Being Awkward, a little desperate.

  • Piers40

    Posts: 31

    Jan 13, 2013 8:46 PM GMT
    Ok guys, I have a major problem. Whenever I meet guys I'm attracted to, they show initial interest then it tapers off. I've been told my reliable friends, that they noticed the same thing. They things sometimes I'm too upfront, too keen, and it gets misinterpreted as desperate and a bit much. I don't know what to do, I hate playing games, but playing it cool, I fear might look like I'm not interested. It's difficult to strike up a balance.

    What can I do to get more comfortable in my skin, I fear my desperation is linked to the fact I really want to have sex all the time. And if someone plays it cool, I usually assume they're not interested.
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    Jan 13, 2013 9:27 PM GMT
    Taking a moment to listen helps, at least if you make sure to make body contact. (I assume that "seeming desperate" means you run your mouth a little too much?)
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    Jan 13, 2013 9:41 PM GMT
    Baalsabo saidTaking a moment to listen helps, at least if you make sure to make body contact. (I assume that "seeming desperate" means you run your mouth a little too much?)

    Nah, thats not what he means. Or at least perhaps not the way you're interpreting it.

    What he means is that he doesn't play games with people: he doesn't like the "how long do I have to wait to text him?" - he says whats on his mind when it's on his mind. When you're so up front and you don't play games, it might come off as desperate because you're afraid to lose someone whose showing interest. A "secure" person wouldn't care because they're confident enough someone else will be around soon.
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    Jan 13, 2013 10:02 PM GMT
    IceBuckets saidNah, thats not what he means. Or at least perhaps not the way you're interpreting it.


    Yea, you're right. I put it into a bar/club setting when I pictured it.

    Sometimes you just have to play the game; being impatient is only leading you to not have sex for longer periods of time than just waiting a few days to text them.
  • Piers40

    Posts: 31

    Jan 13, 2013 11:47 PM GMT
    Icebuckets has it right. I think you've nailed it. I'm up front to a fault and it seen as desperate. In one situation, I was literally been speaking to someone, whose fluffing around with lots of small talk and vagueness, and I've said "I'd rather just fuck to be honest".

    I thought it was brassy and straight up, turns out the said guy went to my housemate and said he thought I was a little "weird" for being so direct. Maybe some people find it aggressive and feel threatened by someone saying exactly what they want, maybe its seen as obnoxious. I also think it calls a lot of people out, some guys keep things deliberately vague and nebulous so they have control.

    In my mind I suspect if someone is genuinely interested, a bit of intensity isn't going to scare them away. What do you guys thinks?
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    Jan 13, 2013 11:55 PM GMT
    Piers40 saidIcebuckets has it right. I think you've nailed it. I'm up front to a fault and it seen as desperate. In one situation, I was literally been speaking to someone, whose fluffing around with lots of small talk and vagueness, and I've said "I'd rather just fuck to be honest".

    I thought it was brassy and straight up, turns out the said guy went to my housemate and said he thought I was a little "weird" for being so direct. Maybe some people find it aggressive and feel threatened by someone saying exactly what they want, maybe its seen as obnoxious. I also think it calls a lot of people out, some guys keep things deliberately vague and nebulous so they have control.

    In my mind I suspect if someone is genuinely interested, a bit of intensity isn't going to scare them away. What do you guys thinks?

    I forget we're in the Sex section so it could just be that he wasn't the type to fuck a random person?

    I'm right there with you: very up front and it's seen as desperate. Which it might be to be honest. And if you just said "I'd rather just fuck" I'd be weirded out and also feel...let down that a person wasn't interested in what I had to say and just wanted my dick/ass/any sort of combination of that.
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    Jan 14, 2013 12:10 AM GMT
    I think the best thing you can do is scope people out first and then figure out how to come onto them case by case. There's no formula to getting laid.

    I'm the same way to be honest. One time on a first date with a girl she wanted to spend the night so I told her I needed condoms, she responded with "I"m not that kind of girl". I drove her home-- it was fucking awkward the whole way. Apparently she just wanted to cuddle.

    Like I said, sometimes you just have to play the game... doesn't matter if you like it or not. That said, from time to time you do meet a person who's game for just fucking.