Called a fag and asshole by a fellow RJer...why do guys spit vitriol behind a screen?

  • MarvelClimber

    Posts: 511

    Jan 23, 2013 2:36 AM GMT
    This comes from someone who solicited my advice via email, read the reply promptly, but never said thank you. When confronted about his bullshit excuse of being busy and not logging on (a lie since you can clearly see that the message was read), he lashed out with a tirade of non sequiturs.

    The peaks of inconsideration we experience online still astounds me. To varying degrees, we're all on a site or an app to connect with others. Guys post their best photos and come up with witty taglines and earnest profile descriptions...yet, treat each other horribly. Admittedly, some sites allow you to be the worst version of yourself in the pursuit of instant gratification (ahem, Grindr). But those are more of the exception. Why has rudeness become the norm everywhere? It's as if we're embracing the media representation of the catty and dismissive gay.

    So, my question is, are there situations where you'll be selfish and inconsiderate online when you would not be that way in person?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 23, 2013 2:43 AM GMT
    report abuse on him for hate speech!

    No, I always treat people in the same way inside & outside the internet!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 23, 2013 2:43 AM GMT
    Lol did you get mad at him for not saying thank you? Lol
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 23, 2013 3:01 AM GMT
    HisAlterEgo saidCalled a fag and asshole by a fellow RJer...why do guys spit vitriol behind a screen?
    Because the screen gets in the way.
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    Jan 23, 2013 3:13 AM GMT
    Maybe he needed some time to think about your advice? Or maybe he wasn't looking for advice after all and was just looking for someone to validate his opinion. Or maybe he assumed that you already knew that he was thankful?

    In any case, why get hot and bothered by it?
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Jan 23, 2013 3:14 AM GMT
    Harry7785 saidreport abuse on him for hate speech!





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  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 23, 2013 5:37 AM GMT

    HisAlterEgo, I don't get this.

    " ...read the reply promptly, but never said thank you. When confronted about his bullshit excuse of being busy and not logging on (a lie since you can clearly see that the message was read), he lashed out with a tirade of non sequiturs."


    Why confront the guy?

    Sometimes we log on, even though we're busy, just to check messages, think about them, then log in later and reply.

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    Jan 23, 2013 5:55 AM GMT
    meninlove said
    HisAlterEgo, I don't get this.

    " ...read the reply promptly, but never said thank you. When confronted about his bullshit excuse of being busy and not logging on (a lie since you can clearly see that the message was read), he lashed out with a tirade of non sequiturs."


    Why confront the guy?

    Sometimes we log on, even though we're busy, just to check messages, think about them, then log in later and reply.

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    This...And..

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  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Jan 23, 2013 6:05 AM GMT
    http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/2961398
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 23, 2013 6:08 AM GMT
    Who da fuq is the OP?

    I think you just got butt hurt because a guy you liked didn't respond fast enough for you. Maybe he's busy. Or forgot. Or wanted to write a well thought out response before hand. There could be many reasons. I check RJ at work while on breaks so sometimes all I really have time for is to read.

    Even with people on here who I like I might take my time responding. Unless you two are fucking then he doesn't owe you an answer. And scene!
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    Jan 23, 2013 6:12 AM GMT
    You honestly got mad at him for not responding in the timely manner you expected???
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    Jan 23, 2013 6:13 AM GMT
    unfounded7 saidYou honestly got mad at him for not responding in the timely manner you expected???


    He already said he did!!! Didn't you read the OP???
  • TheBizMan

    Posts: 4091

    Jan 23, 2013 6:15 AM GMT
    jmusmc85 saidWho da fuq is the OP?

    I think you just got butt hurt because a guy you liked didn't respond fast enough for you. Maybe he's busy. Or forgot. Or wanted to write a well thought out response before hand. There could be many reasons. I check RJ at work while on breaks so sometimes all I really have time for is to read.

    Even with people on here who I like I might take my time responding. Unless you two are fucking then he doesn't owe you an answer. And scene!


    Mmmm... Well the way he responded was not called for in any case. I think that's the point of this thread.

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    Jan 23, 2013 6:18 AM GMT
    TheBizMan said
    jmusmc85 saidWho da fuq is the OP?

    I think you just got butt hurt because a guy you liked didn't respond fast enough for you. Maybe he's busy. Or forgot. Or wanted to write a well thought out response before hand. There could be many reasons. I check RJ at work while on breaks so sometimes all I really have time for is to read.

    Even with people on here who I like I might take my time responding. Unless you two are fucking then he doesn't owe you an answer. And scene!


    Mmmm... Well the way he responded was not called for in any case. I think that's the point of this thread.



    I wonder what the OP said to him after his first email? I would bet he wasn't too kind either. Perhaps he could post what he wrote? Without names of course...
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    Jan 23, 2013 7:12 AM GMT
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  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Jan 23, 2013 4:11 PM GMT
    Everybody hates you, and your only friend is ice cream.
  • MarvelClimber

    Posts: 511

    Jan 25, 2013 1:50 AM GMT
    I only confronted him after the guy responded. It's not that someone didn't respond to me, it's that (1) they asked for my advice, (2) they read the message promptly, (3) they lied about why they didn't respond, and (4) they still never said thank you. Here's the full exchange, most recent at the top...

    ---- FROM A------y Jan 21, 2013 at 6:48 AM
    If fags are all like you in NYC then I don't wanna move there. I was fucking busy and still am, that is why I am successful here in Houston. And no you don't give people the benefit of the doubt I can tell. Go screw yourself feminine ass hole

    ---- FROM HisAlterEgo Jan 21, 2013 at 12:38 AM
    I have to admit being a bit disheartened to see that you read my thought-out email and the follow-up without so much a thank you. My reply was sent 3 hours after you emailed me. Clearly, you had enough time for a 20 second, "thanks for the info." Even here, you don't even say thanks, instead offering a meaningless apology.

    I give people the benefit of the doubt and I accept apologies, but only when the apologies are for the actual aggrievance. If you appreciate the advice and are sorry for taking advantage of someone's kindness, then man up and say so without any 'i'm too busy' excuses.


    ---- FROM A------y Jan 19, 2013 at 10:37 PM
    hey!! i apologize i have been sooo busy I haven't had time to respond or even log on here. Today is my first relax day since the new year. so i'll be vising nyc in march i think icon_smile.gif


    ---- FROM HisAlterEgo Dec 27, 2012 at 12:18 AM
    Hi --just checking in. What did you decide?

    ---- FROM HisAlterEgo Dec 10, 2012 at 12:30 AM
    Hey there,

    I read your profile. I couldn't tell what your interests were or derive much about your lifestyle... so I don't know how you might spend your money outside of rent. That's a significantly larger amount than I moved here on; I had about $3000 and was fine.

    When I didn't have a job for the first month, I looked for places less than $800/mo that were month-to-month. After I got an offer, I still looked in that price range just in case it fell through. I'm still in the same place even though I have the option to move whenever I want. You can last well over a year here with that amount as long as you plan your living situation well and budget entertainment expenses. It's so easy to splurge here and get pressured into dropping a lot of money. It would be a good idea to check the job market now to get an idea of what you would be getting paid. If you can, try to line up job interviews for a week and fly up. I'd only do that if you have a place you can stay for free. It will also give you time to check out neighborhoods.

    Let me know if you come visit. I'll be happy to answer questions over coffee.

    - Julian

    ---- FROM A------y Dec 09, 2012 at 9:10 PM
    I really liked your post on the "would you move to NYC" thread. I plan to move to brooklyn in the summer. I have a question though... If a person arrives without a job in line and $22k in his pocket, how long do you think he can make it until his money is all gone.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 25, 2013 1:54 AM GMT
    God fucking damn you're high maintenance icon_rolleyes.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 25, 2013 1:57 AM GMT
    LOLWut? That guy apologized andsaid he was busy, no need to be so confrontational..
  • whytehot

    Posts: 1167

    Jan 25, 2013 1:59 AM GMT
    Your initial reply was more self-absorbed than useful, and didn't give him much to reply about anyway.
  • MarvelClimber

    Posts: 511

    Jan 25, 2013 2:07 AM GMT
    Also, the point of the thread is not to harp on what happened. The point was to use that happenstance as a jumping off point for the larger question of online inconsideration. Rather than addressing that question, many chose to fixate on my feelings and were rather dismissive of them.

    This sort of gets at the question I posed. Have we really become callous just because it's an online interaction? Manners don't matter if the person isn't in front of you? Not only do some guys say yes to these questions, but they even go as far to criticize the sufferer...some even victimizing me by saying I somehow deserve it. Really?
  • MarvelClimber

    Posts: 511

    Jan 25, 2013 2:17 AM GMT
    yourname2000 said
    Claystation saidGod fucking damn you're high maintenance icon_rolleyes.gif

    Yup....total drama llama, lol.

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    OP: this is going to happen to you again and again and again....and you'll be the only common factor in every incident. That should tell ya something. icon_wink.gif


    The thing is, it doesn't. And why are you so cynical? Is it fun to cut people down? Maybe you only come on here to post some bullshit and look at pics. Might it have occurred to you that others come on here for something else? Guys have asked me for advice outside the forum. In one memorable case, someone asked about how to deal with a friend who had just revealed that they had been sexually assaulted as a child. The guy thanked me for the advice and even sent me a follow-up months later about it. I've had others do the same.

    If you wanna lie about something, fine. If you get called out on it, are you going to insult the person or admit to the fault and move on?
  • MarvelClimber

    Posts: 511

    Jan 25, 2013 2:19 AM GMT
    yourname2000 said
    HisAlterEgo saidAlso, the point of the thread is not to harp on what happened. The point was to use that happenstance as a jumping off point for the larger question of online inconsideration. Rather than addressing that question, many chose to fixate on my feelings and were rather dismissive of them.

    This sort of gets at the question I posed. Have we really become callous just because it's an online interaction? Manners don't matter if the person isn't in front of you? Not only do some guys say yes to these questions, but they even go as far to criticize the sufferer...some even victimizing me by saying I somehow deserve it. Really?

    Okay, so you were rude, thin-skinned, and reactionary. Forgive yourself....it sounds like you have some clue about normal manners and communications standards, don't kick yourself because you couldn't live up to them this time. Sure, you needlessly offended someone who didn't deserve it....hopefully you've learned your lesson now and won't do it again.

    Best you can hope for at this point is to apologize to him for your rudeness and sickening neediness; and hope you haven't ruined the reputation of all NYC homos in this guy's eyes.


    Aww, I knew some brilliant mind would totally get it! icon_smile.gif
  • FlypinHigh

    Posts: 465

    Jan 25, 2013 2:27 AM GMT
    You know he clicked on your reply, you don't know if he read it. ur a douche.
  • Puppymuncher

    Posts: 163

    Jan 25, 2013 2:42 AM GMT
    Yeah, I'd be mad too. I'd probably just block the guy and not have to deal with the douchebag anymore. Some people may send messages so casually to the point, they don't actually mean anything by it except just to get a reply. And of course, somewhere along the lines, this particular douchebag decided that since you put so much thought into his little sentence that he can apparently not give a crap and therefore he's better than you.


    Then he goes and calls you what, a "feminine ass hole?" Feminine. FEMININE. Because it's not enough that there's already so many bigots out there calling us fags and pussies and whatever else can equate to women. Because it's insulting right? It's insulting to be called women-like. Especially if you're a man. Because we obviously made the choice to be born as male, right?


    Hear's an open question to all the assholes out there: why is being feminine acting/ looking/ seeming so fucking bad? If it's a big adonis muscle guy who acts straight then he's god right? Because everyone wants to be him. But another guy's all girly and GAY and all FAG like, then he deserves to be insulted and ostracized and beat up right?


    OP: I see where you're coming from. But the fucking douchebagging masculine-obsessed prick that offended you, he is the exactly what I hate about the gay community. The guys who perpetuate exactly what the homophobic assholes are chanting, should really just shoot themselves. They're effective setting back the gay movement by 50 years merely by spreading their idiotic opinion that only masculine gay men should be allowed and accepted by society. Fuck off, when did you start this testosterone contest? And who the fuck died and made you the judge?


    Yeah ok, too fucking busy for an entire month jacking off to other guys on realjock to answer a message that he started. Fuck all the idiots standing up for him too.


    End rant.