Who's given up on dating or is ready to?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 14, 2013 1:04 AM GMT
    I have a friend who is attractive, highly accomplished and in excellent shape. Soon after he had a kid through artificial insemination with a female friend he just quit having sex and gave up completely on dating. He was in his early 40s and that was about 10 years ago. He now claims he is asexual and the thought of being in a relationship doesn't even occur to him. He lives in Chicago and his daughter and female friend in LA, so he still comes home to an empty house everyday but I don't think it bothers him in anyway.

    I have another friend who has kept in great shape all his life and is now pushing 60. I think he's dated one guy in the last 10 to 15 years and that was a disaster that ended in him putting the guy on a bus. I don't think he ever gets laid.

    Since 2005, I've had one distant relationship that lasted a few months and was amazed to even have that. I still get laid and have the occasional uninspired date. If it weren't for the occasional vacation romance I would throw in the towel. That's saying a lot considering how both social and sexual I am. But the whole process of trying to get a date or laid for that matter, I find can become so undignified so easily. So I understand my friend who just said "that's it, no more, I'm asexual." I think for him it was a liberation come to that decision. Does anyone else feel that way?
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    Jan 14, 2013 1:24 AM GMT
    It's a whole different thing, what you're describing about your friends and how you're considering "throwing in the towel".

    There's quitting because you're unsuccessful.

    There's realizing something won't make you happy, and turning your goals elsewhere.


    I'm celibate and solo for life. I don't date. The most perfect man could knock down my door and I'd turn him away. There are some nice things about it, but I am not happier with anyone than I am alone.

    For years, people would say "oh don't worry you'll find someone" and I'd be like "I don't think you understand the situation". It's not due to bad experiences, it's due to enlightenment.

    People who say "I hate men!" and swear off them are not really celibate. Just frustrated and not being honest with themselves. Loneliness will creep in if it's something they still want.

    In order to not waste your own time, think about the reason why you're considering going solo. Because you learned that it won't make you happy or because you are weary from trying?
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    Jan 14, 2013 1:38 AM GMT
    I know it's your choice to live this way, but I don't ever want to give up on love. I've had it in my life, and it's the most amazing feeling in the world. I do think that as I get older, I will be less attractive, and the good guys will mostly be coupled. Although I'm fine with being alone now (heck, I've only been single for a month), I don't want to come home to an empty house every day when I get older. I don't care if I'm 80, I'd like to keep my optimism. Even now, I feel like at any moment, something great could happen.
  • barriehomeboy

    Posts: 2475

    Jan 14, 2013 1:41 AM GMT
    I'm old but still hot enough that I have cute 24 year olds chasing after me. Sounds like a dream life, but I'm not interested in sex anymore thanks to anti-cancer hormones they are pumping into me to kill a tumor. Men of a certain age experience a similar disinterest in sex. That's when they discover politics usually. Or museums.
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    Jan 14, 2013 1:43 AM GMT
    Can't give up on love!
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    Jan 14, 2013 1:43 AM GMT
    Well my giving up is most out of frustration. I haven't dated anyone so far, and I have made attempts to try to talk to someone but it leads to no where. I am 25 and wanted to find someone that I can relate to before I get into my 30's. I feel like instead of trying to connect and fail every time, my time can be use more wisely if I focus on my career and self development.
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    Jan 14, 2013 1:55 AM GMT
    Growing old, alone and being without a partner is tough. As men we all need fellowship. Friends and family cannot fill the space of intimacy a man needs when the sun goes down(and thats not just about sex). So in order to cope with this and endure a healthy lifestyle, I can clearly understand why some more aged men would choose to be celebate and focus on personal enlightenment. Meeting someone and being right for one another is difficult for gay men because we have so many issues within our lives, and whomever we bond with as a partner has to accept us for our highpoints and our low points, ..loving unconditonally. Sadly most gay men live in the moment and think shallow. Its easier and less emotional for them to use someone, toss them out, then move onto the next experience. Finding someone with mutual interest, mutual attraction, mutual things you're passionate about... along with common values, spiritual or cultural beliefs is usually the best way to connect with a guy. Otherwise its a huge shot in the dark like most of us guys who like guys far out of our reach or league. I can see how when one gets burnt out, and breaking free from the desire of wanting men/sex can be liberating due to all the efforts of loss and gain that goes into finding love and companionship. But I think if you really believe in it, you never really quit.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 14, 2013 2:02 AM GMT
    I have come to the conclusion that all men have to offer are promises and dreams....so to each his own.

    My goal in life now is to focus on me.
    So I have given up on dating.....
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 14, 2013 2:04 AM GMT
    Date when you want to. Don't date when you don't want to.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 14, 2013 2:06 AM GMT
    Gave up and then some
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    Jan 14, 2013 2:07 AM GMT
    Haven't really given up. Just taking a break from that
  • BloodFlame

    Posts: 1768

    Jan 14, 2013 2:17 AM GMT
    I'm only 21 going on 22, never once had a boyfriend, and I sometimes feel that I should throw in the towel of dating. I know I'm still young and stuff but I haven't had much luck with guys who I liked.

    It was always the same thing. They sound interested, we talk, then they disappear. So I guess it can be discouraging when it happens constantly. For me, the most it happened was 3x in a row. I felt so crappy during that time lol

    There still is part of me that wants to find love and find the right guy to spend it with but at this rate, I doubt I'll have the luck and I'm sure I'll get over it. I'm practically always by myself now so I don't think it would feel any different if I did give up dating altogether.

    So I can understand why some men would give up on dating as they are tired of the crap and just want to focus on themselves for the rest of their lives.
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    Jan 14, 2013 2:30 AM GMT
    I dont wanna give up but it wouldnt surprise me if one day I could not remember the last time I thought about being in a relationship.
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    Jan 14, 2013 2:34 AM GMT
    I'm a hopeless romantic, so I don't think I could ever give up on love.
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    Jan 14, 2013 2:40 AM GMT
    paulflexes saidDate when you want to. Don't date when you don't want to.

    Agreed! Some days are better than others. But it's worth waiting through, until you connect with somebody.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 14, 2013 2:45 AM GMT
    I gave up! I give up! and I will never look for love again! You know why?

    Because the more I think/worry about it the more I don't appreciate the people in my life and the more I alienate myself or/and become bitter.

    Love isnt on a shcedule it happens on its own time.

    I will be patient, and not rush it.
    If it find me then it just finds me, but I won;t stress any longer on it, and I suggest you do the same.

    Headaches that are needless should be avoided.icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 14, 2013 2:46 AM GMT
    I haven't dated, been in a relationship, or had sex since December 2011. I just haven't wanted to. Gotta focus on me and get to where I want to be first. Then I can focus on someone else.
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    Jan 14, 2013 2:49 AM GMT
    Haven't dated... but i'm hoping i can start something this year. Dating someone is a huge ordeal... gotta start small, probably a friendly hangout or something.

    Oh, and I think FatFranklin is hott... I might date him. ;-)
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    Jan 14, 2013 3:04 AM GMT
    SkinnyBitch saidIt's a whole different thing, what you're describing about your friends and how you're considering "throwing in the towel".

    There's quitting because you're unsuccessful.

    There's realizing something won't make you happy, and turning your goals elsewhere.


    I'm celibate and solo for life. I don't date. The most perfect man could knock down my door and I'd turn him away. There are some nice things about it, but I am not happier with anyone than I am alone.

    For years, people would say "oh don't worry you'll find someone" and I'd be like "I don't think you understand the situation". It's not due to bad experiences, it's due to enlightenment.

    People who say "I hate men!" and swear off them are not really celibate. Just frustrated and not being honest with themselves. Loneliness will creep in if it's something they still want.

    In order to not waste your own time, think about the reason why you're considering going solo. Because you learned that it won't make you happy or because you are weary from trying?


    You have the same attitude as the first friend I described. I can actually understand how you describe it as enlightened.

    I've thought long and hard about that route but I find I have too much fun when the occasional sexual adventure or vacation romance comes along, I'm not giving up because I'm unsuccessful but because I find the modern day process of connecting with people can kill all my desires. It can become trashy so quickly, so I can understand how even some of the young guys who have replied want to give up. Some people like the chase. Some need constant affirmation that they're still worth pursuing. Not me, I just like the catch. That's why I think if by some strange stroke of luck I met the right guy, I'd find it very easy to be monogamous even if he didn't. In the meantime I love me life as it is and I have no fears of spending the rest of it alone. In fact I expect I will. But there are times I think of moving to a beautiful but remote location and wonder if I could deal with giving up intimacy.
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    Jan 14, 2013 3:44 AM GMT
    JamieJfromtheA saidI gave up! I give up! and I will never look for love again! You know why?
    Because the more I think/worry about it the more I don't appreciate the people in my life and the more I alienate myself or/and become bitter.


    Exactly!
    So lest I become even more jaded and actually become a hateful person, I decided to cut if off completely.
    I'm still in the process of "un-alienating" myself which thankfully the people around me understand.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 14, 2013 4:22 AM GMT
    I'm caught up in the middle. Neither given up on dating nor actively searching for someone.
    I'm just going with the flow. Whatever's meant to happen will happen.
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    Jan 14, 2013 4:27 AM GMT
    A_X91 saidI'm caught up in the middle. Neither given up on dating nor actively searching for someone.
    I'm just going with the flow. Whatever's meant to happen will happen.


    I feel the same
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    Jan 14, 2013 4:28 AM GMT
    I don't want to give up, but I'm tired of being used.
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    Jan 14, 2013 4:40 AM GMT
    scruffygeek19 said
    A_X91 saidI'm caught up in the middle. Neither given up on dating nor actively searching for someone.
    I'm just going with the flow. Whatever's meant to happen will happen.


    I feel the same


    I also feel this way.

    For the first time in a very long time.
  • E_84

    Posts: 201

    Jan 14, 2013 4:41 AM GMT
    There aren't enough quality guys in my area to even date.

    Living in a big city, where many guys are immoral/unethical makes one almost have to give up or put dating on hold.

    I find myself watching from the outside, just waiting for someone genuine to enter.