Is this just another "He isn't that into you" turn of events?

  • SeattleGreenl...

    Posts: 124

    Jan 13, 2013 2:57 PM GMT
    So, I met a bloke online...

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    Jan 13, 2013 3:05 PM GMT


    You didn't create the fake account until enough evidence piled up that you could no longer ignore. Remember this.

    In your shoes? I'd simply end it and tell him you think he's not ready to settle down. I'd keep my cards close to my chest and not play the one about the account creation and sting unless it's absolutely merited, and if I had to play that card then I'd tell him about all the mounting evidence that lead to the creation of an account.
  • SeattleGreenl...

    Posts: 124

    Jan 13, 2013 3:08 PM GMT
    Thanks, I appreciate your insight.
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    Jan 13, 2013 3:16 PM GMT
    SeattleGreenlake saidThanks, I appreciate your insight.


    You're welcome. Some guys will say whatever it takes to get in your bed, or get you in theirs. I just posted my Dad's observation about that in another topic:

    'Remember when a guy says he loves you he also loves ketchup.' ...and by that he meant be wary. icon_wink.gif

    With this: " I am crushed- Though I wonder how I could be so head over heels for someone in such a short time. and of course, how do I stop imagining him with someone else?"

    ...I would say that the imagining-him-with-someone-else is the cure for being-crushed-and-head-over-heels-for-him. icon_wink.gif

  • SeattleGreenl...

    Posts: 124

    Jan 13, 2013 3:19 PM GMT

    "...I would say that the imagining-him-with-someone-else is the cure for being-crushed-and-head-over-heels-for-him."

    ---------------------------------------------------------

    I hadn't thought of that... You may be right, actually... Though it seems a bit tender right now... Maybe in time...
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    Jan 13, 2013 3:28 PM GMT
    Online blokes are fun, eh? Until everyone gets tested and confirms you are all up on the whole monogamy thing, don't expect anyone to live in a monogamous world. Hookups like to hookup, especially online hookups. It's just too easy in this gay world to log on and find a cock sucking bloke. As you found in your creeping good times.
  • TroyAthlete

    Posts: 4269

    Jan 13, 2013 5:53 PM GMT
    meninlove said I'd simply end it and tell him you think he's not ready to settle down.


    Nailed it.

    No this isn't just another "he's not that into you" situation because in those situations we usually don't have enough evidence to do anything but guess based on the target-in-question flaking, not communicating, breaking plans etc.

    Yours is clearer, because its obvious he's into you but not THAT into you as in addition to flaking, not communicating, and breaking plans we know he's already out actively getting laid having obviously lost interest in being exclusive to you.

    Either suggest to him you cut ties until he's ready to settle in or suggest to him keeping your friendship open and casual while you both also date other men.

    But remember DK's Corollary to Dating Dudes: never assume a guy will stick around until both parties have verbally in-person agreed to have a relationship AND he introduces you to people important in his life as his boyfriend. You'll save yourself a lot of unnecessary surprises.
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    Jan 13, 2013 6:02 PM GMT
    I feel like this is why I don't make relationships online anymore. This is the exact reason that most of the people I do meet online don't work out. Meeting people in the real world has a bigger impact than just a face pic and some meaningless words.

    And like meninlove said, I think you played it smarter than most people would. Even though you created a fake account to catch him (which, I still don't support), you had more than enough evidence to do so. It's not like you broke into his cell phone or started reading his emails.

    You should try living in the real world. I know that I'm happier being single in the real world than even talking to the hottest guy online. Just something to think about.
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    Jan 13, 2013 6:17 PM GMT
    End it with him and don't tell him why, the not knowing a reason will drive him batshit crazy.
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    Jan 13, 2013 6:18 PM GMT
    Squintz saidI feel like this is why I don't make relationships online anymore. This is the exact reason that most of the people I do meet online don't work out. Meeting people in the real world has a bigger impact than just a face pic and some meaningless words.

    And like meninlove said, I think you played it smarter than most people would. Even though you created a fake account to catch him (which, I still don't support), you had more than enough evidence to do so. It's not like you broke into his cell phone or started reading his emails.

    You should try living in the real world. I know that I'm happier being single in the real world than even talking to the hottest guy online. Just something to think about.


    What he said.
  • DanOmatic

    Posts: 1155

    Jan 13, 2013 6:26 PM GMT
    Sounds like your guy is not only duplicitous, but also manipulative. I think it goes beyond simply "not knowing what he wants yet" and hints at some basic personality defects/dysfunction that are best dealt with by running in the opposite direction.

    I know it hurts, and sorry you were taken for a ride.
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    Jan 13, 2013 6:35 PM GMT
    I don't know if he says those things to you out of guilt for being sly with you or if this is his way of keeping you there until he finds something better.

    Either way he doesn't sound like someone you would want to settle down with so I'd leave it. He's either a player or has deeper issues he needs to sort out, and generally when someone has issues they need to sort out I think having a relationship often makes it more complicated.

    "They just weren't into you" has always been my experience so I do feel for you OP. The annoying part is trying to control how jaded you become afterward, so I wish you all the best and hope this isn't a major setback for you in any way.

    If it helps, with all the "just not into you's", I internally respond with "maybe they weren't worth it's" just to help give a little comfort to the situation.
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    Jan 13, 2013 6:38 PM GMT
    Simple...WALK AWAY...don't look back...chalk it up to experience....
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    Jan 13, 2013 6:39 PM GMT
    Been there...done that....sounds like the same guy actually....Earlier this year dated a guy for about 4 months...he pushed monogomy....he pushed being in love.....on my birthday gave me the key to his place telling me his place was mine....that weekend i surprised him and went to his place sunday morning.....looked prolly where i shouldn't, on his cell phone and there were texts from the night before about hooking up and getting his dick sucked...NICE

    He swore he didn't kiss him and he didn't cum....oh wow that made it all better...NOT..

    So yeah, you need to run as hard as it is and was really hard for me. I seriously thought I had found prince charming. Some guys never grow up.
  • MarvelClimber

    Posts: 511

    Jan 13, 2013 6:40 PM GMT
    In no part of your story did you say you discussed monogamy. It sounds as if you fell for someone without taking the time to discuss where the relationship stands. Saying he isn't seeing anyone right now isn't the same as saying he won't be seeing anyone as long as he's seeing you. You can't blame him for seeing other people when you (1) never asked and (2) stated your feelings for him and shared your thoughts on where the relationship was headed. When in swoon-mode we hear what we want to hear. Without knowing someone well enough to understand the way they communicate, there's a lot that you don't hear even when they're explicitly stating it.

    When I'm dating, I don't tell partners about the others. And I prefer not to hear about their dates and hookups too. There's nothing perfidious about that. Before you end things, take a step back and decide if you want to be in a relationship with him and what terms you're willing to live with.
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    Jan 13, 2013 6:43 PM GMT
    Life.

    You're at different points in your life. Best to move on. No reason is necessary to give him.
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    Jan 13, 2013 6:59 PM GMT
    kapow saidEnd it with him and don't tell him why, the not knowing a reason will drive him batshit crazy.


    I like This advice.
    icon_cool.gif
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    Jan 13, 2013 7:06 PM GMT
    Trust.

    You lost your trust in him and it drove you to do something strange; a testament to how much you liked the guy and how much trust you had put in him. Doesn't justify what you did, but definitely makes it understandable. You seem to recognize what you did as wrong too, so we cannot be too critical of you. Just try not to make "fake accounts" a habit... wait, are you really seattlegreenlake or someone in disguise? icon_razz.gif

    Anyways, he broke your trust and, regardless of the method, you have confirmed it. Cut your loses. You don't OWE him an explanation, but you should give him one because you are decent and not petty. I definitely would leave out the fake account stuff, but just let him know he's been flakey/inconsistent and it doesn't sit well with you. I would tell him "words are nice, but action is better." He keeps saying all the right things but is not really following up on them. In my culture, we call that being a "player". Just saying.

    So, I wouldn't say that he's NOT into you... just that he's into so much more than you. But this is just one side of the story, so you really need to talk to him to sort through what you and he want. If you are asking me though, it's pretty clear what should happen...

    Good luck with whatever you decide to do!
  • reptile18

    Posts: 199

    Jan 13, 2013 9:18 PM GMT
    Why can't people just be honest when they know they're not interested in you anymore icon_mad.gif
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    Jan 13, 2013 9:27 PM GMT
    Did you ever have a talk with him to clarify that you're exclusive? You can't assume anything these days. You aren't boyfriends yet, and he's free to do whatever (not that I would) until you explicitly tell him what you want.

    And creating fake profiles to catch him in the act? I'm sorry, but that's just creepy and disgusting.
  • Beeftastic

    Posts: 1747

    Jan 13, 2013 9:52 PM GMT
    Kind of sounds to me like you got too close too fast, and he got a bit freaked and needed to back off. Getting close too fast is usually a fatal condition for a new relationship.
  • SeattleGreenl...

    Posts: 124

    Jan 13, 2013 10:31 PM GMT
    Thanks for all the replies.. I appreciate it and do recognize how shitty my behavior was to see if he was playing around.

    Again, thanks for the insights.
  • DanOmatic

    Posts: 1155

    Jan 13, 2013 10:56 PM GMT
    tuckers_kahuna saidKind of sounds to me like you got too close too fast, and he got a bit freaked and needed to back off. Getting close too fast is usually a fatal condition for a new relationship.


    I don't know if that's really the case here. As the OP describes it, the guy was pretty explicit in making it clear how much he liked him and wanted to be with him. It would have been different if the guy had been ambivalent or completely vague and the OP misread the signals altogether.
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    Jan 13, 2013 11:02 PM GMT
    smartmoney saidOnline blokes are fun, eh? Until everyone gets tested and confirms you are all up on the whole monogamy thing, don't expect anyone to live in a monogamous world. Hookups like to hookup, especially online hookups. It's just too easy in this gay world to log on and find a cock sucking bloke. As you found in your creeping good times.


    ^ what he says...
  • LEANDRO_NJ

    Posts: 1116

    Jan 13, 2013 11:11 PM GMT
    If I were the OP I would simply ended the very instance I am able to have an answer to my own supsicions, and it seems that the OP did! forget about whether you tricked him, or if the way you went about it was the wrong thing to do! I don;t think it was! one must do what one must do in order to safe one self from getting hurt, and in this case even risk getting God knows what kind of deseases by just sharing a bed together with someone who shared it with someone else. You did the right thing!