Falling for an older guy who doesn't seem to be interested.Also posssibly stuck in a rebound relationship

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 21, 2013 7:35 AM GMT
    So recently I met this British guy .While spending more time with him I found out that he was in love with this Brazilian dude and they split up recently because the Brazilian guy cheated on him.So now this guy doesn't seem to open up to anyone. The problem here is I think I might be falling for him.And I really don't know what to do! There is also another glitch where this guy is 48 and I'm 18 icon_razz.gif
  • WApilot

    Posts: 191

    Jan 21, 2013 7:59 AM GMT
    This I'm sure is a tough situation for you. Age difference isn't that big of a deal if you both have a connect that goes beyond the number of years you've been alive.

    Your OP is pretty vague, you don't give too much information about your 'relationship' with this guy and how he feels toward you. You said, he's still interested with his ex to whom cheated on him, so it has damaged him to where he doesn't open up much. I know you like this guy, but maybe it's time to move on to someone else. It's easier said than done. This man just by your short post, doesn't really seem to reciprocate what you feel for him.

    But, to really find out how he feels, tell him how you feel about him and be caring and sensitive towards his previous relationship. If you tell him how you feel and he doesn't reciprocate, then you know your answer and it's time for you to move on.
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    Jan 21, 2013 9:20 AM GMT
    For most cases I find if two people are compatible age doesn't really matter. However with difference in age, you are also at different stages in your lives. If you really want it to work out (without trying to force the relationship to work) there's a lot to take into consideration. But then again that goes for any sort of relationship. As for your case if you are both interested and ready then by all means go for it icon_razz.gif. If not, it's not the end of the world just move on!
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    Jan 21, 2013 1:35 PM GMT
    Gamesgalore saidSo recently I met this British guy .While spending more time with him I found out that he was in love with this Brazilian dude and they split up recently because the Brazilian guy cheated on him.So now this guy doesn't seem to open up to anyone. The problem here is I think I might be falling for him.And I really don't know what to do! There is also another glitch where this guy is 48 and I'm 18 icon_razz.gif


    Seems to me that you have daddy issues. You are too young to start being in a dysfunctional relationship so early in your life. I would suggest to you that you move on with finding someone else.
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Jan 21, 2013 1:39 PM GMT
    don't go after him. problem solved.
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    Jan 21, 2013 1:44 PM GMT
    Move on. It's a very easy choice to make!
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jan 21, 2013 1:47 PM GMT
    You don't need to worry about this kind of thing at 18, move on, really.
    Don't try and figure out the behavior of a 48 year old when you need to be
    having a great time in your own life.
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    Jan 21, 2013 1:56 PM GMT
    HndsmKansan saidYou don't need to worry about this kind of thing at 18, move on, really.
    Don't try and figure out the behavior of a 48 year old when you need to be
    having a great time in your own life.


    Yes. Its not really the number of years, he is at a completely different stage in life. Youre what? starting college? He's probably the VP of a company or something. You will always be 30 years behind him. A good relationship is where both people feel like equal partners.
  • rdberg1957

    Posts: 662

    Jan 21, 2013 2:05 PM GMT
    It's not about the age difference per se. However, it always sucks when someone you are interested in is unavailable. How long do you want to knock on a locked door?
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    Jan 21, 2013 2:36 PM GMT
    Well he does do these sweet things for me and said very recently that he is interested in me but I'm really afraid that he is just using me as his rebound.
    Also he seemed to really like his ex as he gifted a racing horse on his ex's birthday icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Jan 21, 2013 2:41 PM GMT
    Gamesgalore saidWell he does do these sweet things for me and said very recently that he is interested in me but I'm really afraid that he is just using me as his rebound.
    Also he seemed to really like his ex as he gifted a racing horse on his ex's birthday icon_rolleyes.gif


    I would avoid the guy, he probably needs to get over the previous relationship first.
    But I can be wrong...
  • TonyD

    Posts: 168

    Jan 21, 2013 2:52 PM GMT
    It's good to seek advice of another's point of view in this situation.
    Just moving in isn't the answer unless that feels doable.

    My guess is: you may be filling in the blanks of his desire towards you with how you want him to feel about you.

    Do you think he's seriously interested in developing something with you?
    If he's shut off or shut off from you, that says something.

    From my own past experiences,
    I've tried to WILL guys to be interested in me.
    I wanted it SO much, however, they do what they want to do and there's no manual that explains their actions.

    He sounds vague and questionably caring about you.
    At 18, it may be difficult to realize what a promising interaction may look like, or more importantly, what it feels like.

    Have you asked him if he just wants 'company' right now and not have the pressures of a relationship?

    It may not be your immediate goal, however, you'll know where he stands.
  • StevieB0402

    Posts: 159

    Jan 21, 2013 3:53 PM GMT
    His last relationship ended by the actions of another, not his own, and he's still carrying way too many feelings regarding the ex. When anything dies, there has to be a mourning period and that includes relationships. He's not ready to begin a healthy relationship at this point. Doing things for you is not a guarantee of a future together because, despite what some people might think, it's actually not that difficult to be nice, compassionate, and generous.

    Only you can decide what action to take but do so with your eyes open and make well informed decisions.

    Good Luck
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 21, 2013 4:46 PM GMT
    There is no good ending to this situation. Get out while you can and find someone with less baggage who is actually into you!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 21, 2013 4:51 PM GMT
    The very least you should do is ask him to buy you a six pack of beer.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 21, 2013 5:00 PM GMT
    To the OP:
    If you really care for him, don't force it. If he's not ready he's not ready. Getting or trying to get closer to him might actually drive him away. Be his friend, be understanding, and be patient.
    If you can, leave him be for awhile. Focus on yourself and figure out what you really need and feel about your situation with him. I know, it's very difficult. I'm there with you man.
  • wellwell

    Posts: 2265

    Jan 21, 2013 5:01 PM GMT
    Well have you, at least, kissed him; or told him how much you would like to??

    When dealing w/ a mature man, the (much) younger one must be the aggressor, if the mature one is anything greater than a cad.

    Think about it & put yourself in his shoes, a bit.

    (Edit: I think most of the advice here is presumptuous & bad. You won't get anything you want by wishing it to come to you; you must create the circumstances you feel you need; and thereby, create the life that is yours. If you strike-out: "Nothing ventured nothing gained". )
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    Jan 21, 2013 5:23 PM GMT
    smartmoney saidThe very least you should do is ask him to buy you a six pack of beer.



    icon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 21, 2013 5:24 PM GMT
    wellwell saidWell have you, at least, kissed him; or told him how much you would like to??

    When dealing w/ a mature man, the (much) younger one must be the aggressor, if the mature one is anything greater than a cad.

    Think about it & put yourself in his shoes, a bit.

    (Edit: I think most of the advice here is presumptuous & bad. You won't get anything you want by wishing it to come to you; you must create the circumstances you feel you need; and thereby, create the life that is yours. If you strike-out: "Nothing ventured nothing gained". )


    Well we did make out but he was the one to initiate it.
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    Jan 21, 2013 5:26 PM GMT
    smartmoney saidThe very least you should do is ask him to buy you a six pack of beer.


    Well he did buy me beer when we met for the 1st time icon_biggrin.gificon_biggrin.gif
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4435

    Jan 21, 2013 6:12 PM GMT
    I think all the comments here while well meaning are a bit premature. Just date for a while and see what happens. There's no rush.
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    Jan 21, 2013 7:51 PM GMT
    HndsmKansan saidYou don't need to worry about this kind of thing at 18, move on, really.
    Don't try and figure out the behavior of a 48 year old when you need to be
    having a great time in your own life.

    ^ this +1
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 22, 2013 1:41 AM GMT
    Destinharbor saidI think all the comments here while well meaning are a bit premature. Just date for a while and see what happens. There's no rush.


    I think you're correct icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 22, 2013 1:42 AM GMT
    RUN.