FWB MEETS FWB?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 15, 2013 3:42 PM GMT
    I dumped my BF( my first gay relationship) a couple months ago which kinda turned a guy I hang out with into a FWB .I met another guy that does not want to commit to anything, So when he wanted to jump into the shower with me
    ( to my surprise ) he also became a FWB . Both are fun to hang with. Since I never had a FWB before what is protocol for hanging out with FWB's. Can All three of us do something together? Can I have them over to dinner parties? When you see 3 or 4 guys walk into a club together are they just friends? Both of these guys know of each other but they are not equals. . That is, one is way more handsome and buff so I would suspect there would be competition but that is my str8 way of looking at things.
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    Jan 15, 2013 4:01 PM GMT
    I've heard of cliques of friends where they all have had sex with each other at some point in time. But I'm not sure how common that is. Personally, I don't have sex with those I'm friends with. Makes it weird. While I might find some friends attractive, I'm not attracted to them.

    I'd say when a few guys walk into a bar/club together, they are just friends. I wouldn't assume that are sleeping with each other. I've been to bars/clubs together with a few friends.

    About all 3 of you hanging out together, idk. Unique situation. What always helps me understand a situation is turning the tables around and putting myself in the situation. So if you were invited to dinner and the other person was the host's FWB as well, who was way more attractive and buff, how would you feel?
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    Jan 15, 2013 4:21 PM GMT
    The potential landmines and headaches of this question are a great highlight as to why I don't sleep with my friends....

    It sounds like you're making your life way too complicated. You just got out of your first gay relationship and now you've started two other relationships. Yes, you've agreed that you're not committing to anything but it's still a relationship in a generic sense. People's feelings do come into play and you should be respectful.

    Do these guys already know that you're sleeping with both of them separately? If so, it sounds like you should know if it's alright for the three of you to hangout together. If not, I think it'd be pretty rude to bring all three of you together. What happens at the end of the night when they both want to go home with you? Are you going to pick one and send the other away? Have them both over?

    I like the above response...use the Golden Rule: treat others as you would have them treat you.
  • WhoDey

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    Jan 15, 2013 4:22 PM GMT
    Experience the beauty of 3 sums...
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    Jan 15, 2013 4:36 PM GMT
    TellMeMoar saidI've heard of cliques of friends where they all have had sex with each other at some point in time. But I'm not sure how common that is.

    I've been in gay communities where that was fairly common. We used to joke how "incestuous" we were, because so many of us had sex with each other at one time or another, and we all knew it. And if we DIDN'T still all hang out and socialize, we'd have become recluses, because there weren't many guys left we HADN'T gone to bed with, we'd used up most of the available supply. icon_redface.gif
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    Jan 15, 2013 4:40 PM GMT
    WhoDey saidExperience the beauty of 3 sums...


    This. I've had my FWB tag team me before. I would like to do it more often but the logistics of it can be complicated. Plus, my range in men varies and I don't know his much the other guy will be into each other.
  • stratavos

    Posts: 1831

    Jan 15, 2013 4:41 PM GMT
    TellMeMoar saidAbout all 3 of you hanging out together, idk. Unique situation. What always helps me understand a situation is turning the tables around and putting myself in the situation. So if you were invited to dinner and the other person was the host's FWB as well, who was way more attractive and buff, how would you feel?


    lucky.

    Often group dynamics comes into play, but if they are ok with each other and the situation is proposed and people are still ok with one another I'd simply say: Congratulations. That's a quality friendship you 3 have there.

  • JackDoyle

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    Jan 15, 2013 4:44 PM GMT
    sounds fun!! icon_biggrin.gif but things like that usually get messy especially if you introduce them to eachother, someone will end up getting jealous or developing feelings for the wrong reasons
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    Jan 15, 2013 4:46 PM GMT
    I've had 3 sums, but won't have them with friends.
  • Hothouse

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    Jan 15, 2013 4:54 PM GMT
    The OP is in his 50s, so one would hope that he's a mature and stable man as his FWBs are as well.
    As long as everyone is acting like a mature adult, they should be able to socialize together and not let the sexual nature of their relationships interfere.
    I would think the OP could ask his FWB buds to keep their special benefits info to themselves. Or he can be upfront with them about what's going on and let them decide how to handle themselves. Either way, as long as everyone behaves like adults it shouldn't be an issue.
    Not that gay men are ever overly dramatic about stuff.
    As far as group activities, that could be complicated but certainly not unheard of.
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    Jan 15, 2013 4:55 PM GMT
    imasrxd saidThe potential landmines and headaches of this question are a great highlight as to why I don't sleep with my friends....

    It sounds like you're making your life way too complicated. You just got out of your first gay relationship and now you've started two other relationships. Yes, you've agreed that you're not committing to anything but it's still a relationship in a generic sense. People's feelings do come into play and you should be respectful.

    Do these guys already know that you're sleeping with both of them separately? If so, it sounds like you should know if it's alright for the three of you to hangout together. If not, I think it'd be pretty rude to bring all three of you together. What happens at the end of the night when they both want to go home with you? Are you going to pick one and send the other away? Have them both over?

    I like the above response...use the Golden Rule: treat others as you would have them treat you.



    Anytime I walk into a gay bar I see these huddles of gay friends and wonder how I can get some of that and what the social dynamics of that are. So I am just trying to make friends. So it they ask me if I want to spend the night...why would anyone pass that up. I don't want to be a " it's been a while" gay dude.
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    Jan 15, 2013 4:55 PM GMT
    imasrxd saidThe potential landmines and headaches of this question are a great highlight as to why I don't sleep with my friends....

    It sounds like you're making your life way too complicated. You just got out of your first gay relationship and now you've started two other relationships. Yes, you've agreed that you're not committing to anything but it's still a relationship in a generic sense. People's feelings do come into play and you should be respectful.

    Do these guys already know that you're sleeping with both of them separately? If so, it sounds like you should know if it's alright for the three of you to hangout together. If not, I think it'd be pretty rude to bring all three of you together. What happens at the end of the night when they both want to go home with you? Are you going to pick one and send the other away? Have them both over?

    I like the above response...use the Golden Rule: treat others as you would have them treat you.



    Anytime I walk into a gay bar I see these huddles of gay friends and wonder how I can get some of that and what the social dynamics of that are. So I am just trying to make friends. So it they ask me if I want to spend the night...why would anyone pass that up. I don't want to be a " it's been a while" gay dude.
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    Jan 15, 2013 4:56 PM GMT
    Alpha13 saidthat is my str8 way of looking at things.
    There is nothing str8 in your thinking...icon_cool.gif
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    Jan 15, 2013 4:58 PM GMT
    JackDoyle saidsounds fun!! icon_biggrin.gif but things like that usually get messy especially if you introduce them to eachother, someone will end up getting jealous or developing feelings for the wrong reasons


    They have met and I'm not keeping secrets. The guy the does not want to commit to anything knows I fuck the other guy cus he wants to play around as well. They are both in their 30's and might have a different value system.
  • Hothouse

    Posts: 2204

    Jan 15, 2013 6:24 PM GMT
    Alpha13 said
    JackDoyle saidsounds fun!! icon_biggrin.gif but things like that usually get messy especially if you introduce them to eachother, someone will end up getting jealous or developing feelings for the wrong reasons


    They have met and I'm not keeping secrets. The guy the does not want to commit to anything knows I fuck the other guy cus he wants to play around as well. They are both in their 30's and might have a different value system.


    As long as they both know about the other, and neither wants to become closer than FWB, then I wouldn't think a social setting would become a problem - unless they fall for each other and shut you out.
    A three-way doesn't sound that bad either...
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    Jan 15, 2013 6:53 PM GMT
    Alpha13 said

    Anytime I walk into a gay bar I see these huddles of gay friends and wonder how I can get some of that and what the social dynamics of that are. So I am just trying to make friends. So it they ask me if I want to spend the night...why would anyone pass that up. I don't want to be a " it's been a while" gay dude.

    I think you're talking about two different things. If you're wondering how to get a group of gay friends, that's one thing. If you're talking about sleeping with your friend group, that's a different thing.

    I chose to not sleep with my friends. In my experience, this has helped me have a number of very long-term friendships. We avoid all the emotional issues and jealousy that seems to come up once you cross into relationship/sex territory. I value those friendships a great deal. I realize people can stay friends with people they sleep with and that there are lots of ways of dealing with things. However, in my experience, my life is a lot easier and more simple by following this rule.

    On a side note, it doesn't sound like you're having much trouble getting some so there probably isn't too much risk that you're going to be "it's been a while" guy.

    The thing I'd encourage you to think about is whether you want a relationship or do you want to sleep around. I think that your answer gives you a different mind set when you're out socializing in the gay community and will impact whether you create a friend group.
  • jackthejock

    Posts: 395

    Jan 16, 2013 2:18 AM GMT
    Alpha13 said Both of these guys know of each other but they are not equals. . That is, one is way more handsome and buff so I would suspect there would be competition but that is my str8 way of looking at things.



    you had me until that last bit. I think if you have two FWB and they each know you're not exclusive proposing a threesome is a fun, sexy idea. But then you go on to be comparing them and suggesting competition which just sounds like a really bad lay to me. I went home with a couple in an open relationship a few times (oddly enough I met them separately and liked both before finding out they were together) and they always would say they were open and honest and looking for fun...but then we'd get home and it was like they were each using me to make the other one jealous. I was in college at the time and so I didn't care and was flattered by it but one night they ended up getting in a fight and the cops got called by the neighbors and it was a mess.

    So, in short, threesomes can be fun but threesomes where the guys are competing with one another instead of all having a good time are lame.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 16, 2013 2:24 AM GMT
    I don't have sex with my friends but then I'm such a girl and girls don't do that
  • BloodFlame

    Posts: 1768

    Jan 16, 2013 2:31 AM GMT
    imasrxd said
    Alpha13 said

    Anytime I walk into a gay bar I see these huddles of gay friends and wonder how I can get some of that and what the social dynamics of that are. So I am just trying to make friends. So it they ask me if I want to spend the night...why would anyone pass that up. I don't want to be a " it's been a while" gay dude.

    I think you're talking about two different things. If you're wondering how to get a group of gay friends, that's one thing. If you're talking about sleeping with your friend group, that's a different thing.

    I chose to not sleep with my friends. In my experience, this has helped me have a number of very long-term friendships. We avoid all the emotional issues and jealousy that seems to come up once you cross into relationship/sex territory. I value those friendships a great deal. I realize people can stay friends with people they sleep with and that there are lots of ways of dealing with things. However, in my experience, my life is a lot easier and more simple by following this rule.

    On a side note, it doesn't sound like you're having much trouble getting some so there probably isn't too much risk that you're going to be "it's been a while" guy.

    The thing I'd encourage you to think about is whether you want a relationship or do you want to sleep around. I think that your answer gives you a different mind set when you're out socializing in the gay community and will impact whether you create a friend group.


    I pretty much agree with all this. And since the guys are older, I'm sure things will be okay assuming they are mature and whatnot.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 16, 2013 2:38 AM GMT
    jackthejock saidand the cops got called by the neighbors

    Were the cops hot? Did you get a number? icon_twisted.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 16, 2013 2:47 AM GMT
    I would keep it separate because when one becomes a headache, you'll still have the other. However, you risk them becoming cool enough to always expect the 3 of you to hangout when sometimes you might not want to.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 16, 2013 2:51 AM GMT
    FWB's are awesome! There is no protocol for having them meet each other. Some can handle it; some can't.

    Play it by ear and let things sort themselves out. Hopefully you'll end up with a few great friends who love to hang out and do things together, with a little bit of "sextracurricular activity" on the side. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Jan 16, 2013 2:56 AM GMT
    CuriousOne saidI would keep it separate because when one becomes a headache, you'll still have the other. However, you risk them becoming cool enough to always expect the 3 of you to hangout when sometimes you might not want to.
    That already happens with my straight mountain biking buddies. I get way more time off than they do, and am always calling/texting them to come ride with me. Then when I have to work, they call/text for me to come ride with them. It's an endless cycle of overlapping schedules and wishful thinking for a group ride (sometimes happens, but seldom).

    Oh well, I guess that's what happens when ALL your hangout buddies are also pilots. We have the worst schedules in the fucking world. icon_lol.gif
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    Jan 16, 2013 8:29 AM GMT
    Alpha13 said Both of these guys know of each other but they are not equals. . That is, one is way more handsome and buff so I would suspect there would be competition

    You want them to fight over you! That's what this is really about, isn't it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 16, 2013 5:49 PM GMT
    There's no protocol as such. You make your own rules. Just know that the majority of the guys who are looking for a FWB or FB situation are not looking for a serious LTR. Accordingly, beware if you're an LTR-type guy.