Suggestions for how to let go of someone you know in the end just isn't right for you?

  • SeattleGreenl...

    Posts: 124

    Jan 17, 2013 4:39 AM GMT
    I have a false belief that guys are supposed to be made out of steel, or something like it....or at least I think I should be...... However, I find myself a bit heavy hearted over a bloke who, though I am head over heals for, I know isn't a good match......

    What suggestions might you have for how to let go? Thanks!
  • 1blind_dog

    Posts: 376

    Jan 17, 2013 5:34 AM GMT
    It can def take awhile. I dated one of my best friends after 5 years of knowing each other. He is military and we were only ever near each other in proximity for the first 4 months of friendship. Despite the distance, we always had feelings for each other that always manifested physically anytime he visited but never had the chance to bloom. He was finally stationed 2 hours away from me and we saw each other most every weekend for 9 months. It was a mostly great relationship. We were too good of friends to ever be dishonest with each other and was the most trusting relationship I've had. Unfortunately, though he was able to hold out drinking during the week (usually) weekends were party time and that's the only time I saw him. Plus he admits he can never just have a few drinks. I love him to death and maybe if I had the chance to spend more time than just weekends with him it wouldn't seem like such a problem, but I just couldn't do the bars anymore. I probably would have taken the chance to move with him if he had chosen to take me (which he almost did) but with as much as he's been through and his personality type (major A type) drinking will always be a priority and I don't think I can handle that, but I don't think I'll ever lose my love for him. It's been really hard for us to be just friends without being jealous when one of us is dating. He just got back from Afghanistan and things have been a little uncomfortable but I think we're finally moving toward being over each other.

    In the end, it's all about seeing things in the long run. Despite the feelings you have to think about the frustrations and how they may affect you in the future, especially if it's something you may have to deal with on a regular basis.
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    Jan 17, 2013 5:43 AM GMT
    Separate yourself from him. It's difficult to let go of feelings you have for a guy if you two see each other on a consistent basis, such as being friends. You are always going to be reminded of what you can't have. So telling this guy that an ongoing friendship is not a good idea may be your best option to save yourself from being hurt in the future.
  • 1blind_dog

    Posts: 376

    Jan 17, 2013 5:51 AM GMT
    ^^^^^ This too. I stopped talking to my ex for 3 weeks near the end of his stay in Afghanistan to create some distance before he came back, which was really hard because he came very close (not even exaggerating) to being in more than a couple deadly situations, but it was necessary to create some detachment.
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    Jan 17, 2013 5:55 AM GMT
    1blind_dog saidIt can def take awhile. I dated one of my best friends after 5 years of knowing each other. He is military and we were only ever near each other in proximity for the first 4 months of friendship. Despite the distance, we always had feelings for each other that always manifested physically anytime he visited but never had the chance to bloom. He was finally stationed 2 hours away from me and we saw each other most every weekend for 9 months. It was a mostly great relationship. We were too good of friends to ever be dishonest with each other and was the most trusting relationship I've had. Unfortunately, though he was able to hold out drinking during the week (usually) weekends were party time and that's the only time I saw him. Plus he admits he can never just have a few drinks. I love him to death and maybe if I had the chance to spend more time than just weekends with him it wouldn't seem like such a problem, but I just couldn't do the bars anymore. I probably would have taken the chance to move with him if he had chosen to take me (which he almost did) but with as much as he's been through and his personality type (major A type) drinking will always be a priority and I don't think I can handle that, but I don't think I'll ever lose my love for him. It's been really hard for us to be just friends without being jealous when one of us is dating. He just got back from Afghanistan and things have been a little uncomfortable but I think we're finally moving toward being over each other.

    In the end, it's all about seeing things in the long run. Despite the feelings you have to think about the frustrations and how they may affect you in the future, especially if it's something you may have to deal with on a regular basis.


    this kind of situation SUCKS. very occasionally (can count on one hand) I "click" with a guy right away and have a gut instinct that I could go far with them. Everything just works right away. Every time it's happened it's been with someone where distance is a major factor. Boo!
  • 1blind_dog

    Posts: 376

    Jan 17, 2013 6:03 AM GMT
    Yeah, a lot. I feel like we'll always have that "what could have been" feeling whenever we really look at each other beyond a glance
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    Jan 17, 2013 6:17 AM GMT
    1blind_dog said
    It can def take awhile. I dated one of my best friends after 5 years of knowing each other. He is military and we were only ever near each other in proximity for the first 4 months of friendship. Despite the distance, we always had feelings for each other that always manifested physically anytime he visited but never had the chance to bloom. He was finally stationed 2 hours away from me and we saw each other most every weekend for 9 months. It was a mostly great relationship. We were too good of friends to ever be dishonest with each other and was the most trusting relationship I've had. Unfortunately, though he was able to hold out drinking during the week (usually) weekends were party time and that's the only time I saw him. Plus he admits he can never just have a few drinks. I love him to death and maybe if I had the chance to spend more time than just weekends with him it wouldn't seem like such a problem, but I just couldn't do the bars anymore. I probably would have taken the chance to move with him if he had chosen to take me (which he almost did) but with as much as he's been through and his personality type (major A type) drinking will always be a priority and I don't think I can handle that, but I don't think I'll ever lose my love for him. It's been really hard for us to be just friends without being jealous when one of us is dating. He just got back from Afghanistan and things have been a little uncomfortable but I think we're finally moving toward being over each other.

    In the end, it's all about seeing things in the long run. Despite the feelings you have to think about the frustrations and how they may affect you in the future, especially if it's something you may have to deal with on a regular basis.





    It may sound a bit insensitive but have some self respect. Why long after someone who is ultimately so selfish and addicted? Do you value him more than yourself?

    In the end you have to live with you 24/7, you'd be better off putting more value in your own self worth than that of someone who values alcohol more than you.
  • 1blind_dog

    Posts: 376

    Jan 17, 2013 6:28 AM GMT
    yeahimback said1blind_dog said
    It can def take awhile. I dated one of my best friends after 5 years of knowing each other. He is military and we were only ever near each other in proximity for the first 4 months of friendship. Despite the distance, we always had feelings for each other that always manifested physically anytime he visited but never had the chance to bloom. He was finally stationed 2 hours away from me and we saw each other most every weekend for 9 months. It was a mostly great relationship. We were too good of friends to ever be dishonest with each other and was the most trusting relationship I've had. Unfortunately, though he was able to hold out drinking during the week (usually) weekends were party time and that's the only time I saw him. Plus he admits he can never just have a few drinks. I love him to death and maybe if I had the chance to spend more time than just weekends with him it wouldn't seem like such a problem, but I just couldn't do the bars anymore. I probably would have taken the chance to move with him if he had chosen to take me (which he almost did) but with as much as he's been through and his personality type (major A type) drinking will always be a priority and I don't think I can handle that, but I don't think I'll ever lose my love for him. It's been really hard for us to be just friends without being jealous when one of us is dating. He just got back from Afghanistan and things have been a little uncomfortable but I think we're finally moving toward being over each other.

    In the end, it's all about seeing things in the long run. Despite the feelings you have to think about the frustrations and how they may affect you in the future, especially if it's something you may have to deal with on a regular basis.





    It may sound a bit insensitive but have some self respect. Why long after someone who is ultimately so selfish and addicted? Do you value him more than yourself?

    In the end you have to live with you 24/7, you'd be better off putting more value in your own self worth than that of someone who values alcohol more than you.


    I do agree with you, though there is A LOT of history between us that can be difficult to understand without hearing the whole story. Plus, it doesn't help that I'm the hopeless romantic type. He's also been through things that most people can't begin to comprehend. I've definitely seen him progress and I see him trying harder to become a better person. He has his issues but deserves sympathy and is really a good guy.
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    Jan 17, 2013 9:03 AM GMT
    1blind_dog said
    yeahimback said1blind_dog said
    It can def take awhile. I dated one of my best friends after 5 years of knowing each other. He is military and we were only ever near each other in proximity for the first 4 months of friendship. Despite the distance, we always had feelings for each other that always manifested physically anytime he visited but never had the chance to bloom. He was finally stationed 2 hours away from me and we saw each other most every weekend for 9 months. It was a mostly great relationship. We were too good of friends to ever be dishonest with each other and was the most trusting relationship I've had. Unfortunately, though he was able to hold out drinking during the week (usually) weekends were party time and that's the only time I saw him. Plus he admits he can never just have a few drinks. I love him to death and maybe if I had the chance to spend more time than just weekends with him it wouldn't seem like such a problem, but I just couldn't do the bars anymore. I probably would have taken the chance to move with him if he had chosen to take me (which he almost did) but with as much as he's been through and his personality type (major A type) drinking will always be a priority and I don't think I can handle that, but I don't think I'll ever lose my love for him. It's been really hard for us to be just friends without being jealous when one of us is dating. He just got back from Afghanistan and things have been a little uncomfortable but I think we're finally moving toward being over each other.

    In the end, it's all about seeing things in the long run. Despite the feelings you have to think about the frustrations and how they may affect you in the future, especially if it's something you may have to deal with on a regular basis.





    It may sound a bit insensitive but have some self respect. Why long after someone who is ultimately so selfish and addicted? Do you value him more than yourself?

    In the end you have to live with you 24/7, you'd be better off putting more value in your own self worth than that of someone who values alcohol more than you.


    I do agree with you, though there is A LOT of history between us that can be difficult to understand without hearing the whole story. Plus, it doesn't help that I'm the hopeless romantic type. He's also been through things that most people can't begin to comprehend. I've definitely seen him progress and I see him trying harder to become a better person. He has his issues but deserves sympathy and is really a good guy.


    Thats great to hear but if you value yourself more than him its not such an issue to let go. Everyone has their challenges in life EVERYONE, its how each individual deals with them and how the way they deal with their issues affects those that are around them or love them. Having toxic loving people around you is not such a great idea.
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    Jan 17, 2013 1:36 PM GMT
    Just do it!
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    Jan 17, 2013 3:16 PM GMT
    CuriousOne saidJust do it!

    This, everything else is drama.
  • PR_GMR

    Posts: 3831

    Jan 17, 2013 11:20 PM GMT
    smartmoney said
    CuriousOne saidJust do it!

    This, everything else is drama.


    This x1000000.

    Detachment, distance, no contact--those are the methods to get over someone.

    I was just reminded of this about 15 mins ago. I've been hung up over someone I connected with back in December. He didn't want a relationship, and things ended abruptly over the holidays. I've been carrying a torch for him ever since.

    I sent him a couple of messages this week.. to test the waters to see if we could be friends. The messages I sent were innocent. But he didn't respond.

    About 15 mins ago, I stumbled onto a craigslist post from him looking for rough tops to fuck his pussy boy ass.

    You can imagine how I felt. icon_mad.gif

    But now I got the answer I needed.