent of hooking up, but we ended up falling for each other.

    Also, when it comes to monogamy, it is debatable but to say it's not natural when in nature there are monogamous species of animals, isn't. If a person wants an open relationship, they should be with someone who wants the same and vice versa for a person who wants monogamy. I don't have a doubt that my BF wants a monogamous relationship.