My shyness...

  • KJayasuriya

    Posts: 1253

    Jan 12, 2013 4:52 PM GMT
    I have always been hesitant about talking about this part of my life with others because it may give others an impression that I am “weak”, but I guess there is a first time for everything. I have always enjoyed a crowd and do different things to make them smile --- inspirational words, crack jokes.etc. But when it came to actually speaking to someone about a possibility of being in a relationship, I would get really shy. I think my shyness has ruined many great opportunities. However, some of it could be traced back to how I felt about myself when I was out of shape --- which began when I was very young and got worse as the years went by. Only last year was I motivated to lose the weight and get healthy. You would think the weight loss would be a confidence booster. It has, but not enough. I wish to find a long term partner and be deeply in love (which is the contributing reason why I have never dated anyone or even had sex). I feel I am saving my love for Mr. Right. Haha. What an embarrassing fact to share with all of you over the internet. Anyways, I would appreciate any advice you all may have on overcoming my shyness. icon_smile.gif

    Many thanks,

    KJ
  • Walt2005

    Posts: 83

    Jan 12, 2013 9:35 PM GMT
    Shyness is generally the result of a fear of sharing who you are. A fear that you may be rejected. But the other side of the coin is that when you share yourself, you may just as easily be embraced.

    You already recognize that your shyness is preventing you from living the life you want, so at the next opportunity, in a situation where gay guys may be in attendance, I encourage you to step out of your comfort zone and compliment a guy on his looks, or on something about his personality. It's a win/win situation He will be flattered that you noticed, and even if it leads to no further interaction, you will have made contact outside of yourself, and begun sharing more openly the person you are. No doubt, you have many gifts and the world doesn't know what they are, unless you share them.

    It all starts with the smallest step.

  • KJayasuriya

    Posts: 1253

    Jan 12, 2013 9:45 PM GMT
    Walt2005 saidso at the next opportunity, in a situation where gay guys may be in attendance, I encourage you to step out of your comfort zone and compliment a guy on his looks, or on something about his personality.



    Interesting you mentioned complimenting a guy on their looks. I can do that. Like, I am a hardcore compliment-or! Haha. But approaching someone and telling them "I like you"...that is very hard. More so than rejection, I feel if I say something like that, they may think I am awkward.

    Thanks for the response btw. I appreciate it very much! icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 12, 2013 9:48 PM GMT
    Fake it till you make it. When I was a kid, I was the only asian; fat, awkward, and had a weird speech problem. I've been faking confidence so long that I think I'm actually confident now lol
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 12, 2013 9:50 PM GMT
    I think there was a related forum recently.
    http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/2931428/
    I agree, fake it till you make it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 13, 2013 12:16 AM GMT
    TerraFirma saidI think there was a related forum recently.
    http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/2931428/
    I agree, fake it till you make it.


    Never let 'em see ya' sweat the saying goes..

    Some folks are introverts, but, they may not be shy.

    I can walk into a room and command an audience because I know my stuff, I'm prepared, and cut to the chase (I don't mince words.).

    I think we all have a bit of inner self that gets at us, but, the more you do whatever it is, the better practiced at it you'll be.

    While understanding history is important part of learning, you need to move forward.
  • barriehomeboy

    Posts: 2475

    Jan 13, 2013 12:57 AM GMT
    You can't fix a problem until you realize that you have one. You're on the riight track in looking for solutions to your shyness, but maybe not looking in the right place. Do these guys look like psychologists? You need one of those. Or you can wait until your my age. Eventually those things work themselves out as you age and get to know yourself and discover the world.