I can't take this anymore. I really can't.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 20, 2013 4:57 PM GMT
    I'm gay but I didn't realize my second year of college. I'm in a fraternity and there's a strong anti-gay sentiment here. I'm out to all of the brothers but it's still really hard hearing fag all the time and these guys being under the impression it's all a choice.

    It's just so awkward all the time. I know I can never bring a guy around and talking about guys when they're around is just really not a good idea. They're always like "dude I don't wanna hear about this." But then go on and on about girls all the time.

    Last night I was hanging with some bros from another state and they mentioned the type of girls they all liked and it was ridiculously awkward when everyone was expecting an answer from me before they remember i'm gay.

    This causes so much stress and I can't believe i'm still here. I feel trapped because i'm Vice President and they want me to be President but I don't want that. I'm just so trapped in my mind and I don't know what to do. I feel like the only way I can be in this fraternity is to be unhappy so I don't offend anyone and that's so not what college should be about.

    Losing my shit
  • Karl

    Posts: 5787

    Jan 20, 2013 5:07 PM GMT
    you said "here's a strong anti-gay sentiment here", so :
    you dont have to tell people that you're gay .
    you dont have to talk about guys with them because they dont want to hear it.
    you can be happy , college isnt all about girls , guys blah blah , there're so many activities for you to have fun with your friends.
    stay there and go on living happily , I hope you find a true person who's cool enough to listen to your story.

    If you got no one , email me or some guys on this forum , they're coolicon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 20, 2013 5:58 PM GMT
    Damn, I feel you man.
    You really have no idea how strong you are, having told them.
    Weather you know it or not you're an inspiration to others, others to come, others that are hiding around you and trust they are, their balls not half as big and as bras'y as yours.
    Please hang in there, believe you will get stronger, you'll find a way to curb it: the tit an ass talk, even get to place where I'm at now, where I either tell them I don't want to hear about their sickening sexual preferences, or go on about some guys hot ass till they STFU.

    HUGS.
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Jan 20, 2013 6:07 PM GMT
    You should have answered "the male kind, now which one of you is gonna step up with your pussy ass" ... I'll bet you'd have gotten at least one taker icon_lol.gif
  • Fable

    Posts: 3866

    Jan 20, 2013 6:14 PM GMT
    Dude. Let it be known that you aren't comfortable. They'll find something else to talk about. Trust me. Frat boys aren't insensitive when you pull them up on their assholery
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Jan 20, 2013 6:19 PM GMT
    i think your only option is to burn down the house
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 20, 2013 6:20 PM GMT
    You are very strong...
    If you are so disturbed by it...try to avoid contacting them or try to find a friend who is ok for who you are! or get distract yourself by reading a nice book or doing an art work etc.,. Contact your principal he may help you!

    On my experience, I say you that...when one thinks about these, at the end, it always leads to digging up their own grave!...It happened to me too, but in a different situation...& now I'm totally fine

    but never ever let yourself down...
    Be happy for who you are...
    These kind of things exist all the time & one should ignore these meaningless discriminations rather than think about it and get depressed!
    I know, It takes some time to come over it...but If you follow my suggestion, I bet you will be happy at the end...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 20, 2013 6:21 PM GMT
    TheOmegaMan saidI'm gay but I didn't realize my second year of college. I'm in a fraternity and there's a strong anti-gay sentiment here. I'm out to all of the brothers but it's still really hard hearing fag all the time and these guys being under the impression it's all a choice.

    It's just so awkward all the time. I know I can never bring a guy around and talking about guys when they're around is just really not a good idea. They're always like "dude I don't wanna hear about this." But then go on and on about girls all the time.

    Last night I was hanging with some bros from another state and they mentioned the type of girls they all liked and it was ridiculously awkward when everyone was expecting an answer from me before they remember i'm gay.

    This causes so much stress and I can't believe i'm still here. I feel trapped because i'm Vice President and they want me to be President but I don't want that. I'm just so trapped in my mind and I don't know what to do. I feel like the only way I can be in this fraternity is to be unhappy so I don't offend anyone and that's so not what college should be about.

    Losing my shit


    Straight people are nasty rubbish. And they think its ok to shove their rubbish in our face. Lets do it back to them. icon_smile.gif
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jan 20, 2013 6:24 PM GMT
    I would do your best NOT to make it a focus.. meaning, you don't need to tell everybody your gay.. and what the heck if your friends ARE talking about their girlfriends or whatever. I'd just know it isn't your scene. No big deal. The fact they might want you to be President is a good thing. Your accepted.

    Part of it is just your getting used to the idea. I suppose it is awkward at some point, but try and learn to embrace it. I'm happy to be different in many respects.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 20, 2013 6:29 PM GMT
    I know that you want to quit, but think of this...

    As Vice President and possibly president, can you lead by example and help model new behaviors.

    Perhaps that means quietly having a conversation with the other officers (i.e. president, secretary, etc.) that you are a bit uncomfortable. Nothing has to happen, just let them know you are uncomfortable.

    As president, you create the culture of your organization and they follow after your leadership. Change doesn't happen immediately, but you can blaze a trail to help others that follow you.

    Best of luck to you.
  • mybud

    Posts: 11837

    Jan 20, 2013 7:22 PM GMT
    You're vice president and want to be president for a fraternity that promotes hate and negativity on being gay..When they continue with such comments they're actually talking about you...Grow some nuts and confront the situation..If you can't..don't post on here and bitch about it...
  • OptimusMatt

    Posts: 1124

    Jan 20, 2013 7:25 PM GMT
    fable saidDude. Let it be known that you aren't comfortable. They'll find something else to talk about. Trust me. Frat boys aren't insensitive when you pull them up on their assholery


    ^^This

    They're your bros bud. But keep in mind if you're going to operate in that world you're going to run into that kind of talk a lot. If it really bothers you then it might not be your scene and you should consider taking a step back.
    But as HndsmKansan said, part of it is you getting used to/comfortable with yourself. It'll take some time.

    Dude - when they start talking about girls, drop a good one-liner. When my bro's would talk about that shit, a well-timed quip about something stupid goes a LONG way to breaking any awkardness and kinda leaves you off the hook.

    I was the first openly gay guy to apply to our chapter, and my "not giving a fuck" attitude DID help some of my closeted bros come to terms/get comfortable with themselves. I didn't do it by championing the gay rights cause left right and center (though among other things I was part of the campus's glbt support group), I did it by being one of the guys...and gay. And awesome.

    Having said that, if you really can't take it anymore...then you should take a step back and re-evaluate what kind of friendships you really need. If the frat isn't working out for you, take some time and think about other options that could.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 20, 2013 7:25 PM GMT
    calibro saidi think your only option is to burn down the house


    haha i know its wrong. but this is great. why r u wasting ur time there?? high school is hell enough bein gay and never findin masc guys college is supposed to be the way outta that...... just get outta there. for your sanity man.
    hey at least its not NCSTATE. u wouldnt pull that shit with all the country boys
  • mgmt88

    Posts: 56

    Jan 20, 2013 7:28 PM GMT
    if you can't take it anymore, LEAVE. it's as simple as that.
  • TonyD

    Posts: 168

    Jan 20, 2013 7:41 PM GMT
    mybud saidYou're vice president and want to be president for a fraternity that promotes hate and negativity on being gay..When they continue with such comments they're actually talking about you...Grow some nuts and confront the situation..If you can't..don't post on here and bitch about it...


    Oh yeah , that's really helpful.
    Not.
  • TheBizMan

    Posts: 4091

    Jan 20, 2013 8:02 PM GMT
    It's a frat, what do you expect? Same shit goes on in my frat. Get a group of (mostly) straight guys together and of course gay slurs and endless talk about pussy will occur. If you can't handle it and still be yourself, then maybe frat life isn't for you.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 20, 2013 8:07 PM GMT
    Dude you know you can just quit right? My friend just quit his because he said it was just a waste of his $. I mean so far it doesn't even sound like you value their friendships or "brotherhood". Get out of the frat go out there and make friends who accept you for you and don't make things awkward and uncomfortable. It doesn't sound like a good environment you're in.



    -Hope this helps. Good luck.
  • Webster666

    Posts: 9217

    Jan 20, 2013 9:10 PM GMT
    You have CHOSEN to stay in a place where you're miserable.

    You can CHOOSE to leave.
  • Sportsfan1

    Posts: 479

    Jan 20, 2013 9:20 PM GMT
    I find it so hard to accept that in this day and age these fraternity brothers would behave like jerks toward you. I feel for you. I had a very rough year my last year in college. I was a male yell leader for a school that had not had a male member to the pep squad in 4 years. Some of the jocks made my life a living hell. However I had a lot of support from all of the other members of the pep squad except one. She was a "born again". I concentrated on being the best student, best male yell leader and got into incredible shape. I did not let those jerks ruin what turned out to be one of the best experiences of my life. You are stronger than they are. It took a great deal of courage to confide in them. Now the rest is on them. If you ever need to talk you have a lot of support on this site. You can always email me. I am here for you. Wishing you all the very best!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 20, 2013 9:21 PM GMT
    midwesternman saidDude you know you can just quit right? My friend just quit his because he said it was just a waste of his $. I mean so far it doesn't even sound like you value their friendships or "brotherhood". Get out of the frat go out there and make friends who accept you for you and don't make things awkward and uncomfortable. It doesn't sound like a good environment you're in.



    -Hope this helps. Good luck.


    this.
    Staying in the frat or quitting, in 20 years, these are not the people that will make a difference in your life or lifestyle. Living a lie causes stress. Stress can lead to serious health complications. Get out and life the happy life that you deserve.
    Best wishes.
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    Jan 21, 2013 12:05 AM GMT
    TheOmegaMan saidI'm gay but I didn't realize my second year of college. I'm in a fraternity and there's a strong anti-gay sentiment here. I'm out to all of the brothers but it's still really hard hearing fag all the time and these guys being under the impression it's all a choice.

    It's just so awkward all the time. I know I can never bring a guy around and talking about guys when they're around is just really not a good idea. They're always like "dude I don't wanna hear about this." But then go on and on about girls all the time.

    Last night I was hanging with some bros from another state and they mentioned the type of girls they all liked and it was ridiculously awkward when everyone was expecting an answer from me before they remember i'm gay.

    This causes so much stress and I can't believe i'm still here. I feel trapped because i'm Vice President and they want me to be President but I don't want that. I'm just so trapped in my mind and I don't know what to do. I feel like the only way I can be in this fraternity is to be unhappy so I don't offend anyone and that's so not what college should be about.

    Losing my shit


    Think about integrity, leadership, breaking down stereotypes. I think you'll find your answer there.

    You choose to be miserable. You choose to be a coward. You choose to be in a spot where you don't feel safe.

    You can take action, or not. Leave, and move forward. Get honest, stay, lead, and move forward.

    Life's challenges are best met, most times, by walking into, through, beyond, and above your comfort zone, whether it's business, or personal. Sometimes, we understand there is no hope of a outcome to our liking and we change direction. YOU get to choose. Do nothing or not.

    Do you want to be a leader with integrity? Leadership can be hard.

    YOU GET TO DECIDE. No one here.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 21, 2013 12:06 AM GMT
    What good is coming out if it doesn't create space for you to be yourself? It's like they know the idea of you being gay but are opposed to the reality of you being gay. Why are you serving these homophobes? Your stress is of your own creation. When gay men stop hiding, cajoling and pretending, change occurs. Come out to them again and explain to them what your needs are and why they MUST change their behavior.

    You owe them nothing and your silence will not protect you.

    COME OUT!!
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    Jan 21, 2013 12:07 AM GMT
    TheOmegaMan saidI'm gay but I didn't realize my second year of college. I'm in a fraternity and there's a strong anti-gay sentiment here. I'm out to all of the brothers but it's still really hard hearing fag all the time and these guys being under the impression it's all a choice.
    To them, it is a choice, because they're bisexual.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 21, 2013 12:51 AM GMT
    Play some gay porn in your rec room.
    Since you choose to be gay, they can all choose to be gay today fuck each other and get it over with. Then tomorrow they can choose to be straight again or whatever


    The guys in your fraternity deserve this.
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    Jan 21, 2013 12:54 AM GMT
    mybud saidYou're vice president and want to be president for a fraternity that promotes hate and negativity on being gay..When they continue with such comments they're actually talking about you...Grow some nuts and confront the situation..If you can't..don't post on here and bitch about it...


    What kind of a comment is that? You are an ass. A real piece of work! He's coming here for support and advice. If you don't have anything constructive to say, why post anything at all?

    To the OP: Feel free to message/email any one of us offering support, we will listen and offer advice.