Who surprised you the most when you came out?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 12, 2013 10:26 PM GMT
    For me it was my dad. Him being a cop and that whole culture, plus stuff he said about gay people in the past had me really worried when i told him. When i came out to him, he didn't get mad or angry, just acknowledged it but didn't accept it. It was awkward between us for a few weeks and didn't talk much when i was at home. End of break i was at the airport waiting for my plane and he sent me a text to go look at an email he sent. It said:

    “Hey bud.

    I feel I need to put a few things in writing that I didn’t say before you left today. It was very tough to see you go and I’m sorry I couldn’t give you anything more than a hug, but I was choking up and wouldn’t have gotten out what I wanted to say anyway.

    For the better, mom taking you to the city has given me the chance to sort through some of my own thoughts, emotions and given me a chance to reflect on them alone. (without adults anyway) Shortly after you left was the first time I actually opened the email that you sent with those links and it made me feel much better knowing that we did ok and that you are in a much better frame of mind. I have started working my way through the information there and it is helpful. As I said on day one, time will help us deal with our own emotions, but it is ultimately your well-being that we struggle with the most. Mom and I feel, share and live through all the ups, downs and bumps you go through, so knowing that we’re over one of the largest hurdles in telling your family is comforting. We are far from perfect, but you can always count on us always being there for you.

    We were both very happy and relieved that your close friends have been supportive. Judging good character is obviously one of your strong traits and will serve you well. No doubt we will have some ongoing struggles coming to grips with some of the touchy complications of family and relationships to come, but I know we’ll get through. I suppose what is particularly tough on me is a feeling of being a bit helpless as I have always felt I could help “figure things out”, offer some direction or advice that I thought might help as you guys grew. The realization that I must let you work through most of this yourself with no real ability to offer some experience is a helpless feeling I’m not used to.

    Finally, I have always been fiercely proud of you and particularly your courage in dealing with many of the tough issues you dealt with through school. You always took them head-on and didn’t let anyone push you one way or the other. Knowing now that you carried this additional burden makes those accomplishments that much more remarkable.

    Work hard, be smart, be safe and find a way to enjoy something in every day as time has a habit of moving faster than it seems. Talk to you soon.

    Love, Dad.”

  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Jan 12, 2013 10:34 PM GMT
    My mom. She literally burst into tears. I hadn't been expecting a pat on the back, or anything, but she completely overreacted. I asked her not to tell dad, and she said, but this is something that could end our marriage.icon_eek.gif Thankfully, she got over it quickly and it hasn't been an issue in years.

    Btw, the first thing my dad asked when he found out was if this meant I would be queen of the prom. Oh, dad!icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Jan 12, 2013 11:09 PM GMT
    Northish -- what a wonderful letter your dad sent. He sounds like a great guy.
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    Jan 12, 2013 11:15 PM GMT
    The fact that one of my hottest friends was also closeted...so we finally got to do each other, which is what we'd wanted for years anyway and never told each other. icon_lol.gif
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    Jan 12, 2013 11:17 PM GMT
    I came out at 14 but somehow the news remained in the school system and with my friends. The teachers and school admin were surprisingly cool about, though still amazed. I loved learning even more after that.
  • TheAlchemixt

    Posts: 2294

    Jan 13, 2013 1:46 AM GMT
    My dad put me in a choke hold.
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    Jan 13, 2013 5:05 AM GMT
    My best friend, a straight guy whom I've known since the 1st grade. He was nonchalant when I came out. If anything, our friendship grew and I ended up being his best man at his wedding. It told me that I had nothing to be nervous about when coming out to people I care about the most.
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    Jan 13, 2013 5:10 AM GMT
    No real big surprises when I came out. It was more about admitting it to myself, and accepting the choice of being gay.
  • timcity2000

    Posts: 50

    Jan 13, 2013 5:12 AM GMT
    my dad, definitely... in a good way.
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    Jan 13, 2013 5:12 AM GMT
    I told a close friend of mine at Ihop and she was in the middle of eating a pancake. She was in such shock her mouth was open and the pancake fell out of her mouth...We laughed and talked more about that than me coming up.
  • GWriter

    Posts: 1446

    Jan 13, 2013 5:13 AM GMT
    My parents were wonderful. Their attitude was basically, "Finally! What took so long? And of course we love you!" icon_biggrin.gif
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    Jan 13, 2013 5:33 AM GMT
    All the guys I've told surprised me. The females in my life are pretty awesome and had made it clear that "gay people" deserve respect and should be treated no differently well before I came out. They are women of all ages, black and white. This is why I hate when guys of any orientation bash women.

    My dad called me his hero and felt bad that I had gone so long being in the closet by myself, so yeah, that surprised me. I was expecting him to quote the bible. My straight buds are the typical "straight jock, uber masculine bro" type guys that half the people on here label as jerks. There are 8 of them in my circle of friends, and they are all white except for 1 and half of them are diehard republicans. I got individual emails from each of them and a couple copied the entire crew to fully support me. It was prepared for the worst and instead got this big love fest. They just didn't care. My gay male coworkers. They had "no fucking idea" I was gay. Gaydars be damned lol.

  • MidwesternKid

    Posts: 1167

    Jan 13, 2013 5:34 AM GMT
    My brother. He wanted to know anything and everything about my life that I had been hiding. My best friend till the end.
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    Jan 13, 2013 5:41 AM GMT
    huhwhat saidNo real big surprises when I came out. It was more about admitting it to myself, and accepting the choice of being gay.


    WHAT? ITS A CHOICE NOWADAYS!?!!? dammit, when did this happen?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 13, 2013 5:42 AM GMT
    I never came out. I never made the "I'm gay" announcement to anyone. Ever. Everyone just knew. And one day I went out with a man and no one batted an eye.
  • O5vx

    Posts: 3154

    Jan 13, 2013 5:56 AM GMT
    So far my brother. I knew he was liberal, but I was not exactly sure how he will react to it, but he was surprisingly cool with it.
  • Pontifex

    Posts: 1882

    Jan 13, 2013 6:32 AM GMT
    Actually what surprises me the most is that I have to come out all the time. It doesn't seem to be a big deal to anyone. At work there aren't rumors of my gayness floating around. I tell people and they tend to keep it to themselves.
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    Jan 13, 2013 7:35 AM GMT
    I wish my coworkers made a bigger deal of it. So far I only told 2 of them after they tried to set me up with a girl... they even tried their best to contain the surprise in their "oh? ok"... and went about like it's no ones business

    Meanwhile I was thinking "c'mon tell everyone else damnit, so at least the ones who know fag hags can score me a wingwoman!"
  • Machina

    Posts: 419

    Jan 13, 2013 7:46 AM GMT
    My Dad. I had expected him to disown me and never let me visit or have anything to do with the family again, but he didn't

    He still has a hard time accepting it even after all of these years, but it went far better than I expected initially. Everyone else in my family was great and very supportive.
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    Jan 13, 2013 8:10 AM GMT
    Best friend who disowned me and then came back to me years later and said "I think your lifestyle is a sin, but can we just agree to disagree?"

    Pffffffffffft!
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    Jan 13, 2013 2:40 PM GMT
    LittleDudeWithMuscles saidNorthish -- what a wonderful letter your dad sent. He sounds like a great guy.

    Yeah, an intelligent, personalized and "secular" letter. I was expecting to read the usual religious references, which so many guys get from their families.
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    Jan 13, 2013 2:41 PM GMT
    My older and pretty much straight brother. He said so much mean stuff about me liking women and men. Intially, he did not like nor accept me as a brother for a long time but in April 2011 came to terms with it.


    I don't cry easily or am a crybaby but after he said that mean shit about me. Mind you I was coming home from college to get my algerbra book for a test. I came into the classroom and started crying. My heart was broken
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 13, 2013 2:44 PM GMT
    huhwhat saidNo real big surprises when I came out. It was more about admitting it to myself, and accepting the choice of being gay.


    For you it was choice?

    intrigued,

    -Doug
  • hawkeye7

    Posts: 565

    Jan 13, 2013 2:48 PM GMT
    My best friend, Spence, in college was amazing. He laughed, hugged me and said the entire fraternity already knew.

    My dad acted like a petulant child who had been cheated from something that was never his to own.
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    Jan 13, 2013 2:51 PM GMT


    My Dad. He was so quiet and uncomfortable when I told him and Mom on their 25th anniversary. Then I gave them my anniv gift to them, which was a pair of handcuffs.
    Dad cracked up completely. Man he laughed!
    As the years went by Dad met the men I fell for, made friends with some of them (which was his way of telling me which ones he approved of, lol), and gave me advice when I asked for it.

    After one heartaching breakup Dad took me aside and said,
    "Doug, just remember when a guy dumps you that you're the best goddamn asshole there is."
    While I blinked rapidly at his unintentional double entendre Mom burst out laughing which she tried desperately to make into coughing and fled the kitchen.

    ...and Dad's famous advice about men who told me they loved me just to get in the sack: Remember when a guy says he loves you he also loves ketchup. icon_lol.gif

    Mom used this line of his as well from time to time.