Dating Faux pas

  • Piers40

    Posts: 31

    Jan 20, 2013 10:39 AM GMT
    What things would you not say or do on a date? Whats seen as off-putting?

  • Piers40

    Posts: 31

    Jan 20, 2013 11:16 AM GMT
    Anyone?
  • SeattleGreenl...

    Posts: 124

    Jan 20, 2013 12:43 PM GMT
    Checking your cell phone, text messages or email while on a date.

    Talking about how much you make, what you drive, how hard you work, or past loves.
  • Piers40

    Posts: 31

    Jan 20, 2013 1:39 PM GMT
    great, any more guys?
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    Jan 20, 2013 2:21 PM GMT
    Taking cell calls or texting are the worst, already mentioned above. If you wanna be with me then turn the damn thing off, that's what voice mail is for. Or if your mother's having heart surgery then tell me beforehand, I'll understand if you get an urgent call from the hospital. icon_rolleyes.gif

    And BTW, I would also turn off my phone, and make a point of it. "Oh, almost forgot! Let me turn my phone off, I don't want us to be interrrupted." One, it tells the guy he's getting your undivided attention, you really are focused solely on him. Second, it may prompt him to do the same thing. icon_wink.gif

    Related to that are guys who run into friends while on a date with me, and start protracted conversations with them. Naturally you have to say hello, but can't you keep it short? When it runs to 10 minutes and I'm sitting there ignored it does become a bit tedious.

    Another dating faux pas is expressing extreme views, especially on politics. Sure you may have them, but try to present them in a diplomatic way that doesn't paint me into a corner, and doesn't put me on the spot where I must reply in kind. I came for a date, not a DEbate.

    The last I'll mention is coarse language in public. I never use it, so please don't assume I would, and include me in conversations that are embarrassing to me in a public place. You can go potty mouth in your den while we're watching the game together all you like, I don't have virgin ears. But don't ever include me in that language in a restaurant or other inappropriate place.
  • tanlines

    Posts: 173

    Jan 20, 2013 2:44 PM GMT
    Unloading all of your"baggage"
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    Jan 20, 2013 3:25 PM GMT
    tanlines saidUnloading all of your"baggage"

    OMG, yes! I've had guys tell me all about the psychotropic meds they're on, their arrest records, their battles with alcohol and/or drugs, how many BFs have dumped them, their unemployment histories, family members still in jail, etc, etc. If it wouldn't look good on a job application résumé, why are you telling ME this, on our first (and subsequently last) date?
  • Piers40

    Posts: 31

    Jan 20, 2013 5:01 PM GMT
    Good points guys, the phone thing is certainly something I hadn't considered.

    I guess I'm also far too talkative on a first date and open to ridiculing myself. So it's good to know icon_smile.gif
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Jan 20, 2013 5:10 PM GMT
    not providing sphincter shots right away
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    Jan 20, 2013 5:12 PM GMT
    On my last date he pretty much told he was an alcoholic. Talked about his doctor visit and his liver problems (he's only 28 ). He proceeded to drink constantly all night icon_eek.gif, great guy other than that. Never got the impression he was crazy drunk or anything though. To each his own.
  • SeattleGreenl...

    Posts: 124

    Jan 20, 2013 5:26 PM GMT
    Piers 40, a little making fun of yourself can be humorous. It can show the other person that you have a light heart and can see some of your own shortcomings.

    You just have to be careful that you are not making fun of yourself or being self-deprecating about things in hopes that they will counter it by saying it isn't true. That can look like you are one of those people who puts yourself down so that others will counter it and build you up. That can be irritating.
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    Jan 20, 2013 5:27 PM GMT
    Piers40 saidGood points guys, the phone thing is certainly something I hadn't considered.

    I guess I'm also far too talkative on a first date and open to ridiculing myself. So it's good to know icon_smile.gif

    Well, as I wrote, silencing your phone in front of him is a good way to impress the guy, even if you're not likely to be getting lots of calls during the date.

    Alternatively, if a busy person must absolutely take calls, make them brief, explaining you're engaged. But I've had guys who actually left the dinner table or bar for a while, to take a long call outside. Doesn't make you feel real great, just a diversion between calls. icon_sad.gif
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    Jan 20, 2013 5:30 PM GMT
    ART_DECO said
    tanlines saidUnloading all of your"baggage"

    OMG, yes! I've had guys tell me all about the psychotropic meds they're on, their arrest records, their battles with alcohol and/or drugs, how many BFs have dumped them, their unemployment histories, family members still in jail, etc, etc. If it wouldn't look good on a job application résumé, why are you telling ME this, on our first (and subsequently last) date?


    OMG THIS!
    At the end of the date I feel like I became a therapist, or like I just went to a job interview. I hate interviews.
    That's why I don't date.
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    Jan 20, 2013 5:32 PM GMT
    I think I better make a new topic. I know what not to talk about. What do you talk about?
  • Piers40

    Posts: 31

    Jan 20, 2013 5:35 PM GMT
    ART_DECO said
    Piers40 saidGood points guys, the phone thing is certainly something I hadn't considered.

    I guess I'm also far too talkative on a first date and open to ridiculing myself. So it's good to know icon_smile.gif

    Well, as I wrote, silencing your phone in front of him is a good way to impress the guy, even if you're not likely to be getting lots of calls during the date.

    Alternatively, if a busy person must absolutely take calls, make them brief, explaining you're engaged. But I've had guys who actually left the dinner table or bar for a while, to take a long call outside. Doesn't make you feel real great, just a diversion between calls. icon_sad.gif


    I think saying "I'm turning off my phone" is a little intense. I think you should just do it...
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    Jan 20, 2013 5:43 PM GMT
    Piers40 said
    ART_DECO said
    Piers40 saidGood points guys, the phone thing is certainly something I hadn't considered.

    I guess I'm also far too talkative on a first date and open to ridiculing myself. So it's good to know icon_smile.gif

    Well, as I wrote, silencing your phone in front of him is a good way to impress the guy, even if you're not likely to be getting lots of calls during the date.

    Alternatively, if a busy person must absolutely take calls, make them brief, explaining you're engaged. But I've had guys who actually left the dinner table or bar for a while, to take a long call outside. Doesn't make you feel real great, just a diversion between calls. icon_sad.gif

    I think saying "I'm turning off my phone" is a little intense. I think you should just do it...

    Depends on how you handle it. For some that might be too obvious a gesture, or "intense". Others could make it seem very casual. But a good message to the other guy if you can deliver it without being too clumsy about it.
  • great_scott

    Posts: 519

    Jan 20, 2013 5:45 PM GMT
    SeattleGreenlake saidChecking your cell phone, text messages or email while on a date.

    Talking about how much you make, what you drive, how hard you work, or past loves.


    Yeah, too much talk about exes and past sexual experiences is a giant turn-off. No guy wants anything that's been worn out.
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    Jan 20, 2013 5:46 PM GMT
    Yeah please get off your whatsapp and facebook when someone is sitting in front of you and trying to have a conversation.
    I hate it.icon_twisted.gificon_evil.gif
  • maracucho

    Posts: 8

    Jan 20, 2013 5:49 PM GMT
    I guess I could share a story about a date I had recently. We met at some mall (terrible place for a first date, btw) and not only did he show up almost an hour late but his excuse was that he'd run into a friend and started talking to him. Anyway, despite the whole douche-like vibe I got from him I decided to give it a chance.
    So I let him know that I was hungry and that we should get something to eat to which he replied that he'd already had lunch... right before going there. After that we just started running some errands for him like paying some bills and bank stuff. I had never felt so humiliated as he seemed completely unbothered about the whole thing; I guess he's one of those people who are used to treating others like shit. I never texted him again after that day, he wasn't that cute anyways...
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    Jan 20, 2013 6:10 PM GMT
    Eye raping every guy that passes by. It shows a lack of respect for the guy you are with and it sends a message that you wish to be elsewhere... unless that is of course... the message you are trying to send.
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    Jan 20, 2013 6:13 PM GMT
    Blondizgd saidEye raping every guy that passes by. It shows a lack of respect for the guy you are with and it sends a message that you wish to be elsewhere... unless that is of course... the message you are trying to send.

    +1

    Yeah, had that happen. Tp paraphrase an old 1930s song "He only has eyes for me." If he doesn't, he's not really with me on this date.
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    Jan 20, 2013 6:14 PM GMT
    maracucho saidI guess I could share a story about a date I had recently. We met at some mall (terrible place for a first date, btw) and not only did he show up almost an hour late but his excuse was that he'd run into a friend and started talking to him. Anyway, despite the whole douche-like vibe I got from him I decided to give it a chance.
    So I let him know that I was hungry and that we should get something to eat to which he replied that he'd already had lunch... right before going there. After that we just started running some errands for him like paying some bills and bank stuff. I had never felt so humiliated as he seemed completely unbothered about the whole thing; I guess he's one of those people who are used to treating others like shit. I never texted him again after that day, he wasn't that cute anyways...


    I think this is pretty common when its a guy you meet on line cus they want to
    make it clear that its not a date. You are just hanging out.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jan 20, 2013 6:16 PM GMT
    I would say, texting and being absolutely distracted from the date would be a real turn off...

    Also a biggie.. not listening and asking questions, continually talking about himself.
  • suedeheadscot

    Posts: 1130

    Jan 20, 2013 6:19 PM GMT
    ^That IS a biggie! I hate that!

    My one which I did last time with a guy I was madly keen on was get waaayyyy too drunk with him and send him running to the hills after telling him that it was ok that I would be sleeping with other men on holiday in Berlin as he was the one I wanted (er.....I had 8 beers at this point and it was Christmas!! Oops!).

    Never saw that one again...

  • maracucho

    Posts: 8

    Jan 20, 2013 6:28 PM GMT
    Alpha13 said
    maracucho saidI guess I could share a story about a date I had recently. We met at some mall (terrible place for a first date, btw) and not only did he show up almost an hour late but his excuse was that he'd run into a friend and started talking to him. Anyway, despite the whole douche-like vibe I got from him I decided to give it a chance.
    So I let him know that I was hungry and that we should get something to eat to which he replied that he'd already had lunch... right before going there. After that we just started running some errands for him like paying some bills and bank stuff. I had never felt so humiliated as he seemed completely unbothered about the whole thing; I guess he's one of those people who are used to treating others like shit. I never texted him again after that day, he wasn't that cute anyways...


    I think this is pretty common when its a guy you meet on line cus they want to
    make it clear that its not a date. You are just hanging out.


    Well, actually we met through a friend. I'd asked my friend about him and so had he about me so I'm sure he knew what we were doing...