What is proper invitee conduct?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 15, 2013 9:55 PM GMT
    So this has been going back and forth in my brain since I have a friend who does this and drives me up the wall.

    I could invite my friend to a party (in this case, it was my sisters engagement party) and I invited her as my guest probably three weeks before the party. Now the problem is this: she came to the party but left pretty much as soon as she was able (after the toasting and the final desserts were served) because earlier THAT week someone (her fuck buddy) invited her to come to a club with her for that night. I did tell her when I gave the invitation that the party was going to keep going past nine (which was printed on the invite).

    Is this really proper conduct when someone invites you to a party? To pretty much bail as soon as something else comes up? She's also being invited to my sisters wedding (which is in September) and I kind of feel she's going to pull the same crap. That if someone else (i.e. her girlfriends or fuck buddy) invite her that evening, she'll find an excuse to go off with them at the last minute. Because letsay this wedding party goes on until 1 AM - if someone invites her a few days before to something ,she won't say that she is already going to a party - she will leave at like 10 or 11.

    I should mention that it's not like we go out every weekend to party. But she kind of does it with her girlfriends. And that the party was indeed an open bar event.
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Jan 15, 2013 10:09 PM GMT
    Ugh, I used to have so female female friends, but now when they pull that crap, I'm like, who are you again?

    /cutrant

    Seriously, she should respect you better and as a friend and realize that blowing you off is bitchy.
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    Jan 15, 2013 10:36 PM GMT
    HottJoe saidUgh, I used to have so female female friends, but now when they pull that crap, I'm like, who are you again?

    /cutrant

    Seriously, she should respect you better and as a friend and realize that blowing you off is bitchy.

    Good - awesome. I'm sitting here thinking I'm the one being selfish and bitchy because she won't party with me. icon_lol.gif
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    Jan 15, 2013 10:40 PM GMT
    icon_confused.gif I fail to comprehend the problem.

    Basic "party" protocol: See. Be seen. Complete any organized activities. Get the hell out before things become awkward.
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    Jan 15, 2013 10:49 PM GMT
    This might sound like a weird question, but is she definitely completely up for going? Some people really don't like to turn down invitations and end up doing stuff like you mention instead.
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    Jan 15, 2013 10:49 PM GMT
    mindgarden saidicon_confused.gif I fail to comprehend the problem.

    Basic "party" protocol: See. Be seen. Complete any organized activities. Get the hell out before things become awkward.

    Yeah, there are functions where you don't have to stay to turn the lights off. We left a birthday party a little early this last weekend, after about 2 hours. We gave a card & present, spent time with the birthday guy and other guests, and then left. Unless it's highly structured and sit-down, which a wedding & reception might be, people should leave as they wish.

    I'm never offended when people leave early from my own larger and less structured functions. Now a private dinner for 6 is another matter...
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    Jan 15, 2013 10:55 PM GMT
    bus9ja2d saidThis might sound like a weird question, but is she definitely completely up for going? Some people really don't like to turn down invitations and end up doing stuff like you mention instead.

    She says she is.

    The problem is that this is indeed a wedding which I'm afraid that she will ditch to go party with her other people - which she can do ANY weekend. It's not like I could ditch the party too - I mean this is my sisters wedding. I find this to be pretty rude.

    It's probably not so much that she's ditching the party itself but she's ditching me when she knew she coming for a last minute invitation.
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    Jan 15, 2013 11:03 PM GMT
    IceBuckets said
    It's probably not so much that she's ditching the party itself but she's ditching me when she knew she coming for a last minute invitation.

    Does she understanding that you & she would be attending as a couple, as you seem to be describing it? Dancing together and presumably sitting together at the reception? It's fair to check with her to see if she's up for that, because in that case she is your "date". That's a different circumstance than being invited as a friend to an engagement party, which can be a lot less formal.
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    Jan 15, 2013 11:05 PM GMT
    ART_DECO said
    IceBuckets said
    It's probably not so much that she's ditching the party itself but she's ditching me when she knew she coming for a last minute invitation.

    Does she understanding that you & she would be attending as a couple, as you seem to be describing it? Dancing together and presumably sitting together at the reception? It's fair to check with her if she's up for that, because in that case she is your "date".

    Dancing together will not be happening I can assure you. But sitting together and is technically my "date" is being made perfectly aware. She was also my "date" for the engagement party after all...
  • TheBizMan

    Posts: 4091

    Jan 15, 2013 11:06 PM GMT
    So tell her how you feel. She is your "friend" after all.
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Jan 15, 2013 11:10 PM GMT
    IMO, if she is coming along as your +1 and did not receive a direct invitation, the she should arrive with you and depart with you. Anything is rude on her part.
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    Jan 15, 2013 11:12 PM GMT
    She sounds shallow and phony to me. I think you're lucky she showed up at all. Don't be surprised if she pulls some other crap in the future, even at the wedding. Many, many people live in their own little world, and it's "me, me, me". icon_smile.gif
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    Jan 15, 2013 11:14 PM GMT
    By the way, if I had a date as sexy as you, I'd never leave you!!icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 15, 2013 11:17 PM GMT
    Surely there are some nice gentlemen around who would like to be your guest? icon_wink.gif
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    Jan 15, 2013 11:29 PM GMT
    TheBizMan saidSo tell her how you feel. She is your "friend" after all.

    I don't want to stir up a hornets nest right now. I'm already pretty pissed off at my entire group of friends right now. I'll get over it but right now - it's a subject that I'm not touching with her.

    Timbales saidIMO, if she is coming along as your +1 and did not receive a direct invitation, the she should arrive with you and depart with you. Anything is rude on her part.

    She'll receive an invitation but it will be handed to from me. icon_razz.gif

    Blakes7 saidShe sounds shallow and phony to me. I think you're lucky she showed up at all. Don't be surprised if she pulls some other crap in the future, even at the wedding. Many, many people live in their own little world, and it's "me, me, me". icon_smile.gif

    She says she did at the engagement party because she felt really bad about not accepting the invite...as if I don't matter. But in her defense, the party did technically end but we were going out with the bride to another bar.

    Blakes7 saidBy the way, if I had a date as sexy as you, I'd never leave you!!icon_biggrin.gif

    icon_redface.gif

    bus9ja2d saidSurely there are some nice gentlemen around who would like to be your guest? icon_wink.gif

    That was the original plan before they were even engaged. I'd ruin the wedding by hooking up with a guy there since I'm not out to my family. But thats...wrong. Besides, I don't know any lovely gentlemen who would want to go anyway. Curiously, one of the guys I've dated (and still harbor feelings for) lives close by to the reception. My friend told me "You better not start a fire!" since he volunteers for the local fire department. icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 15, 2013 11:36 PM GMT
    bus9ja2d saidThis might sound like a weird question, but is she definitely completely up for going? Some people really don't like to turn down invitations and end up doing stuff like you mention instead.


    ∆∆∆ This. My guess is that she isn't wild about the idea of coming but shows up so your feelings are not hurt. It's called "making an appearance" and it's very common. She obviously doesn't want to be there. I would stop inviting her to your events.
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    Jan 15, 2013 11:56 PM GMT
    I feel for you, because when I was your age, I went to weddings, my brothers, friends, without a date! Why not go alone? Since you said that it's your sister's wedding, and would you be the one of the grooms men lined up with the girls? I did and had a great time! As for those who invited me and guest, I danced with older ladies and had a blast! It was fun! In meantime, until then you can date or have a boyfriend, why stop your life! Life is short, Again, like your friend said, don't add more to the fire... don't get upset with this girl who made the appearance at the engagement party, more likely she do it again if you take her to the wedding day! Learn once, but do it twice one's a fool! icon_wink.gif I hope this helps you along with some widsom and other's advice on this forum!
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    Jan 16, 2013 1:17 AM GMT
    You invited her. She came. She chose to leave when it suited her.

    Invitations, like gifts, are best given without strings or expectations.
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    Jan 16, 2013 1:24 AM GMT
    LINYer saidI feel for you, because when I was your age, I went to weddings, my brothers, friends, without a date! Why not go alone? Since you said that it's your sister's wedding, and would you be the one of the grooms men lined up with the girls? I did and had a great time! As for those who invited me and guest, I danced with older ladies and had a blast! It was fun! In meantime, until then you can date or have a boyfriend, why stop your life! Life is short, Again, like your friend said, don't add more to the fire... don't get upset with this girl who made the appearance at the engagement party, more likely she do it again if you take her to the wedding day! Learn once, but do it twice one's a fool! icon_wink.gif I hope this helps you along with some widsom and other's advice on this forum!

    Haha, totally misread me. But anyway...

    No, my sister is not having bridesmaids and groomsmen. Long story short: she fucked up her relationship with her girlfriends years ago. Hence no bridesmaids.

    As for the fire comment, she meant that LITERALLY don't start a fire to get him to come and put it out. icon_lol.gif


    And is it really so much to ask for a single day with a friend of mine that doesn't involve them "having"* to be some place else other then with me?

    *WANTING