Are gay men more transient?

  • wldct1998

    Posts: 278

    Jan 22, 2013 4:14 AM GMT
    I've been going through another phase where I decide to give online dating a try again, even though it doesn't usually lead to anything more than a dinner and (sometimes) decent conversation for a few hours. Lately I've noticed that a sizable number of the guys I meet (I'm currently using okcupid.com) move out of town right after I meet them. Since I'm sure I'm not the reason they're leaving icon_lol.gif, I'm wondering if anyone else has experienced this. Living in a rapidly growing sunbelt metropolitan area might have something to do with it. So few people are from here, and many who come here (Phoenix) don't stay. But is it more prevalent among gay men to not lay down roots?
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    Jan 22, 2013 4:18 AM GMT
    I'm more transient because I'm single and have a job that requires frequent travel.

    Or vice versa.

    Either way, gays are less likely to be tied down by familial obligations. It only stands to reason that they'd be more available to be transient. That's what employers of transient careers look for. icon_wink.gif
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    Jan 22, 2013 4:20 AM GMT
    BTW, if financial negotiations go in my favor, I'll be doing the Phoenix contract again this year (Feb - Sept). icon_biggrin.gif
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    Jan 22, 2013 4:22 AM GMT
    paulflexes saidI'm more transient because I'm single and have a job that requires frequent travel.

    Or vice versa.

    Either way, gays are less likely to be tied down by familial obligations. It only stands to reason that they'd be more available to be transient. That's what employers of transient careers look for. icon_wink.gif


    I have the same situation. I travel 3-8 times a month on top of working every weekend and typically working 8 am until 10 pm each weekday. So it's difficult to have a dating life in those type of hours. But I have also been able to move up quickly in my career because other people decide to get married or get out of the business altogether.
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    Jan 22, 2013 4:23 AM GMT
    I think all people who leave the nest dream of moving to a far off city that meets all their needs.
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    Jan 22, 2013 4:25 AM GMT
    raginraider12 said
    paulflexes saidI'm more transient because I'm single and have a job that requires frequent travel.

    Or vice versa.

    Either way, gays are less likely to be tied down by familial obligations. It only stands to reason that they'd be more available to be transient. That's what employers of transient careers look for. icon_wink.gif


    I have the same situation. I travel 3-8 times a month on top of working every weekend and typically working 8 am until 10 pm each weekday. So it's difficult to have a dating life in those type of hours. But I have also been able to move up quickly in my career because other people decide to get married or get out of the business altogether.
    That is exactly why the two top guys in the company I work for are gay (me and and the other gay dude). Equally important to the company, and equally available to travel.

    Although I must admit, with both of us being in charge of hiring, we have the hottest crew of pilots that I've ever seen. icon_cool.gif
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Jan 22, 2013 4:31 AM GMT
    I've experienced the same here .. they are always getting ready to go out of town for some work but they want meet and they'll be back in a couple weeks. I'm thinking they are all just married guys or guys with gfs or in the closet who are just feeling the waters or con men or serial killers ... who knows. icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Jan 22, 2013 4:32 AM GMT
    It's not gay men. It's Phoenix. No one wants to live there in the long term.
  • wldct1998

    Posts: 278

    Jan 22, 2013 4:46 AM GMT
    Ok, so it seems the feeling is gay men do move around a lot. But why? Just the lack of kids? Because male humans are descended from cavemen who hunt and gather while the woman tends to the cave, and we have no woman tying us down? Because we've exhausted the supply of available gay men in our city?

    And actually, the guys I meet aren't just ones who travel a lot for work. They're a mix of ones who just decide there are better opportunities elsewhere and ones who just have no clue what they're doing with their life so they drift. But either way, I feel so few actually make much of an attachment to anything.

    I did the move far away thing once (DC). I loved it for a while. Then I came home because this is where people are that love and support me (and vice versa). And because it's a whole lot cheaper. But we're all unique.
  • wldct1998

    Posts: 278

    Jan 22, 2013 4:48 AM GMT
    And Paul, I know how much you love it here. icon_wink.gif I'm glad you'll be back. Now we just need Constantino into town again and we can all get together!
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    Jan 22, 2013 4:51 AM GMT
    wldct1998 saidOk, so it seems the feeling is gay men do move around a lot. But why? Just the lack of kids? Because male humans are descended from cavemen who hunt and gather while the woman tends to the cave, and we have no woman tying us down? Because we've exhausted the supply of available gay men in our city?

    And actually, the guys I meet aren't just ones who travel a lot for work. They're a mix of ones who just decide there are better opportunities elsewhere and ones who just have no clue what they're doing with their life so they drift. But either way, I feel so few actually make much of an attachment to anything.

    I did the move far away thing once (DC). I loved it for a while. Then I came home because this is where people are that love and support me (and vice versa). And because it's a whole lot cheaper. But we're all unique.


    Nashville is very much a transient city for gay men. I notice a lot of guys moving in and out very quickly here. A lot of that may be because of the music scene here. I have thought about moving again though, but I want to stay here for a few more years to show future employers that I can stay at one job for a few years and not jump ship every year.
  • wldct1998

    Posts: 278

    Jan 22, 2013 4:57 AM GMT
    Nashville is very much a transient city for gay men. I notice a lot of guys moving in and out very quickly here. A lot of that may be because of the music scene here. I have thought about moving again though, but I want to stay here for a few more years to show future employers that I can stay at one job for a few years and not jump ship every year. [/quote]

    That's a good idea in many/most industries. icon_smile.gif
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    Jan 22, 2013 2:58 PM GMT
    There are very few significant companies headquartered in Phoenix, and many professionals relocate to the region only temporarily. This, coupled with the snowbird population that only lives here half the year, gives Phoenix an odd, transient quality.


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    Jan 22, 2013 4:50 PM GMT
    Are gay men more transient?

    Many variables involved, like job market, age, education, community gay acceptance, etc. I also think it's logical to assume, though harder to prove empirically, that without the obligations of legal marriage, without wife & children, a gay man has less firm ties to a place.

    I've observed the demographic impact of what the OP is encountering. When I was younger I was more in contact with the 20, 30 & 40-something crowds, and there was a fairly high turnover due to relocation, at least among the single guys. Schooling & career are still very much in flux, and that brings geographic change.

    But as I got into my 50s and now 60s, with most of my friends close to my own age, there is little movement and change. The set of friends I established when I myself relocated here 6 years ago is virtually the same today.

    But then they are almost all couples, both gay & lesbian, own homes and are approaching the end of their careers. Big changes at this point are unlikely, although a few lost jobs from the Bush Recession several years ago.

    But even they remained in the area, wanting to keep their homes and lives they had created here. In several cases other gay friends helped them to begin new careers, and all are doing well now. I've always been impressed with the safety net the gay community can provide, maybe because we've all been through different forms of adversity ourselves.
  • MidwesternKid

    Posts: 1167

    Jan 22, 2013 7:19 PM GMT
    I think it has to do with the fact most of us don't have a wife/husband and children keeping us from things such as choosing a new job location or being relocated for a new job or a promotion.
  • metta

    Posts: 39112

    Jan 22, 2013 7:34 PM GMT
    I think part of it may also have to do with the original downturn in the economy. It is not just gay people. A lot of straight people are doing or already have done the same thing.

    I don't like to move around a lot. I like to move to one place and dig deep roots. icon_smile.gif

    It is too hard to find a place that I really like that is within my budget. I know that if I moved now, I would probably have to downsize (which is not a bad thing) and/or be surrounded by homes (something I don't like), and I don't really want to at the moment.
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    Jan 22, 2013 7:36 PM GMT
    Are you sure it's not something you're saying? LOL just kidding.

    I know quite a few guys that tend to be very mobile instead of settling down into a career. Most however tend to be in their mid to late 20s but some up into their early 30s. If you're dating younger, this might be the reason.

    Perhaps try dating up in age to find someone employed locally that might be less likely to up and move.

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    Jan 22, 2013 7:43 PM GMT
    I think gay people are more transient because this country isn't really homogenized in its cultural acceptance of gay folk, the resources availible to them and of course the actual density of gay people in a given area.

    You move to where the action is so-to-speak.

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    Jan 22, 2013 8:01 PM GMT
    MidwesternKid saidI think it has to do with the fact most of us don't have a wife/husband and children keeping us from things such as choosing a new job location or being relocated for a new job or a promotion.


    +1
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    Jan 22, 2013 8:11 PM GMT
    Ive moved 4 times in my adult life, traveled some, and Im only 20. I hate feeling so unsettled, I want to find where I belong and set some roots. Will it ever happen?
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    Jan 22, 2013 10:10 PM GMT
    I just clicked this to find out the real meaning of 'transient' icon_confused.gif
  • wldct1998

    Posts: 278

    Jan 23, 2013 4:33 AM GMT
    Phoenyx saidIve moved 4 times in my adult life, traveled some, and Im only 20. I hate feeling so unsettled, I want to find where I belong and set some roots. Will it ever happen?


    I moved a bunch as a kid. This is actually my third time living in Arizona. Yes, it's possible!
  • wldct1998

    Posts: 278

    Jan 23, 2013 4:35 AM GMT
    ART_DECO saidAre gay men more transient?


    I've observed the demographic impact of what the OP is encountering. When I was younger I was more in contact with the 20, 30 & 40-something crowds, and there was a fairly high turnover due to relocation, at least among the single guys. Schooling & career are still very much in flux, and that brings geographic change.

    But as I got into my 50s and now 60s, with most of my friends close to my own age, there is little movement and change. The set of friends I established when I myself relocated here 6 years ago is virtually the same today.


    I've heard from my older gay male friends that it's usually 40s and 50s that gay men start settling down. I guess we're not lesbians. We don't bring a UHaul to the third date.
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    Jan 23, 2013 4:47 AM GMT
    Gay men are very transient. I can't get them to stay in a relationship with me.