Online dating: rejection

  • unhooligan

    Posts: 92

    Jan 11, 2013 11:03 PM GMT
    So I'm pretty new to the online dating scene, and the one thing I have trouble with is the rejection. Both sides. Cant help but feel ashamed when people arent interested. Also it sucks to say no to those who are interested.

    Cant just be me right? How do you guys handle it?

    And sorry if its a copy thread.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 11, 2013 11:08 PM GMT
    Suck it up. It's just a ''no."
    It doesn't mean anything about you as a person.
    You might have to get through ten "no"s to get a "yes."

    Or you can stay at home alone and build a robot that has to say "yes" to you.
    Or sit at home and wait for someone to ask you out.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 11, 2013 11:32 PM GMT
    I don't really take offense. It's the internet. That's just all I have to say.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 11, 2013 11:41 PM GMT
    Macaque saidSuck it up. It's just a ''no."
    It doesn't mean anything about you as a person.
    You might have to get through ten "no"s to get a "yes."

    Or you can stay at home alone and build a robot that has to say "yes" to you.
    Or sit at home and wait for someone to ask you out.

    Good advice. I often use a fishing analogy for gay dating. A fisherman has to cast many times to get a nibble. And then only some nibbles lead to a bite and hooking a fish. Sometimes the fish gets away, and even when it doesn't you haul it in and discover it's not a keeper, after all that work. You gotta throw it back in and start the process all over again. Yep, that would be gay dating.

    I also agree with you about not staying home. No guy's gonna come knocking on your front door because you're inside and lonely. You gotta spend more time outside that door.

    Even when I was single and successfully using online social media to find dates from home, I was also outside going to gay clubs, AND attending gay community events, AND doing gay volunteer work, etc. Hell, I even attended gay churches. (Is that sentence blasphemous?)

    Point is I was leaving no stones unturned, a broad-based strategy. I got dates because I worked hard for them. And I got plenty of rejection. But I didn't let it slow me down, and because I was casting so often, and so widely, hardly a week went bye that I didn't meet a guy. Weren't always what might rate as a date, maybe just a brief intro. But from there might later develop into a full date.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 11, 2013 11:58 PM GMT
    Would you rather they say no after you've slept with them? Or even...not at all? Meaning, you slept with them and they never called you back? Been there, done that. It's definitely worse then a straight forward no.

    Telling other people no is easy though. If you're on Match.com or Grindr or a site like that, it's okay to ignore the message - if pleasantries haven't been exchanged.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 12, 2013 12:01 AM GMT
    unhooligan saidSo I'm pretty new to the online dating scene, and the one thing I have trouble with is the rejection. Both sides. Cant help but feel ashamed when people arent interested. Also it sucks to say no to those who are interested.

    Cant just be me right? How do you guys handle it?
    [...].


    1- Online dating sucks and should never be taken seriously since most of the guys who are online don't. Some guys get their jollies by trolling you, leading you on, and misleading you without any sincere intention. Don't set yourself up to get hurt.

    2- 'Ashamed' is for real serious situations. Don't be silly by feeling that emotion in anything related to online dating. Have more self respect.

    3- There's probably more likelihood that you'll meet a guy by just living life, or meeting a more appropriate guy by getting yourself known by your RJ posts than online dating.

    Good luck!
  • TheAlchemixt

    Posts: 2294

    Jan 12, 2013 12:05 AM GMT
    It's just rejection, it really has nothing to do with you. It doesn't make you any less "attractive". Beauty is in the eye of the beholder after all.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 12, 2013 12:58 AM GMT
    Just remember you only need one yes from the right guy.

    Don't think of a message as being like tapping someone on the shoulder at a bar and giving them a bunch of flowers. It is more like looking over at someone on the other side of the room and seeing if they look away or not.
  • LEANDRO_NJ

    Posts: 1116

    Jan 12, 2013 3:06 AM GMT
    Gosh I am having quite the adverse effect! I am currently dating a guy on a steady basis that I met online. It all started with the usual exchange of endless back and forth loooong e-mails for about two weeks. I love the initial e-mail contact, as it did give me the opportunity to ask question I would of had an awkward time asking or getting an answer in return. It then lead to phone conversations for another 10 days before we finally and mutually decided to meet in person. He lives in Long Island, and I live in Norh Jersey. An hour away , but that doesn't seem to matter to both of us, since we seem to have a lot in common, and so far everything is going great!! I do agree with Art_Deco, don't just rely on Internet dating, thou! although I never thought in a million years that I would find a worth while date online, but it happen!!!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 12, 2013 3:08 AM GMT
    Don't take it too seriously! If something good comes from it, then you'll be pleasantly surprised :-)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 12, 2013 3:08 AM GMT
    A key for every keyhole.

    Don't feel bad, you just didn't have the right type of hole for them.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 12, 2013 3:08 AM GMT
    Get used to it! It's going to happen throughout your life.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 12, 2013 3:10 AM GMT
    Erik101 saidGet used to it! It's going to happen throughout your life.


    This too. Life is FULL of people telling you no in any and every circumstance of your life. It's gonna happen A SHIT TON. So better start toughening your skin now.
  • MidwesternKid

    Posts: 1167

    Jan 12, 2013 3:13 AM GMT
    I always try to have admiration for people who have courage, whether online or in person to approach me. Treat them with respect because I would want someone to do the same with me if I wasn't interested but I worked up the courage to approach them.

    It is all about respect and polite on both ends. Be respectful of peoples feelings who you turn down because you aren't interested. And also be respectful of someone's decision to turn you down when you show interest. Expect the worst, hope for the best.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 12, 2013 3:14 AM GMT
    Just be a whore and say yes to one and all! Problem solved.

    And I don't mean whore in a bad way
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 12, 2013 3:15 AM GMT
    MidwesternKid saidI always try to have admiration for people who have courage, whether online or in person to approach me. Treat them with respect because I would want someone to do the same with me if I wasn't interested but I worked up the courage to approach them.

    It is all about respect and polite on both ends. Be respectful of peoples feelings who you turn down because you aren't interested. And also be respectful of someone's decision to turn you down when you show interest. Expect the worst, hope for the best.


    You are wise young Jedi
  • mv03

    Posts: 201

    Jan 12, 2013 3:15 AM GMT
    MidwesternKid saidI always try to have admiration for people who have courage, whether online or in person to approach me. Treat them with respect because I would want someone to do the same with me if I wasn't interested but I worked up the courage to approach them.

    It is all about respect and polite on both ends. Be respectful of peoples feelings who you turn down because you aren't interested.


    THIS
  • barriehomeboy

    Posts: 2475

    Jan 12, 2013 3:29 AM GMT
    Dude. You're cute. Etiher in reality or online.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 12, 2013 3:36 AM GMT
    Dude, don't sweat it. You never know what attracts other people. For all you know they're only into people with three legs who are painted green. It's not a reflection on you or who you are. You're just not what they're looking for.

    It seems like everyone thinks they're the only guy who gets rejected. Maybe a lot of you never do but the rest of us get rejected all the time. It's just part of being single.

    Like someone said, you only have to get lucky once and meet that one guy that makes you feel special every day. I'll keep my fingers crossed for both of us.
  • rdberg1957

    Posts: 662

    Jan 12, 2013 3:40 AM GMT
    I do like the idea of treating others with respect whether online or in person.
    Online dating is very frustrating. Very few men actually want to date (go out together socially, talk, have sex sometime down the road). I have found it hard to get to a first date and even harder to get past a first date. I have been online trying to use dating sites since AOL.

    Shame is something I am familiar with. The more connected I am with people straight and gay (mostly men for me--I tend to gravitate toward men), the less my shame gets triggered. My wish for all men, gay, bi, and straight, is that they have the experience of being cared for by other men and loving them in return. I experienced some positive growth by getting involved with the Mankind Project (GBT program).

    I llke Art Deco's dating approach and his fishing analogy. Fishermen don't stop fishing just cause the fish aren't biting or because not all of them are keepers. You might have to change lakes or rivers if the waters are polluted and there ain't no fish. I go to gay potlucks, some social events. I don't go to gay bars anymore because I am not a party guy. I want to go to events where it's possible for me to meet someone and have a conversation. I am not the life of the party, I'm the quiet, steadfast lover with a passionate heart. I want more gay friends, people I connect with individually or in small groups. I am kind of a nerdy sometimes jock.

    I had no idea where I would go when I started responding to this thread.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 12, 2013 3:47 AM GMT
    I agree and disagree with guys who say online dating is fake. I still think it's a good way to meet people, but at the same there is alot of guys who seem to just be browsing endlessly. I'm on Grindr, and have been on there since October. The same guys who I've met with back in October are still online and still single. Everytime I open the damn screen it's the same mother fuckers.

    I'm not trying to be on the shit forever. But alot of these guys are socially challenged or just plain whores and all they do is spend day and night on the damn site. For what? What are you looking for that wasn't already there for the past 5 months? All they do is lurk for the next newcomer and suck on their dick.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 12, 2013 3:55 AM GMT
    Get upset for like a few seconds and then move on to the next. That is the beauty of online dating. icon_biggrin.gif
  • BloodFlame

    Posts: 1768

    Jan 12, 2013 3:56 AM GMT
    Nah, it's not just you friend. It happens to us all.
    The important thing is just to take it with stride and move on. I know how frustrating it can be as I have had and still have my fair share of rejection. The only difference is I try not to read too much into it like I used to. It actually feels better that way because while 15 people may not like you, the next person you meet/hit up might like you. blissful yes but it's better to be positive then be negative and dwell on it I think.

    As far as turning down guys I'm not interested who are interested in me, I find it hard because well, I know rejection sucks. So I just kindly hint that I'm not interested and if they don't catch it, I just tell them but in the nicest way I can. I try to be respectful online just as much as I try to be in real life.

    Anyway dude, don't worry, you'll be fine. I'm sure you'll meet a guy who will like you back. Just keep on trying and yeah, maybe you'll have better luck if you try meeting guys in real life situations so try looking for groups and such to join. They can be fun. icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 12, 2013 3:56 AM GMT
    Don't take it too personally. I've become a bit jaded from online dating, but I think I had too many unrealistic expectations. Just take it easy and have fun.
  • turtleneckjoc...

    Posts: 4685

    Jan 12, 2013 4:17 AM GMT
    Narciso saidA key for every keyhole.

    Don't feel bad, you just didn't have the right type of hole for them.


    Priceless statement!!

    Can I borrow that?