Being humble vs being confident

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 11, 2013 8:35 PM GMT
    Being humble is good but sometimes people mistaken it as having low self esteem

    Being confident is good but sometimes people mistaken it as being arrogant

    How do you prevent that from happening? Thoughts / advise?
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    Jan 11, 2013 8:41 PM GMT
    A balance between talking and listening during conversations. I prefer to listen to begin with then say my piece.
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    Jan 11, 2013 8:47 PM GMT
    I have low self esteem so I need constant validation. I'm a little screwed up. icon_lol.gif

    Anyway I don't see humility as a bad thing. I guess you have to find a balance. Talk about your good qualities and accomplishments but don't boast about them.
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    Jan 11, 2013 8:50 PM GMT
    Shyguy_1986 saidI have low self esteem so I need constant validation. I'm a little screwed up. icon_lol.gif

    Anyway I don't see humility as a bad thing. I guess you have to find a balance. Talk about your good qualities and accomplishments but don't boast about them.


    I think it is a bad thing for the person only because of how much other people will take advantage of them.
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    Jan 11, 2013 8:55 PM GMT
    JOOU saidBeing humble is good but sometimes people mistaken it as having low self esteem

    Being confident is good but sometimes people mistaken it as being arrogant

    How do you prevent that from happening? Thoughts / advise?


    Your concern with how others think of you being confident or of you being humble, prevents your truly being either.
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    Jan 11, 2013 10:29 PM GMT
    I agree. The balance is key with everything.
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    Jan 11, 2013 11:24 PM GMT
    It doesn't matter what you are. People will misinterpret it anyway.
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    Jan 11, 2013 11:38 PM GMT
    paulflexes saidIt doesn't matter what you are. People will misinterpret it anyway.


    +1.
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Jan 11, 2013 11:59 PM GMT
    I've been called arrogant and insecure. I just say, thanks, I love you too--and I can change!!icon_eek.gif
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    Jan 12, 2013 12:11 AM GMT
    Practicing humility is called being humble. Someone that is humble is confident. Hazrat Khan said, "I draw all my strength from my humility." Low self-esteem is just an easier way of saying you have a huge ego.

    Humility is truth and seeking it is always an active process. That's the place where we will find self-esteem. I never knew this until I discovered the difference between the two (self-esteem and ego). My ego had to be shattered and continuously does today, but at least I don't kick and scream about it anymore.
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    Jan 12, 2013 12:12 AM GMT
    Erik101 said
    paulflexes saidIt doesn't matter what you are. People will misinterpret it anyway.


    +1.


    Ditto.
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    Jan 12, 2013 12:16 AM GMT
    be confidently humble.

    and...... be humbly confident..
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    Jan 12, 2013 12:18 AM GMT
    JOOU saidBeing humble is good but sometimes people mistaken it as having low self esteem

    Being confident is good but sometimes people mistaken it as being arrogant

    How do you prevent that from happening? Thoughts / advise?


    Being humble is only for very awesomely important people.
    Being humbled, you can be that by standing next to a huge impressive old tree.
    Being confident is good as long as you're not cocky.
    Being arrogant- that's always other peoples' call on you anyway.
  • TheAlchemixt

    Posts: 2294

    Jan 12, 2013 12:36 AM GMT
    paulflexes saidIt doesn't matter what you are. People will misinterpret it anyway.


    +1 A man of wisdom has spoken.
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    Jan 12, 2013 12:40 AM GMT
    If you don't accept compliments because of your low self-esteem then you're a little bitch.

    If you think "I know" when somebody compliments you then you're Kanye West.

    If you say "Thank you." when somebody compliments you then you're just right.
  • thegaymessiah

    Posts: 214

    Jan 12, 2013 1:19 AM GMT
    I don't think you can prevent it.

    Some people are waaaay better at being truly nice/supportive/caring. Others are more independent.

    Arrogant people won't fight fair. They will attack/challenge people who don't deserve it, who already have a hard enough life and are trying to do the best thing themselves.

    Confident people aren't afraid to stand up to bullies, arrogant people are the bullies themselves.

    I took a personality test once and I got 'healer' - I'm a natural fixer upper. That's why I learned how to ground my empathy and to make sure that my submissive empathy powers do not attract a gaslighting sociopath. IF you don't know what gaslighting is, look it up. It helps to not let yourself get fucked over.
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    Jan 12, 2013 1:34 AM GMT
    ^^^^^ another wise one.
  • rdberg1957

    Posts: 662

    Jan 12, 2013 3:51 AM GMT
    I don't think very much about how other will view me. If I feel misunderstood in the moment, I may try to clarify what I am communicating. Mostly, I don't think I have much control how others view me. I have control over my speech and actions.

    I like the idea of balancing listening and speaking, being curious about others and somewhat transparent (self-disclosing). I believe I am an attractive man, even at age 55. I am not attractive to everyone, but definitely to some. It isn't always enough because there are barriers for me to connecting with others even when there is mutual attraction Others have barriers which make connecting difficult. Lots of them have to do with family upbringing, personality type, and preoccupation (not noticing when I am attracted to someone or when someone is attracted to me).

    Somehow, some people manage to make connections and develop genuine friendships and close relationships. manage to feel like they belong with others. It isn't easy for lots of us. For a few people it comes easy.
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    Jan 12, 2013 3:54 AM GMT
    BuddyinNYC said
    Erik101 said
    paulflexes saidIt doesn't matter what you are. People will misinterpret it anyway.


    +1.


    Ditto.


    +3. You can't even say that you're "intelligent" on your profile, apparently....
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    Jan 12, 2013 3:57 AM GMT
    Just be yourself, people are going to make a judgment good or bad either way...Remember, some people said horrible things about mother teresa and she was a saint of a person....Besides, dont put to much leverage into what someone may think about you anyway, just feel good in knowing your a good person with or without someone's approval....icon_idea.gif
  • MidwesternKid

    Posts: 1167

    Jan 12, 2013 3:59 AM GMT
    A great guy will be able to find a balance between the two and everyone around him will be able to notice that balance. Unless the people around him are idiots, then fuck them for being so stupid.
  • 1blind_dog

    Posts: 376

    Jan 12, 2013 4:45 AM GMT
    deltalimen saidPracticing humility is called being humble. Someone that is humble is confident. Hazrat Khan said, "I draw all my strength from my humility." Low self-esteem is just an easier way of saying you have a huge ego.

    Humility is truth and seeking it is always an active process. That's the place where we will find self-esteem. I never knew this until I discovered the difference between the two (self-esteem and ego). My ego had to be shattered and continuously does today, but at least I don't kick and scream about it anymore.


    This ^^^^^

    I personally don't see humility and confidence as opposing factors. Watch a few good kung fu movies.

    Humility is not weakness, it's perspective, knowledge, and understanding.
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    Jan 12, 2013 4:46 AM GMT
    Arrogance is a quality I detest.I know some guys dig it.I know this guy who is a drunken pig and he is dating this local celebrity.He is such an arrogant fuck.If he were on fire and I had a pitcher of water.....I would drink the water.Nuff said.icon_smile.gif
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    Jan 12, 2013 4:49 AM GMT
    JOOU saidBeing humble is good but sometimes people mistaken it as having low self esteem

    Being confident is good but sometimes people mistaken it as being arrogant

    How do you prevent that from happening? Thoughts / advise?


    They are all very different. A humble person doesn't doesn't berate himself as a person with low self esteem would. And a confident person feels no need to speak highly of himself.
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    Jan 12, 2013 4:52 AM GMT
    I think it's definitely possible to be both, I consider my partner both confident AND humble.

    He will show great empathy and understanding. His focus is always on me rather than himself. Yet the way he carries himself is very confident. He never afraid to ask or approach strangers. If a meal isn't right at a restaurant, he will not hesitate to get the waiter's attention. He also is confident in the way he doesn't need to boast about himself or constantly look for reassurance.

    The two are mutually exclusive qualities, they can overlap but there's no reason why you can't be both.