Advice On a Relationship


  • Jan 21, 2013 4:10 PM GMT
    So, here's the deal:

    ISSUE #1
    My boyfriend and I have been off-and-on for the last two years. We are currently back together and we both consider ourselves tops. I have never topped in this relationship and it's starting to get on my nerves. He hates to bottom, but so do I. He always says, "You're my bottom and I'm your top." or something along the lines of, "We don't have to have sex. I'm fine with just sucking your dick and fooling around." However, I am always the one bottoming when it comes to penetration. Does that seem a little rude/controlling?

    ISSUE #2
    He is considerably wealthier than me. He never lets me pay for meals or practically anything, I always offer to pay, but he says, "Put that away! You're not paying!" I realize he wants to do nice things and that I'm poor, but I kinda feel like someone's property or that I'm mooching off of him.

    ISSUE #3
    I love going out to clubs, dancing, and going to drag shows. He, however, does not care for that scene. Last night, I had the option to go out with him and some of our friends to a movie, but it was a film I had already seen and I had already made plans with another friend to go out to a club. When he found out, I could see that certain look in his eyes that said, "Why don't you want to spend time with me? I can't believe you're going out and having a good time without me!" However, he simply stated, "Be safe and I love you." Sure enough, the text messages that followed were brief and the writing style had changed from the way he usually texts. He never said anything to be given as proof that he was upset, but I could sense it in the brief texting form and the way he wrote the sentences.

    These are all recurring issues and I just wanted to hear other men's advice. I have breached the subject of these issues before with him, but my attempts are quickly shot down. It may seem childish to post it here, but I needed an outlet to vent and process it all.

    Thanks.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 21, 2013 4:24 PM GMT

    Issue 1 No, that doesn't sound controlling.

    Issue 2 He pays for stuff because he's wealthy and you're not and this is a relationship where wealth is being shared by him, which is rather sweet, really. You're allowed to do your thing, and even when it's not including him and you can sense he's disappointed or hurt when that happens, he goes along with it.

    Issue 3 See the end of my answer to issue 2 and...if he wasn't paying for other stuff how would you afford to go to clubs etc without him? icon_wink.gif

    And again, he's not complaining, but instead saying " Be safe and I love you."

    From what you've posted, you're in a relationship with a pretty nice fellow, even though he doesn't like receiving anal intercourse.
  • LEANDRO_NJ

    Posts: 1117

    Jan 21, 2013 4:27 PM GMT
    justaguy100045 saidSo, here's the deal:

    ISSUE #1
    My boyfriend and I have been off-and-on for the last two years. We are currently back together and we both consider ourselves tops. I have never topped in this relationship and it's starting to get on my nerves. He hates to bottom, but so do I. He always says, "You're my bottom and I'm your top." or something along the lines of, "We don't have to have sex. I'm fine with just sucking your dick and fooling around." However, I am always the one bottoming when it comes to penetration. Does that seem a little rude/controlling?

    ISSUE #2
    He is considerably wealthier than me. He never lets me pay for meals or practically anything, I always offer to pay, but he says, "Put that away! You're not paying!" I realize he wants to do nice things and that I'm poor, but I kinda feel like someone's property or that I'm mooching off of him.

    ISSUE #3
    I love going out to clubs, dancing, and going to drag shows. He, however, does not care for that scene. Last night, I had the option to go out with him and some of our friends to a movie, but it was a film I had already seen and I had already made plans with another friend to go out to a club. When he found out, I could see that certain look in his eyes that said, "Why don't you want to spend time with me? I can't believe you're going out and having a good time without me!" However, he simply stated, "Be safe and I love you." Sure enough, the text messages that followed were brief and the writing style had changed from the way he usually texts. He never said anything to be given as proof that he was upset, but I could sense it in the brief texting form and the way he wrote the sentences.

    These are all recurring issues and I just wanted to hear other men's advice. I have breached the subject of these issues before with him, but my attempts are quickly shot down. It may seem childish to post it here, but I needed an outlet to vent and process it all.

    Thanks.



    I have a solution, that is if you are both willing to work through this together, and make the relationship work!? well at least the sexual part of it! I have being VERSATILE pretty much all my life, and because of that I have never ever have a problem with either being a top or a bottom!

    Sexual intimacy to me is all about cartering to your and your partner's needs! the moment you start putting your sexual needs first and your partner's second, the overall intimacy between you both is threatened! and when that happens every other similarities between you both will follow.
  • bayoubrah

    Posts: 9

    Jan 21, 2013 4:50 PM GMT
    I know that feeling with issue #1...

    I don't mind doing it every once in a while but not every time. and usually after a minute or two into it... I can't wait for it to be over

    sucks
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 21, 2013 10:55 PM GMT
    meninlove said
    Issue 1 No, that doesn't sound controlling.

    Issue 2 He pays for stuff because he's wealthy and you're not and this is a relationship where wealth is being shared by him, which is rather sweet, really. You're allowed to do your thing, and even when it's not including him and you can sense he's disappointed or hurt when that happens, he goes along with it.

    Issue 3 See the end of my answer to issue 2 and...if he wasn't paying for other stuff how would you afford to go to clubs etc without him? icon_wink.gif

    And again, he's not complaining, but instead saying " Be safe and I love you."

    From what you've posted, you're in a relationship with a pretty nice fellow, even though he doesn't like receiving anal intercourse.

    OMG - Perfect answers to each question!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 21, 2013 11:17 PM GMT
    meninlove said
    Issue 1 No, that doesn't sound controlling.

    Issue 2 He pays for stuff because he's wealthy and you're not and this is a relationship where wealth is being shared by him, which is rather sweet, really. You're allowed to do your thing, and even when it's not including him and you can sense he's disappointed or hurt when that happens, he goes along with it.

    Issue 3 See the end of my answer to issue 2 and...if he wasn't paying for other stuff how would you afford to go to clubs etc without him? icon_wink.gif

    And again, he's not complaining, but instead saying " Be safe and I love you."

    From what you've posted, you're in a relationship with a pretty nice fellow, even though he doesn't like receiving anal intercourse.


    This. End of thread.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 21, 2013 11:38 PM GMT
    justaguy100045 saidSo, here's the deal:

    ISSUE #1
    My boyfriend and I have been off-and-on for the last two years. We are currently back together and we both consider ourselves tops. I have never topped in this relationship and it's starting to get on my nerves. He hates to bottom, but so do I. He always says, "You're my bottom and I'm your top." or something along the lines of, "We don't have to have sex. I'm fine with just sucking your dick and fooling around." However, I am always the one bottoming when it comes to penetration. Does that seem a little rude/controlling?

    ISSUE #2
    He is considerably wealthier than me. He never lets me pay for meals or practically anything, I always offer to pay, but he says, "Put that away! You're not paying!" I realize he wants to do nice things and that I'm poor, but I kinda feel like someone's property or that I'm mooching off of him.

    ISSUE #3
    I love going out to clubs, dancing, and going to drag shows. He, however, does not care for that scene. Last night, I had the option to go out with him and some of our friends to a movie, but it was a film I had already seen and I had already made plans with another friend to go out to a club. When he found out, I could see that certain look in his eyes that said, "Why don't you want to spend time with me? I can't believe you're going out and having a good time without me!" However, he simply stated, "Be safe and I love you." Sure enough, the text messages that followed were brief and the writing style had changed from the way he usually texts. He never said anything to be given as proof that he was upset, but I could sense it in the brief texting form and the way he wrote the sentences.

    These are all recurring issues and I just wanted to hear other men's advice. I have breached the subject of these issues before with him, but my attempts are quickly shot down. It may seem childish to post it here, but I needed an outlet to vent and process it all.

    Thanks.



    How dare him?!? Dump his no caring ass. The nerve of himicon_rolleyes.gif
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Jan 21, 2013 11:41 PM GMT
    meninlove said
    Issue 1 No, that doesn't sound controlling.

    Issue 2 He pays for stuff because he's wealthy and you're not and this is a relationship where wealth is being shared by him, which is rather sweet, really. You're allowed to do your thing, and even when it's not including him and you can sense he's disappointed or hurt when that happens, he goes along with it.

    Issue 3 See the end of my answer to issue 2 and...if he wasn't paying for other stuff how would you afford to go to clubs etc without him? icon_wink.gif

    And again, he's not complaining, but instead saying " Be safe and I love you."

    From what you've posted, you're in a relationship with a pretty nice fellow, even though he doesn't like receiving anal intercourse.
    ha ha ha once again, i agree with what meninlove said. i will have to say some of the issues you have brought are you own personal demons not his. now as for the topping issue. again, i blame you. no one is putting a gun to your head and saying you have to do that. the next time he wants to top than so no. i just want to kiss and jack off. u can also try the direct approach and talk to him and tell him that you want to top him. if want to top you than you have to be able to top him. oh and do not fall for the you go first and i will let you top me. ha ha ha do not ever fall for that one. seriously just talk to him about all the things you are telling us. tell him how much you love him but you want to feel like you two are equal partners in every since of the word. make sure you tell him that you appreciate all that he has done and continue to do for you.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 21, 2013 11:57 PM GMT
    Why not explore your artistry... being versatile is like a matter of great experience. You are able to love and be loved or let us say in your case you are able to feel pleasure and give pleasure... imagine, explore, recieve and give... a term to overcome dominance in urban sex. I am hoping that many men are open to versatility and not to limit themselves to top or bottom.

    If he pays... let him pay then wait and see because he would stop after the succeeding days. His frontliner attitude is to show you that he is a nice person to begin with for the purpose of saying first impession lasts... I hope it's still him in the middle and last.

    Lastly, verify that if he is really upset. We tend to judge differently so verify. If he denies, make him feel important such as after this, the next time I am expecting with is you and more of you...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 22, 2013 12:04 AM GMT
    I've never understood the whole being full time tops. I love being verse.. nothing hotter then getting it than saying, "aight... MY TURN!" icon_twisted.gif

    I'd say you should consider your sexual compatibility first before anything else. I mean lets be real... in an adult relationship, it's important.

    As for fact he pays for you, maybe he's just communicating it wrong and you're taking it wrong. Also as for the way he responded to the movie, seems like you guys have lots of passive aggressive behavior going on. I'd recommend taking a class on healthy relationships. I think if you examine those things that are really important to you, you might get why two years on and off is the point that it's not right... just saying.