MONOGAMOUS Vs. POLYAMOROUS

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 22, 2013 9:12 PM GMT
    FIRST OFF, I'M NOT JUDGING!

    Some questions and observations about it.
    Lately I've noticed many of my friends and guys I know are into Open relationships. Has it become somewhat of a trend among us men?
    That's cool and all, great. But what about guys like me who want to be monogamous?
    I know when I'm serious with somebody, I stay with him, I don't want sex with anyone else.
    If in a relationship, one wants to be exclusive and the other open, how would they work it out? Does one or the other give in or compromise to the other, and would that be healthy or not? How, and why?
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    Jan 22, 2013 9:13 PM GMT
    Gentlemen, the forum is open.
  • Fable

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    Jan 22, 2013 10:51 PM GMT
    Personally... I can't be dealing with threesomes. If I'm in love with a dude I physically do not wanna get with another guy. I'll appreciate from afar but I don't think I can separate my emotions and have "just sex."

    I know if my boyfriend of two years (now my ex) had turned round and asked for an open relationship I would have been shocked, and started to question what reasons he'#d have for wanting to open it up.... and would subsequently have dumped his ass.

  • Medjai

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    Jan 22, 2013 10:55 PM GMT
    This is not a good comparison. It should be monogamy vs. polygamy or monoamory vs. polyamory. The two are very different.
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    Jan 22, 2013 11:02 PM GMT
    Monogamy is actually the newest trend, and was set by tax laws for married couples. If it weren't for that, Mormons (and other religions) would still have several wives...legally.

    Some people truly do want a monogamous relationship, but they are few and far between. The reason people cheat is because they don't enjoy monogamy, but are afraid to admit it due to societal pressure.

    The day polygamy becomes socially accepted again will be the day that monogamous couples remain monogamous, because it can be a choice instead of an obligation.

    BTW, polygamy is not exclusive to any one gender or sexual orientation. Some people are, and some aren't.
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    Jan 22, 2013 11:06 PM GMT
    Medjai saidThis is not a good comparison. It should be monogamy vs. polygamy or monoamory vs. polyamory. The two are very different.


    I'm not comparing, and they're very similar, but that's not we're talking about here.
    The post is about a trend I'm noticing, and what someone who wants to be monogamous should do if his mate is more open about being with other guys.
  • Medjai

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    Jan 22, 2013 11:07 PM GMT
    GigoloAssassin said
    Medjai saidThis is not a good comparison. It should be monogamy vs. polygamy or monoamory vs. polyamory. The two are very different.


    I'm not comparing, and they're very similar, but that's not we're talking about here.
    The post is about a trend I'm noticing, and what someone who wants to be monogamous should do if his mate is more open about being with other guys.


    Monogamy is about marriage. What your asking is monoamory vs. polyamory.
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    Jan 22, 2013 11:08 PM GMT
    How about polyandry? Monogamy and polygamy specifically refer to one or many wives respectively, how about one or many husbands?

    Would two gay men be in a mono-andros relationship (uni-androus a better term?)? Could several gay men be in a polyandrous relationship?
  • Medjai

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    Jan 22, 2013 11:11 PM GMT
    mileshelvetica saidHow about polyandry? Monogamy and polygamy specifically refer to one or many wives respectively, how about one or many husbands?


    Polygamy is multiple marriages, independent of gender. Polygyny is multiple wives specifically, and polyandry is multiple husbands.

    There's a lot of definition errors in this thread...
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    Jan 22, 2013 11:11 PM GMT
    Medjai said
    GigoloAssassin said
    Medjai saidThis is not a good comparison. It should be monogamy vs. polygamy or monoamory vs. polyamory. The two are very different.


    I'm not comparing, and they're very similar, but that's not we're talking about here.
    The post is about a trend I'm noticing, and what someone who wants to be monogamous should do if his mate is more open about being with other guys.


    Monogamy is about marriage. What your asking is monoamory vs. polyamory.


    Well, the terms monogamy and monoamory have become synonymous in the vernacular, with monogamy supplanting the term monoamory. Mentioning "monoamoury" to most people would draw a blank stare.

    Happy with monogamy/monoamoury here. As Dave has said elsewhere in the forums, we don't know if that will be the case in 5, 10, or 25 years... but that is what is working for us right now.
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    Jan 22, 2013 11:12 PM GMT
    GigoloAssassin said
    Medjai saidThis is not a good comparison. It should be monogamy vs. polygamy or monoamory vs. polyamory. The two are very different.


    I'm not comparing, and they're very similar, but that's not we're talking about here.
    The post is about a trend I'm noticing, and what someone who wants to be monogamous should do if his mate is more open about being with other guys.
    There are two ways of handling it. One is to dump him and find someone who claims to want monogamy as well (and risk being cheated on by someone who's dishonest). The other is to appreciate his honesty, stay with him, and encourage safe sex at all times...both with you and him, and when he's with others.

    Of course it really isn't that simple; but that's a good baseline to go on.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 22, 2013 11:12 PM GMT
    Okay moving on....

    So anyway, is everyone comfortable with this trend, do we have to compromise, or find another who wants to be with you only?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 22, 2013 11:17 PM GMT
    Mono, but if the guy is worth it, I'll let him be poly.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 22, 2013 11:22 PM GMT
    JR_Lore saidMono, but if the guy is worth it, I'll let him be poly.
    I had mono once several years ago. That shit is awful.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 22, 2013 11:24 PM GMT
    This question...again?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 22, 2013 11:26 PM GMT
    Monogamy/monoamory. I have very strict ideas of loyalty and faithfulness and an 'open' relationship does not coincide with those ideas.
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    Jan 22, 2013 11:27 PM GMT
    ConfederateGhost saidMonogamy/monoamory. I have very strict ideas of loyalty and faithfulness and an 'open' relationship does not coincide with those ideas.


    THANK YOU!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 22, 2013 11:27 PM GMT
    I know people who are in a Polyamorous relationships. It works for them and they are happy.

    I myself know I want to be with one person and not share them!

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 22, 2013 11:28 PM GMT
    7Famark saidThis question...again?


    Was this asked before?
    This was fresh off my mind this morning, so I thought I'd ask.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 22, 2013 11:29 PM GMT
    Polyamory would just never work for me (and I do mean never, not five, ten, or twenty-five years into a relationship)

    I don't like to share my toys, so monoamory/monogamy it is.

    And yes I believe the monogamy or non-monogamy argument has been beaten to death on here repeatedly.
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    Jan 22, 2013 11:39 PM GMT
    Medjai said
    mileshelvetica saidHow about polyandry? Monogamy and polygamy specifically refer to one or many wives respectively, how about one or many husbands?


    Polygamy is multiple marriages, independent of gender. Polygyny is multiple wives specifically, and polyandry is multiple husbands.

    There's a lot of definition errors in this thread...


    Thanks for the correction! I forgot my anthropology terms there for a bit.
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    Jan 22, 2013 11:41 PM GMT
    I don't see how this is a "new trend". Is it possible you're just noticing it for the first time...?
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    Jan 22, 2013 11:42 PM GMT
    Sexual contact has no inherent emotional value, so I don't know why so many people are afraid that making out with another dude is gonna ruin their relationship. Y'all sound possessive and insecure.
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    Jan 22, 2013 11:46 PM GMT
    Aristoshark said
    Incendiary saidSexual contact has no inherent emotional value, so I don't know why so many people are afraid that making out with another dude is gonna ruin their relationship. Y'all sound possessive and insecure.

    And yet there was a time you sang a very different tune.


    But history has been revised. Doubleplus ungood Ingsoc unbellyfeel. icon_razz.gificon_razz.gificon_razz.gif
  • Medjai

    Posts: 2671

    Jan 22, 2013 11:47 PM GMT
    Incendiary saidSexual contact has no inherent emotional value, so I don't know why so many people are afraid that making out with another dude is gonna ruin their relationship. Y'all sound possessive and insecure.


    I personally agree, but I see the other side too. Personally, due to my boyfriends views, I'll stick with just him.

    Being dedicated and having him happy is worth more to me than having a lot of sex. It's a very, very small sacrifice to keep him happy.