I'm horrible at picking men!

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 11, 2013 7:28 AM GMT
    Ugh. Why am I up at 2am reminiscing about my past relationships? Ugh. New year, same ole me. I was just looking at my past posts on here and had an epiphany: I'm HORRIBLE at dating! Like omg. I should just seriously remain single all my life. Now I know why some of y'all gave me the advice you did. Because I'm cray cray!!! My past relationships have been disasters. And it's a combination of me thinking I can "save" a guy and them being emotionally unavailable.


    What can I do to not pick men like these?

    I wonder if I look back in a year at this thread, if I will have cleaned up my act. Or is my love life destined to be one big gay version of Rock of Love? I need a love coach...icon_neutral.gif
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    Jan 11, 2013 8:32 AM GMT
    Yesterday, I looked at an email I wrote a guy 10 years ago.
    I can't believe how crazy I sounded. And the formatting was a hot mess. And I didn't think my writing was ever that bad (although I was drunk when I wrote it... but I had a day to edit before I sent it).

    Reading it now, I am like "wow red flag, red flag, holy shit avoid this bitch". Yet that didn't send him running.

    My point is, if it was possible for a guy to not be scared off by that, then it's possible for a guy not to be scared off by you. And the crazy has decreased incredibly since then. So too should yours.

    Also, don't save people unless they ask for it. Be avail but don't force a save!
  • TheAlchemixt

    Posts: 2294

    Jan 11, 2013 8:47 AM GMT
    Are you like a Pisces or something...
  • TheAlchemixt

    Posts: 2294

    Jan 11, 2013 8:52 AM GMT
    Next time take a step back and look at the man your dating; Then look at him for how he "really" is and not as how you "want' to see him as. Make sure you are able to distance yourself at the start, and don't fall head over heels for someone right away because that is a recipe for disaster.
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    Jan 11, 2013 11:45 AM GMT
    SkinnyBitch saidYesterday, I looked at an email I wrote a guy 10 years ago!


    I can't believe you have a 10yr old email saved...
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Jan 11, 2013 12:41 PM GMT
    i'm sure there's some place with gay men in cages you can go and pick one... i recommend choosing the one who doesn't bark at you.
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    Jan 11, 2013 12:56 PM GMT
    Hillie said
    SkinnyBitch saidYesterday, I looked at an email I wrote a guy 10 years ago!


    I can't believe you have a 10yr old email saved...


    Yeah, some people saved email over 10 yrs.icon_lol.gif
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    Jan 11, 2013 1:38 PM GMT
    SkinnyBitch saidYesterday, I looked at an email I wrote a guy 10 years ago.
    I can't believe how crazy I sounded. And the formatting was a hot mess. And I didn't think my writing was ever that bad (although I was drunk when I wrote it... but I had a day to edit before I sent it).

    Reading it now, I am like "wow red flag, red flag, holy shit avoid this bitch". Yet that didn't send him running.

    My point is, if it was possible for a guy to not be scared off by that, then it's possible for a guy not to be scared off by you. And the crazy has decreased incredibly since then. So too should yours.

    Also, don't save people unless they ask for it. Be avail but don't force a save!


    Crazy bitch. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Jan 11, 2013 1:39 PM GMT
    TheAlchemixt saidAre you like a Pisces or something...


    With all due respect...what the hell are you talking about? I hate to tell you, but it's not all in the stars, mon.
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    Jan 11, 2013 1:51 PM GMT
    Hillie said
    SkinnyBitch saidYesterday, I looked at an email I wrote a guy 10 years ago!


    I can't believe you have a 10yr old email saved...


    ^^ that IS crazy! who keeps emails for 10years?! LOL just joking!

    my buddy and i went to see Silver Linings Playbook last week, and his comment was that Bradley Cooper never looked so cute as when he's playing a hot guy in need of help.

    there's something to be said about this, and young girls are really great at falling for the "I can help him" trap of wanting to fix guys who they find attractive. i think its because they often feel (as girls) that men have all the power, and that women are more passive, and so what the like is to be able to contribute something of themselves. that is, until they learn that guys often don't like being patronised, analyzed or pathologised. everyone has problems. no one likes to have a magnifying glass pointed at each and every one of them.

    pick guys who you perceive are your equals. you should approach your dating life in balance. you should not feel like you are the only power holder in your relationships, as if you are the only one who as anything to offer. similarly, you should not be seeing other people as resources from which to gain things. you should be seeing them as team mates - as complimentary contributors.
  • PR_GMR

    Posts: 3831

    Jan 11, 2013 4:03 PM GMT
    jmusmc85 saidUgh. Why am I up at 2am reminiscing about my past relationships? Ugh. New year, same ole me. I was just looking at my past posts on here and had an epiphany: I'm HORRIBLE at dating! Like omg. I should just seriously remain single all my life. Now I know why some of y'all gave me the advice you did. Because I'm cray cray!!! My past relationships have been disasters. And it's a combination of me thinking I can "save" a guy and them being emotionally unavailable.


    What can I do to not pick men like these?

    I wonder if I look back in a year at this thread, if I will have cleaned up my act. Or is my love life destined to be one big gay version of Rock of Love? I need a love coach...icon_neutral.gif


    Ok, jmusc, I'm gonna coach you on love.

    Sign after me:

    'Love Hurts'

    'Love Scars'

    'Love wounds, and marks'

    (jmusc starts singing awkardly)

    Come on! You gotta do better than that!

    'Any heart, not tough'

    'Or strong enough'

    That's my boy.. much bettah!

    'To take a lot of pain
    take a lot of pain
    Love is like a cloud
    Holds a lot of rain.

    'Love Hurts'
    'Love Hurts!

    icon_razz.gif
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    Jan 11, 2013 4:36 PM GMT
    jmusmc85 saidUgh. Why am I up at 2am reminiscing about my past relationships? Ugh. New year, same ole me. I was just looking at my past posts on here and had an epiphany: I'm HORRIBLE at dating! Like omg. I should just seriously remain single all my life. Now I know why some of y'all gave me the advice you did. Because I'm cray cray!!! My past relationships have been disasters. And it's a combination of me thinking I can "save" a guy and them being emotionally unavailable.


    What can I do to not pick men like these?

    I wonder if I look back in a year at this thread, if I will have cleaned up my act. Or is my love life destined to be one big gay version of Rock of Love? I need a love coach...icon_neutral.gif


    OP, I can relate.... but I've dug a little deeper in to it. It wasn't so much I thought I could save them cause only Jesus does that. But, It was the fact that I based many of my decisions on what I perceived to be potential rather than what actually was. Now it is different. I weight out the situation and take what I see actually happening rather than possibility. Plus, I've raised the bar a bit. I've identified those things that are just deal breakers on my end in a relationship (i.e. Bi Guys, No Job, No Car, Can't/Won't Drive, Health Issues (I have to elaborate... it's not that cut and dry on this one), Being able to keep up with me on a run (which is not hard) (my friends insist on setting me up with bear types just short of a case of the sugars... screw that I'm changing my life, you better be on that same road too), etc...

    It started when I read this book and did the exercise in it called "Finding The Boyfriend Within" By Brad Gooch. Great read! I really think it's what's helped my success personally so far as well as to screening out potential bad leads for dating purposes. I want a mate not just a date. I'm not being lesbian about it either (packing the u-haul before the first date, etc.) but I am considering that there are goals I want and either we share a distant vision or we don't... if we have the same long term goals then it might be likely to go somewhere and worthy of my time but based on what i see happening on the hear and now. And have no expectations for ANYTHING! Seems to be easier that way. Good luck!
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    Jan 11, 2013 4:40 PM GMT
    Team Mates... I like that... That's exactly what I have been saying!
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4435

    Jan 11, 2013 4:45 PM GMT
    redsoxfan791 said
    TheAlchemixt saidAre you like a Pisces or something...


    With all due respect...what the hell are you talking about? I hate to tell you, but it's not all in the stars, mon.


    Hey-- chill guy. I'm not into astrology (or religion for that matter) but I laughed when I read this. He was joking.
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    Jan 11, 2013 4:46 PM GMT
    calibro saidi'm sure there's some place with gay men in cages you can go and pick one... i recommend choosing the one who doesn't bark at you.


    Really! Please tell me where this place is at!!!
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    Jan 11, 2013 4:47 PM GMT
    Hillie said
    SkinnyBitch saidYesterday, I looked at an email I wrote a guy 10 years ago!


    I can't believe you have a 10yr old email saved...


    Hey!!! icon_smile.gif I have mails saved from 10y ago but they're from friends...
    Not long ago I was reading them and it takes you back and you compare how your friendships has changed, the same with pictures.
    We were a group of 15 teenagers, most of them disappeared haha, only 2 of them still my closest friends from 10y ago.
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    Jan 11, 2013 4:54 PM GMT
    I dont have any prob in picking up men.... oh wait..
  • PR_GMR

    Posts: 3831

    Jan 11, 2013 5:16 PM GMT
    jmusmc85 said
    calibro saidi'm sure there's some place with gay men in cages you can go and pick one... i recommend choosing the one who doesn't bark at you.


    Really! Please tell me where this place is at!!!


    prison.jpg

    icon_razz.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 11, 2013 5:28 PM GMT
    Cray Cray + Cray Cray = Normal Happy Relationship. Isn't that how fairy tales work?
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    Jan 11, 2013 6:16 PM GMT
    We know a guy who is like 31 and is dating a guy who is 49 HIV positive with hepatitis C and mental issues.I dont get why people want to be with disasters waiting to happen but there has to be a psychological reason for it.That aint me 4 sure.I have had 7 lifetimes of drama.I dont need more.Ryan
  • TheAlchemixt

    Posts: 2294

    Jan 11, 2013 7:26 PM GMT
    redsoxfan791 said
    TheAlchemixt saidAre you like a Pisces or something...


    With all due respect...what the hell are you talking about? I hate to tell you, but it's not all in the stars, mon.


    Chill man, chill. I know it's not all in the star and I was being sarcastic. Learn how to have a little fun, yeah? (That's me being sarcastic if you didn't know) ;)

    Also as you can see, I had posted a more serious reply after the comment I had made right afterwards....
  • TheAlchemixt

    Posts: 2294

    Jan 11, 2013 7:29 PM GMT
    Destinharbor said
    redsoxfan791 said
    TheAlchemixt saidAre you like a Pisces or something...


    With all due respect...what the hell are you talking about? I hate to tell you, but it's not all in the stars, mon.


    Hey-- chill guy. I'm not into astrology (or religion for that matter) but I laughed when I read this. He was joking.


    Aww thanks Destin, I just read this after reply post. icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 11, 2013 8:41 PM GMT
    I tend to go for unreasonable dicks with no tact!icon_mad.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 11, 2013 8:46 PM GMT
    jmusmc85 saidI tend to go for unreasonable dicks with no tact!icon_mad.gif

    When you spot these guys just walk away. You're a good guy who deserves to be with a goog guy. It'll come man in time
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    Jan 11, 2013 9:23 PM GMT
    Every person has issues -- even you, and even me. If you're looking for a guy without problems, you're going to be looking for a long, long time. You just have to know yourself so you can evaluate whether you can handle those issues and whether the other guy can add something valuable to your life.