First moment ,,I´m gay". Do You still remember?

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    Jan 12, 2013 3:42 PM GMT
    I´ve just remember my first moment when I realized my sexuality. I have two older brothers so I know porn magazines since my childhood. I always loved biology, so no damage was made on my young soul :-)

    I went 11, 12, 13 and porn was part of my puberty as mine friends from school...on the beginning of the month they gave me money and I bought them their magazines...havnig nothing for me. I´m very altruistic :-)

    Once I went through one and saw two guys kissing. I´ve seen some gay porn pics there before, but this was a kiss picture. And in this moment I realized - That´s me. And huge peace went into me. It was so quick, so easy, so nice.

    I never fought against it so I had recognizing and selfaccepting moment at once.

    What was Your magic moment of recognizing Youself?
    And the moment of self acceptance, what was it like?
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Jan 12, 2013 8:08 PM GMT
    yes
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    Jan 12, 2013 8:14 PM GMT
    I was watching this TV show about a brother and sister. Can't remember what it was called. The sister noticed this waiters butt at a restaurant. When she was asked what she wanted, she said "BUNS...with a burger". I found myself thinking, yeah those are some buns.

    It scared the living hell out of me. I didn't realize what it meant until much later. It took me a very long time to accept myself. That came after some real soul searching. But I knew in hindsight looking back at that day, that I was gay.
  • O5vx

    Posts: 3154

    Jan 12, 2013 8:39 PM GMT
    Watching Degrassi with Marco and the other guy.
  • TheAlchemixt

    Posts: 2294

    Jan 12, 2013 8:41 PM GMT
    Yes, 1st grade during story time.
  • Freakout0932

    Posts: 20

    Jan 12, 2013 8:48 PM GMT
    First day of 7th grade I walked into my 1st class thinking "Who's a cute guy that I can be friends with?" I guess i kinda knew for a long time... but that was really the "Yep.... I'm gay" moment
  • SwimBIkeRun94...

    Posts: 480

    Jan 12, 2013 8:51 PM GMT
    I never really had that moment. I was in denial for a long time, but I didn't realize I was denying it.

    Everything just kind of happened and now here I am!
  • Whipmagic

    Posts: 1481

    Jan 12, 2013 9:10 PM GMT
    A gradual process for me. I noticed fairly early on that I was looking more at the guys than the girls, in particular masculine ones with some gear, like motocross bikers or kayakers in wetsuits, etc. Then, in the mid-eighties (I was a teenager then) there was a massive HIV education campaign in Germany, and I learned through that 'public service' much about gay sex. I was appalled and interested at the same time. Experimentation with both sexes followed, and I stuck with the guys.
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    Jan 12, 2013 9:10 PM GMT
    I think when I started having crushes on my 5th grade teacher lol.
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    Jan 12, 2013 9:37 PM GMT
    I always knew I was attracted to men since I was real young but I never put 2 and 2 together and realized I was gay. I remember when I was 11 or 12 taking a shower getting out of the shower and looking at myself in the mirror and suddenly I thought to myself, "I'm attracted to men and the definition of being gay is being attracted to men. Damn, I must be gay then."

    Before I had a distorted view of what being gay actually was. I knew it was being attracted to men but with all of the hate and stereotypes I heard on a daily basis from my family and from being in middle school I thought it had to be more than that.

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    Jan 12, 2013 9:41 PM GMT
    Trollileo said
    Ckfeezy saidBefore I had a distorted view of what being gay actually was. I knew it was being attracted to men but with all of the hate and stereotypes I heard on a daily basis from my family and from being in middle school I thought it had to be more than that.
    AKA a bad thing.

    exactly

    Why I hate living in the conservative south
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    Jan 12, 2013 9:43 PM GMT
    I remember distinctly in a movie I was watching how the main actress fell in love with a body builder, and I was oddly fascinated by this body builder carrying this young girl. Found myself identifying with this girl. Throughout my childhood, I was attracted to the boys. I knew I couldn't tell anyone, as no one had ever expressed such same-sex attractions. It was strange and terribly lonely to keep all that emotion within. I tried to find books in the library about it. No go.

    Then one day in high school, there was this guy I had a huge crush on. And it just dawned on me, "I like him. I think I'm... gay. Yes, that's it. I'm GAY." Of course, I already sort of "knew" but was in denial, but I verbalized it to myself consciously finally that day. It was such an eye opener as if all the pieces of a puzzle fell together. It felt complete.
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    Jan 12, 2013 9:52 PM GMT
    Ckfeezy saidI always knew I was attracted to men since I was real young but I never put 2 and 2 together and realized I was gay. I remember when I was 11 or 12 taking a shower getting out of the shower and looking at myself in the mirror and suddenly I thought to myself, "I'm attracted to men and the definition of being gay is being attracted to men. Damn, I must be gay then."

    Before I had a distorted view of what being gay actually was. I knew it was being attracted to men but with all of the hate and stereotypes I heard on a daily basis from my family and from being in middle school I thought it had to be more than that.



    Yeah you right!

    I got drunk once at a dinner hosted by young women I knew from college and from that I spouted my interest in a fellow-collegiate (who was stricon_cool.gif...but it was suppressed til I got drunk. Go figure.

    Shortly thereafter I faced myself----in more ways than one---in the mirror and said "you are queer".....or something to that effect. It was a gut-punch but its been quite a ride since then, lemme tell you!
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    Jan 12, 2013 9:54 PM GMT
    Well I was kind of a late bloomer cos although I always knew I dind't accept it until Dec 2011 when I was in Cancun with my cousin and one night after a looooong chat about my feelings (cos I was going through a bit of a rough moment) she told me that it was my decision to know how much I wanted things to affect me and make me suffer.
    It sounds cheesy, but after that night where I let everything out I accepted for the first time the fact that I was gay and smiled and decided to start my new life.
    In the next 6 months I came out to my family and close friends.
    That night was one of the best ones of my life.
  • ASHDOD

    Posts: 1057

    Jan 12, 2013 9:56 PM GMT
    yes 'i was 15 i stood naked in front of the mirror,and i said aloud, ani homosexual [ i''m an homosexual in hebrew] i remember like it was yesterday, i was very sad.
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    Jan 12, 2013 10:04 PM GMT
    Using those words verbatim, I was drunk at a party. Really really wasted.
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    Jan 12, 2013 10:08 PM GMT

    I'd just gotten home from school and heard my Mom and brother talking upstairs. I got half way up said stairs when I caught their conversation.
    It was about homosexuals. Mom was explaining what a homosexual was to my brother and how such people shouldn't be made fun of or laughed at, or hated, but that we should all feel very sorry for them, for their long lonely lives dogged by unhappiness. (this was 1969).

    I crept back down those stairs, went into my room, sat on the bed and had a moment of shocked revelation. Then I started laughing. God, they were talking about ME! And they didn't know it!
    Then I had a surge of terror because back then they were still locking up gays in psych wards. The laughter went right out of me, right down to the bottom of my soul.
    I became an excessively introverted kid, determined to be straight and normal.
    Lol, we all know how THAT turned out, don't we? icon_wink.gif

    -Doug
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    Jan 12, 2013 10:12 PM GMT
    Yup a year ago. NIght before i was supposed to be flying home for christmas i was going to tell my family over that break that i was Bi (at the time was still trying to convince myself i liked girls) and just kinda hit me when i was laying in bed. I said "I'm gay" out loud and that was that.
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    Jan 12, 2013 10:15 PM GMT
    When I kissed my first crush two years. I realized in my head, this seems right.
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    Jan 12, 2013 10:16 PM GMT
    3rd grade. This new kid in my grade had come to our school. I was jealous of him for no reason but always wanted to sit by him. It wasn't until 4th grade that I understood what being gay meant and I blocked that kid from memory and ignored the whole thing all the way through high school. Finally confessed to myself that I was gay when I started college.
  • MidwesternKid

    Posts: 1167

    Jan 12, 2013 10:17 PM GMT
    When I turned 21 I finally accepted it and pursued my interests.
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    Jan 12, 2013 10:18 PM GMT
    Had to be around 5th to 6th grade for me. Had a crush on this guy.
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    Jan 12, 2013 10:19 PM GMT
    Yes...knew when I was about 10 or 11. My older cousin is 8 yrs older than I. EVERY-TIME I saw his muscular body I "reacted." (Even to this day, he gets to me every-time he's around me. lol )
    Finally around age 13 or so, I actually said it myself. Came out to family my junior yr of HS. Came out to everyone else my senior yr.

    Tristan
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    Jan 12, 2013 10:25 PM GMT
    Arcturian said
    What was Your magic moment of recognizing Youself?
    And the moment of self acceptance, what was it like?

    A story I've related here before:

    It happened in a flash, all at once. There's no doubt I'd been suppressing it, and likely always knew it in some subconscious corner of my mind. All it needed was the right key to unlock the door.

    That key was a gay guy I'd never met, just been e-mailing, and been reading his posts on a chat site (not gay). I used him as a resource to satisfy my curiosity about the gay world, because I was totally ignorant, having just retired from the US Army where my knowledge of the gay community had been non-existent.

    In yet another e-mail to me one day he once again stated that the popular images of gays are stereotypes, of hair dressers and drag queens. That gays in reality can be police, firefighters, truck drivers, football players, construction workers... and Army soldiers. And for some reason a light went on that day, a moment of recognition and insight, that he was describing me, too.

    I almost blacked out from the shock. At first I fought back at the idea, a battle going on inside me. But the genie was out of the bottle, and it wasn't going back in. A strange thing began to happen. Memories began flooding back to me of past incidents in my life that could only be defined as meaning I am gay.

    But I wouldn't call them repressed memories in the classic sense, because I had never totally forgotten them. Rather, my mind would never before allow me to recall more than 1 of them at the same time. I guess I could deal with them better singly, enable me to dismiss them, rationalize them, ignore them, turn my mind to something else.

    But here they were being remembered all at once, and the total effect was overwhelming and inescapable. So that for the first time I was able to connect all these separate memories, these separate dots, and form a complete picture. The image could be nothing else but that of a very gay man.

    At the same time I had a problem - gay wasn't what I wanted to be. US society told me gay was bad, and my beloved Army had told it was bad. At best in my own mind I found gays to be strange and at times laughable, not worthy of much attention. Never an active homophobe, nevertheless I didn't have much respect for these outcasts, and I wasn't sure what it would mean to join the losing team myself.

    But within a few hours I had concluded that I was the same person I'd always been. And I wasn't inherently bad, I wasn't a pervert, I wasn't all these awful things gays are supposed to be. So if that's true of me, can it also be true of other gays? Was the popular image wrong?

    I decided to find out. The very next night I attended the largest annual gay event in Seattle at that time, around 1100 men at a dinner-dance. I e-mailed my friend to say I'd be there and he was appalled. He was afraid I'd blow a fuse or something, have an overload. going from straight to gay in 24 hours. And afterwards go into a relapse, have depression, remorse, all kinds of emotional upheaval.

    Not at all. That party was my coming out, I had an incredibly wonderful time, a beautiful time that showed me a loving side of gays I had never dreamed existed. This was a team I would be lucky to join, proud to join. And I've been out ever since, more happy every day, soon to be 18 years later. icon_biggrin.gif
  • tautomer

    Posts: 1010

    Jan 12, 2013 11:40 PM GMT
    Moved to a new school district in 8th grade. Seeing all the new guys and being fascinated with how they all were maturing through puberty differently. Then the internet came into help me realize things.

    I still remember the day I came out too, and who I told, 4-20-2005 over instant messenger to one of my friends. I had her ask me if I were gay first so I could say yes. It felt funny to say "I'm gay". Afterall, I was only 15 at the time.