Unsure if first time was forced sex "Original post got deleted"

  • BlueMoose

    Posts: 237

    Jan 21, 2013 8:37 PM GMT
    When I went to school in florida I started experimenting with guys. I did a few things here and there, but I really wanted to try bottoming. Every time I would attempt to bottom it would hurt too much or I would chicken out at the last second.

    One night though I met this guy at his place. He was very muscular and very well endowed. Probably 8.5in and quite thick. We were fooling around and he was a bit rough, but nothing I haven't seen before. He knew I was a virgin and I told him to go slow which he did initially. As he was slowly pushing it in it started to really hurt. I told him to stop because it hurt, but he didn't say anything and kept pushing further. I was getting nervous and tried to push his leg back to push him out, but he held my arms down. At this point I was helpless because he was much stronger than I am. He pushed fully in and when he did I knew. It felt painful, but kinda good at the same time. Then he started to fuck me really fast, which I wasn't expecting and I thought I was going to lose my voice how loud I was moaning. It hurt and felt good at same time. He started to jerk me off really fast while fucking me which was a crazy experience. Felt so different. I came probably in 30 second exploding all over myself. He continued fucking me fast add extra streams of cum to come out. After he finished we got dressed and I left. I'm not sure if he took advantage of me or not. What do you guys think?
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    Jan 21, 2013 8:46 PM GMT
    Hmmm. How long ago was this?

    Are you asking because the memories are upsetting, or because you are simply curious?

    Based on the legal definition of rape, you asked him to stop and he ignored you, so legally your case is stronger. However, you also talk about the experience as if it was enjoyable. It is not uncommon for rape victims to also obtain pleasure from the experience (And subsequently feel guilty for having such thoughts, which sucks because they are the victims).

    If it is distressing, you re fully justified in talking to a therapist about it. If it is not distressing and you are just asking, then I think you were taken advantage of if that's how you feel about it. Certainly this guy could have been better about communicating with you.
  • BlueMoose

    Posts: 237

    Jan 21, 2013 8:49 PM GMT
    It was when I was 19. I'm 22 now so 3 years ago. It's kind of bothering me that my first time in a sense was not 100% my choice.
  • unhooligan

    Posts: 92

    Jan 21, 2013 8:56 PM GMT
    In a way you literally asked for it. Call me insensitive, but that guy did you a favor. If he had not gone all the way you probably would have told every guy 'stop, it hurts'.
    Real question is... Was he hot?
  • BlueMoose

    Posts: 237

    Jan 21, 2013 9:13 PM GMT
    I don;t think that is the case. Your first time doesn't have to be forced on you. You should be able to enjoy the whole experience. The first time always hurt but that can be relaxed if the guy makes you feel safe which he didnt. He continued without any consideration of how I was feeling.
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    Jan 21, 2013 9:22 PM GMT
    unhooligan saidIn a way you literally asked for it. Call me insensitive, but that guy did you a favor. If he had not gone all the way you probably would have told every guy 'stop, it hurts'.
    Real question is... Was he hot?


    You're ridiculous.

    Please, OP ignore this guy. Allow yourself to feel what you feel about the past, and move forward knowing that considerate men exist who want to top you, but want you to enjoy it while it's happening.

    Ugh... I'm on an angry role this morning in these forums.
  • BlueMoose

    Posts: 237

    Jan 21, 2013 9:44 PM GMT
    We talked about how it was my first time and how I tried before, but was unsuccessful due to pain. I did not give any inclinations I wanted him to force past the pain. I clearly told him to go slow to ease me into it which he did the opposite.
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    Jan 21, 2013 9:52 PM GMT
    BlueMoose saidWe talked about how it was my first time and how I tried before, but was unsuccessful due to pain. I did not give any inclinations I wanted him to force past the pain. I clearly told him to go slow to ease me into it which he did the opposite.


    It seems to still be bothering you. Do you still communicate with this guy?
  • BlueMoose

    Posts: 237

    Jan 21, 2013 9:54 PM GMT
    I do not communicate with him anymore.
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    Jan 21, 2013 10:03 PM GMT
    I went back to your original post and read your initial question. "I'm not sure if he took advantage of me or not. What do you guys think?"

    I personally think that he did take advantage of you.

    What matters is what you think, however, because you have to deal with the memory as you move forward in life.

    You don't communicate with this guy anymore, and thus you can't sort out the memory with him. But you can sort it out with yourself, and if you're finding it tough, you can sort it out with the help of friends and or a therapist.

    What specifically is bothering you about the memory? What would you say to this guy if you did say anything? What would you want to change?

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    Jan 21, 2013 10:07 PM GMT
    DUBCON!
  • BlueMoose

    Posts: 237

    Jan 21, 2013 10:17 PM GMT
    I think in the beginning it was forceful and throughout it was rough but later on I did enjoy it. All I wish was it wasn't so rough in the beginning when it was stated I was a newbie and wanted to take it slow
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    Jan 21, 2013 10:32 PM GMT
    BlueMoose saidI think in the beginning it was forceful and throughout it was rough but later on I did enjoy it. All I wish was it wasn't so rough in the beginning when it was stated I was a newbie and wanted to take it slow


    I'm sorry that the memory of the rough beginning is bothersome, and that your request to take things slow as a newbie were not listened to icon_sad.gif Have you been able to find more satisfying experiences as a bottom since this incident, if you don't mind me asking such a personal question?
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    Jan 21, 2013 10:44 PM GMT
    Honestly dude the fact that you are thinking of this after 3 years shows that you probably shouldn't be having casual sex. Nothing wrong with that but it doesn't seem like it is for you.
  • BlueMoose

    Posts: 237

    Jan 21, 2013 10:47 PM GMT
    I have had good experiences after and I agree I am not a fan of casual sex. At the time I was still very unsure about myself and my sexuality. May of not been the best way to explore my feelings.
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    Jan 21, 2013 11:01 PM GMT
    BlueMoose saidI came probably in 30 second exploding all over myself. He continued fucking me fast add extra streams of cum to come out. After he finished we got dressed and I left. I'm not sure if he took advantage of me or not. What do you guys think?

    I think you had casual sex. I've had lots of casual sex, too. I've also had tons of bathhouse sex, which doesn't even rise to the level of casual sex. But I did have fun, because I knew what it was I was having, no illusions, just physical pleasure.

    I'm not sure what you want here. You have the sex you have. Understand what it is and accept it for what it is, because otherwise I'm not sure how to advise you.

    You don't always have sex with Prince Charming the first time, and live happily ever after following one fuck. Is that what this is about?

    To me (and I admit to having been a slut) sex is the introduction. And also just fun. Casual sex, remember? From which may develop a more serious relationship, or not. And if not, then on to more casual (and safe) sex.

    A very simple formula that brought me BFs and LTRs, and also 2 partners. And all the while I was fucking my brains out along the way. Seems like a winner to me. icon_wink.gif
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    Jan 21, 2013 11:12 PM GMT
    The answer is actually dependent on Florida state law. States have different rape laws. In some states, you require permission for almost every step of sex. I think in Jersey if someone says stop at any point for any reason and they don't then it's rape.

    To me, it might have been a misunderstanding. He may have interpreted it as "stop but don't stop" hence why people have safe words so they know if it's on purpose. From what you described, you WANTED him to stop though.
  • TheBizMan

    Posts: 4091

    Jan 22, 2013 1:48 AM GMT
    He should have opened you up more before inserting a mammoth cock into you.
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    Jan 22, 2013 5:53 AM GMT
    He was a selfish jerk on your first time, promising to go easy but breaking that promise. When you feel like you don't have control and you didn't choose that, it totally makes sense that you didn't feel great about him.

    Pleasure and consent aren't the same thing.

    I don't know if you need therapy, but you have feelings to process. Talking about it is good, better if it's with professionals or people who take your mental & sexual security to heart.
  • BlueMoose

    Posts: 237

    Jan 24, 2013 4:44 AM GMT
    Hey everyone sorry I haven't been around to clear up any confusions. In my personal opinion I do not think I was "raped". I say that would be taking what happened to the extreme. I was fully aware of what I was getting into. We both consented to having sex with each other. What happened is it got a little rough in the beginning which I was not ready for given I was new at the time to it. I wish he would have gone slower, but once he was in everything started to hurt less. I do still feel he could have gone slower and wish he didn't ignore my wishes to slow down. As some have said he may have misunderstood what I said and thought I needed this to go through with it and not succumb to the initial pain associated with first time anal play. I hope that clears things up. Sorry if I mistyped or worded things incorrectly. Didn't mean to start a big debate. Was just curious if his actions were a bit rough for a first timer.
  • TheBizMan

    Posts: 4091

    Jan 24, 2013 8:59 AM GMT
    BlueMoose said Was just curious if his actions were a bit rough for a first timer.


    Oh rest assured, your manhole was ravaged.
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    Jan 24, 2013 10:23 AM GMT
    To be frank, it just sounds like he was a dominant top and I don't think he took advantage - most people experience a certain degree of pain initially when bottoming, and an experienced top knows that if they continue past that initial discomfort it will soon turn to pleasure (which from what you've said, it did).

    Yes, he could have been a little better at getting you prepared and not fucked you so hard/rough from the outset, but hey - you were a casual fuck, sorry to say, he is there for his pleasure not yours. Unfortunately that is reality, if you had truly been screaming blue murder and struggling I think he would have stopped but a half-hearted "no, stop" (which is translated to a lot of people as "oh daddy please pound me!") wasn't really going to cut it.

    When you look back on this episode, what emotions do you feel? Did you like it and feel guilty, because you think you shouldn't have?
  • Nayro

    Posts: 1825

    Jan 24, 2013 1:34 PM GMT
    gimme his number! icon_redface.gif

    I dont think it wouldve bothered me if it wouldve happened to me like that, but to each his own.
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    Jan 24, 2013 3:01 PM GMT
    SkinnyBitch saidHe was a selfish jerk on your first time, promising to go easy but breaking that promise. When you feel like you don't have control and you didn't choose that, it totally makes sense that you didn't feel great about him.

    Pleasure and consent aren't the same thing.

    I don't know if you need therapy, but you have feelings to process. Talking about it is good, better if it's with professionals or people who take your mental & sexual security to heart.



    Great post!

  • BlueMoose

    Posts: 237

    Jan 24, 2013 11:20 PM GMT
    i will admit now I would enjoy an experience like that, but for my first time it was not the best way to go about things.