Sex, STDs and Paranoia

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    Jan 21, 2013 4:57 PM GMT
    Hey all,

    Not sure if I've ever created a post on RJ but definitely have been enjoying reading some of the posts for quite a while now, but here goes my first:

    I was wondering, is anyone else here so paranoid of being infected with an STD that you abstain from all forms of sex, even if you're in a relationship, until you and your partner get tested?
    Recently, I've turned into that person and was wondering, is this the way everyone should be, or am I exaggerating?

    Would love to hear others' opinions on the matter and see where everyone stands.

    Thanks in advance!
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    Jan 21, 2013 5:02 PM GMT

    ..." until you and your partner get tested?"

    Yes. But not out of paranoia; out of practicality and learning from past experiences. icon_wink.gif
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    Jan 21, 2013 5:04 PM GMT
    Yep STDs and HIV are on rise due to gay men stealthing all the time
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    Jan 21, 2013 5:06 PM GMT
    exaggertating? Maybe; sure kept me locked in the closet through out the 80's.
    At least your not so scared, that you become a "bug chaser," just so you don't have to obsess about it anymore.
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    Jan 21, 2013 5:07 PM GMT
    Singalong saidYep STDs and HIV are on rise due to gay men stealthing all the time


    Back to your old tricks, eh? So much for behaving differently this time around.

    ....and you're wrong.
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    Jan 21, 2013 5:08 PM GMT
    dustin_K_tx saidexaggertating? Maybe; sure kept me locked in the closet through out the 80's.
    At least your not so scared, that you become a "bug chaser," just so you don't have to obsess about it anymore.


    Funny, just learned what a bug chaser was yesterday, still don't understand how that would make you feel better but to each his own I believe.
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    Jan 21, 2013 5:09 PM GMT
    meninlove said
    Singalong saidYep STDs and HIV are on rise due to gay men stealthing all the time


    Back to your old tricks, eh? So much for behaving differently this time around.

    ....and you're wrong.


    well from what I hear, a lot of guys got burned by group of HIV poz tops doing that ..

    here is more info..

    http://www.bisexual.com/forum/showthread.php?13662-**PSA**-POZ-STEALTHING
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    Jan 21, 2013 5:19 PM GMT
    Nice spin, singalong, but you said gay men doing it all the time, which is wrong.



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    Jan 21, 2013 6:00 PM GMT
    I wouldn't say you're exaggerating but you're definitely cautious. But you are being too cautious! Now here's the bad news. Unfortunately there are certain STDs that you cannot get tested for until you see an outbreak or signs/symptoms. The two that come to mind are herpes and HPV.

    The only way you're going to get over any paranoia is if you really trust the guy you're with. Otherwise, you'll be asexual for the rest of your life. Of course there's nothing wrong with being celibate but the question is...is that what you want?
  • hanzo83

    Posts: 457

    Jan 21, 2013 8:06 PM GMT
    I was very paranoid when I was a child because I had some kind of urinary tract infection at 12. The symptoms were like an std and I was so fucking scared. Thankfully it went away after a few days. I was too scared to tell my mama about it because I had heard that the doctor would have to stick a catheter up my pee hole lol. Right before I was about to tell her all the symptoms disappeared.

    That experience was so horrible that it scared me from even thinking about having actual sex with another person for a long time. Today I'm still not having sex lol, but I'm not scared of infections anymore haha. There is no point in being scared of what "could" happen because you "could" get hit by a bus and there "could" be a bomb under your car lol.

    All kinds of shit could happen but that's no way to live life, being in fear all the time. Just don't think about the worst and you won't attract those kinds of things.
  • Latenight30

    Posts: 1525

    Jan 21, 2013 9:03 PM GMT
    who did you have sex with at 12yo?

    I think there is a bigger issue in this country with guys having sex, then catching something and not dealing with it.

    Sex is going to happen. It's what happens afterwards that is the real test.
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    Jan 21, 2013 9:24 PM GMT
    The reason I am single for so long is because of being paranoid about those persons who are attracted to me physically. I stereotype them as people who can easily fall to hyper-sex so i have no future in them. I have been working in the hospital and it must be very hard to witness a person dying of hiv. I have a dream and because of one night rush, the entire life is a regret after acquiring. What I usually do is to conversate to a person and must be honest about his intentions, if those conforms to me (ie, being monogamous), then we may enjoy the life together. However, in this place, no one would dare a gay relationship. icon_cool.gif
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    Jan 21, 2013 10:53 PM GMT
    I dated a great guy who wouldn't have sex with me until I got $200 worth of blood work. I took my AIDS test, the negative results weren't enough for him. He wouldn't even give me a BJ, and we dated for weeks. I can afford the blood work, but his paranoia led to a break up.
  • Medjai

    Posts: 2671

    Jan 21, 2013 10:55 PM GMT
    I won't risk getting sick myself. Hence why I'm in a committed relationship.
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    Jan 21, 2013 11:03 PM GMT
    I have asked a number of guys about std, and if they know what or how they can catch it. Majority say they do but they are just saying it. Did my own research and apparently one can get stds from even wearing a condom. Here is the link. Not a day that does not go buy without being asked to partake in risky behavior. I trun them all down. Rather alone than getting sick and alone.

    http://www.menshealth.com/sex-md/std-diagnostic-guide
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Jan 21, 2013 11:05 PM GMT
    meninlove said
    ..." until you and your partner get tested?"

    Yes. But not out of paranoia; out of practicality and learning from past experiences. icon_wink.gif
    what they said.
  • LexLuthor

    Posts: 199

    Jan 21, 2013 11:09 PM GMT
    I get paranoid after I have sex with someone (not that it happens a ton, last time was beginning of december, before that september), but yeah every time i get paranoid then I'm like...ok no sex for me >.> im extremely paranoid.....
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    Jan 21, 2013 11:09 PM GMT
    huhwhat saidI dated a great guy who wouldn't have sex with me until I got $200 worth of blood work. I took my AIDS test, the negative results weren't enough for him. He wouldn't even give me a BJ, and we dated for weeks. I can afford the blood work, but his paranoia led to a break up.


    oh no! weeks of dating and no bj? what is the world coming to?!?! icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Jan 22, 2013 12:12 AM GMT
    My uncle said it best, "Just put a condom on and fuck it!" Simple words. I ask for status and if someone doesn't know that makes me think twice before hand. I think a responsible person knows their status especially if they are having sex. Plus, it's good practice to have a full STD Panel done at least once every six months. To be tested for HIV, I go ever 3 months and it's not like I have sex like that but it's just good to know.
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    Jan 22, 2013 12:19 AM GMT
    My partner and I were completely safe until both of our test results came back.

    We got tested before entering the relationship, and waited a bit into the relationship to get the results back.
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    Jan 22, 2013 12:25 AM GMT
    I'm often times worried about Syphilis Crabs, Scabies and Herpes and Hep C than say HIV...
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    Jan 22, 2013 12:30 AM GMT
    meninlove said
    ..." until you and your partner get tested?"

    Yes. But not out of paranoia; out of practicality and learning from past experiences. icon_wink.gif

    And also as a mark of total honesty.

    My partner & I have the same doctor. And we have legal mutual Health Care Surrogate documents on file with her (as we do with all the other doctors and hospitals who deal with us, which give us both complete access during all doctor visits, hospital stays, medical records, and authority to make medical decisions if the other becomes incapacitated).

    And she has our order that if one of us acquires an infectious disease, an STI or otherwise, she is to inform the other. It's no longer our call, but hers.

    A lack of faith between us? Or rather the ultimate proof of faith? One might debate the point. But what it means is we have no doubt whatsoever about the other. If he wants to bareback me I say yes without hesitation or doubt. Keeping your life an open book to your partner is to me total honesty, and perhaps love, too.
  • Beeftastic

    Posts: 1747

    Jan 22, 2013 1:32 AM GMT
    There is risk to your health for everything you do in life. Many times we choose to become paranoid about sex, possibly because there are moral issues around it.

    Every time you eat fried foods or barbecue you take a risk in contracting cancer. Every time you go on the freeway you risk dying in a collision. The amount of people that die in car accidents is much higher than the rate of people that die from STDs.

    You choose where to take your risks in life. Because sex is such a hot button issue, we tend to make it more scary in our minds than other risks. And I'm not immune to that either.
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    Jan 22, 2013 3:27 AM GMT
    Let's see if you are not careful you will be affected the rest of your life. Your life will be based on your immune system. You won't just die. You will die slowly and suffer from many common illness. Sex is just a feeling.

    I would like to ask if it worths that much to put your life on the line.

    Gay people are likely to cheat just because it is more accepting than the straight culture. Our media promotes sex.

    Good gay men exists. But have fun and look for faithful and loyal one. They usually don't exist that much in the younger group.
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    Jan 22, 2013 3:30 AM GMT
    huhwhat saidI dated a great guy who wouldn't have sex with me until I got $200 worth of blood work. I took my AIDS test, the negative results weren't enough for him. He wouldn't even give me a BJ, and we dated for weeks. I can afford the blood work, but his paranoia led to a break up.


    So you think it is bad to be careful? I do not see anything wrong to give it a bit longer. True love endure challenges. Might as well say you are looking for someone who is willing to have sex early.