Obsessiveness over guys?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 17, 2013 5:35 AM GMT
    Hi guys-

    I like this guy and I don't even know him personally. I saw his facebook profile page, which gave me a glance of who he is as a person, and I am totally obsessive about him. He is in a relationship but it is very complicated. This is not the first time, I always get obsessive over guys that I like. Its not that I get obsessive over guys I find attractive. I am not sure how to explain it.


    I am picky so its not frequent, but quiet annoying as I feel heart broken when it happens. I can't go through out my day without being an emotional wreck because I always think about that person. It is a phase, bc my feelings are intense for a month or two, hence the obsessiveness, but after a while, feelings are toned down. The crush is still there but I can go on with my day and accept nothing is going to happen. Do I have some underlying psychological issues?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 17, 2013 5:39 AM GMT
    You and me both.....and I feel like I have a third one coming up now.

    Umm...I really don't know. None of my therapy sessions really tacked it down. They've suspected some sort of lack of intimacy in childhood and abandonment issues. Don't know really.

    icon_neutral.gif
  • TheAlchemixt

    Posts: 2294

    Jan 17, 2013 5:40 AM GMT
    Yes, you do sound like you have some issues but that is okay. We all have our own issues. Just don't do anything creepy!
  • TheAlchemixt

    Posts: 2294

    Jan 17, 2013 5:41 AM GMT
    Aww Ice, come here. I'll help you with your "issues" ...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 17, 2013 6:09 AM GMT
    IceBuckets saidYou and me both.....and I feel like I have a third one coming up now.

    Umm...I really don't know. None of my therapy sessions really tacked it down. They've suspected some sort of lack of intimacy in childhood and abandonment issues. Don't know really.

    icon_neutral.gif


    Sorry to hear your therapy session hasn't resolved you issues. icon_sad.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 17, 2013 6:09 AM GMT
    TheAlchemixt saidYes, you do sound like you have some issues but that is okay. We all have our own issues. Just don't do anything creepy!



    uuh too late...
  • MikeW

    Posts: 6061

    Jan 17, 2013 6:12 AM GMT
    Yes, you probably do have underlying psychological issues. However, that's not a judgement or an incrimination. It may just be a fact and not an uncommon one. Most of us do have them one way and another. The question is, how do we manage them? How do they effect the quality of our life? If you find obsessive compulsive thinking or behavior is effecting the quality of your life negatively, you may need professional guidance or help. A lot of that is learning skills to understand and manage these compulsions.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 17, 2013 6:30 AM GMT
    No one here can diagnose you, especially while knowing next-to-nothing about you.

    It may be an official disorder or just a personal issue, but it would do you well to learn why it's happening and how to control or cope with feelings that affect you so strongly.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 17, 2013 6:41 AM GMT
    so youre saying you havent even talked to him?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 17, 2013 6:50 AM GMT
    restraining-order.jpg&sa=X&ei=up73UIuJFO

    icon_lol.gif I have a feeling you're gonna be seeing one of these in the near future if you're not careful lol
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 17, 2013 7:21 AM GMT
    I'm picky as hell so I can understand the feeling of once you find someone that catches your eye you're like.. OMG! But the thing about it is to just let things happens. Be yourself, and just relax. If you push it, it will never work out. Some of the best things happen when you expect nothing from them and let them happen. Its happened where a guy caught my eye and I was like... nah... hes straight then met them later and turn out they were gay. We get to know each other as friends and it comes somewhere I never saw or thought. Just something to consider.
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    Jan 17, 2013 7:22 AM GMT
    I feel for your pain and it seems you work your ass off just to get back to "normal" life. But you know falling in love and getting erotic crushes on guys are also normal so you will continue experience "those" feelings about guys. Hopefully as you get more experienced with guys like dating maybe even living together etc, will cut your obsessing to very small. You will learn you can't always have what you want..and a turn down will not over traumatize you emotionally any more.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 17, 2013 8:17 AM GMT
    Phoenyx saidso youre saying you havent even talked to him?


    No I haven't talked to him... lol
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 17, 2013 8:25 AM GMT
    Ryan_Andrew saidI'm picky as hell so I can understand the feeling of once you find someone that catches your eye you're like.. OMG! But the thing about it is to just let things happens. Be yourself, and just relax. If you push it, it will never work out. Some of the best things happen when you expect nothing from them and let them happen. Its happened where a guy caught my eye and I was like... nah... hes straight then met them later and turn out they were gay. We get to know each other as friends and it comes somewhere I never saw or thought. Just something to consider.


    You are right. Why obsess over things you cant have, right? But sometimes you cant control what the heart wants. Ill get through it, its not like this is the first time this has happened. icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 17, 2013 8:27 AM GMT
    msclbound saidI feel for your pain and it seems you work your ass off just to get back to "normal" life. But you know falling in love and getting erotic crushes on guys are also normal so you will continue experience "those" feelings about guys. Hopefully as you get more experienced with guys like dating maybe even living together etc, will cut your obsessing to very small. You will learn you can't always have what you want..and a turn down will not over traumatize you emotionally any more.


    Yes. Maybe loneliness is the cause of my issues.
  • TheAlchemixt

    Posts: 2294

    Jan 17, 2013 8:37 AM GMT
    BlackCat90 saidrestraining-order.jpg&sa=X&ei=up73UIuJFO

    icon_lol.gif I have a feeling you're gonna be seeing one of these in the near future if you're not careful lol


    Blackcat. HAHAHAHA +1
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 17, 2013 8:42 AM GMT
    "Yes. Maybe loneliness is the cause of my issues"

    Yes, it is one of the factors.
    I have felt the same recently.
    I can feel that it is damn hard to keep away from your crush when he seems to be like the air you breath and sight you see and your dream of soothing nights.

    I feel horrible in such situations, and try my best to maintain dignity of both of us.

    The only solution I know is to imagine that he is not around when he is with you in everything you see, feel and think about. Your good IMAGINATION and ignorance of his presence can only get you out of this as per my experience.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 17, 2013 8:57 AM GMT
    1. You've never met him
    2. He's unavailable.

    As long as you're wasting your time obsessing over an unavailable guy, your heart won't get broken in an actual relationship.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 17, 2013 11:57 AM GMT
    First, STOP THINKING ABOUT HIM.
    Second, focus really hard on anything other than him like work, school, or some new hobbies.
    Third, walk it off. Go for a long walk somewhere safe, and don't fall in love with the first guy you see.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 17, 2013 12:31 PM GMT
    Well, you don't really KNOW him, so you're actually obsessed with the IDEA of him. We create these manifestations in our head to worship and need, but in reality, they're just that - not real. The only cure is to know him in person, see his faults, and make a true assessment of your compatibility. Once you see it's not possible, and maybe you don't even want it to be possible, you can move on. Good luck.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 17, 2013 12:47 PM GMT
    Yer NOT obsessing over Guys You like.

    You are obsessing over a fantasy You create in Your own mind based on an image.

    You are not meeting Guys. You are not talking to them. You do not know them --- according to what You have described.

    You are reading a few sentences and getting lost in a photo image and getting carried away into a dream world. It is easier to get lost in dreams than to function in reality.

    Get to know Men in RL and You will find Your obsessiveness may diminish.



    Or BlackCat may be right on target....
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jan 17, 2013 1:06 PM GMT
    I think we all have obsessed over a guy once or twice, but it passes as we move forward. If you continue to do this.. a little over the top behavior and
    I'd be a little concerned as to why you might do it.

    Don't get overly alarmed, but understand it isn't healthy if you do it all the time. If you keep having the urges the the need to follow this pattern, I'd probably encourage you to talk to a counselor. You need to channel your energies another way.
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    Jan 17, 2013 1:07 PM GMT
    Cash saidYer NOT obsessing over Guys You like.

    You are obsessing over a fantasy You create in Your own mind based on an image.

    You are not meeting Guys. You are not talking to them. You do not know them --- according to what You have described.

    You are reading a few sentences and getting lost in a photo image and getting carried away into a dream world. It is easier to get lost in dreas than to function in reality.

    Get to know Men in RL and You will find Your obsessiveness may diminish.



    Or BlackCat may be right on target....


    This, and remember, it is just that, a fantasy. You can replace that guy with anyone else and it will feel just as good.

    Also, remember the fantasy if you ever do meet him in real life, it will remind you why you need to wipe the thoughts you have created away and meet this person for the first time.

    Just some food for thought.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 17, 2013 1:09 PM GMT
    Nope, perfectly normal
  • crisisgray

    Posts: 85

    Jan 17, 2013 1:19 PM GMT
    just in case, DELETE your facebook to avoid the same situation from happening again. This could decrease your potentials of becoming obsessive=stalker? icon_smile.gif