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Are You cheater or quiter?....how do You solve hard problems in relationship.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 21, 2013 10:28 PM GMT
    I´ve never cheated in my life - I always quit before I had a chance. Sometimes I´m not sure, if it is a happy way of life, but I can´t waste the time with someone I respect so little that I could cheat on him. I find it unfair to him and much more to me. But I know couple where it works. They are not open relationships officialy, they cheat, cover to each other. But they are stable for years. But can two guys be realy happy in this type of relationship? Not the open one. The covered cheating one...
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  • SeattleGreenl...

    Posts: 124

    Jan 22, 2013 12:42 AM GMT
    Not sure I could make it work... Though, it has happened in two relationships where the guy was cheating and I didn't know for a while. When i found out I was torn between forgiving and leaving... The time I forgave, I couldn't get past not being able to trust him to be honest. So, in the end quitting was the best because I knew myself too well to be quiet while it went on.
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  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11419

    Jan 22, 2013 12:46 AM GMT
    I know I could never be happy in such a relationship... but I've heard others swear by it ... as long as the two agree and their happy with it, then that is their prerogative
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  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Jan 22, 2013 2:38 AM GMT
    more sex with hot guys solves all problems
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    Jan 22, 2013 3:20 AM GMT
    calibro saidmore sex with hot guys solves all problems

    This. If it was written in Spanish.
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    Jan 22, 2013 3:21 AM GMT
    my bf and I talk and more importantly LISTEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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    Jan 22, 2013 3:30 AM GMT
    tmac saidmy bf and I talk and more importantly LISTEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Be careful. I've had friends start down that path.
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    Jan 22, 2013 3:49 AM GMT
    The stability you see is probably not the reality. If they can keep secrets from each other than they're undoubtedly keeping secrets from the outside. Secrets and sickness can easily be falsely happy. It's comfort. How long do we live closeted and pretend life is great? It's not a big surprise that we seek out relationships similar to the relationship we have with our self.
    Solution: develop a better relationship with yourself.
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    Jan 22, 2013 3:57 AM GMT
    OP -- your friends' relationship may be stable, but to me, a relationship based on mutual dishonesty doesn't seem like much of a relationship I would want to be in, even if it were stable.
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    Jan 22, 2013 3:59 AM GMT
    No, they're not happy because the word "trust" is gone from their vocabulary.
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    Jan 22, 2013 4:03 AM GMT
    I have more fingers on my right hand than truly monogamous couples i know...straight or gay.

    I'd be willing to bet over 90% of couples have at least one cheater.

    On one occasion, I cheated during a monogamous relationship. Never again. I swore off monogamy that night, and embraced polygamy. The only difference is honesty. icon_cool.gif
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    Jan 22, 2013 4:04 AM GMT
    Stability never arises out of lies even if it sounds like it is. Stability comes from trust and a confidence knowing what is going on with the other person which won't ruin you.

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    Jan 22, 2013 4:19 AM GMT
    In my opinion, a covered up cheating relationship will probably work until the cheated finds out, or the cheater leaves for another. Some people think ignorance is bliss, others don't care who they hurt. Its obviously not a healthy relationship, but it will probably last until one of them makes a move.

    I'm the type to try to work things out, but I'd never cheat to solve a relationship problem. If we can work it out, I'm all for it. If we can't work it out we break up.
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    Jan 22, 2013 4:25 AM GMT
    I am a quiter, I wouldn't ever cheat (I have seen what that can do to a relationship and family). If a guy had to cheat on me, he's out the door with all his shit out on the floor!

    I don't think that 2 guys can be happy in that type of relationship (the covered cheating one) because one day one of them is going to get jealous or hurt. Its bound to happen! One of them might feel like this and just not say anything because he thinks that the other guy is happy in this relationship instead of talking to him and deciding to have a commited monogamous relationship!
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    Jan 22, 2013 4:28 AM GMT
    msuNtx saidStability never arises out of lies even if it sounds like it is. Stability comes from trust and a confidence knowing what is going on with the other person which won't ruin you.

    That's exactly why I embraced polygamy.

    100% of the monogamous couples I've known have cheated.

    100%

    Of course, I know there are a few who haven't, but they are so rare that it's futile trying to expect someone to be 100% honest...unless they admit to being polygamous from the start. icon_wink.gif
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    Jan 22, 2013 4:30 AM GMT
    paulflexes said
    msuNtx saidStability never arises out of lies even if it sounds like it is. Stability comes from trust and a confidence knowing what is going on with the other person which won't ruin you.

    That's exactly why I embraced polygamy.

    100% of the monogamous couples I've known have cheated.

    100%

    Of course, I know there are a few who haven't, but they are so rare that it's futile trying to expect someone to be 100% honest...unless they admit to being polygamous from the start. icon_wink.gif


    Or they are 100% honest. Tough battle but it can be done.
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    Jan 22, 2013 4:33 AM GMT
    Six years on, never cheated on him or been tempted to (but only because Ive never met Teddy Sears in person). He gives me everything I need and more, so cheating isnt necessary--Im totally fulfilled. If I ever get to the point where he's no longer my everything then I'd just move on rather than waste the energy it takes to creep. And I'd hope he would do the same.
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    Jan 22, 2013 4:34 AM GMT
    paulflexes said
    msuNtx saidStability never arises out of lies even if it sounds like it is. Stability comes from trust and a confidence knowing what is going on with the other person which won't ruin you.

    That's exactly why I embraced polygamy.

    100% of the monogamous couples I've known have cheated.

    100%

    Of course, I know there are a few who haven't, but they are so rare that it's futile trying to expect someone to be 100% honest...unless they admit to being polygamous from the start. icon_wink.gif

    Yup, it's about loving the person, their faults, forgiveness, and commitment to the relationship. Relationships like your job, don't work unless you do. Own your business, and work. Dammit.
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    Jan 22, 2013 4:35 AM GMT
    I don't understand why people cheat. Cheating is not just about sex. I don't care what anyone says. It hurts so much when the person you are with tells you that there have been others. Have some respect for the other person and end the relationship if it isn't working out. It's just disgusting.....
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    Jan 22, 2013 4:39 AM GMT
    Another cheaters post, but I feel the same as always. Guys who cheat are not in a stable relationship. If it works for them though, they can have it. I could not be with a guy who cheats on me. Call me selfish or naive or prudish, but, for me, fidelity is not an outlandish request. I know how easy it is to give because I do it myself in every relationship. I have found and am confident I will continue to find guys that feel the same. Have I dated cheaters or commitment-phobes? Naturally, but they obviously don't last...

    Now, are the guys in that type of relationship happy? I would think not because I wouldn't be. They may be though. They may like the situation they are in just fine, I just know it is not something for me.
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    Jan 22, 2013 4:41 AM GMT
    When it comes to rough spots we actually went to counseling to learn how to communicate better.
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    Jan 29, 2013 12:44 AM GMT
    RadRTT saidI don't understand why people cheat. Cheating is not just about sex. I don't care what anyone says. It hurts so much when the person you are with tells you that there have been others. Have some respect for the other person and end the relationship if it isn't working out. It's just disgusting.....


    music, beautiful music

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    Jan 29, 2013 12:51 AM GMT
    Arcturian saidI´ve never cheated in my life - I always quit before I had a chance. Sometimes I´m not sure, if it is a happy way of life, but I can´t waste the time with someone I respect so little that I could cheat on him. I find it unfair to him and much more to me. But I know couple where it works. They are not open relationships officialy, they cheat, cover to each other. But they are stable for years. But can two guys be realy happy in this type of relationship? Not the open one. The covered cheating one...


    I hope it doesn't mean you had so little respect for all your former partners !
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    Jan 29, 2013 12:54 AM GMT
    For the men I've loved, I can honestly say that I gave those relationships everything I got.
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  • BloodFlame

    Posts: 1797

    Jan 29, 2013 1:16 AM GMT
    I would never cheat. I don't understand why someone would cheat if they supposedly love their partner.

    So I'd rather try to solve the problem through communication and if that doesn't go anywhere, I call the quits. I couldn't live with cheating on someone just because I could. Plus, it doesn't feel right in my opinion. Now if I got cheated on with my partner, I'd try to work things out but more often than not, the guy will most likely do it again and if that happens, he is out of my life for good. I've never been in a relationship though so I can't say I have experienced this type of thing but I do know I have my dignity to not cheat or condone someone who cheated on me.

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