Is dateing this hard REALLY GUYS COME ON

  • RockHard07

    Posts: 11

    Jan 11, 2013 10:35 AM GMT
    Ok I have to say this and men of real jock plz help me understand as gay men we are already going to have a hard road with just normal very life but when it comes to dateing it should be this hard why is it so hard to just habe a man walk up to me and say let's go out on a date I mean why is dateing so hard for gays in the world this day and age I don't want to be single anymore been single to long I just want real ,man to step up to the plate men of real jock help me out here
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    Jan 11, 2013 10:50 AM GMT
    It'll be as hard as u make it. Why are u waiting for someone to walk up to you? Somewhere a guy is asking the same question u ask, waiting for u to walk up to him.
    The effort is yours for the taking...
  • TheBizMan

    Posts: 4091

    Jan 11, 2013 11:42 AM GMT
    Hillie saidIt'll be as hard as u make it. Why are u waiting for someone to walk up to you? Somewhere a guy is asking the same question u ask, waiting for u to walk up to him.
    The effort is yours for the taking...

    +1

    So many gay men think it is every other gay man's duty to approach them.
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    Jan 11, 2013 12:03 PM GMT
    Wrong, dating* is partially having to deal with yourself. Ever go on a date, going in expecting either too much failure or success from the other person? Sometimes, it's as simple as just talking to the guy.
  • FireDoor211

    Posts: 1030

    Jan 11, 2013 12:10 PM GMT
    You can want something all you want, but if you don't ever take action then nothing will ever happen. You can't leave it up to someone else.
  • TheAlchemixt

    Posts: 2294

    Jan 11, 2013 12:15 PM GMT
    Hillie saidIt'll be as hard as u make it. Why are u waiting for someone to walk up to you? Somewhere a guy is asking the same question u ask, waiting for u to walk up to him.
    The effort is yours for the taking...


    +2
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    Jan 11, 2013 12:29 PM GMT
    RockHard07 saidOk I have to say this and men of real jock plz help me understand as gay men we are already going to have a hard road with just normal very life but when it comes to dateing it should be this hard why is it so hard to just habe a man walk up to me and say let's go out on a date I mean why is dateing so hard for gays in the world this day and age I don't want to be single anymore been single to long I just want real ,man to step up to the plate men of real jock help me out here


    First I want you to give me a description of your ideal kinda guy......sometimes gay men make unrealistic check list of the kind of guy they want without even knowing it. I used to do that but I lost all those silly check list and now very open to meet new people
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Jan 11, 2013 12:44 PM GMT
    no offense, but i totes wouldn't date you after reading that post. i recommend you work on those issues first.
  • RockHard07

    Posts: 11

    Jan 11, 2013 12:45 PM GMT
    I see what you mean well there is a few reasons for why I would rather want some one esle to walk up to me you see I have alway be the one to walk up to a guy and say my name and say let's go out and see where it goes but it never really works out that way it turns into a quick sex thing then no words after that I mean when I say I want a man to walk up to me and ask me out that means to me that he want to get to know me for me not my looks
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    Jan 11, 2013 12:48 PM GMT
    I am not sure what your preference
  • RockHard07

    Posts: 11

    Jan 11, 2013 1:19 PM GMT
    Like i said before I don't really mind walking up to guy or a guy walking up to me I just want a nice guy that really wants to date and someday be in a ltr
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 11, 2013 1:25 PM GMT
    People who know how to use punctuation generally have an easier time finding a date.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 11, 2013 1:29 PM GMT
    paulflexes saidPeople who know how to use punctuation generally have an easier time finding a date.

    LOL, don't be mean.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 11, 2013 1:37 PM GMT
    i love how someone writes in earnest that he's finding it difficult out there, and the first responses are to attack him!

    lets all acknowledge first: dating is hard. period. it requires effort, courage, imagination, gumption, and mostly an openness to others. its awkward, there's fear of rejection, you'll meet rude people, and it can be uncomfortable even at the best of times.

    it also takes two to tango: you have to put out as much as you are willing to let in. as others said, you can't go through life passively waiting for others to approach you. you also have to go through the uncomfortable steps to approaching others whom you are interested in.

    adjust your perception: think of dating as any other interaction where you're meeting people in your life, and getting better acquainted as friends. if you take away the pressure of expectation (e.g. instant intimacy, fast roads to making out, sex, etc), what you have left is an interest in getting to know each other to see if you have friendship potential ... before you have fucking potential.

    good luck!
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    Jan 11, 2013 2:15 PM GMT
    Although I've been partnered 20 years, I remember the dating scene... all too well. I still get approached by men... actually, now more than when I was in my 20's.

    I am by nature shy as well as introverted. So, it was always doubly hard for me. But, if I was dating, I would tend to not be interested in a guy that shows desperation, neediness, or a lack of self-confidence. Even today, the guys that I tend to notice, and would date if applicable, have to be self-confident without the arrogance, somewhat outgoing, but at the same time show humility.

    I would suggest, you just assert yourself more and whatever you do, don't come across as desperate. Be considerate, outgoing but not brash, confident but not arrogant.... and you'll attract the men.

    Maybe you already attract the men you want, but just don't see it?

    Good luck.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 11, 2013 3:48 PM GMT
    Hillie saidIt'll be as hard as u make it. Why are u waiting for someone to walk up to you? Somewhere a guy is asking the same question u ask, waiting for u to walk up to him.
    The effort is yours for the taking...

    Well in my case it has been opposite. I have mostly asked out guys for going on a date which I don't mind. The bad thing is those guys even if they find themselves interested in me they will act like they are doing some kind of favor by going out with me. I don't know its just happens with me or anyone else.
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    Jan 11, 2013 9:13 PM GMT
    Shagglot said
    Hillie saidIt'll be as hard as u make it. Why are u waiting for someone to walk up to you? Somewhere a guy is asking the same question u ask, waiting for u to walk up to him.
    The effort is yours for the taking...

    Well in my case it has been opposite. I have mostly asked out guys for going on a date which I don't mind. The bad thing is those guys even if they find themselves interested in me they will act like they are doing some kind of favor by going out with me. I don't know its just happens with me or anyone else.


    I think lots of guys love to think they are being chased by someone who is crazy for them so that becomes the narrative in their head even if you were just proactive. I don't send out many initial messages (laziness) but when I do it is a bit annoying when the other guy will never actually start a conversation and you feel like he is giving you a special favour by responding.
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    Jan 11, 2013 9:16 PM GMT
    RockHard07 saidOk I have to say this and men of real jock plz help me understand as gay men we are already going to have a hard road with just normal very life but when it comes to dateing it should be this hard why is it so hard to just habe a man walk up to me and say let's go out on a date I mean why is dateing so hard for gays in the world this day and age I don't want to be single anymore been single to long I just want real ,man to step up to the plate men of real jock help me out here


    ?!?
    I don't understand. That's what I do, and what happens to me. Maybe you need a different approach to guys cuz it doesn't seem like what you're doing is working. Just be friendly when you go out and take the pressure of yourself and the guys around you. Then, you'll be easier to approach.
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    Jan 11, 2013 10:20 PM GMT
    Yeah you have to throw it out along with the "waiting for the guy to call" for the 2nd date.

    It's just easier to not let it bother you and ask guys.

    PS - I'll be sure and hit on you if I see you in NYC icon_razz.gif
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    Jan 11, 2013 11:16 PM GMT
    paulflexes saidPeople who know how to use punctuation generally have an easier time finding a date.


    And how to spell "dating". Even a foreigner like me knows how to.

    But like Bizman said, "so many gay men think it is every other gay man's duty to approach them" so grow a pair.
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    Jan 11, 2013 11:16 PM GMT
    bus9ja2d said

    I think lots of guys love to think they are being chased by someone who is crazy for them so that becomes the narrative in their head even if you were just proactive. I don't send out many initial messages (laziness) but when I do it is a bit annoying when the other guy will never actually start a conversation and you feel like he is giving you a special favour by responding.

    Yeah tell me about that and people say they are masculine, straight acting blah blah. This behavior is really annoying and frustrating. How about just saying, "I am not interested in you". I am more comfortable with rejection than hanging in a limbo of inconclusive conversation.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 11, 2013 11:18 PM GMT
    Dating is only as difficult as you make it.
    It's mostly been a fun journey in my experience. It's a chance to meet someone new and see if there's a connection. Maybe it's just not a match and you start over with someone else.

    I think you have other issues. If you can learn to love yourself and enjoy who you are as a single person, others will want to experience that part of you too.
    If you're looking to find a partner to fix some deficiency in yourself, others will sense that too.
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    Jan 11, 2013 11:20 PM GMT
    Shagglot said
    bus9ja2d said

    I think lots of guys love to think they are being chased by someone who is crazy for them so that becomes the narrative in their head even if you were just proactive. I don't send out many initial messages (laziness) but when I do it is a bit annoying when the other guy will never actually start a conversation and you feel like he is giving you a special favour by responding.

    Yeah tell me about that and people say they are masculine, straight acting blah blah. This behavior is really annoying and frustrating. How about just saying, "I am not interested in you". I am more comfortable with rejection than hanging in a limbo of inconclusive conversation.


    Ah but this is even the ones who are interested in you! They just want to be the princess in the tower who doesn't have to do any work icon_smile.gif
  • LJay

    Posts: 11612

    Jan 11, 2013 11:23 PM GMT
    Try not to think of it as "dating" or "an event" but as hanging out of making a time to get to know someone. Weighting the time with too much of a label merely raises anxiety.
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    Jan 12, 2013 12:19 AM GMT
    Date is important because it is set of events (month-sary, anniversary, silver anniversary or as simple as we are both off from work and why not dine in a fancy restaurant) in which you celebrate your relationship. It's like you are treasuring the start of your relationship and it's obviously common that everything started with a date but it's for heterosexual and not commonly done to gay world. But I guess you are desperate to experience dating and not about relationship. If you have found a stable partner then invite him for a date. You can also invite a person you like to date and confess your feelings. It's called courting but unluckily... it's not much praticed. I guess the reason you don't experience dating is because you forgot to practice... icon_rolleyes.gif