Strange Elevator Encounter – Friendly Neighbor or Douchebag?

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    Jan 13, 2013 8:16 PM GMT
    So the other morning I step into the elevator as I’m headed off to work. I nod hello to the a guy who appears to be relatively close to my age dressed like he’s about to go work-out although he looks like he’d already been to the gym. He was sweaty and wearing lifting gloves. As the elevator heads to the lobby I am minding my own business and he asks me what I have changed and why do I look different. I am not prepared for this question as I don’t believe I know the guy nor do I remember seeing him before. I turn around and I ask him what he means…thinking I may not have heard him correctly. He asks, ”well, what have you done, did you change your hair….dye it or something? I’m thinking to myself…”WTF dude”. So I politely pause and ask, “Do I know you”? He says, “No, but I’ve seen you around….so what is it?” I realize that I am wearing my very first pair of glasses in public for the first time. I say…I just started wearing glasses and he shrugs and nods his head as we both step off the elevator.

    So while driving to work, I start thinking about how odd that interaction was. Was he trying to pay me a compliment that came out the wrong way? Was he hitting on me? I wasn’t interested or I would have handled it differently. Then I thought…what kind of dude would ask a stranger if he had dyed his hair? Maybe he’s a hairdresser or something. Who knows, but when I thought about it some more, I realized I might have encountered a douchebag. It was like some sort of backhanded compliment designed to get under my skin. He succeeded if that was his intent. I’m lucky not to have to dye my hair but I would never would ask a stranger such a question unless my intent was to insult them. Had he identified an ego needing his adjustment? My verdict: Douchebag!

    I’ve encountered people like this my entire life. I thought it had stopped when I reached 40. I was fat, dressed in out-of-date clothes, smoked cigarettes, had the same hairstyle for 20 years. I was nothing to look at…I was fat dumb and happy so it seems. It was only when I split with my ex and changed my life around that I noticed these douche bags starting to pop up again. Why is it that random people just seem to have the desire to take me down a notch or two? When I lost weight, I got, “are you sick”? When I got more muscular, “are you taking steroids?”. Bring a hottie to a party….”he’s too young for you”. The benefits of being thin, fit and healthy far outweigh the negative jabs but I can’t help to wonder if they’re connected.
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    Jan 13, 2013 8:19 PM GMT


    "So while driving to work, I start thinking about how odd that interaction was. Was he trying to pay me a compliment that came out the wrong way? Was he hitting on me? I wasn’t interested or I would have handled it differently. Then I thought…what kind of dude would ask a stranger if he had dyed his hair? Maybe he’s a hairdresser or something. Who knows, but when I thought about it some more, I realized I might have encountered a douchebag. It was like some sort of backhanded compliment designed to get under my skin. He succeeded if that was his intent. I’m lucky not to have to dye my hair but I would never would ask a stranger such a question unless my intent was to insult them. Had he identified an ego needing his adjustment? My verdict: Douchebag! "

    Your first guess is likely the right one. See the Socially Inept topic.

  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Jan 13, 2013 8:33 PM GMT
    Your evaluation is probably right. Sounds like he thinks he is better than you, so he thinks it is perfectly okay to be rude due to his machismo-ism and lack of social skills. Blow him off, people like that are socially inept. Even if you do try to be their friend that will always think themselves superior to you and talk to you in a sarcastic manner. They are what is known as a 'horses ass'.
  • rnch

    Posts: 11525

    Jan 13, 2013 8:51 PM GMT
    sounds to me like an awkward attempt at making conversation with you.



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    Jan 13, 2013 8:56 PM GMT
    Not everyone out there is trying to make your life miserable.

    Lighten up.
  • metatextual

    Posts: 774

    Jan 13, 2013 8:56 PM GMT
    I personally think you're overanalysing the situation and reading too much of your negativity into the experience. Without hearing the conversation, it's also pretty difficult to get the subtext without hearing the inflection of you or the other guy...
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    Jan 13, 2013 8:58 PM GMT
    He might have Asperger's. My brother has this and he always comes out with the wrong thing even though you would think he is old enough to know better. For example, if someone gets him something he doesn't like for Christmas he will say "I don't like this, why did you get me this?" in front of everybody. Makes for some pretty awkward moments haha icon_lol.gif
  • Koaa2

    Posts: 1556

    Jan 13, 2013 9:00 PM GMT
    You sound a bit insecure when you describe your interactions with others and how you internalize a lot of what is being said. My guess is that there is very little meaning to what you describe and it is just people making small talk. A little therapy might help you examine some of these feelings of insecurity that you seem to be going through.
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Jan 13, 2013 9:01 PM GMT
    The fact that he asked if he dyed his hair or something is pretty rude and implies when you ask a man such a thing, they they did something 'queery'. And then when he said he started wearing glasses, he didn't follow through, with an 'oh they look good' or an, 'oh ya, I thought something was different', but instead just sort of nodded, is an act of smugness.
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    Jan 13, 2013 9:01 PM GMT
    surfswim saidNot everyone out there is trying to make your life miserable.

    Lighten up.
    Agreed and even if he was deliberately being a douche, why in the world would you let a perfect stranger get to you like that?
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jan 13, 2013 9:02 PM GMT
    Well first, from the information given, he probably isn't a douchbag, but somebody who needs a few social graces. It would be one thing if he really knew you, but he didn't and should have nodded and maybe talked about the day and that was it.

    But don't read more into this than what it was.. I doubt if he was hitting on you and probably wasn't meaning to be a butthead. Let it pass, some people are just socially inept (we had a thread on that as well today).
    It doesn't "mean" anything... most likely.
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    Jan 13, 2013 9:02 PM GMT
    He's probably just European...no need to get all cray cray...
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    Jan 13, 2013 9:06 PM GMT
    Your reaction to him was too defensive. It required a deft dodge with a smile, not a hay maker parry.
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    Jan 13, 2013 9:11 PM GMT
    lol, or we could try putting the shoe on the other foot.....

    'So the other morning I was just getting back from a work-out and in the elevator was this guy I see now and then. I think I like him, and today he looked different so I tried breaking the ice and asked him what was different.

    He turned to me and asked what I meant, so I said,
    ”well, what have you done, did you change your hair….dye it or something?"

    Man I started to sweat. He then asked,
    "Do I know you?"

    So, I awkwardly said, "“No, but I’ve seen you around….so what is it?”

    Turns out he was wearing glasses for the first time. I felt so stupid I just shrugged and nodded.

    Did I fuck up? What should I have said differently?'

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    Jan 13, 2013 9:13 PM GMT
    meninlove said lol, or we could try putting the shoe on the other foot.....

    'So the other morning I was just getting back from a work-out and in the elevator was this guy I see now and then. I think I like him, and today he looked different so I tried breaking the ice and asked him what was different.

    He turned to me and asked what I meant, so I said,
    ”well, what have you done, did you change your hair….dye it or something?"

    Man I started to sweat. He then asked,
    "Do I know you?"

    So, I awkwardly said, "“No, but I’ve seen you around….so what is it?”

    Turns out he was wearing glasses for the first time. I felt so stupid I just shrugged and nodded.

    Did I fuck up? What should I have said differently?'

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    Haha this is excellent way of putting it
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 13, 2013 9:16 PM GMT
    He doesn't sound like a douche at all. He approached you and paid you a nice compliment. Accept it. Smile. Maybe return a little charm and make his day.

    Elevator conversations can be game changing. I got a job once by getting stuck on an elevator with a senior manager.
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    Jan 13, 2013 9:16 PM GMT
    meninlove said lol, or we could try putting the shoe on the other foot.....

    'So the other morning I was just getting back from a work-out and in the elevator was this guy I see now and then. I think I like him, and today he looked different so I tried breaking the ice and asked him what was different.

    He turned to me and asked what I meant, so I said,
    ”well, what have you done, did you change your hair….dye it or something?"

    Man I started to sweat. He then asked,
    "Do I know you?"

    So, I awkwardly said, "“No, but I’ve seen you around….so what is it?”

    Turns out he was wearing glasses for the first time. I felt so stupid I just shrugged and nodded.

    Did I fuck up? What should I have said differently?'

    icon_wink.gif


    This is so perfect, and is exactly what I was thinking. To me, it seems like this guy just wanted to initiate conversation with you. The fact that he noticed a change in your physical appearance implicates that he takes notice of you. Maybe he was trying to be cute...
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    Jan 13, 2013 9:19 PM GMT
    .....
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 13, 2013 9:19 PM GMT
    Agree it was an effort to start a conversation. Man that takes some balls.
    I didn't see any kind of offending or insulting behavior there.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 13, 2013 9:22 PM GMT
    Elevator small talk, nothing more.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 13, 2013 9:23 PM GMT
    The guy is not a douche, you seem to be overreacting.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 13, 2013 9:26 PM GMT
    I agree that you read in too much. And what's interesting that so many of us are reading it that way is that even as you wrote it, we read it that way. So even through your eyes, this is how we see it. Also you seem to describe this as a repetitive pattern of how you view others viewing you. It sounds a little victimish.

    But also it's not unusual to focus on something slightly negative or that can be read as negative when being awkward or breaking the ice or being funny--even if you don't think that's funny. Sometimes it's telling of the person and sometimes it's just a gimmick. Maybe they have a problem communicating which you then compound by whatever your problems might be.

    Certainly I put guys on ignore in this forum when they treat me like shit and there's been plenty of them. but I'm not beyond a good ribbing and often laught at myself even if I seem at times a bit serious. Probably I'm quick to click now because I did have some close friends betray me so i'm a bit on edge in that regard. Maybe they thought they were being funny but it sure came off to me as being rude, crude and socially unacceptable at the time. But, man, the way you described that, if you couldn't take that elevator ride, you'd never have survived my family. We'd have shredded you. And you'd be the stronger for it.

    Of course you should know a person before you engage in that full throttle, unless you're Don Rickles on stage and we paid to be insulted.

    Random Rickles Youtube...
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    Jan 13, 2013 9:46 PM GMT
    turbobilly saidHe's probably just European...no need to get all cray cray...

    .....I find out Europeans sometimes come out rude even when they dont mean to....So take a sip dude icon_smile.gif
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    Jan 13, 2013 10:02 PM GMT
    meninlove said lol, or we could try putting the shoe on the other foot.....

    'So the other morning I was just getting back from a work-out and in the elevator was this guy I see now and then. I think I like him, and today he looked different so I tried breaking the ice and asked him what was different.

    He turned to me and asked what I meant, so I said,
    ”well, what have you done, did you change your hair….dye it or something?"

    Man I started to sweat. He then asked,
    "Do I know you?"

    So, I awkwardly said, "“No, but I’ve seen you around….so what is it?”

    Turns out he was wearing glasses for the first time. I felt so stupid I just shrugged and nodded.

    Did I fuck up? What should I have said differently?'

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    LOVED IT! icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 13, 2013 10:48 PM GMT
    Amarula said
    turbobilly saidHe's probably just European...no need to get all cray cray...

    .....I find out Europeans sometimes come out rude even when they dont mean to....So take a sip dude icon_smile.gif


    shut up! That's not true...icon_twisted.gif