my ex story lol, just like everyone elses. but will i find that person?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 28, 2007 9:19 PM GMT
    So it's been about two months since I have broken it off with my on and off again ex. I have been reading all these topics and i find that i have had the same instances,

    I have been i guess guarded more than ever because my ex played mind games with me, lied and had to lie to get me to tell the truth. He had opened so many doors that, in my opinion should never be opened in a relationship. like

    -ur past exs..who was better?
    -the details of ur past ex sexual acts!
    -its ok to think about threesomes and toys but not actually do them.
    -and oh i like big u know what's

    All of this created so much baggage that after the third time we got back together I said peace, goodbye. He had an issue cuz i like porn....lol..funny....

    I learned alot from that relation, first to just be honest, even if he makes u feel uncomfortable because he acts like the ALPHA male, to not change me for anyone, i wont even bend my sexual instances for anyone. period.

    It's sad it was all sexual, but i want more. the intellectual turn on, can i keep a converstation with that person, to just be a friend , a best friend, feel comfortable, trust, honesty, no drama or mind games!

    As we all move on in life we improve ourselves thru the people we meet and have in our lives. We are meant to meet certain people to grow hopefully into a better person. Well I have for sure.

    and no matter how beautiful he is , its the person on the inside that counts. the outside is just the cover of the story behind the person.

    Peace guys.

    have a great day... Alex
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 01, 2007 8:22 PM GMT
    Alex,

    Not every guy in the world is like your ex. I know a couple of men who have been coupled for 47 years. They're so cute together, just like teenage boys, hugging and kissing, and with BIG smiles on their faces.

    I've just found a guy who has many of the same attitudes I do, and likes many of the same things I do. I'm sexually attracted to him, too, but a relationship is more than just that, and it takes more than one night to figure out whether you can be coupled with someone for the rest of your life.

    It takes time to build trust and MUTUAL respect, both for that which is common between you and that which is your privacy and his privacy (even though you may be coupled, privacy is still important).

    There are plenty of practical matters to consider, and lots of things to work out BEFORE you commit to each other. I know that sounds so unromantic and unsexy and unimpulsive, but that big crush won't survive as real love until you factor all of those things into your relationship. Sex IS important, don't get me wrong, but believe me, sex becomes less important as the years go on, while the emotional relationship become MORE important.

    Never allow yourself to be put down by another person. You have value as an individual, as a man, and as a member of the gay community. We may not be the same as heterosexual men (and I don't care if someone says we are - it's not true), but we add value to the world.

    Never allow yourself to be physically or mentally or emotionally abused. Remember that there are people who think you're important, and who love you. Remember who you are. There's an old saying, "Whate're thou art, act well thy part." Be the best you can. Learn to be positive and productive and kind and compassionate (even toward those who hate you or would use you) and loving, trustworthy and honest. If you do these things, and you keep your eyes open wide and pay attention to what your dates are like, you WILL eventually find that person who completes you.

    Instead of wishing for someone who is your perfect mate, concentrate on being that perfect mate. You will find each other. You will recognize the preparation which you have made for one another.

    God, to be your age again and know what I know now. Youth is wasted on the young.

    Later, pal,
    Steve