Age difference in a relationship…can it work?

  • JMex3

    Posts: 96

    Jan 20, 2013 1:41 AM GMT
    I've been seeing this guy for almost two months. When I first met him we both thought it would be a one nigh kind of thing and that'd be it we chatted and he told me he was 30 (I'm 25) I was fine with it. Then the next day we both agreed we wanted to see each other and we did two days later and since then we've been all about each other.

    About 3 weeks into the relationship he said that he had to tell me something, he said he really wasn't thirty. I was kind of taken back since for me the 5 year gap was already big enough. I asked him how old he really was and he said 35 so now the it's a 10 year difference. He said he hadn't told me because he was afraid of how I'd react and he had been thinking of a way to tell me. Anyway I got a little scared and went home said I needed to think about it, I gathered my thoughts and realized we have a lot in common and I don't think I would've given it a second thought if he had told me his real age originally. I love spending time with him and I love how he is more mature, and the fact that he's a military guy that definitely doesn't look his age doesn't hurt haha.

    My question is for those of you that have tried a big age gap, has it worked? if so for how long and what were some of the challenges you faced.

    Thanks. Just looking for some other stories to relate to I know every scenario is different.
  • jayatl56

    Posts: 463

    Jan 20, 2013 2:21 AM GMT
    You only have ten years between you. I don't see that as an age gap. If you do, you might already have problems.
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    Jan 20, 2013 2:23 AM GMT
    The 10 year age gap is pretty big... but if you get along just fine, I wouldn't look into it too much. I think you're both at an age where you should have your stuff together, and that's a factor that influences a relationship a lot.
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    Jan 20, 2013 2:44 AM GMT
    Me and my partner are 12 years apart however we never run out of things to do. We are definitely compatible. He is young at heart and enjoys things like clubbing, festivals and meeting new people. Me being mature at my age can also enjoy things like cooking, travelling to historic sites and meeting each other's family/work etc at special times.

    You can't rely on your partner to fulfil ALL your needs so I still have lots of friends my age to get my dose of immaturity I like to have every now and then! haha

    An age balance can sometimes be a good thing, he balances me out for what I lack. And I bring out the youth in him.
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    Jan 20, 2013 2:50 AM GMT
    Of course! It's your maturity that counts and not by the age... I think so based on my observations... Usually, men mature in thinking as they age the reason why by 30s they want to settle... but adolescents and early adulthoods are like hyperactive and a bit egocentric but life experiences may cause them to mature like in my case. So, I believe in the saying age doesn't matter.
    icon_rolleyes.gif


  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Jan 20, 2013 3:38 AM GMT
    i'm seriously gonna stab the next person...
  • monet

    Posts: 1093

    Jan 20, 2013 4:14 AM GMT
    The rule of thumb is you are allowed to date guys who are half your age plus 7 years if they are younger than you, through guys who are twice your age less seven years if they are older than you.

    For example JMex3, you are 25 so you can date guys from as young as 19.5 years (half your age plus 7 years) to guys as old as 43 (twice your age less 7 years). Since your guy is 35 you are fine.

    If you date guys outside this range it just becomes creepy.
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    Jan 20, 2013 4:22 AM GMT
    You should only date guys who were born on the exact same day as you (make sure to check birth certificates on the first date) to avoid problems like this.

    Some people will say that he was only lying about his age and you should just get over it. Those are the same people who would say that drug addicts, murderers, and rapists who want to date you but aren't upfront about their pasts should also be forgiven.
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Jan 20, 2013 4:28 AM GMT
    JMex3 saidI've been seeing this guy for almost two months. When I first met him we both thought it would be a one nigh kind of thing and that'd be it we chatted and he told me he was 30 (I'm 25) I was fine with it. Then the next day we both agreed we wanted to see each other and we did two days later and since then we've been all about each other.

    About 3 weeks into the relationship he said that he had to tell me something, he said he really wasn't thirty. I was kind of taken back since for me the 5 year gap was already big enough. I asked him how old he really was and he said 35 so now the it's a 10 year difference. He said he hadn't told me because he was afraid of how I'd react and he had been thinking of a way to tell me. Anyway I got a little scared and went home said I needed to think about it, I gathered my thoughts and realized we have a lot in common and I don't think I would've given it a second thought if he had told me his real age originally. I love spending time with him and I love how he is more mature, and the fact that he's a military guy that definitely doesn't look his age doesn't hurt haha.

    My question is for those of you that have tried a big age gap, has it worked? if so for how long and what were some of the challenges you faced.

    Thanks. Just looking for some other stories to relate to I know every scenario is different.
    Ha ha ha ha I hate to laugh at you but you make it seem like you are dating a 55 year old man. Dude, he is just 10 years older. I mean its a small difference but its not like you are dating someone your father age. If you really like dude than what's the problem.
  • WApilot

    Posts: 191

    Jan 20, 2013 8:40 AM GMT
    I'm in a 12 year age difference, he just turned 38 last week and I turn 25 in five months. It was a big difference but what really matters is our connection and compatibility. We've been dating for six months now and everyday has been great.

    Point is, it truly comes down to you. Does the 10 year difference really bother you? You already said, if he had told you at the beginning, it really wouldn't have bothered you. So, I'd say go for it. You never know, he might be the "one".
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    Jan 20, 2013 10:43 AM GMT
    Don't be silly! Good guys are hard to find. If you are compatible, what's the problem? Live in the moment or pass it up and regret it later. Have fun and just love each other.
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    Jan 20, 2013 10:49 AM GMT
    yourname2000 saidMeh. 10 years is nothing. icon_wink.gif

    I was in a relationship with a guy 9 years older than me. We were quite compatible. So it does work.
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    Jan 20, 2013 11:02 AM GMT
    yourname2000 saidMeh. 10 years is nothing. icon_wink.gif


    Totes!!
    'Age is just numbers'
    Fact is ive hooked up with a 40year old who looks stunning and would give a 25year old a run.......ive also met a 30year old who looks like hes 50

    Its all about the person, Forget the age
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    Jan 20, 2013 11:11 AM GMT
    My opinion is that if it bothers you, then it bothers you. If it's something you are worried about then their is a problem already. The older guy almost never has an issue with the age difference because he wants the younger guy. But realistically, 10 years is a big difference. Personality wise, career wise and life wise. If you want kids, then he's already 10 years older so you might have to move on that quicker. Depends on if he's in shape and healthy, other wise he's already advanced age and health wise more than you are. Is he ready to settle down, are you? There is a lot to think about but you have to decide if the dude is worth it or not.
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    Jan 20, 2013 1:10 PM GMT
    Yes, it can and does work. A 10-year age difference is nothing! 20+ can seem creepy to some, but age differences are not a concern to most emotionally secure adults. They're only a big deal if you're insecure or an ageist. If that's the case, then move on.
  • NorthChinaLi

    Posts: 241

    Jan 20, 2013 1:13 PM GMT
    age faker
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    Jan 20, 2013 4:01 PM GMT
    He lied.

    You believed him.

    Bad way to start relationship.

    ...regardless of age difference.

    and regardless of how you spin it in your head.
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    Jan 20, 2013 4:39 PM GMT
    LvPinoyboy saidDon't be silly! Good guys are hard to find. If you are compatible, what's the problem? Live in the moment or pass it up and regret it later. Have fun and just love each other.


    +1
  • JMex3

    Posts: 96

    Jan 20, 2013 11:37 PM GMT
    SpikeyAidan saidMe and my partner are 12 years apart however we never run out of things to do. We are definitely compatible. He is young at heart and enjoys things like clubbing, festivals and meeting new people. Me being mature at my age can also enjoy things like cooking, travelling to historic sites and meeting each other's family/work etc at special times.

    You can't rely on your partner to fulfil ALL your needs so I still have lots of friends my age to get my dose of immaturity I like to have every now and then! haha

    An age balance can sometimes be a good thing, he balances me out for what I lack. And I bring out the youth in him.


    yea this pretty much seems like our relationship, that's great to hear.

    Thanks for the responses I just wanted to hear other people's experiences and it was different for a bit but I'm completely comfortable with it now. I like how he is more mature and we can just hang out, he's not overbearing in any way. Things are great.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jan 20, 2013 11:41 PM GMT
    I don't think the 25-35 thing is really an issue provided you have common interests. I'd just make it clear that you expect him to be upfront with you in the future. At least he admitted it and wanted you to know.
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    Jan 20, 2013 11:45 PM GMT
    it sure does work currently dating a guy much younger than me, he is 19 and i am 30, 4 months and going strongicon_razz.gif
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    Jan 20, 2013 11:45 PM GMT
    When I was 26, I started dating (and moved in with) a 37 year old. We always joked that when he turned 40 I'd trade him in for two twenties.

    Coincidentally, we broke up shortly after he turned 40; and the next week I went to the bar and had a 3-way with two 20 year olds. icon_lol.gif