Myol saidWhen we say that a guy is "emotionally unavailable" to us, are we sure that its not just a lack of mutual chemistry? I mean I had "buddies" who became interested in me even though we initially agreed on having a physical relationship.
I'm new to this concept so just trying to understand what the difference is here.
hmmm... I think the difference here is that if you are emotionally available, then you are able to tell that a guy is into you... and, that you do not feel the same. So the polite and kind (and emotional) thing to do is to tell that guy "I think you're great, but I'm not feeling you like you're feeling me." Emotionally unavailable guys AVOID. They AVOID these kinds of situations. They avoid difficult conversations and confrontations because they are literally scared of emotions.
I've been with emotionally unavailable guys. I often felt the whole time that we were dating that I was "pulling teeth" in trying to get them to open up, to understand them... I would feel as though I was "talking too much" and "being too sensitive." Sometimes, they would reaffirm these things.
I have had guys tell me that they do not want to talk. That makes no sense... how can you have a healthy relationship?
Sometimes guys who know they have issues with their emotions will tell you directly. I have an ex who openly identifies as "an asshole" and told me the whole time that we were dating that "he is an asshole, and that's how he functions." I thought I could help him see the light o_O ... You live and you learn! You can't change someone!
If you are constantly trying to help them solve personal problems, only to have them not take any of your advice, it's a sign that they are using you to relieve stress in the moment, without actually solving their problems permanently.
They will lack opinions and shy from confrontation, but also might become explosive or over emotional very rapidly because they have been bottling things up for a long time, until it finally overflows.
The trick is to recognize it and realize that it's their own problems and issues to deal with. It helps to know that you can love these kinds of men, safely and healthily from a distance, while you find a partner who is emotionally available and more deserving of your efforts.