Angry friends

  • ytOwen

    Posts: 298

    Jan 20, 2013 8:33 AM GMT
    Hi Guys! How do you deal with angry friends?

    I'm a fairly direct guy, and usually deal with issues directly. But when a conversation gets personal things change.

    How do you deal with an angry friend?

    Give them space?
    Talk to them?
    Ignore them?

    I'd appreciate your comments.

    Cheers!
    Owen!
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    Jan 20, 2013 8:46 AM GMT
    What are you saying to them that makes them angry? icon_confused.gif
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jan 20, 2013 9:13 AM GMT
    My assumption is, they are either angry about something and they draw you into the process or they are angry at you (you weren't clear enough in your thread to know).

    My reaction would be to get them to talk about what's bothering them in a
    "matter of fact" approach which doesn't pull me into any negative emotion.
    If you are dealing with friends who are just "complainers" and they are making you a part of it (as support), I'd avoid it all, unless you are contributing something positive for them to consider. If they are mad specifically at you, I'd draw them out (without getting defensive) and listen.
    Listening is key and even asking questions as to why they feel the way they do. I can do that without getting all worked up, I want to understand why the friend feels as he or she does before coming to conclusion. Fortunately, I have few "angry friends".
  • ESL_Asian

    Posts: 176

    Jan 20, 2013 9:19 AM GMT
    It depends how angry they are and what they angry for.
    I would not talk with them for their "angry" topic, since I don't want to handle their mood.
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    Jan 20, 2013 1:12 PM GMT
    How direct are you with your friends? Give us an example so we can understand your situation.
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    Jan 20, 2013 1:21 PM GMT
    Stick to the truth especially when things go personal...you should be unbiased..straight forward...& do not be arrogant
    If there are any mistakes from your side accept it & if there are on his side point it to him!

    When you stick to the truth...the other person will be sooner or later will stop being anger!

    To me it always works...!
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    Jan 20, 2013 3:32 PM GMT
    Almost in that order.

    I gave them space, tried to figure out what was going on and then went my separate way. We aren't friends anymore.
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    Jan 20, 2013 3:39 PM GMT
    ytOwen said
    How do you deal with an angry friend?

    Give them space?
    Talk to them?
    Ignore them?

    Variables that influence my response include the friend him/herself, and how they may have acted angry in the past. Also whether they share the cause of their anger with me.

    I try to talk & reason with them, help them if I can. If they're not sharing then I'll put some distance between us until they return to normal. I don't want to get drawn into whatever the conflict is, and become part of the problem and add to it.

    That's especially true if a gay couple is having an argument. I don't EVER insert myself into the middle of that. I might flatter myself that I can play the peacemaker, but truth is most couples don't want that intrusion, an outsider only confusing the issues.
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    Jan 20, 2013 5:07 PM GMT
    I just tell them to give me a call when they "stop bleeding and craving chocolate".
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Jan 20, 2013 5:10 PM GMT
    i'm not friends with birds
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    Jan 20, 2013 5:14 PM GMT
    It depends if I'm the who did something wrong I would admit my mistake and apologize, if not I would take my distance and give them the choice if they wanna stay in touch..
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    Jan 20, 2013 5:20 PM GMT
    calibro saidi'm not friends with birds


    Lol!
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    Jan 20, 2013 5:22 PM GMT
    It gets complicated because you have two or more people involved who are dealing with the emotion differently. If one person's not communicating while the other is, there's going to be misunderstanding.
  • SeattleGreenl...

    Posts: 124

    Jan 20, 2013 5:23 PM GMT
    It depends... If you have done something to make them angry that is seen as questionable, rude or unkind....then just own your behavior. Though hard, it is the easiest way to make amends.

    It is hard to know what advice to give you without knowing why they are mad at you or how it transpired.
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    Jan 20, 2013 5:26 PM GMT
    It depends. If they are angry with me, I try to just hear them out and do less talking. I usually don't try to explain my point too much in the moment because oftentimes people aren't receptive when they're pissed off. If they're not upset with me, I'm usually just listening and trying to make sure they're not in a state where they are going to be doing something stupid. I'm seen as the mediator/guardian and am often asked to diffuse the situation.
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    Jan 20, 2013 5:39 PM GMT
    I teach Anger Mgmt & Healthy Relationships. By what you are describing, it sounds like lots of passive aggressive behavior is being exhibited and if that is the case, that needs to stop. You and they need to be direct in explaining their feelings and stating what things you each need out of this friendship. More importantly, if they are "angry" are they really angry? I mean example, they birds weren't pissed because they were pissed... they were in shock that their eggs were stolen. People often mistake "anger" for other emotions. Sometimes they are embarrassed, sad, depressed, etc... and how they convey it completely wrong.
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Jan 20, 2013 5:39 PM GMT
    Depends on why they're angry. I had a friend who was an angry drunk, and he became toxic in my life, so I ended the friendship. He eventually quit drinking, but we never reconnected. I wouldn't want him to repeat his mistakes with me, or enable him in any way.
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    Jan 20, 2013 5:40 PM GMT
    Punch them in the neck.
  • mybud

    Posts: 11835

    Jan 20, 2013 7:35 PM GMT
    Get angry back.....If you can't say," I'm sick of this shit, now shut the fuck up". I doubt your closeness.
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    Jan 20, 2013 7:39 PM GMT
    If it's momentary thing and not usual behaviour, give them space. We all have bad days.
  • TonyD

    Posts: 168

    Jan 20, 2013 7:45 PM GMT
    How angry?

    Do they insult you after you do not agree with them?
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    Jan 20, 2013 7:46 PM GMT
    It depends on the friends. Some people you have to give then time to cool down. Some people you can talk to immediately and try to fix things. But either way you need to talk to them at some point. If you leave the situation unresolved and never talk about it then it will never really end.
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    Jan 20, 2013 8:26 PM GMT
    ytOwen saidHi Guys! How do you deal with angry friends?

    I'm a fairly direct guy, and usually deal with issues directly. But when a conversation gets personal things change.

    How do you deal with an angry friend?

    Give them space?
    Talk to them?
    Ignore them?

    I'd appreciate your comments.

    Cheers!
    Owen!


    It depends on whether I'm at fault or not, whether its directed at me or someone else.

    When I'm at fault I will fess up, say I'm sorry (if I am) and state why I did it. Then give them an hour to unload. Then suck up for a week or two until things are back to normal. When friends get angry it kinda makes me feel loved, lol, because it shows that they care... So if I fucked up its my job to fix it.

    When I'm not at fault become extremely direct and cold, at which point I tell them to take a month, think about it, and let me know if they are over whatever they had to get over.

    If its directed at someone else ill either just listen and support or get annoyed with them and do something about it. I don't like people fucking with my mates.
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    Jan 20, 2013 8:29 PM GMT
    ytOwen saidHi Guys! How do you deal with angry friends?

    I'm a fairly direct guy, and usually deal with issues directly. But when a conversation gets personal things change.

    How do you deal with an angry friend?

    Give them space?
    Talk to them?
    Ignore them?

    I'd appreciate your comments.

    Cheers!
    Owen!


    Well, we don't know your friend like you do, soooo the best advice would be to put yourself in their shoes. If you were the one who was pissed off about something, what would YOU want someone to do? Me, I'd want people to check on me first (to see what's wrong) and when I give my answer, I want that to be the end of that conversation. Then, give me space to calm down....If there's one thing I hate, it's being smothered and bombarded with a billion and one questions...it makes me even more angry. Hope this helps!
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    Jan 20, 2013 8:33 PM GMT
    When someone is mad at me, I give them all the space they need and allow them to come around when they're ready. Maybe I'll text and ask and gage the reaction but thats rare.

    When I'm mad, I expect the same. Though it comes across as simply ignoring them. I know I'll get over it but I need my space and time away to get over it.