Having Anonymous Sex After a LTR

  • GAngel87

    Posts: 11

    Jan 16, 2013 10:48 PM GMT
    I recently came out of a two year relationship and do miss being able to talk to someone I felt close to. Every now and again I get the urge to have a casual hook up but haven't actually done so yet.

    So I pose this question to each of you: Does casual sex really help you get over the heartbreak? Is it a healthy way to work through the heartache of no longer being in a relationship?

    I think this question is a bit elementary but I wanted some of your thoughts..
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    Jan 16, 2013 10:51 PM GMT
    It makes about as much sense as renting a car after owning one for a few years.
  • GAngel87

    Posts: 11

    Jan 16, 2013 10:56 PM GMT
    paulflexes saidIt makes about as much sense as renting a car after owning one for a few years.


    I agree... I think the only reason I've even thought about it is because the ex I just broke up with is actually doing it. I'm also wondering if it's helping him or hurting him in the long run... if it's not already obvious I'm still emotionally attached since the break up's still kinda fresh.
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    Jan 16, 2013 11:03 PM GMT
    paulflexes saidIt makes about as much sense as renting a car after owning one for a few years.

    You are too clever!

    So I pose this question to each of you: Does casual sex really help you get over the heartbreak?

    Depends on the man. It has with me on a few occasions. I can't say if it will with you.

    I'm sorry to hear about your heartbreak. You're gonna hafta solve this one on your own, because every man is different.

    I often say that the best way to forget about an old love is with a new love.

    Well, best for some of us, maybe not best for you. icon_confused.gif

    As for casual & anonymous sex, as you specifically ask - yeah, for some of us that works. It has for me. Try it and see (but safely).

    Casual sex can be a path to real sex, and love. I think what's most important is that you don't ever withdraw, and let a wound limit and hold you back. Your man is out there waiting for you, and you can't ever give up looking for him.
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    Jan 16, 2013 11:56 PM GMT
    ART_DECO said
    paulflexes saidIt makes about as much sense as renting a car after owning one for a few years.

    You are too clever!

    So I pose this question to each of you: Does casual sex really help you get over the heartbreak?

    Depends on the man. It has with me on a few occasions. I can't say if it will with you.

    This...only for me it was the other way around. It didn't help. Just made me feel empty and cheap and unfulfilled.
  • Hothouse

    Posts: 2204

    Jan 18, 2013 2:14 PM GMT
    I'm not really sure that casual sex is a tool to be used to work through a breakup.
    A loving relationship usually includes a healthy sexual connection.
    But, a casual hook up does is only for sexual release - the emotional connection is usually not there.
    Hey, guys get horny, and sometimes you just need to get off and get on with your life - maybe a hook-up will ease the sexual tension you're feeling and help you think more clearly.
    But, don't go into it as a way of healing the breakup heartache. Go into for what it is - a quick physical release to ease the horniness you're feeling.
    Don't do it just because the ex is.
    Don't do it if you don't feel ready.
    Do it if you just want to feel some skin and nut with another guy without any commitment. Just because your relationship ended doesn't mean your sex drive did.


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    Jan 18, 2013 2:29 PM GMT
    Casual Sex will help to boost your self esteem a little.

    Theres something to be said for the physical release of sex, without the baggage associated with it..
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    Jan 18, 2013 2:41 PM GMT
    Whatever you do, please, please, please use protection. It won't block all the bugs, but it goes a long way.
  • Import

    Posts: 7190

    Jan 18, 2013 4:31 PM GMT
    Yeah man, I know the feeling.
    Having random hookups and casual sex after a break up can help in some instances. For example, it may temporarily boost your self-esteem..

    When I broke up with my bf, I wanted to meet guys casually (not necessarily for hookups, but almost always these meet-ups would lead to sex).... and I felt good afterwards...for a period of time. it's feels good when someone wants to suck ur dick and have u fuck'em...especially when multiple ppl are trying at the same time.

    But I think in the long-run, it's still kind of empty and meaningless. The following day I would still want that emotional connection...over the biological need to get off. The emotional connection is what I missed most. and the physical connection too of cuddling, joking around, having someone to talk to, etc... I missed that more than sex.


    I can get off with my hand anyday anytime. It's done. But i cant feel a certain emotional and physical connection with just anyone, it's gotta be someone i'm feelin. And i thinks thats the most difficult part of adjusting to "single" life after a relationship
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4433

    Jan 18, 2013 4:44 PM GMT
    I think it is a good idea. It helps to laugh and connect. I don't know, maybe I'm different from a lot of guys, but it seems from what I read here, some guys have absolutely no conversation with guys they put in the "random hook-up" bucket. In my experience, which hasn't been for a while because I'm pretty much settled with my partner now, but when I did the hook-up thing, I almost always ended up enjoying meeting the guy. And I don't mean just the sex. We always talked and basically had a little mini-speed dates. I don't remember one that didn't result in several meets except for an occasional military guy on the way to deployment. And even those I remember as a fun evening. I say go for it. Just don't be afraid to relate to the guy while you're having fun. I mean, they're other guys, too, probably looking for the same thing as you.
  • MuscleComeBac...

    Posts: 2376

    Jan 18, 2013 4:47 PM GMT
    Horny is horny. Lonely is something else entirely. Satisfying a sexual craving when single is very different than seeking to make a deeper connection - so logically you can't solve the latter with the former (the reductive analogy is along the lines of 'gosh I'm starving for a steak, I wonder why having cottage cheese didn't solve that?')
    Sex is terrific, should be fun, satisfying, but trying to be emotionally connected with a stranger is a frustrating task and ruins the sex and magnifies the loneliness.
  • thadjock

    Posts: 2183

    Jan 18, 2013 4:59 PM GMT
    paulflexes saidIt makes about as much sense as renting a car after owning one for a few years.

    If you're gonna leave a body in the trunk at the airport you're better off to rent.

    Just to extrapolate the metaphor
  • owen19832006

    Posts: 1035

    Jan 18, 2013 5:21 PM GMT
    go on have some casual sex, live a little, you only get one life, so why not enjoy yourself and if you happen to meet someone whilst shagging about then happy days eh! icon_smile.gif
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    Jan 20, 2013 6:02 AM GMT
    owen19832006 saidgo on have some casual sex, live a little, you only get one life, so why not enjoy yourself and if you happen to meet someone whilst shagging about then happy days eh! icon_smile.gif


    this is where im at right now. and its helping....

    its a long road.
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    Jan 20, 2013 6:12 AM GMT
    It helped me get over the lack of sex in the relationship I left (a 7.5 year relationship, slightly over 5 years married), not the emotional component that had very much also become absent.

    But it sure was a great mood enhancer. icon_wink.gif
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    Jan 20, 2013 9:59 AM GMT
    I think about getting over a relationship in a similar way to being in a relationship. Both are a multifaceted endeavor.

    Random sex with guys who you have no connection with fulfills a few key features of this process. It reaffirms that you are still sexy... that you still have "game..." that you still can perform. In fact, I would even argue that HOW you hook up matters. For me, walking up to another guy in a bar and talking to him directly makes me feel much better than grindr... so long as the guy is interested. There's more risk, so it's more fulfilling.

    But ultimately, the hookups become empty as many have previously stated. For me, the vulnerability and candid honesty of opening up to another man is what I really desire.

    I have some close friends/buddies who I can be intimate with, and it doesn't feel like an empty hookup because after the sex we can be a bit raw, and honest. That has done wonders for meeting my needs until I can find the next guy who really clicks with me for the long term. Not that my buddies don't do that, it's just that they are also not looking to be in that kind of relationship with me for the long term. So there's this understanding.

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    Jan 20, 2013 10:50 AM GMT
    I tried anonymous hook ups after my break up but didnt work for me.

    Myself and my ex never used protection during the 3years of our relationship, breaking up,hooking up and having protected sex with total strangers was so difficult, i wasnt feeling it at all....there was absolutely no connection. So i kinda decided to stop meaningless hook ups and handle my business myself.
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    Jan 20, 2013 11:17 AM GMT
    This is actually how I dealt with my LTR breakup. If that's what you want, go for it. You won't be seeking anonymity for too long. I'd wait for the rebound period to end before pursuing casual sex.
  • jackthejock

    Posts: 395

    Jan 20, 2013 11:22 AM GMT
    I'm in the same boat man. My ex and I hooked up for casual sex about 2 weeks after we broke up and sort of decided it was OK for us until one of us hooks up with somebody else or starts dating somebody. But a few days later we were hanging out with a mutual out of state friend who was visiting and ended up getting in a stupid argument and haven't spoken since.

    I've wanted to hook up with somebody to cement the end of the relationship but after a year and a half of very intimate, fun, loving, sometimes kinky sex with him having sex with a random doesn't feel appealing to me. So currently I'm on vacation visiting a friend and the change of scenary and being with a close friend has really helped me move on more than anyting.

    I will say I do plan on going out to the club and making out with a hot guy next weekend though.
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    Jan 20, 2013 11:42 AM GMT
    Does it help get over the relationship? After a20 year relationship, I can say "it hasn't for me." Only time will do that. Not meeting someone new, not getting laid, just healing.
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    Jan 20, 2013 12:32 PM GMT
    _Tom saidHaving casual sex can be a lot of fun, but like any other behavior it's not a good idea to use it as a narcotic.

    This. Will probably not lead to anything healthy either.
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    Jan 20, 2013 12:45 PM GMT
    It's about as much use is wet toilet paper.

    Get your head straight, and then approach intimacy as you see fit- whether you're looking for hook-ups or dating.

    The more honest you are with yourself and others the better person you can be. But if you're thinking random sex is a cure for loneliness when in fact you seek more than that then all you are doing is kidding yourself.

    It sounds more like you want someone in your life rather than a string of dudes, so feel free to date but be honest with them to your situation- when you are in hook-up mode the conversation is rarely enduring or genuine.
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    Jan 20, 2013 10:44 PM GMT
    Use protection and go for the biggest juiciest arses you can.
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    Jan 20, 2013 10:53 PM GMT
    thadjock said
    paulflexes saidIt makes about as much sense as renting a car after owning one for a few years.

    If you're gonna leave a body in the trunk at the airport you're better off to rent.

    Just to extrapolate the metaphor
    You're supposed to dump the body in a dumpster.

    Didn't yo momma teach you nuthin?
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    Jan 20, 2013 10:56 PM GMT
    This is exactly what I'm doing now. Though I seem to get some slack for it. icon_neutral.gif

    But at this point, it has been a little over a year since the break up. And I'm ready to be in a commited relationship at this point. But who you shag with and who you bring home to mama are two different things.